“I don’t like feeling weak.”
“No one does. But you have to know and understand your weaknesses before you can ever be truly strong. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”
As he rocked me back and forth, I felt something pulse inside of me. It was my heart. It was pumping at the same rate his was, getting in sync with his.
Was that love I was feeling?
Troy
I had never been in love. Not really. I’d said the words to a few women in my lifetime, but I’d never felt anything as deeply as I felt with Blyss. The pain that was masked behind that beautiful face was deep and ugly. And it needed to be released.
The whip had brought out more in her than I had ever intended it to. It was shocking to me, and I had seen things that would make most men cry. Watching Blyss come undone was the single most heart-wrenching thing I’d ever witnessed. If I were to stay with her, I’d have to not only witness that again, I’d have to induce it. Cuddling her that night, after her first BDSM encounter, I found her body going into a much more relaxed state than it had in the previous three weeks. She even snored a little as she slept, and I watched over her.
Every time she fidgeted a bit, I’d wonder what was playing out in her mind. Was she dreaming about something terrible that had happened in her childhood? Was she dreaming about her and I making love? Or was it another thing altogether that I’d never understand?
Blyss was the most complex creature I’d ever encountered. The only thing I was sure of was how much she’d fight me. Our contract would be up in only a couple of months. I had no intention of letting her go, though.
I wasn’t looking to extend our contract. I didn’t even want one. I wanted her to stay with me. And I knew she wasn’t about to do it of her own accord. Blyss was lying to herself. She pretended she could face life on her own, all alone. And she could. I wasn’t foolish enough to deny that fact. But she’d only dig her grave deeper if she did.
The wailing sounds she made that night sounded like a banshee who was being crucified. The pain was deep, guttural, and dark. And I thought it was coming from the lashes I was leaving on her back.
How wrong I was!
Those lashes only opened her up to release that agony that was trapped inside of her perfect body, and she’d need more to help her become the woman she could be. A woman who could love and be loved—something she wasn’t at this time. I’m not an egotistical man, but I knew I was more than a catch. I was professing my love and loyalty to that woman, and she was acting as if she didn’t give two shits about that.
I could’ve let it hurt my feelings and decide not to give her any more of my time or attention. But I knew there were reasons why she hadn’t reacted to what I’d told her. She wasn’t able to. She didn’t know how. It wasn’t something she’d ever dealt with. Giving or receiving love was something she’d missed out on.
She’d told me something that if a person hadn’t experienced love before they were a certain age, then they never would. Well, I hated that idea. I was sure anything could be overcome, even something like that. Giving up on Blyss was not an option, and I was ready to do everything I had to in order to bring her into the real world—a world where love existed and helped people do remarkable things.
Blyss would learn to accept what I had to give, even if I had to fight her every step of the way! Leaning up on my elbow, I peered down at her, softly stroking her pink cheeks as I watched her sleep. Her eyelids fluttered, then she opened them. She had a dreamy look on her sweet face. “What in the world are you doing, Troy?”
I kissed the tip of her nose. “Watching the most beautiful woman in the world as she sleeps. Go back to sleep, baby.”
She stretched, then ran her arms around my neck. “I was dreaming about you. You were running your hands all over my body, making me hot in all the right places.”
Tracing my fingers along her neck, then down to her naked breast, I gave it a little pinch. “Were you now? And how was that working out for you?” I was glad to hear I was in her dreams. It meant I was becoming more to her, which was a step in the right direction.
“It was working out great.” She pulled me down and kissed my neck. ‘Wanna make my dreams come true, Troy?”
“In ways you’ll never understand.” I trailed kisses down the front of her throat, then pulled her ripe tit into my mouth.
She arched and moaned, “Yes, baby. Suck me, lick me, and fuck my pussy.”
I wanted her to want more from me than just a fuck, but that was taking longer than I had anticipated. I moved my body over hers, taking her hands and pinning them above her head. I thought it was about time I restricted her access to my body. Maybe then she’d realize how much she wanted me to make love to her, instead of merely fucking her.
