Begin Where We Are

by Knightley, Diana

  “Nothing.” She sat down beside me without closing the front door and started texting. I watched her peripherally and a moment later Emma and Zach came in through the front door.

  I pulled my phone up and texted while saying what I was texting, “Quentin, you didn’t tell me I had these visitors. Worst security ever. You’re fired.”

  He texted me back: Ha ha, nice try. I work for Magnus, you’re stuck with me.

  Everyone sat down around me on couches and chairs, just looking at me, expectantly.

  “Hey everyone, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

  Hayley said, “As you know, and we know you know because you’re kind of being a bitch, it’s your anniversary today.”

  I nodded, all their eyes on me. “I know.”

  Hayley added, “You’ve been doing so well. I haven’t had to break out the ‘New Rules’ in months. I’ve been super proud of you, but I had a feeling today would be really hard so here we are.”

  “I see that. You’re all here except Ben? He was too busy I suppose?”

  Emma said, “Ben is taking a nap in our apartment. I have a monitor hooked up to my phone.” She waved her phone towards me so I could see Ben sleeping.

  “Great, he’s the only one I really wanted to see.” I smiled a little. They were already lifting my mood, but I didn’t want to admit it.

  Hayley said, “So Emma and I were talking about it the other day and we know what the problem is…”

  “You guys were talking behind my back?”

  “Jesus Christ, Katie, you’ve been the saddest case in the world for nine months. All we do is talk about you. When you go back to being a functioning human we’ll stop, I promise.”

  “It’s my anniversary and…”

  “Yeah, there’s a lot to get used to. But this is what we’re thinking, you’re ignoring your marriage to Magnus. It’s like you’re empty. You won’t talk about him, you aren’t reminding yourself about how happy he made you. You’re wallowing in what’s missing instead of remembering what you had with him.”

  Emma said, “We don’t blame you, you lost the baby, you had to move, everything is boxed up, but we really think it’s time to remember Magnus. It’s your wedding anniversary and we’re all here to help you do it.”

  My eyes flooded with tears. “It already sounds really painful.”

  Zach said, “Yep, that’s why we're all here. And then we’re going to have a little feast in his honor.”

  There was a knock on the front door. I yelled, “Come in!”

  Quentin stuck his head in. “Katie, that is not how security works. Try again.” He closed the door and knocked.

  “Anyone but Quentin can come in!” I yelled chuckling to myself.

  Quentin came in with a stern glare. “I have one job and you do not make it easy.” He was carrying a box. He put it down in the middle of the room, went and locked my front door, and perched on the arm of the couch.

  “What’s this?”

  Hayley opened the flaps of the box. “First, we’re going to look at the photo and we’re going to admire it and then I was thinking we could hang it.” She pulled out the wedding photo of me and Magnus, the one where we were leaned back in our chairs after the feast. I had pulled it from the frame and given it to Magnus when he went to the past, but here it was, printed and in the frame again. It was passed through Zach, Quentin, and then to me. “You framed it for me again?”

  “Emma did.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Remember when we took that? How scared you were?”

  “I was. I was so scared. I married him without knowing anything about him.”

  Emma said, “But you were also having fun together and laughing. I remember thinking you were going to be really happy together because it was so easy between you.”

  I hugged the frame to my chest. “Okay.”

  Hayley said, “Okay, we can hang it?”

  “Sure, yeah, okay.” Tears streamed down my face. Zach went to the kitchen and pulled a hammer and a box of nails from under the sink. Everyone discussed where it should go and I didn’t have an opinion so they chose the empty wall at the end of the living room. The photo was small for the space but that was okay.

  Hayley said, “Okay, next.”

  She pulled out a box. It was clear glass soldered on the edges with a gold clasp. It looked beautiful and special. Inside was the red envelope with the letter from Magnus that he sent me through time. She passed it to Emma and she handed it to me. “Oh.”

