by Michael Fry
“He sure did!” I said. “Now run along, the pizza’s gettin’ cold!”
They all excitedly rushed out of the room. Stupid nightmare creatures.
I quickly started to untie Cole.
“Shhh, Cole, it’s me, Bobbie,” I whispered. “I’m here to rescue you.”
Cole whispered back, “Oh, Bobbie! Thank heavens, but wait . . . there’s no pizza?”
I was a little disappointed too. But there was no time . . . we had to get out of there before they realized it was all a ruse. I had finally got Cole freed when I slowly felt myself spinning.
Oh no. It was the toilet paper . . . my mummy wrapping!
“I thought there was something fishy here,” said the real mummy as he pulled the toilet paper toward him like a wind-up toy.
“Run!!!” I shouted.
Cole ran toward the exit. I tried to follow but the two-ply was surprisingly durable. Grumpus and his goons drew me closer, peeling me out of my disguise like an undead onion.
“The boy is getting away!” cried the werewolf.
“Let him go; this is the human we need,” said Grumpus with a sinister glare.
Chapter 42
I must have been asleep. But I didn’t feel like I was asleep.
I was in a white-walled room, sitting at a table by myself in front of a large jar. A dark, sinister light pulsated from within. What on earth could be in there? That’s when a door opened and Grumpus entered.
I tried to say, “What’re you up to, you no-good dirty gnome?!”
But what came out of my mouth was a tad different.
I guess I was dreaming. But what was Grumpus doing here?
“You’re wondering why I’m here inside your subconscious?” he asked.
“Ain’t no party like a pizza . . .” I stopped myself. Clearly, he was the one in control.
He took a deep breath, like he was about to begin a long speech.
“Bobbie, I’m in search of the perfect nightmare. A nightmare birthed out of stress, anxiety, and of course fear. A nightmare even more powerful than my own. A nightmare so powerful it could only come from someone—like me—who’s experienced both dimensions; who’s seen both the horrors of the real and imaginary world. The only other human I know to have done that is your uncle Dale, and you can imagine how lame his nightmares are.”
Grumpus was right about that.
Grumpus went on, “You and I aren’t so different. We both experienced things we can’t talk about. Things no one would believe. Things that if we spoke of them, people would think we were crazy. As I told you before, I was once a simple gnome who found his way to the wrong side of the Trans-Dimensional Border.”
He continued to monologue, “When I felt your nightmare, I could tell it was a tense, vivid, palpable dream from across the Trans-Dimensional Barrier. I had to know what it was. So, I used my powers of deception to lure you here. Then I sent you to Nightmare Island with the hope of whipping your basest fears into a frenzy—but alas the human boy and the bounty hunter ruined those plans.”
Get on with it, I thought. Is it possible to fall asleep inside your own dream?
“But you returned to me,” said Grumpus. “A very brave girl you are! And I’m here to help you, Bobbie. I want to free you of your fear. Whatever it is that haunts you in your dreams, give it to me.”
He pointed to the jar on the desk. “I can place it in here, where it won’t bother you ever again.”
The idea was tempting. But what was Grumpus going to do with my nightmare? Whatever it was, I couldn’t trust him.
I shook my head defiantly.
Grumpus smiled. “Very well, then. . . . I’ll take it from you forcefully!”
Suddenly, the room went black. I couldn’t see anything and I started feeling dizzy. The room was spinning. I saw flashes.
Oh no. I could feel it coming on. And I could hear Grumpus’s voice . . .
I couldn’t breathe!
I jolted awake!
“Where am I?! What just happened?!” I yelled.
“You were under Grumpus’s dream device. He must have taken your nightmare like he did mine,” said Cole.
“But why? And where is he taking it?” I asked.
Loraine was one step ahead of us, typing rapidly on one of Grumpus’s computers.
“That Grump!” she shouted. “He’s accessing a portal into the human world.”
“Which portal?” I asked.
“Apparently one that had been left open earlier today,” she said.
“My school locker?” I asked.
Phil turned to Gumdrop. “It was your day to close the portal!”
Gumdrop threw his hands up. “No! It was your day!”
“We have to go NOW, Bobbie! Who knows what Grumpus has planned?” said Cole.
But I knew. And before we went back to school I had to grab one thing.
Chapter 43
We rushed toward the glowing portal in pursuit of Grumpus. Who knew how long he’d been on the other side? We were running out of time!
I had no idea what would happen next, but I did know one thing: I was not gonna let Cole jump in first this time.
Okay, so I don’t know who invented magical portals, but I do have a few suggestions for improvement.
Magic still has its limitations. I could barely breathe, mostly because I could feel (and smell) two tiny elf butts jammed against my face inside my locker!
I finally opened my locker from the inside, and we all tumbled out into a heap on the school floor. I looked up—it was only two thirty. School was still in session.
I forgot how slowly time moved in the real world compared to the Trans-Dimensional World.
“Where is he? Where’s Grumpus?!” shouted Loraine.
This was strange. It was eerily quiet and the hallways were empty. No one was in class. What was going on?
And that’s when it hit me. I knew where Grumpus was!
Chapter 44
All this time messing with mermaids and zombies has been less than a day in the real world. That meant that when we got back there was a huge pep rally scheduled in the gym that day. That had to be where Grumpus was headed with my squid nightmare!
We all ran toward the gymnasium. I could sense a dark and creepy vibe clouding the school. It felt just like one of my nightmares, except this time I was awake!
And I wasn’t the only one to notice it.
“Something feels amiss,” yelled Gumdrop.
“‘Amiss’ means weird or funky,” added Phil.
“Yeah! What’s going on, Bobbie?” shouted Uncle Dale.
“I think Grumpus stole my nightmare and he’s going to do something really amiss with it at the assembly!” I yelled.
