Kellen went slowly across the room and closed it. She turned and leaned back on the door, looking over the office. It looked different than it had when her father had occupied it. Ian had changed it too much. But there was still a feeling about it that he had not been able to erase, a presence, as if her father were still there. The feeling was so strong that it brought unexpected tears to her eyes.
Quickly, she went back to the desk. She knelt down and gathered up the papers that Ian had flung aside. There was nothing important among them, so she dropped them all into the trash. The crystal ashtray, in two pieces now, was also dropped in, along with a few knickknacks.
There was a copy of that morning’s Times, which she put on the desk. Just as she was about to stand up, something caught her eye under the desk. It was a frame, and she picked it up, staring at it. It was a picture of a somber dark-haired boy -—Robert. She stood up and put the picture in her briefcase. She would have it sent to Ian’s home.
She reached into her briefcase, withdrew two silver frames. She set the first one, of Sara and Ben, on the edge of the desk. She sat staring at the second one. Adam and Elizabeth looked back at her, smiling.
She set the frame next to the one of the children.
Her gaze went to the newspaper. Slowly, she unfolded it and ran her hands lightly over the front page. She raised her hands, turned them over and looked at her palms. They were smeared with ink. She thought of what her father had said a long time ago.
I don’t want my daughter dirtying her hands with the business.
She glanced at his photograph, and she knew that if he could see her he wouldn’t mind it at all now.
CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
Ian stood high on a cliff, staring down at the ocean far below. He watched the breakers crashing on the rocks and the rhythmic advance and retreat of the waves. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath of the ripe humid air then let it out slowly. He repeated the exercise ten times, just as the doctor had told him to do. Then he opened his eyes.
It didn’t work. He still felt bad. Usually, coming to the house on Hana gave him an immediate lift. But now, three weeks after his arrival, he still felt...so empty.
In the last few days he had come to a revelation: He could do anything he wanted. He didn’t have to go back to Clarisse if he didn’t want to. He never had to talk to Lilith again. He could stay right here in Hana and never go back. He was, for the first time in his life, truly free of responsibilities and everyone else’s expectations. He could do whatever his heart desired.
He glanced back at his magnificent house. Whatever his heart desired...
But it desired nothing, really. As he stood there on the cliff, he realized he couldn’t think of one thing he wanted to do or one person he wanted to be with.
He stuck his hands in his pockets, and his fingers closed around a wadded letter. He unfolded it and read it again. It was from Lilith, a rambling appeal to come back and resume his figurehead role of publisher. “Not for my sake, Ian,” Lilith wrote, “but for your son’s.” It went on and on, ending with a discordant note of sentiment: “Please come home, dear. You know I love you and want you to be happy.”
Ian folded the letter in half. Happy...what a strange word for Lilith to use. What the hell did she mean? He couldn’t think of any moment in his life to which he could apply the word happy. Contented, satisfied...that was how he usually felt here at Hana. But not happy. Never happy.
No, that wasn’t entirely true. He could remember feeling happy twice in his life. When he was with Chimmoko. And a faint memory of that day he had gone to look at the new bridge with his father.
His thoughts went to his son Robert. He had not seen him now in weeks and he realized suddenly that he almost missed him. The boy was a mystery to him, a stranger really. But there was some sort of connection there, something he felt with no one else on the face of the earth. Whenever he looked into Robert’s eyes, he could see a reflection of himself as a boy there.
But it was growing dimmer, always dimmer. He was losing Robert. Just as assuredly as the business now belonged to Kellen, Robert belonged to Clarisse and Lilith.
He had ...nothing.
He glanced at Lilith’s letter in his hand. Slowly, he tore it into pieces and threw them into the wind, watching them swirl down to the water below. He looked out at the ocean and then down to the rocks. He closed his eyes and slowly raised his arms, holding them straight out. His body swayed, caught in the wind, and his senses became suddenly sharpened by the salty smell, the pounding waves, and the delicious vertigo.
His lips parted in the beginning of a smile. Then he opened his eyes, squinting at the glint of the sun off the water. Slowly, he lowered his arms and took a step away from the cliff’s edge.
He knew suddenly that he would go back. He had to. He had to make sure the connection was maintained. For Robert. For his son. For himself.
CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN
The afternoon sky was overcast, but inside the beach house there was laughter. Kellen sat at the dining room table talking with Clark, Tyler, and J.D. Out on the deck, Sara and Ben were seated at a table, engrossed with their crayons, paper, and scissors.
Tyler reached for another bagel. “I didn’t even know you could cook,” he said with a smile.
“Only omelets,” Kellen said. “The kids and I live on them when we come down here.”
J.D. leaned back in his chair. “This is a great house,” he said. “Thanks for inviting us, Kellen. It was good to get away for a couple days before the crush starts up again. I’ll need all the strength I can get this time around.”
J.D. was up for reelection and was about to set out on the campaign circuit. Last week, he had called a press conference and made his homosexuality public.
Clark raised his glass. “To Mr. Greenjeans’s reelection,” he said with a smile.
