“I’m sorry I am not there with you, Vicky, I wish I could be,” he sighed.
“It’s okay, Bryce, I appreciate your kindness.” I smiled and I really meant those words.
“Ah, Vicky? Have you heard from Luc? I know you guys work closely together….”
“No, I haven’t,” I lied. It made me feel bad that I was lying to him. Bryce knew about Luc’s past, but it didn’t feel right to tell him now that I had found Luc in a drunken mess.
“Alright then, you take care.”
“Thanks, bye.”
“Bye, Vicky,” he replied and the conversation ended.
I couldn’t help but worry about Luc. Something was very wrong to push him over the edge. I raked my brain considering what could have pushed him over the edge that way, when a light went off in my head. He told me that he began to fall apart in the past when his family put him under pressure, and that’s when he started to drink. Was it the case now? His family must have contacted him. I wondered what they wanted, and why he couldn’t be open with me, instead of pushing me away. Maybe my suspicions were only that, maybe he didn’t care about me and I was trying to make excuses for him. I wasn’t sure. I felt tired, nauseous, and overwhelmed.
I met Joe at the front door. “What are you in the mood for?” he asked.
“Um, I don’t know,” I replied as we made our way to the old Tracker sitting in the driveway. I hoped it had gas in it. “Fast food works for me, how about McDonald’s?” I suggested.
As Joe backed out of the driveway, he stopped the car and scrunched his nose. “You are going to eat McDonald’s?” he asked with surprise.
“Yeah, I feel like a Big Mac,” I replied, surprising myself. Maybe this was me needing to do some emotional eating. It was either a Big Mac or drowning myself in toffee ice cream.
“McDick’s it is,” Joe replied with a grin and shaking his head.
***
The drive to McDonald’s was quiet and we both sat quietly eating our meal. I devoured the Big Mac in less than five minutes as Joe stared at me wide eyed. I had never been a big eater and never a big meat eater, so the fact that I was indulging in a double burger was definitely odd, but I was sad and this was what I felt like doing. In the past, I would head to Ed’s a bar at the edge of town where I met Nessa. I would either drown myself in a cheap form of liquor or we would hit the party scene in Toronto. None of those options appealed to me now.
On the drive back home, I started to feel that same burning sensation making its way up my throat.
“Joe, pull over,” I demanded.
“What?” He looked at me as if I lost it.
“Joe, pull over I think I am going to be sick,” I said holding my hand over my mouth. The thought of puking in the car didn’t sit well with me.
As Joe swerved the car off to the side of the road; I threw my door open and jumped out of the car, hurling my guts out. “Shit, Vick, what the hell is wrong with you?” Joe asked with the same brotherly concern he had earlier.
“I must have a stomach bug or maybe it’s my nerves eating away at me over the wake tomorrow. I’m dreading it. Isn’t the thought of going back to that funeral home driving you crazy?” As I let out a breath I realized that my voice was shrill. I was coming undone and the thought alone terrified me.
“Shit, Vicky, calm down. Let me get you home.” Joe put his arm around my shoulder and guided me back to the car. I was falling apart. I needed Luc; I was alone again, abandoned again. I sat with my head against the headrest looking quietly out the window for the rest of the ride home while Joe periodically gazed my way with concern. I didn’t mean to show him this side of me. The side that wasn’t strong, the side that was falling apart but I had no control over my emotions and every part of me felt completely out of whack.
As we pulled into the driveway, Joe pulled the key from the ignition and with his shoulders hunched over he said, “Let’s go inside. You should get some rest for tomorrow.”
I followed him inside the house and as I was ready to climb the stairs for the second floor Joe called me back, “Vick, I really am sorry for leaving you alone all this time. I was a selfish bastard, only thinking of myself,” he said bowing his head.
“It’s okay, just tell me you will stick around from here on out, please Joe. Even if you don’t want to stay in Thunder Bay, I need you to stay in touch with me and talk to me, I need to know you are safe,” I practically begged him as if my life depended on it.
