Trying Not To Love You

by Megan Smith

  We walked out of the closet, and I turned to Hunter, who was observing me in complete awe of this room, this whole house. "So what do you think? Could you live here with me?"

  I wrapped my arms around him and he tucked me under his chin and of course, I started crying when I said, "Hunter, it's perfect. Are you positive this is what you want, and it's not just because of the baby?"

  He reached down and lifted my chin so I was looking at him. "Yes, I'm positive. I was going to ask you to move in with me once we worked everything out, so yes, this is what I really want."

  He wiped my tears again and I laughed. "It's just these stupid hormones."

  He laughed with me, "Guess I better get used to that, huh?"

  "Yeah, that seems to be all I do, well that plus throwing up every day, all day."

  Hunter finally figured out that I was not getting sick because of the stress and all the fighting we were doing. He said, "Hm, I guess that explains why you kept getting sick?"

  "Yeah, the doctor said it should only last my first trimester, but sometimes longer. The mornings are the worst it seems, and anything greasy sets me off." I got the chills just thinking about it.

  "I'll have to remember that." He brushed his hands down my arms, cause me to get more goosebumps.

  He pulled me to the bed, grabbed the bottom of my shirt and lifted it above my head, and tossed it behind him. Then he unclasped my bra and pushed me back so I was sitting on the bed. He kneeled in front on me, placed a single kiss on my stomach, then looked up at me and placed a few more kisses. He worked his way up to one of my nipples and sucked it into his mouth. I cried out in ecstasy at the sensation because it was so sensitive.

  I sat up and he leaned up with me. I reached down to the bottom of his shirt, pulled it off him and threw it behind us. Then I reached for the button and zipper on his jeans, but he stopped me before I could start to pull them down.

  Frowning he asked, "Can you do this?"

  Laughing at him, I said, "I'm pregnant not broken Hunter." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me.

  Hunter and I spent the next hour memorizing each other bodies, whispering how much we loved each other and through our lovemaking, apologizing for all the hurt that we had caused each other. After we were completely spent, I wrapped myself on his right side and placed my hand over his heart and he placed his hand over mine and whispered, "You are my heart, always and forever."

  I woke the next morning, still wrapped contently around Hunter, my hand still pressed to his heart and his hand still on mine. I didn't want to move but I knew I would be getting sick any minute now. I tried not to think about it. I tried to focus on Hunter lying here with me, our lovemaking from last night.

  "Mm…" Hunter lifted his hand, lightly ran his fingers up my arm and his right arm squeezed me to him a little tighter. "I love waking up with you wrapped in my arms."

  I lifted my head up to look at him but regretted it as soon as I did. My stomach rolled. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, begging for my stomach to calm down. It didn't work and I was sprinting to the bathroom.

  After my stomach was empty, I noticed Hunter sitting on the edge of the tub with a glass of water in his hand. "Does this happen every day?"

  Nodding my head, I say, "Yeah, sometimes a few times a day. The doctor said to try and eat something before I even got out of bed but the second I move even to just turn over I lose it." I realized I was kneeling on the bathroom floor and I was naked. I tried to stand up to go back to the room to grab my clothes but Hunter put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me from moving.

  "Take a shower with me?" He asked when my eyes made contact with his.

  I reached up and grabbed the hand that was on my shoulder and he helped me up. "Where are the towels?" Hunter reached around me and opened a cabinet in the wall. I didn't realize it was there last night. He pulled two out, and then turned to turn the water on. After adjusting it a few times, he reached for my hand and helped me in the shower with him.

  Hunter pressed his lips to my neck and pushed back on me until the shower tiles pressed up against me. He hands slowly lowered down my back, passed my ass and stopped on the backs of my thighs and he picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him and he pressed himself into me.

  Groaning into my neck and thrusting slow and hard, he again started apologizing for choosing my brothers over me. "I'll never forgive myself for pushing you away CC, I was so fucking stupid."

  Adjusting my hips slightly so that he could go deeper, I told him, "Everything is fine now; we worked it out."

  "I know but you'll never know what that did to me. I didn't think I would ever get this with you," He said painting in my ear.

  Moaning his name aloud as my body started tightening, my head hit the tiles with a thud and everything started going out of focus with my release. Hunter thrust a few more time and then spilled his release into me.

  After we both caught our breath, Hunter slowly lowered me to my feet but still held me against the wall. I was thankful for that considering my legs felt like Jell-O. He helped me wash my hair and body, spending extra time on my belly. I loved watching him in complete awe of my tiny baby pouch, of how my body was changing daily.

  After we got out of the shower, he wrapped me in one of his over-sized navy blue fluffy towels and we went back to his room. I went to go grab my clothes but Hunter handed me a pair of my yoga pants and one of his t-shirts to wear. "You left them at my place and I was going to return them to you but hadn't had the chance yet." He must have noticed the quizzical look on my face.

  "Well I'm glad you didn't. But I really need a toothbrush more than I do my pants now." I told him, still feeling disgusting since throwing up.

  "Yeah, sorry, there is an extra in the drawer in the bathroom."