They all took a drink. Kellen turned the wine bottle around to look at the label. It was the same as the sketch Tyler had once shown her -- a gray gull on a field of blue with silver letters spelling out Ingram Hills.
“So, tell me again how much you like our wine,” Tyler said with a smile.
Kellen took a sip of the Chablis. “A presumptuous little domestic,” she said. “The perfect complement to runny omelets.” Then she smiled. “You know I’m proud of you. And you know I know nothing about wine. But I really do like it.”
Tyler turned to Clark. “You, on the other hand, have not said a word. So what’s the verdict, you old snob? After all these years of taking your grief, I can take one more insult.”
Clark raised his glass, peering at the wine in the light. “Kellen’s right. It’s presumptuous, but it has a certain insouciant charm. Reminds me a little of a Montrachet I had in France once, from a vineyard called Les Pucelles.”
“That’s as close to a compliment as Clark will get,” Kellen said.
They were all silent for a moment, happily satiated by the meal and company. Ben began to fuss that Sara wouldn’t give him a crayon.
“Sara, share with your brother,” Kellen called out.
“But I need the black one,” she protested.
“Break it in half and give him a piece,” Kellen said.
The kids became quiet again. Tyler watched them for a moment then turned back to Kellen. “How are they taking the divorce?” he asked.
“As well as can be expected,” Kellen said. “They were upset at first but Stephen’s been great. He comes up to see them nearly every week and calls all the time. They both know we both still love them very much.”
“How’s Stephen doing?” Clark asked.
“He likes the new job, says he has a real challenge ahead of him trying to shake the Los Angeles Times out of its complacency.” She paused. “He seems happy.”
Tyler stared at her. “What about you? Are you happy?”
She looked at the children. “Yes. Things are turning around at the newspapers. I have everything I want.”
They all fell si
lent again. J.D. glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly three. Tyler,” he said. “We’d better get going.”
“You’re right. It’s a long drive.”
They all rose, and Tyler helped Kellen clear the table while J.D. put the suitcases in the car. Kellen walked them out to the car. J.D. got in the car, but Clark said he had forgotten his coat and went back into the house.
Tyler and Kellen stood there for a moment without saying anything. Then a small smile tipped Tyler’s lips. “Strange, isn’t it, how things turned out,” he said.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. All the time when I was growing up I never felt like I was part of the family. I always felt like an add-on to Father’s life. I never really felt he loved me. I always envied what you and he had. And I envied your love of the newspapers because it was your connection to him, something I never had.”
“Oh, Tyler,” Kellen said softly.
“But a couple months ago I realized something really important,” he went on. “I have a connection, too. Father left me something without even knowing it.”
“The vineyard,” Kellen said.
Tyler smiled slightly. “Yes, the vineyard. But also a sister. Who loves me enough to forgive me for what I did.”
Kellen embraced him. They held each other tightly for a moment then pulled apart.
Clark came toward them. “Okay, let’s get going,” he said. “I’ve got a date tonight.”
Tyler got in the car. Clark hung back to say good-bye to Kellen. “Something wrong?” he asked.
“No. Nothing. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. Just a hunch.”
“Quit trying to read my mind, Clark.”
“Well, you’ve gone through a lot the last few months. I’m just concerned about you.”
“I’m fine. Everything has turned out fine.”
“You’ve left one thing out. You haven’t mentioned Garrett once since you got the newspapers back.”
She looked toward the house. “When I saw him in Paris, he said we were out of sync. I think he was right.” She looked back at Clark. “I don’t even know where he is. I think he finally just got tired of waiting for me, Clark.”
“Good grief, Kellen, why don’t you call him? What are you waiting for?
She shook her head. “He’s got a corporation of his own to run now in Britain. His life is there now. There’s no reason for him to be here anymore.”
Clark sighed. “You’re here. Sara’s here. Two damn good reasons, I’d say.”
She shifted from one foot to another.
“What about Sara?” he asked. “Are you ever going to tell her about him?”
“She’s got enough to handle right now with the divorce,” Kellen said. “I don’t want her feeling like she’s lost one father and suddenly there’s a new one to get to know.”
“But the longer you wait the harder it will be. Kids can forgive you for a lot of things but not being lied to.”
Tyler beeped the horn. “Better get going,” she said.
Clark kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you at the office Monday,” he said, getting in the car.
She waved and waited until the car disappeared down the road. Then she went inside to clean up. Her thoughts bounced between what Tyler said about feeling connected by a sense of family and what Clark said about Sara.
She knew Clark was right, that someday soon she would have to tell Sara about Garrett. Secrets within a family were only destructive. Hadn’t her own and Tyler’s and even Garrett’s experiences borne that out? She somehow had to find the courage to tell Sara the truth.
Ben came up and tugged on her hand. “Mommy, can we go see the seals?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart, it’s getting late,” Kellen said. Then she saw the look on Ben’s face and smiled. “Go put your jacket on.”
When Ben reappeared, Kellen led him out to the deck toward Sara, who was absorbed in her drawing.
