For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  The smile cracked a little, faded, and Livia cursed herself. “Shit. I’m sorry, did I put my foot in it again?”

  Nox was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He played with her fingers as he tried to decide what to say. “Liv…when I was a teenager, there was someone. Ariel. We were inseparable and to both her and I, it was inevitable that we would end up together. One night, I was getting ready to go pick her up for our senior prom. Amber – that’s her twin sister – called the house in hysterics. Ariel was missing.” A cloud passed over his handsome features and Livia took his hand, holding it tightly. He smiled at her gratefully before clearing his throat. “They found her body the next day, laid on one of the tombstones in the cemetery. She’d been st…” His voice broke and he looked away from her. Livia was horrified to see tears in his eyes. “Stabbed to death. And not quickly either. Whoever murdered her took his time.”

  “Oh, god, no.” Livia felt cold. Poor, poor Ariel. The heartbreak on Nox’s face was still obviously even though two decades had passed.

  Nox looked at Livia now, his green eyes filled with pain. “I never thought anyone could ever…not replace, I hate that word, and it’s not true when you’re talking about another human, but that I would meet someone who made my heart soar. I was wrong.”

  Livia touched his face. “I want to make you happy again, Nox Renaud.”

  He wrapped his arms around her. “You already have, Livia.”

  She kissed him, her heart pounding with sorrow for him. “What will your friends think about me? I mean, I know you’re still friend with Amber…will she think I’m just a gold-digging interloper?”

  “No, Amber has always told me that she wanted me to be happy. I think, for both of us, we had no closure over Ariel’s death because whoever killed her is still out there. I think you and Amber would be good friends. I certainly hope so.”

  “On my part, I have no qualms…except perhaps the total chasm in our social situations.”

  Nox shook his head. “You mustn’t fixate on that. Really.”

  She smiled up at him. “I promise. I’m so sorry about Ariel, that’s horrific. The police really had no clues?”

  “None. Ariel was the sweetest person, no-one could have a reason to harm her.”

  Livia sighed. “Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be much reason to kill a woman. Some do it just for the thrill.”

  Nox was silent for a while but Livia felt his arms tighten around her. “When I heard you scream that night,” he said softly, “when I saw it was you…”

  “That was just some dude trying to mug me, Nox. I dealt with it.”

  “Badass.”

  “You betcha.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Okay, my little warrior woman. Let’s go back to bed and keep each other up all night.”

  Chapter Seven

  Livia’s head was bent over her piano when she heard the commotion outside the practice room. She looked up as Charvi, followed by a couple of excited students, came into the room. Charvi looked stunned, overwhelmed and shocked all at once. She nodded at Livia and then the piano.

  “You might want to sit down, play that old wreck one last time.”

  Livia blinked, completely discombobulated. She had been working on ‘Night’, her composition, her ‘piano porn’ as she told Nox, and been so into it, that the sudden interruption made her shake her head. “What?”

  Charvi smiled. “Your boyfriend is a very generous man.” She turned as the wide doors of the music room were opened and a gang of workmen, huffing and puffing, wheeled in a vast trailer. Livia stood as they maneuvered the covered item onto the floor.

  “You can take this one out,” Charvi ordered them, tapping the piano Livia was working from, “save us the trouble.”

  The foreman shrugged. “Sure, no problem.”

  Livia quickly grabbed her stuff from the rather battered but much-loved piano. Even more confused. Charvi and her students grabbed the dust cloth on the new piano and with a flourish pulled it off. Livia couldn’t help but gasp. Underneath the cloth sat the most beautiful instrument she’d ever seen. Charvi looked gleeful. “You know what this is?”

  Livia nodded her head weakly. “It’s a Steinway, a Model D concert grand Steinway.” Her legs were shaking. Nox had done this? “It’s Judy Carmichael’s piano. Not hers personally, but her piano of choice.”

  Charvi was watching her. “That’s right. And Nox donated not just one of these, but four. He’s donated four of these babies to the university, plus countless other new instruments and a huge endowment.”