That night, I was going to give it to her. A mindless fucking might be what would help her see that making love was pretty damn good. There would be no kissing and no sweet words said. Using my knee, I pushed her legs apart and pressed my cock into her. She tried to move her arms, but I held them down, not allowing that. “I want to hold you, Troy. Let my arms go.”
I stopped sucking her tit without looking up at her. “No. No touching me. You want to be fucked? This is what fucking is. I will use your body to get off.”
“And what about me?”
“Get off if you want, or don’t. That’s up to you. My cock will be going in and out of that tight pussy, fucking it the way you asked me to.”
“That sounds hot. Fuck my pussy, baby. Fuck me hard.”
So I pounded into her while holding her hands down and sucking her tit. Over and over, I thrust into her. All the while she was fighting to get her hands on me. She was groaning, then pulled her legs up to wrap around me. It gave me an idea about really immobilizing her.
I pulled out and she looked more than a bit confused. “Um, you didn’t cum yet.”
I pulled out two sets of handcuffs and tossed one of them to the other side of her. Not saying a word to her about what I was doing, I cuffed her right wrist, then pulled up her right leg and cuffed her ankle. I did the same to the other side, then looked at her and decided she needed more. A blindfold and gag might do the trick. I took them out of my bag and fixed her up, putting on the blindfold, then the gag. Touching no other part of her, I grabbed her ass, lifting it up, and stuck my cock into her, fucking away.
I didn’t even look at her, I looked up at the top of the tent as I plunged my cock into what could’ve been any pussy. I’d done that kind of thing countless times before with my other Subs. With them, I had no real connection. I’d tie them up in various positions, get my rocks off, then set them free and we’d fall asleep, not even touching each other. It worked for what I was after.
Blyss wanted to get fucked and she was getting it. It took quite a bit longer to cum like that. Dick to cunt penetration and that was it. No touching and no skin to skin contact. No real thought about pleasing the woman I’d come to love and want to do everything I could to make her happy.
As I was trying hard not to think about her as I used her body to make mine feel better, I found I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Everything I did was for her, even what I was doing at that moment.
How did my world start revolving around her?
Blyss was a mess, emotionally speaking. I’d made it my responsibility to help her, whether she wanted that help or not. I was trying to teach her not to want things that were less than what she deserved.
Did she deserve to be bound and used for her pussy alone?
No.
Did she want it?
Maybe. But I was trying to teach her how she could have more. She didn’t have to settle for less.
I couldn’t keep it up. I stopped and took her gag out of her mouth. “You want more, or should we change this up?”
She wasn’t even out of breath. “This is a bit dull. Can you take off the blindfold so I can watch you fuck me?”
I pulled it off and growled, “You sure you don’t wan
t me to let you go, so you can actively participate in this?”
“Um,” she bit her lower lip as she thought about it. “Can we try this first? Just go on and fuck me the way you were doing.”
“You didn’t even like it.”
“I know, but I should know what it’s like. You’ve always been so, so …”
“Loving?”
“Yes, so loving, and it’s always felt so … so …”
“Personal?”
“Yes, so personal. I want to see what it feels like when it’s not personal. You know, like any man who a woman might meet and do a random hookup with.”
Then I was mad. She was thinking about meaningless sex with other men. I slammed into her, making her breath shoot out of her mouth. “Oh, I can show you how that goes. I’ve fucked many women that way and walked away without so much as a thank you. You really wanna feel that?”
Her eyes went dark. “I want you to do things to me that you’ve done to other women. I want to get that aspect of you too.”
I nearly shouted at her, but I decided I’d let her in on what she wanted to know so damn badly. “Tonight, you get the treatment those other women got, Sub.”