  I quickly made my way to the bathroom to grab the toothbrush and brush my teeth. Hunter came in behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his hands on my stomach. "I can't believe there's a little piece of me in here." He kissed the side of my neck.

  I spit the toothpaste out and rinsed my mouth. "I know, I was really scared at first but it's kind of growing on me now." I twisted in his arms and reached up on my tip toes to kiss him. He lifted me and sat me on the bathroom sink and I pulled him between my legs. I giggled when I felt how hard he was again.

  He pulled back from the kiss, smirking at me as he said, "I can't help it." He kissed me again harder this time, but I pushed him back before things could get crazy.

  Sighing, he said, "I know, I know." He kissed me a few times before he helped me down off the sink. "We should probably head back to your parents' house and tell everyone what's going on."

  I knew he was right, but I didn't want to ruin what we had going on. "I guess you are right. Mason and Cooper will probably just wind up here anyway."

  "Just trust me ok? I know I don't deserve it, but I want to tell everyone. There is going to be a bunch of bullshit that goes down, but it is you and me CC. I will not let anyone come between us."

  I hoped he was right this time. "Ok let's get going."

  On the drive back to my parents' house, I told Hunter that I was going to finish out the semester at ODU. I would transfer my credits back to a college in New Jersey close to the house. That way, I could still figure out how to get my teaching degree and be close to him where we would have help with the baby. Mom and Dad were in the kitchen eating lunch when we arrived. Mom smiled at us and Dad frowned.

  "Hey Mom," I went over and kissed her cheek then went over to my dad and kissed his as well. "Hey Dad."

  "Mr. and Mrs. Cahill, we, um, need to talk to you guys." Hunter, who never gets nervous, was standing before me, sweating.

  "Well, I'm glad you two are back to speaking again." My dad spoke up and said. "I didn't like seeing you guys fighting. It was worse than you fighting with Mason."

  "Um, dad, things might not be so well between us and Mason once he finds out what is going on." I reached over and g
rabbed Hunter's hand; I needed the connection with him.

  Hunter squeezed my hand and cleared his throat, "CC and I are going to move in together when I graduate college in a few months."

  Looking puzzled he asked, "Kenzie still has 3 years left of school." He looked at me for answers, "You want to transfer back home just to be closer to Hunter? That's not like you."

  I looked from my Dad to Hunter then to mom, who gave me a small smile and nodded her head, and back to dad, "I'm pregnant Dad."

  He had the same reaction as my mom disappointment, hurt. "I don't know what to say really.

  "I'm sorry Dad, I know you're disappointed in me, and I'm more disappointed in myself." I started crying and he turned his head away from me, got up from his chair and went to stand by my mom who was at the sink. Hunter wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close to him.

  Dad was rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index finger, something he always did when he was upset with one of his kids. "You know about this?" Dad asked mom. She nodded. "What are you going to do about school? You need to finish MacKenzie; you need a college education now a days."

  "She'll finish, I'll make sure of it. We will do whatever we have to do to make sure she gets her degree. I have a job lined up when I graduate and I still have some money saved up from my inheritance. She will be taken care of Mr. Cahill, you have my word." Hunter told him. I was proud of him for standing up to dad and it made me fall a little more in love with him that he was so eager to take care of me. If you would have asked me this when I first got home on Thursday night I would have laughed.

  Dad looked over at my mom and she grabbed my dad's hand. He looked at her. They were having their own private conversation. My parents were the perfect example of what I wanted to have. Mom and dad didn't always have to talk to each other. They had a connection so strong that words weren't needed to know what the other thought. There love was unbreakable, having four children was trying at times, always putting us first, making sure we never wanted for anything. Always involved in what we were doing, always being our biggest fans but at the end of the day they always made time for themselves even if it was only ten minutes. That is what I wanted with my future husband, Hunter.

  "This isn't going to be easy Mackenzie; you are basically giving up your life, you understand that right? You are sure this is something you want? You are ready for such a huge responsibility?"

  I looked up at Hunter and gave him a half smile then returned to my dad, "Yes this is what I want. I want to raise," I squeezed Hunter harder, "our child together Dad. I know things are going to be tough and I'll have to work extra hard but I have to do this."

  "We'll do it together, always and forever, remember?" Hunter said softly mainly for me to hear.

  "Hunter, you are in this for good now, right? You are going to take care of my little girl, protect her and my grandchild." Dad said sternly.

  "Yes Sir. No one comes between us ever again."

  "You know I already think of you as a son, but I'm glad it's you that this happened with and not some other asshole. I'm not happy with it at all but as long as you give me your word I'll accept it."

  Hunter cleared his throat and said, "You have it sir, she's it for it." He looked at me and winked.

  "I take it your brothers don't know yet?" Dad asked me, and then asked Hunter. "And your Mom and sister don't know?

  "No not yet." We said at the same time. "I'm actually going to run over there now since we wanted to talk to you guys first."

  "I want to go with you. Um mom do you think you can invite everyone over for dinner so we can tell everyone together?"

  "Yeah, I'll call your brothers and have them over for dinner tonight." Mom came over, hugged Hunter and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for stepping up and taking care of her. I knew you would turn out to be a great man."