  Livia was shocked to her core and also conflicted. She and Nox had been dating for two weeks…and this was beyond generous.

  One of the other students was looking at her enviously. “Damn, you must be good in bed.”

  “Tony.” Charvi glared the student, “That’s enough.”

  “Sorry.”

  Livia shook her head. “It’s okay. Four Steinways, though?”

  Charvi looked at the other students. “Give us the room, will you?” After they had gone, Charvi sat Livia down on the new piano stool. “You look like you’re about to collapse. Sit, breathe.”

  “I just…I mean, what? What does this mean?”

  Charvi smiled. “I think it means he’s smitten.”

  “This is too much, Charvi, I mean, god…it’s been two weeks. Not that I’m not happy for the university but…” She opened the lid of the piano and began to press down on the keys. “God, listen to that tone…” She began to play her composition, listening to the deep bass of Swedish steel and copper wire, the treble, so sweet and pure. She played through all she had written so far twice, forgetting Charvi was in the room, closing her eyes and moving her fingers over the smooth spruce keys. Livia thought not of the notes she had to play but of Nox, and making love with him, the fun and laughter they had shared over the last few days. They had become almost inseparable in such a short time…

  She sighed and finished playing, opening her eyes. Charvi gave her a round of applause. “That, sister, is coming along nicely.”

  Livia grinned. “My piano porn?”

  Charvi laughed. “I don’t think we’ll call it that in the program. Do you have another title?”

  Livia flushed. “Night.”

  “See?” Charvi patted her shoulder. “He might have donated the instruments, but you had already started to write that beautiful piece about him, and now you’ve given it his name. Have you invited him to the recital?”

  “Not yet but I will. I just have to make sure it’s perfect.”

  “You will.”

  Livia looked at her watch. “I have to go thank him.”

  “Thank him for all of us, would you? Obviously, the Dean will be writing to him to express his gratitude, but from me, from the music department and faculty – say thank you.”

  Livia hugged her teacher. “I will. And you know, I think he’d love to see you again.”

  Charvi’s smile faded. “I’m not sure I’m ready. Gabriella was…like a sister to me. Her death still hurts and I…” She sighed. “I’m scared, that if Nox has grown to look like his father too much, I might flip out on him, say all the terrible things I wanted to say to Tynan. So, not yet, please. Let me work my way up to it.”

  Livia nodded, sadness making her chest hurt. One moment in time and so many lives were wrecked. “Of course. Let me just say…Nox is a wonderful man. You won’t find a more generous, nor kind and open man.”

  “I believe you. I just need time is all.”

  Roan stared at Nox, who looked back steadily. “After all that, just ‘no’?”

  “Roan…you knew this was a long shot coming in here. If you need money, just ask but we both know, you’re not cut out to be in this business.”

  “It’s food importing!” Roan threw his hands up in the air and stood up. Nox could see he was agitated, and shot a glance at a silent Sandor. Sandor cleared his throat.

  “Roan…it’s purely from a business stand
point. We’ve made our reputation on no drama, no gossip, being above board and transparent on everything. And while you’re a fantastic salesman…that’s not who we are.” He tried to lighten the mood. “It would be like Freddie Mercury joining…Coldplay.”

  “Or the Allman brothers.”

  “Sigur Ros.”

  Roan’s mouth hitched up at one side as he tried not to smile. “Don’t make me laugh, I’m mad at you guys.”

  “We’re just saying…we’re too staid for you, buddy. Rather, this company is. Look, you want to talk about setting up a new company doing something entirely different, something that will suit you, and that we could invest it, go for it.”

  Road, mollified, sat back down. “You’d consider a new company?”

  “Sure thing. Something where you’d be the lead and we would be silent partners.”

  Roan chewed on his lip, and Nox shot Sandor a meaningful look. Sandor nodded. “Look, I have to make some calls. How about I call back for you in twenty minutes and we’ll grab some lunch?”

  “Sure thing.”

  When they were alone, Nox looked at his friend. Roan seemed diminished somehow, stressed, not his usual ebullient self. “What is it, Roan? There’s something going on with you, something more than wanting a new career.”