“Want to come with us to see the seals?” Kellen asked.
“I’ll stay here. I want to finish this,” Sara said.
“All right. We’ll be back in a little while.” Kellen started down the beach, holding Ben’s hand.
CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT
Sara watched them head toward the rock jetty, then returned to her project. She didn’t hear the knock at the door when it came ten minutes later. When she finally looked up, she saw a tall man standing at the open sliding glass door, watching her. She wasn’t afraid; there was nothing in the stranger’s kind face that made her feel that.
“Who are you?” she asked, her crayon poised in midair.
Garrett couldn’t take his eyes off her. “A friend of your mother’s.”
“You should have knocked,” she said. “It’s not nice to just come into someone’s house.”
He smiled slightly. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But I did knock. I guess you were too busy to hear me.”
“My mother took my brother for a walk,” she said. “They’ll be back in a minute,” she said, going back to her crayons and paper. “You can wait if you want.”
“Thank you,” Garrett said. He came in and went up to the table. “What are you making there?” he asked.
“A newspaper,” Sara said.
“Ah, yes, of course it is,” Garrett said, looking over her shoulder at the paper on which Sara had penciled in stories and drawn photographs. She had drawn a nameplate across the top that proclaimed THE CARMEL TIMES.
“You run color pictures in your paper, then?” Garrett asked.
“Sure,” Sara said, looking up at him. “My mother says black-and-white newspapers are old-fashioned.”
“Your mother’s right.”
Garrett stared at the girl sitting before him. She was pretty, her glossy black hair streaming down over her blue sweater. Her deep blue eyes looked back at him steadfastly. He could feel his heart beating against his chest. It was the first time he had ever seen his daughter. He felt strange, almost nervous, but exhilarated.
His daughter...his and Kellen’s daughter.
“You talk funny,” Sara said. "How come?”
He laughed, surprised by her directness. “I’m from England. Everybody there talks funny.”
She smiled slightly then returned to her paper.
“What’s your big story there?” he asked.
“It’s about the baby seals. They were just born.” She looked up and smiled. “Would you like to see them?”
Garrett nodded. “Yes, I would.”
She slid off the chair and took his hand. “Let’s go,” she said. They started down the beach together.
Kellen stood near the rock jetty watching Ben, who was mesmerized by the family of seals bobbing in a kelp bed offshore. She turned back toward the house and saw two figures coming down the beach. She recognized Sara immediately, but at first she couldn’t figure out who the man was holding her daughter’s hand.
Stephen? Maybe he had decided to drive up from Los Angeles and to surprise the kids and --
She froze.
She watched Sara and Garrett as they came closer, unable to take her eyes off their interlocked hands. In all the times she had thought of Garrett during the last eight years, she had never been able to picture him with Sara. Despite the fact their resemblance was startling she had kept their images separate. It had always been a defense of sorts against the truth. But now, seeing them made her heart ache.
Sara brought Garrett to her. “Mommy, this man says he’s your friend. I brought him out here to see the seals.”
Kellen stared at Garrett for a moment then looked down at Sara. “Okay, sweetheart,” she said, “But first we need a few minutes to talk. Would you go watch your brother for a little while?”
Sara looked up at Garrett then gave him a shrug and smile. “Okay,” she said. She ran off toward the rock jetty.
Kellen’s eyes remained on the children.
“I was going to call before I came,�
� Garrett said. “But I was afraid you wouldn’t talk to me or allow me to see you.”
Kellen wouldn’t look at him.
“I know about the divorce,” he said.
She focused on the children, now climbing on the rocks. For a long time, she was quiet. “Garrett, I have something to tell you,” she said softly, “It’s about Sara.”
“I know. She’s mine, isn’t she?”
She turned to face him, her expression searching. “You knew? But why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“It wasn’t up to me, Kellen. It had to come from you.”
She looked back to Sara. “Eight years,” she said. “I wanted to tell you then, but I couldn’t. And after that...” Her voice trailed off. “I guess I did what I had to do to protect her... and myself.”
She paused. “I’m sorry, Garrett. I should have told you a long time ago.”
It began to rain lightly. The barking of the seals mixed with the children’s laughter.
“What happened in the past doesn’t matter,” Garrett said. “What matters is that I know she’s my daughter. I want to be with her. I want to be with you. I want a family. We can still have it, Kellen. Don’t turn your back on me again.”
She wouldn’t look at him.
“You said you needed time,” he said. “Two months is enough. Eight years is enough. I’ve waited. I’ve been patient. But now I deserve an answer.”
At that moment, Sara came running up. Her face was pink from the chilly air and her hair was beaded with rain.
“Come on, Mama,” she laughed, out of breath, “come on and look at the seals!” She grabbed Kellen’s hand, tugging on it.
Kellen looked at Garrett then down at Sara. Yes, she would tell her the truth...soon. Suddenly, with Garrett there it seemed less frightening. It seemed right.
They stood there, neither saying a thing. Slowly, Garrett smiled.
“Come on!” Sara said. “What are you waiting for?”
Adam's Daughter Page 47