Looking up again, focusing on anything but her, I fucked her. Out of the lower part of my eye, I saw her watching as my dick went in and out of her. She watched and watched and still her breathing was normal. Her body hadn’t responded one bit to what I was doing to her.
“I don’t understand,” she moaned. “There’s just not that much feeling. Are you sure this is what you’ve done to other women? I mean, who’d come back for more of this?”
I looked down at her. “Women who want nothing more than to feel a dick in their cunt. Women who don’t have anyone who loves them. I can make you feel something if you’d like.”
“How? You’ll have to uncuff me.”
“No, I won’t.” I licked my lips and leaned over, kissing her. Her tongue ran around mine, then I pulled away and her head tried to follow, but could only come so far. Already her breathing was harder. I looked into her eyes as I made hard strokes. Moving my hands over her stomach, then up to her breasts, I massaged them as we gazed into each other’s eyes. I kissed her again, biting her bottom lip before I ended it.
Her face was glowing and her body had a light sheen of sweat as her breasts rose and fell with her now much harder breathing. “How?” was all she could ask. Moving my hands to grip her ass, I pulled her up and thrust into her harder and faster. “Your pussy is salivating all over my cock, baby.”
“I know. This feels so damn good.”
I let one of her ass cheeks go while keeping the other right where it was, easing a pinky into her ass. Putting my index finger in my mouth, I wet it, then rubbed her clit. “Watch me, baby. Watch me please you. You like that, baby?”
“Oh, yeah …” she moaned and closed her eyes. “Baby, yes …”
Moving my pinky in and out of her ass, I felt her walls begin to pulse. “If you really want to have an experience you’ve never had before, say these words, Blyss. I love you.”
Desire had taken her over. Her body was about to let go. I watched her lips part. “I love you.” She arched her back as I felt her climax. “Ahhh! I love you! I fucking love you!” Her eyes opened then and tears ran out of them as she looked at me like I’d tricked her or something.
My cock was ready to fire, but I was holding back. “One more time, baby. But this time say my name.”
Huffing and puffing, she looked at me. “I love you, Troy Masterson. I love you.” The orgasm that took me over had me groaning as I fell over her body and humped until there was nothing left in me. When it was over, I looked at her and found her frowning.
“And what’s that for?”
“I’m not sure I meant what I said to you.”
“Well, your body meant it. Your brain will catch up.” I pecked her lips. “I love you, Blyss Danner.”
As I uncuffed her, I watched her looking more and more worried. Rubbing her arms and legs, I finished my duties as a Dom, making sure my partner’s limbs had blood flowing into them again.
“Troy, is that really how you did things with other Subs? I mean the first part.”
“That is exactly what I’ve done to other Subs. Then I’d take one side of the bed, leaving them alone on their side, and we’d fall asleep.”
“No cuddling?” she asked, as if that was crazy.
“Why would we cuddle? We wanted sex. Nothing more than that.”
I laid down, giving her the option of cuddling or not. She laid down next to me, then rolled over, putting her head on my chest and throwing one leg over me. “I didn’t feel a thing at first. Not a thing. No spark, no fireworks, nothing.”
“That’s because it was fucking, Blyss. No real emotions are involved.”
She raised her head to look at me. “How does anyone climax?”
“Friction, I guess.” I chuckled and ran the back of my hand over her cheek. “It takes a lot longer to orgasm when you’re fucking someone. For both parties. Can I make the assumption that you like it when we make love a lot better than when we merely have sex or fuck?”
“You can safely assume that. How did you and I manage to make a connection so quickly if you had never experienced one with anyone else? Or are you lying about that?”
“Now, why would I lie to you about that?”
She shook her head, then laid back down, resting her head on my chest again. “I don’t know. It’s just that this odd sensation went through me when I thought about you having anything with anyone else the way we have it. I don’t like that feeling.”
“That’s jealousy, Blyss.” I grinned, happy she had some jealousy where I was concerned. “I’ve got a ton of that over you.” I kissed the side of her head. “Go to sleep. Morning will be here before we know it and you know those birds won’t allow us to sleep in.”