  Roan sighed and rubbed his face. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I do worry about it.” Nox frowned. “Do you need money?”

  Roan stayed silent. “You just have to ask,” Nox said in a quiet, calm voice. Roan shook his head.

  “Thank you, man, but I have to find my own way out of this.”

  “Surely Odelle’s family…” Nox trailed off as Roan laughed.

  “Man…if I could keep it my pants, maybe she wouldn’t hate me right now.”

  “Fuck, Roan.”

  “That’s what I do. Maybe I should start a male escort business.”

  Nox ignored that remark. “Odelle knows?”

  “Yup.”

  “Who?”

  Roan hesitated before looking at his friend. “Amber.”

  Nox rocked back. “You’re kidding?”

  “Nope.”

  “Jesus, Roan, don’t you know not to sh…”

  “…shit where you sleep? Yup. I’m that much of an idiot.”

  “Jeez.”

  Roan sighed. “Look, I’ll work on Odelle, apologize, make it up to her. Marry her.”

  “Odelle may be a strange fish, but she won’t fall for any fake sentiments or actions. You marry her, you had better damn mean it. Or you’ll have me to answer to, as well.” Nox was irritated, but Roan held up his hands.

  “I hear you.” He studied his friend. “What about you? You made a move on the lovely Livia yet?”

  Nox couldn’t help his smile. “That is going very, very well, thanks. She’s adorable.”

  “You bringing her to Thanksgiving? You can, you know. She can meet the gang.”

  Nox smiled but didn’t answer. “Look, get together an idea for the kind of business you’d like to run, and we’ll talk more, make a business plan. There’s a couple of empty offices here you can use as a base. Don’t harass the female staff, is all I ask.”

  “Would I?”

  “Yes.”

  Roan laughed. “I promise to be good. Thanks, man. I appreciate this.”

  “Just take it seriously. This could be a turning point.”

  Roan smiled at his friend. “You know, you’re an excellent big brother.”

  Nox ignored the pain that shot through him, but smiled. “And I will kick your ass if you screw this up.”

  Roan stood and shook Nox’s hand. “I swear to you, Nox…I won’t let you down.”

  “Go tell that to Odelle.”

  “I will. Thanks, brother.”

  Livia waited as the receptionist tried to not stare at her. She smiled at the woman, who flushed slightly. “Sorry.”

  Livia shrugged. “It’s okay. What’s your name?”

  “Pia.”

  “Hey, Pia, I’m Liv. I’m kind of seeing your boss.”

  Pia smiled. She was young, early twenties Liv guessed, big blue eyes and jet-black hair. Gorgeous. “I know. He’s such a nice man.”

  Liv smiled and wondered if Pia had a crush on her boss. She couldn’t blame her. The next minute, Liv realized she had the wrong guy when Sandor came into the reception and handed her some notes. Pia flushed a deep scarlet and Liv hid a smile.

  Sandor grinned. “Hey, Livvy, great to see you. Does Nox know you’re here?”

  She shook her head. “I told Pia I’d wait until he was free.”

  Sandor threw a smile at Pia which made the young woman light up. “Nah come on, it’s only Roan in with him.”

  Sandor led her back to Nox’s opulent office. As she walked with him, she nudged his shoulder. “That girl has a king size crush on you.”

  Sandor rolled his eyes. “I’m old enough to be her father, Liv.”

  “So?”

  Sandor laughed. “I’m not a cradle snatcher.”

  Liv felt a little sting, after all, there was eleven years between her and Nox…Sandor saw her smile falter and guessed what she was thinking. “Totally different situation,” he said hurriedly. “I’m forty-five, Pia is nineteen.”

  “Ugh, okay, I get it. Don’t tell Pia I told you.”

  Sandor knocked at Nox’s door, grinning. “I won’t. She’s young, she’ll find some young boy to fall in love with next week.” He opened the door. “Hey, Renaud, found this little treasure in reception.”

  Nox looked delighted to see her. “Hey, beautiful, what a nice surprise.” He came to greet her, kissing her on the mouth. Roan snickered.