  "Thanks, that means a lot."

  Hunter and I left shortly after that and went to talk to his mom, his sister was out somewhere with Cooper so she would find out later tonight when we told my brothers. His mom took it pretty well. She was disappointed, but that was to be expected, but was proud of her son for standing up and taking responsibility. She rode with us back to my parents for dinner.

  Cooper, Jaylinn, Chloe, Jackson and Alex were at the house already when we got back but Mason was out picking up Hailey. Mom had dad grill so that the smell wouldn't turn my stomach, she was already helping me already so much with my pregnancy.

  Mason finally showed up with Hailey looking a little flushed when she noticed I was staring at her she raised her eyebrows at me and shrugged her shoulders. I was being stupid I knew what she was up too. She already knew what was going on since I had been talking and texting her about it all along but she didn't know I would be telling everyone tonight. She didn't even know I talked to Hunter since I hadn't had time to call her a head of time.

  As we served dinner, we all gathered around the dining table. I was sweating profusely and shaking. I decided to wait until everyone was mostly done with dinner before making our announcement. Everyone was talking about what was going on with their lives; Cooper and Mason were in the full swing of baseball. Jackson and Chloe were working on last minute details of their wedding that would happen in just a few months. Alex captured the attention of Mrs. McCormick, mom and dad.

  I took my last bite of food set down my fork, Hunter grabbed my left hand Chloe, who I had told what I was doing while setting the table, grabbed my right. I looked at Hunter and cleared my throat, everyone quieted down. "So, I, um…" Hunter squeezed my hand giving me the courage to finish my sentence. I squeezed my eyes shut, "I'm pregnant." I whispered.

  Everything stopped; Mason was in mid bite, frozen in place. Cooper set his fork down. Jackson set his cup down on the table. Hailey and Jaylinn stared at me with wide eyes. Dad sighed. Chloe squeezed my hand that she was still holding. Mrs. McCormick and my mom shared a look and Alex was the only one making noise with his little rattle.

  "You're kidding right?" Mason asked.

  I shook my head.

  Jackson looked from me to Chloe and then to where our hands were together. "You know? And you didn't tell me?" He glared at her. "That's why she was at the house so early Saturday morning." He said putting the pieces together.

  I nodded confirming what he already figured out, "Yes that is why; I was scared and didn't know who else to talk to. If I wasn't pregnant and it was just a misread I didn't want to have to tell anyone."

  I looked at Cooper; he was looking at me but not meeting my eyes. He didn't say anything, I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

  Mason and Cooper both looked at each other, got up from the table and a few minutes later I heard their car start out front. I pulled my hands away from Hunter and Chloe and pinched the bridge of my nose and rested my elbow on the table, Hunter ran his hand up and down my back, trying to comfort me. I was hoping they would be supportive and not freak out but that was just wishful thinking.

  Jackson didn't say anything more about the pregnancy; I didn't really expect him too. Chloe said she would catch up with me later in the week and then the three of them left. Jaylinn and Hailey were both happy for us. Mom and I were in the kitchen cleaning up dinner when Hunter came walking in with Mason and Cooper.

  They both had their hands in their pockets, no one was shooting daggers at each other, all good signs except for Hunter's busted up lip. Hunter came over, took the dishrag from my hand and motioned with his head to go to them. I did and they led the way to the sitting room since everyone was in the living room watching TV.

  "Before you guys say…." I started to say but Cooper cut me off. "We talked to Hunter, we're all good."

  "I'm not good with it but I'll deal. He gave us his word and that's all I need to deal with it." Mason said.

  "What happened with Hunter's lip then?"

  "Nothing." Cooper said, as always. This was his answer when they got into a fight over me.

  "Didn't look like nothing."
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  "Kenz, drop it." Mason said stretching out his hand; at least I knew who hit him.

  I didn't like that they hit him but it was over with now. Now that everyone knew, the weight I had felt on my shoulders was gone. I had everyone behind me and I actually for once wanted protection for anything that would be thrown my way.

  Hunter and I went to our house later that night and I went straight to bed, I was completely exhausted from the stress over the last few days. Hunter helped me strip out of all my clothes, I wasn't use to sleeping like this but he insisted and who was I to fight him.

  "So tell me more about these doctors' appointment and stuff. I have no clue about any of this shit." He fluffed up his pillow and laid back. I curled up in the nook of his arm and rested my hand on over his heart, something I loved to do.

  "Well since I am still pretty early on in my pregnancy I go to the doctors every four weeks, around eighteen weeks or so we can find out what we are having." I lifted my head to look at him. "Do you want to know what we are having?"

  "Do you? I don't really care as long has he is happy."

  I smiled at his slip, "You just said he. You want a son?"

  Smirking at me he said, "Yeah I would like a son."

  "Well I'll let you decide if you want to find out or not, we have a little while before we have to think about that. I only have one small problem though; I really want to keep my doctors up here so we will have to make two trips back here over the next two months so I can get my checkups."

  "That's cool; I could check in on the house renovations and shit while we are here too. I meant to ask you earlier how you figured out that you were pregnant."