“Jealousy? I don’t like how that feels at all.”
My voice was heavily laced with sarcasm, “Me neither. Goodnight.”
Things moved further that night than they had in the last three weeks. She loved me!
Blyss
Troy made me wait a whole week before we left that forest to go to the club. He was taking me to be a voyeur and nothing more than that, for that night anyway. With his help, I was making some real breakthroughs in myself. He thought I should learn how to cry, virtually on demand, to get some of my troubles to come to the surface. I hadn’t managed to do that yet. I needed the outer stimulation to achieve that. If pain was initiated, then my emotions would rise. I couldn’t do it on my own, even with the ideas he gave me.
“Feel sorry for that poor baby who was left in the rain, Blyss.” He looked at me with sorrow filled eyes. “She was helpless and left there by her own mother, a person who was supposed to love and care for her, unconditionally. It’s not fair that she robbed you of that, Blyss. Cry for that baby.”
I’ve tried to see the baby I had been and feel sorry for it, but I couldn’t. He’d have to put me over his lap and spank me until I cried, which would take about twenty smacks to do, and that number was growing. He didn’t want to use things on me. He hated the way the whip had left my back with a few stripes on it. It was me who asked about using a paddle. He agreed to do it, and we both found that to be more pleasing. He didn’t have to give me that many strikes before I was crying.
I found it hard to say the safe word. I wanted the pain to keep on coming. Troy decided that when I began to cry, he’d stop. He was worried about the addictions I’d had when I was born. He’d only give me enough pain to open myself up and let things out, but no more than was necessary to achieve that.
The day he took me back to Portland, he and I went shopping at some exclusive dress shop inside the Dungeon of Decorum. After getting us an apartment there for a week, he set me up in sexy clothes and gave me what I wanted. I wanted to immerse myself in the culture of BDSM. I wanted to see what it was all about. I’d found out that pain helped me get i
nto my feelings. Now I wanted to see how being put on display as a sexual object might help me to grow as a person.
It was a bit after five in the evening when we left the lavish apartment to head down the dark hallway to the private rooms. We headed into the main room, hardly anyone was there yet. Troy had clad me in a red corset with fishnet stockings. My heels were so high, I had trouble walking. So he held the leash he’d attached to the collar he had put around my neck so other men would know not to touch me, very close to my throat, to help stabilize me. He joked that it made me look like a thoroughbred.
A couple of burly men, wearing nothing but tight, black shorts, were setting up the stage at one end of the room. “A couple will be putting on a show or a scene in a little while. Would you like to watch?”
I nodded enthusiastically. “Please.”
He led me to a small table for three right at the front of the stage. “We’re so close, we should be able to feel their heat. How about a drink?”
“Um, what would you suggest?” I asked as the man who’d kissed my hand the night I was auctioned off came into the room. He looked right at me, tipping his hat as he headed our way.
“Mr. M. and Miss Danner, how nice to see you’ve decided to hang out with us a bit.” He took my hand and kissed it again. “May I say that your Dom has made you even more beautiful than you were when we last met?”
Heat filled my cheeks as shyness took me over. “Do you really think so?” I wrinkled my nose as I didn’t think I looked much different if any at all.
He and Troy exchanged looks as Troy nodded. “I have to agree with Mr. J. You have blossomed, my love.”
Mr. J. looked at Troy with bright eyes. “My love? Did you two make more of a connection than just a Dom and his Sub?”
Troy ran his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him, then his lips touched my cheek. “We did. I’m working on keeping this one for as long as she’ll let me.”
I looked down. He’d been at me to agree to move in with him. He had to stay at the military base on occasion, but if we got a place midway between Stanford and San Diego, he’d get to be home more often. I still hadn’t agreed to it. I wasn’t sure life would be as great as he claimed it would be as a couple.
For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 52