“Yeah, Vick, I promise,” he said, then he gripped me into one of his infamous bear hugs, squeezing me too tight before releasing me. I didn’t know what was going on inside his head or where he had been, but I knew he was a guy that was all heart like my papa had been before life got shot to hell. The smell of vomit whiffed up my nose, reminding me how badly I needed to shower.
“I’m going to shower,” I cringed looking at Joe apologetically. The bitter smell of vomit permeated from my mouth and probably my clothes. He gave me a kind smile.
“Go ahead.” He nodded to the stairs. As I climbed the stairs I was relieved to have my brother back. I noticed Joe went to sit outside. He wasn’t a very talkative guy, but I knew something heavy was weighing on him.
I let the steamy water roll over my achy body. It had been a long day with too many revelations. I mostly wondered why I felt sick to my stomach most of the time. I worried that I was getting myself into a deep depression.
After the shower I climbed into bed, then checked my phone hoping there was a text or call from Luc. My stomach dropped when I saw Luc missed call. He had tried to contact me. Bryce probably told him about my papa. It took everything inside me not to call him. He had been a big asshole, getting drunk and pushing me away like that, I wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily. Just as I was thinking to let him eat dirt for a while, my cell phone dinged and his name popped up on the screen.
Vicky please call me we need to talk.
I was surprised he hadn’t mentioned a 'sorry for your loss' along with his message. Thinking about him got me worked up. I didn’t want a relationship, but I was drawn to him. I couldn’t deny the attraction between us, and he was so persuasive in making me believe in him and myself. He got to me; he made me soft. He made me fall for him, dammit! Now my heart was hurting when he pushed me away. I didn’t want to be having thoughts about him at all, not when my focus should be on my poor papa and the shitty hand he was dealt in life. He clearly couldn’t handle things well, that’s for sure. It concerns me that Joe is the same, holding everything inside until one day something will have to give. The thoughts scared me and I was pulled back into the dark place I had been not too long ago.
The next day I would be standing beside Joe as family and friends entered the funeral home for the wake. The thought of standing there solemnly, while people passed us by telling us how sorry they were, made my stomach turn all over again. It made me feel like I wanted to run away and go anywhere but that funeral home tomorrow. I was sick of the apologetic looks and sick of all the bad. I wanted to throw my blanket off and head over to Ed’s, but if I got drunk I wouldn’t even have Nessa there to spew my negative thoughts to. Suddenly the idea of drinking alcohol nauseated me. I chose to go to sleep instead. I heard my phone beep again but I ignored it. Sleep was more enticing, maybe I could dream up a fairy tale or maybe I will realize that the nightmare that had become my life wasn’t real.
Chapter 23
Luc
I screwed up. I thought I had everything under control. I had maintained control for over two years. Then Vicky happened, I couldn’t help myself. I knew I was bad for her. I knew I had demons in my closet that threatened to escape, but she gave me hope. Looking into her sad green eyes made me realize that I had to make her happy. Dammit, I was making her happy, the dark jade in her eyes had blossomed into an emerald green that sparkled. I wanted to believe it was because of me, she said I gave her hope but it was the other way around. The truth was that she was good for me, and I wanted her lik
e I never wanted another woman before. She was broken and I was broken and together we made sense, we didn’t need to fix each other because our relationship had been about acceptance. I had revealed all my truths, and she still wanted me for me. I never had such an open and honest relationship before and I gained her trust. That is what kills me the most.
When she found me drunk I didn’t know what to do. Honestly what could I do? As I was getting ready to leave my apartment for my meeting I got a phone call from an unknown caller. That never happened, only a few people knew my cell phone number and even long distance calls for business revealed the Caller ID.