  “Yeah, oh. I found that letter at the bottom of a cardboard box. You are the only person in the history of the world to have a letter passed to them through time by their three hundred-year-old lover. It belongs somewhere special.”

  I sniffled and put the box on the coffee table.

  “Is that it? That’s probably enough, right? I don’t know if…”

  Hayley said, “We have two more things.”

  She pulled a frame I had never seen before from the box. She held it for a moment and said, “Emma found the photo on your iCloud account. Don’t be mad at her. Promise.”

  I squinted my eyes. I hated promising before I knew what it was. But I had never been mad at Emma before so I couldn’t imagine what would make me start. “I promise.”

  She turned it around and I inhaled, a staggering inhale that caught twice in my chest. “Oh no.”

  “I know it’s hard to look at, but we put it in this pretty frame and you can look at it in pieces, and then put it in a drawer. We just thought you would…”

  I clutched it to my belly and looked down on it, the photo of Magnus kissing me while we smiled up, happy tears sparkling in our eyes. The morning we felt the baby move. The morning before I lost the baby. The morning before Magnus was gone forever. “If I only had a time machine to go back to that morning. I would tell myself to hold on to him harder.”

  I clutched it to my chest. “You said there was one more thing, I don’t know if I can take any more.”

  Emma said, “This one is maybe the most poignant of them all, but also it’s different. It was Zach’s idea.”

  Zach said, “I was thinking that soon. Not today. Maybe not even this year, but sometime, you would want to go to Scotland.” He was nervous and rubbed his hands up and down on his thighs sticking out at long angles from the chair. “That you would want to maybe look up Magnus’s history.”

  My brow furrowed. “Like how he died?”

  “I don’t even know if that information would be there, but we could go look. Maybe you’d have answers. I mean, we’d all have answers. I wonder about him, and I tried to Google it and…”

  “We?”

  “Yeah, we’d all go with you. We’d help you look.”

  “We’d all go?” I was beginning to wonder if the tears would ever stop streaming from my eyes.

  “Yes, all you have to do is ask and we’ll all go.”

  Hayley pulled a stack of passports from the box and fanned them out. “Emma got all of our passports. You decide when you’re ready to go, but when you are, we’ll all get on the plane with you.”

  “To Scotland, to see where Magnus…”

  Hayley said, “Exactly, to see where Magnus…”

  I was still clutching that frame and didn’t think I could let it go. “Okay. Thank you.”

  I stared at the new photo while my four friends sat awkwardly looking at each other and me occasionally and away, mostly.

  Then Zach said, “Phew, that was one of the hardest fucking things in the world. Now we need some alcohol and food pronto.” He stood and stretched. “Emma and I are hosting at our place.”

  Quentin joked, “But your apartment isn’t as big.” Quentin, Zach and Emma all stood up to go, talking and joking.

  Zach said, “It’s the exact same size. It’s a mirror image of this place.”

  Hayley joked as they left, “It probably feels so small because there’s a baby screaming his head off in there all the time. Tell Ben to get his emotions
under control, pronto. People are calling him a big baby.”

  Zach said, “Yeah, yeah, see you in a few minutes, we have the alcohol.”

  They left and Hayley came over and sat with me on the couch. I leaned my head on her shoulder. She leaned her cheek to my head. We sat quietly for a moment. She asked, “Did we do good?”

  “Yeah, you did good. I might never ever ever forgive you, but you did good.”

  Magnus

  Twas evening when the door tae my room opened. I rose from the bed but the guards dinna enter, instead they pushed a woman in and then left, closin’ the door behind them.

  I sat staring at her.

  She leveled her gaze at me.

  After a moment I asked, “Who are ye?”

  “Donnan sent me. I’m a gift for you.”

  “A gift for…” I crossed the room and banged on the door. “Donnan! Guards! Bring the guards back!” I had yelled in the past though and no one ever came, just my voice echoin’ through the hallways of the castle.

  I turned back tae the room and the strange woman inside it. She was verra beautiful and had nae enough clothes on. Simply a wee cloth across her breasts and at her hips. I cleared my throat. “You arna welcome. I daena want a gift.”