  “Get a room.”

  Livia, blushing, giggled. “Hey, Roan.”

  “I was just telling Nox here, that we’ll look forward to meeting you formally at Thanksgiving.”

  Livia rocked back a little. “Formally?”

  Nox rolled his eyes. “He means properly, all of us. We’ll talk about it over lunch. Guys, do you mind if I take a raincheck?”

  “Nope.”

  “Not at all.”

  Livia took him back to her apartment. He walked around the tiny kitchen/living space and nodded. “I like it.”

  Livia was pleased. Her and Moriko’s home was small but they both loved it, decorating it with colored scarves and art pieces and books. The couch was big and squashy and Livia pushed Nox down on it now before straddling him. “So, Mr. Renaud, before I feed you, there’s a little matter of a huge ‘thank you’ to be discussed. Nox…I cannot believe your generosity. Thank you, on behalf of the university, of the faculty, the students, the music department. I’m overwhelmed.”

  “I thought you might appreciate practicing on the same instrument as your heroine,” he said shyly and Livia kissed him, crushing her lips against his.

  “You’re perfect,” she whispered and sat up, unbuttoning her dress one button at a time, slowing peeling it off. She was naked underneath and Nox groaned, fixing his mouth on her nipple, sucking and teasing them both until they were unbearable sensitive. Livia opened his shirt and his fly, running her hands over his taut muscles, his flat belly. “God, I want you so badly.”

  With a growl, Nox tipped her to the floor, pressing her knees to her chest and taking her clit into his mouth. Livia gasped at the sensations he sent flooding through her.

  “I’m supposed to be thanking you,” she gasped and felt the vibration from his laugh rumble through her sex.

  “You are,” he said, his voice muffled and as he brought her to orgasm, she trembled and cried his name out. He moved up to kiss her mouth.

  “When you call my name like that…god, Livvy…” He kissed her deeply, passionately, then, Livia made her way down his body, trailing her tongue down his chest, his belly and then took his cock into her mouth, licking the salty pre-cum from the tip and running her tongue down the thick shaft. His fingers tangled in her hair as she worked on him, feeling his cock harden even more and qui
ver under her touch.

  “Jesus, Livvy…” She felt him jerk underneath her, then his hands were under her shoulders puling her on top of him. He slid a condom on and she spread her legs wide for him as he thrust into her. She moaned softly as they began to move together – really, there was nothing like the way he felt inside her.

  They made love slowly, taking their time, their eyes never leaving the other’s face. Livia had never felt a connection like this, never had this intimacy so quickly with someone. She already knew the planes of his face, his mannerisms, the way his eyes would become more intense as they made love, as if she was the only thing he could see, or wanted to see. That she could sink into him. Her fingernails dug into his firm, rounded buttocks now as he plunged into her again and again. I could die right now and be happy, she thought, and then pulled herself up. Really? Oh shit. She was falling in love with him.

  No, no, no. It was too quick, too soon. Calm down, she told herself, burying her neck in his neck and kissing his throat. Just let it happen. Nox is the man for you and you know it…

  “I’m crazy about you,” he whispered suddenly and she nodded.

  “And I, you, gorgeous man.” She kissed him, feeling a surge of certainty, before all other thoughts were swept away and she was coming, riding her orgasm like a wave as Nox too climaxed. She wondered if she should tell him she was already on birth control – something in her wanted to feel his seed deep inside her. To carry him around with her. Would that be something he could go for? Her brain was too endorphin soaked to think straight right now.

  Nox’s lips were against hers. “God, you’re beautiful.” He smoothed the hair away from her face. “Chocolate eyes.”

  She grinned. “Ocean eyes.” He laughed and kissed her.

  “So…what were we talking about?”

  “Your incredible generosity and how…I hope…Nox, you didn’t need to do that.”

  Nox smiled good-naturedly. “I know, and it wasn’t a ‘thank you for screwing me’ gift so don’t think that. It was time I did something for the University and now I had a focus. Was Charvi pleased?”