Something in the pit of my stomach told me that my freedom was ending. I knew the time would come. I knew it was never mine to really have. It was a temporary gift that could be taken away at any moment, and the moment had come. I had branded the eagle tattoo on my chest, knowing that an eagle would fly free all his life, but it was never really meant to represent my freedom because my freedom wasn’t real. My father had locked me in a chamber long ago, with his powerful rhetoric of what it was to be a Blanchard. Thinking back to the days he abused me, I felt like I had a noose around my neck reminding me that I was captive to Maurice Blanchard.
He called to tell me that he knew I used family resources. He found it funny that I wanted to use the family’s clout when it suited me. Only he said that things didn’t work like that. I used one of the family’s contacts to break into Scott Wellington’s apartment and completely erase all his hard drives and even his cell phone. This simple act was essentially sending the message that I liked having access to that kind of power. The damn asshole that I sent to Wellington ratted me out after I had asked him not to mention it to my father. I even upped his payment to keep quiet. Of course what did I expect? People feared my father. Then my father revealed that my brother Henri was shot and killed. The Dubois, another prominent crime family, gunned down the same brother that shot me in the abdomen and tried to kill my ex.
Father explained that there was war between the Blanchard and Dubois families and the Dubois family felt powerful enough to take on the Blanchard’s since they had now killed Henri, the second in command to my father.
I had told my father I had no interest in returning. I told him to put Justin, my little brother, as second in command but he would not hear of it. To him there was something powerful about the idea of having the eldest son there to take over the reins. I continually rejected him and told him that there was no way I was coming home, nor was I walking into the bloodshed that would ensue from war. I figured they would all end up dead anyway. A war couldn’t be good and they chose to live a violent life. There were no winners in war.
As I replayed the phone conversation in my mind my blood turned cold. “I will be in New York tomorrow,” he said with his thick deep voice. “I have a meeting there and then you will come home with me. You had your time to play the last couple years. Now your family needs you. You will not let them down. And Luc, I know you have a girl again,” he said with a devilish tone before hanging up the phone. My breath hitched once his words processed in my mind.
That motherfucker.
Shit, my father was coming. I stood up and raked my fingers repeatedly through my hair and he knew of Vicky. That is why I had to push Vicky out of my life. I had to keep her away from the demon that created me. I went for my meeting with the Japanese, but I couldn’t go back to the office after. My head was spinning. Instead I got drunk and pushed Vicky away. I knew how stubborn she could be. I feared if I told her the truth she would never leave me alone. We had grown close, but I knew she was still broken. She was still scared of placing her heart in my hands, and she was still vulnerable where her own life was concerned. As good as things were between us, I knew she wouldn’t abandon her daredevil ways overnight. If I had told her the truth, she would have wanted to stand by my side and confront the demon with me, she was tough and fearless like that, but I could never jeopardize her life.
Dammit, the asshole had been watching me the whole time. He knew Vicky’s full name and everything about her. He knew I was spending time with her. He knew she slept in my bed every night. The sick fuck waited for me to fall in love and then used it against me all over again. I was transparent to him, he knew my weakness and he fed on it each time, but I messed up too. I should have never called the family contact. I should have found a thug not related to my family. I wanted to protect Vicky from Scott Wellington and at the end; my actions had brought evil into our world.
My father would never let me have a normal life, the wife and children I always wanted. Instead he was asking me to sign my death certificate.
I went to Bryce’s office once I sobered up. He had become a good friend and I looked up to him.
“Bryce, I need to leave for a while,” I admitted not able to look him in the eyes. He stood up from his desk. His forehead creased, he could read people well and he immediately knew there was something very wrong.
“Why, Luc? What’s going on?” he asked then he waited patiently for my response. I didn’t know how to answer. I had told him the truth about my identity and my father, and he still welcomed me into the Tyson family. How could I admit that I was being summoned back into that life?
“Luc, is this about my daughter? I know you two are seeing each other, and it’s okay with me. You are a good guy,” he said, patting my shoulder. I stared up at him with round eyes. Of course he knew there was something between us. He had eyes everywhere around here. He knew what was happening in all departments, but what really resonated with me was that he gave me his blessing to date his daughter. That did things to my insides. It made me feel accepted. I had always wanted acceptance and coming from him it meant everything.