  She said, “I volunteered. I’m Donnan’s favorite and yet, when I saw you… I wanted to be yours. Now I’m here. I can’t leave. I’m not allowed to. I’m a gift.”

  I took a deep breath. “I have nae need for a woman in my—”

  She came close tae me and pressed against my chest. I stepped back. She followed me and pressed against my chest even more.

  I pulled her hands off and pushed her back a step. “I have nae need for ye—”

  She pointed at the spot behind my ear, the place where the metal patch was adhered tae my skin. She leaned forward and pushed the dark hair from her shoulder exposing the patch on the back of her own neck. She shook her head and repeated, “I’m a gift for you.”

  She nodded her head lookin’ intae my eyes. “I can’t leave. I’m not allowed to.” She nodded again. She stroked down the side of my neck. “When presented with a gift like me, what do you say, Magnus? Would it be thank you? Would you welcome me?”

  She nodded, but all the while lookin’ in my eyes, beseechin’ me tae understand. I said, “Aye, thank ye.”

  She nodded and smiled. “Would you thank Donnan for providing you with his favorite mistress?” She nodded more.

  “Thank ye, Donnan, for the gift.”

  She ran her hands over my chest, spreading the folds of fabric. “Perfect. Thank you for the welcome. We’re going to have fun.” The words echoed in my head, remindin’ me of Kaitlyn sayin’, “Want to do something fun?”

  She led me by the hand tae the bed and crawled intae it. I faltered standin’ beside it. She put a finger to her lips tae tell me tae be quiet and mouthed the words, trust me. She patted the bed beside her, giving me space tae lay down without crowdin’ me.

  I asked, “What is your name?”

  “My name is Bella.”

  I climbed in and she pulled the covers tae my chest and patted it. Then she curled up on her side and grew quiet. Nae touchin’ just going tae sleep.

  It was verra hard for me tae do the same with a beautiful woman in my bed.

  * * *

  I had my face buried in Kaitlyn’s hospital gown. I was cryin’ intae the folds. Her belly was soft with emptiness instead of full and round, and I was pulling the cloth tae m’face and tellin’ her twould be okay and burrowin’ deeper intae the cloth and then the cloth was empty, was nothin’ but folds of fabric and loss and I couldna release my hands from it, couldna move—

  Air rushed intae my lungs. I woke sittin’ up in bed clutchin’ the covers.

  The woman — what was her name, Bella? — asked, “My Magnus, are you okay?” with a familiarity that made me want tae grab her by the arm and shove her through the door tae the hall, but I couldna because there wasna a way tae unlock the door.

  I was a prisoner. She was a prisoner. Someone was listenin’ tae us. Watching us. Lockin’ us together when I only wanted tae be alone.

  “Nae.” I swung my legs tae the floor and stormed intae the bathroom tae shower.

  * * *

  The rest of the day was uncomfortable. The woman who lived here now got our meals when they were passed through the door and set them on the table and talked of inane things I dinna want tae talk of.

  And as the day wore on her familiarity became more irritatin’ tae my mood.

  She kept the lighted images projectin’ along the walls going with news stories. Twas too loud, images of explosions and war and — “Turn it off. I canna watch it. Tis too loud.”

  She asked the room tae turn down the volume.

  I said, “The pictures are too loud as well.”

  “Oh, My Magnus, pictures can’t be loud!” She laughed and asked the room tae turn the volume back up. “You are the son of the king. You have to know what is happening in the world.” I watched the light-cast, bairn cryin’ in a street of rubble. She watched my face. “Now that we live here together, I should teach you as much as I can about the world.”

  I stood and went tae the bathroom and stayed there prayin’ on my knees, asking for guidance, until the voice in my ear reminded me twas time tae head tae the ground floor and the trainin’ hall.

  * * *

  When I returned tae my apartments later I was resigned —Bella was a fellow prisoner and acceptin’ her presence was the first step in figurin’ out how tae survive.

  The problem though with fellow prisoners is they want tae survive too and that made them dangerous.

  I would need tae keep on my guard. “I want ye tae turn off the images. I canna think with it blarin’ in the room.”

  “Yes, My Magnus.” She was sprawled on my bed wrapped in the bedding with one of her legs exposed from the waist down.

  I sat down on one of the chairs. “Where are you from?”

  “From Spain. I came here when I was eighteen. I’m twenty-nine now.”

  “Och, and when — what year?”

  She leaned up on an arm. “You don’t believe I’m a woman from here, now?”

  “I haena any idea. I haena met any women from this time. But Donnan is a collector. If he can bring sons from the past, I’m certain he brings women too.”

  She smiled. “You are correct. I came from 1640. It was quite a shock when I arrived. But I was trained in the arts of speech and beauty so I wouldn’t be quite so uncivilized.” She laid back on the bed, raised one beautiful leg up in the air, pointed her toes tae the sky, and then brought it down daintily.

  I looked away.

  She watched my face while I tried tae think of my next question. “Where are we?”

  “Donnan’s country estate.”

  “I meant the place name — the region or the name of the country, anythin’.”

  “I’m not allowed to tell you.”

  I sighed. “Can ye tell me, the mountains, what direction are they are in?”

  “West, but you—”

  “Where does Donnan keep the vessels, I mean the Tempus Omegas?”

  “I don’t know. And I wouldn’t be able to tell you anyway. I’m not allowed to tell you anything.” She sighed. “But you need to forget about returning to the past and live here and make the best of it.”

  Kaitlyn’s words, Begin where we are, ran through my head. She would be devastated if she ken this woman was in my bed—

  Bella noticed I scowled. “What are you thinking of, My Magnus?”

  I put my elbows on my knees and watched her. “My wife, the one I left.” It hurt tae say it that way, but twas also true.

  “You regret leaving her? To come here and take your throne?” She stretched long, her arms over her head, makin’ herself verra desirable. She was beautiful, dark long hair, brown skin. She was well-curved and had a nice smile. “You get to live with me. Did your wife look like me?”

  “Nae, she is ta
ller in stature than ye. Her eyes are green and her hair a bit like yours, long, but of a different color. A chestnut, like a horse I once…”

  “My Magnus, are you describing your wife like a horse?”

  I shook my head. Magnus are you comparing me to a horse? “I dinna mean tae, but I canna think of another way tae describe it. It had a touch of sunshine on it. Golden in the light. Have ye ever seen eyes like — her eyes, when she smiled, looked like sunsets — have ye ever seen that? A smile that fills the eyes and draws ye in tae the horizon?” I finished, “She was verra beautiful. I spend a great deal of time thinkin’ on her.”

  She sadly said, “My Magnus are you saying I’m not as beautiful as the wife you left?”

  “I’m simply telling ye of her. Nae comparin’.”

  “Would you like to show me a picture?”

  “Nae, I canna — nae.”

  “It is good though, you’re speaking of her in the past tense. You left her. You’re here with me now. This is the present. Being here with me in the present doesn’t change how you felt about her in the past. They are two very different times.”

  I turned my ring around and around on my finger.

  “One last thing. I heard another of Donnan’s sons is here. I wanted you to know so you would be ready.”

  “You think twill be tomorrow?” I rubbed m’shoulder. It had been sore during the trainin’.

  “It could be. If you’re injured during the battle—” She seemed tae struggle with finding the right words. “If you’re injured…” She looked intae my eyes noddin’ slowly. “Don’t argue, let them take you to the infirmary. Okay?” She crawled across the bed then rose tae her feet and came tae my chair.

  She trailed a finger across my chest and prowled around draggin’ it along my shoulders as she walked. She paused behind me and tugged on the back of my shirt. Her finger rubbed along one of my scars. “You have many scars here, My Magnus,” she whispered. “What happened to you?”