I was speechless what could I say now?
“The truth is, Luc, I am a little surprised you’re still here.” He continued throwing me off.
“What do you mean, Bryce?” I asked perplexed.
“Vicky. Luc, her father passed away in Thunder Bay, she took my jet there today. I assumed you would know all this.”
I suddenly felt light headed and dizzy. That is why she showed up to my apartment in the middle of the day. She was looking for me… she probably wanted to tell me what happened and I acted like a drunken psycho. Poor girl, what must she be feeling? What must she be going through?
“Bryce, I didn’t know about her father,” I said, swiping my hand hard over my face. I felt numb right now. “My father called me this morning and then I met with the Japanese…” I paused. You need to come clean, Luc, or else how would you explain leaving like this? After everything this man has done for you, you owe him at least the truth. “My father is coming to New York tomorrow. He says he has business here and then he wants me to go with him. My middle brother was murdered and he wants me to go back into the family. I don’t have a choice. He’s been following my moves, he knows that I am with Vicky.”
“He’s threatened my daughter?” Bryce asked with his hands fisted at his sides.
I blinked. “Yes, I love her, Bryce…but I’ve pushed her out of my life. I can’t let anything happen to her. I love her, but my destiny is not mine. My father will determine my end and so I can’t go to Vicky. I can’t be there for her now. I need to take care of my father,” I answered knowing what it is I needed to do. The only act that will ever truly set me free.
“I’m sorry, Luc, should I call the FBI? Do I need to warn, Vicky? She just came into my life, Luc, I can’t let anything happen to her…” Bryce trailed off.
“I know, Bryce, I can’t let anything happen to her either. I don’t think the FBI will be effective. My father has been evading them for years. This is something I have to take care of on my own. Maybe you can place Channing Price as head on the car plant for now. He knows the ins and outs, and he sat in on my meeting with the Japanese. He knows what’s involved.”
“Luc, you will come back,” Bryce asserted sadly.
“I don’t know, Bryce, my family is at war w
ith another family. Those things never end well. For now, I am waiting for my father’s arrival tomorrow. It is better that Vicky is far away in little Thunder Bay, away from this mess.”
Bryce huffed. “I guess so. I just spoke to her and she sounds like she’s a mess.”
Hearing that made my insides turn even more. She needed me now more than ever, and I couldn’t be there for her. I left Bryce’s office and began to set up my plan.
Chapter 24
Vicky
I woke up the next morning, and for some sick reason I checked my phone again to see if Luc tried to contact me, but he hadn’t. I figured he’d given up on me, on us. I trudged out of bed, dreading the day that awaited me. I made my way into the bathroom and relieved my bladder then I brushed my teeth. As I brushed my teeth I began to gag from the taste of the toothpaste. I didn’t even have time to register what was happening and I found myself on my knees vomiting into the toilet.
Moments later Joe was banging at the door. “Open up, Vicky, what is going on in there? Are you okay?” he was hollering loudly.
I slowly lifted up off my knees and took a piece of toilet paper to clean off my mouth then I opened the door to a wide-eyed Joe. “Do you want to tell me what is going on with you? Are you bulimic or something?” he asked with concerned brown eyes.
He isn’t wearing a shirt and my eyes drifted to his shoulder where he had a new tattoo printed on his skin with my mama’s name. I sucked in a breath. He looked down at the tattoo and then back to me with sympathy.
“This way I will always remember her, Vick,” he explained sadly. “But don’t change the subject, what is wrong with you? You have been getting sick since yesterday,” he asked with a deep, stark voice, crossing his arms over his broad chest. I didn’t respond to him because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I figured with the all the hurt I was feeling between Papa's death and Luc pushing me away, this was my body’s way of reacting or overreacting. “Dammit, Vicky I am calling Dr. McCall. I’m going to see if he can come by and check you since we have to be at the funeral home at eleven,” he said, turning around and heading back into his room before I could answer.
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