“How dastardly!” shouted Gumdrop.
“Totally messed up,” added Phil.
“Wait. What’s your nightmare?” Loraine asked.
“Ms. Mendoza!” a deep voice interrupted.
“No! He’s not my nightmare!” I cried.
Uncle Dale looked confused. “Seems pretty nightmarish to me.”
“Who are these strange people?!” demanded Mr. Lindenberger.
For a second I thought about trying to explain, but before I could even try, Mr. Lindenberger’s eyes widened. Then his hands began to tremble as they dramatically rose and pointed to something in the distance.
“The . . . the horror! The horror!” he shouted.
I turned around to see . . .
“Farting spider!” said Gumdrop. “My worst nightmare!”
Yup. We were going to be late to the assembly.
Chapter 45
If there’s one positive thing about hanging around with a Trans-Dimensional bounty hunter, it’s that if you’re ever challenged to a fight by a bunch of super evil nightmare creatures from another dimension, she’ll have your back.
The werewolf attacked first. Like a lupine lizard, he leapt off the wall and lunged at us. It was fast, but Loraine was faster!
Loraine
’s net ensnared the snapping, hissing wolfman in a neat little bow! Score one for Loraine! But a split second later the vampire was on her—fangs bared like a rabid dog.
Loraine dodged a fatal bite when Uncle Dale jumped in!
The vampire melted before Uncle Dale’s garlic/curry gasp.
Loraine cried, “Nice move, Metal Head!” as she netted the vampire.
Uncle Dale blushed. “Thanks.”
The mummy charged Phil and Gumdrop, but the elves were too quick as they grabbed separate ends of the creature’s body wrapping.
“PULL!” yelled Phil.
Gross. Just gross.
Meanwhile, Cole was “battling” the spider.
Cole turned to me. “I told you I’m a proud member of Arachnids Are Awesome! This guy is a sweetheart.”
Cole is so weird.
There was just the zombie left. I guess it was going to be me versus, you know, it.
“Let’s do this!” I shouted.
Huh?
The zombie continued. “I’ve been living a lie my whole death. I play the part of a zombie to fit in, but I really want to be a jazz dancer or play the accordion.”
Sure. Whatever.
I watched as Loraine and Uncle Dale dealt with the werewolf and vampire. Cole had the playful spider in stitches. And Gumdrop and Phil were wrapping up some unfinished business with the mummy.
Good friends. Good times. Weird times. But good times.
But instead of counseling a zombie in an identity crisis, I realized I had to go deal with the scariest monster of them all.
Chapter 46
I rushed into the school gymnasium expecting to find Grumpus implanting my squid nightmare into the brains of all the kids in the school, but what I found was much more horrifying.
EVERY student in the school was laughing at me. It was my worst nightmare. My armpits started to sweat. My tongue dried up. My vision warbled and warped. I went full woozy. This was worse than the dream. This was real! I saw an empty jar roll out from the stands and hit my foot. I looked down and read . . .
I looked up. That’s when I saw it. And it saw me.
“Hello, Bobbie,” said a familiar evil voice. “We meet again.”
It was Grumpus standing on stage grinning from ear to ear. Everyone in the auditorium froze—as if someone had pushed pause on a movie.
Grumpus pointed to my laughing squid nightmare. “There it is, Bobbie . . . your waking nightmare. Awake in the real world!”
I couldn’t breathe.
Grumpus monologued, “You’ve fallen right into my trap. You’ve helped me fuel the fire of fear. Petrifying, immobilizing fear! Fear that is the opposite of imagination. Fear for those children who tormented me so many years ago. Those children who used their imaginations to send me to space or throw me like a football or ride me atop their dog like a tiny cowboy! Those brats will know fear! Now that your nightmare is made real I can enslave the imagination of children once and for all! Now they will feel fear. FEAR OF ME!”
He was right. The fear was real. I was beyond terrified. The fear was about to wrap its dark black tentacles around my throat and squeeze.
But what Grumpus didn’t know was that two could play at that game. Everyone has a nightmare. Grumpus kept his in a jar.
And I had the jar.
Chapter 47
I released Grumpus’s nightmare. The nightmare boy exploded from the jar and grew and grew into a towering terror. I could see the fear in Grumpus’s eyes as—for the first time maybe in his entire life—he was speechless. Though he did gurgle a little bit.
I’d bought myself some time, but that still didn’t change the fact that my squid nightmare monster was going to strangle me and then infect the dreams of all the kids at my school.
“HELP!” I yelled as its slithery tentacles wrapped their way around me.
Finally, Loraine, Cole, Uncle Dale, Phil, and Gumdrop rushed into the auditorium.
“Loraine! Help!” I shouted.
Loraine immediately went into action mode, whipping out her exploding net gun and taking aim at Mr. Nightmare Squid.
She fired. But the net just went right through the squid like it wasn’t even there. The squid just laughed. What was happening?
Uncle Dale shouted, “It’s from your imagination, Bobbie. Only you can control it!”
WELL, THAT SURE IS CONVENIENT!
Meanwhile, Grumpus was weeping loudly as the evil torturer child slowly strapped him to the rocket.
That’s when I noticed that with each scream and wail, Grumpus’s nightmare grew bigger. I looked to my squid. Same deal. Were they feeding off our fear? Was Uncle Dale right? Was I somehow in control here? I didn’t feel in control.
I felt helpless.
Loraine noticed too. She yelled across the gym, “Embrace your fear, Bobbie!”
The squid lifted me up and drew me close. Whew! Squid breath!
I cried, “Dude, try a mint!”
It drew me closer and closer. I could see my reflection in its Ginsu-sharp teeth. I had to do something. And I had to do something fast. Embrace my fears? Why not?
I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around the slimy black squid, and squeezed, trying to imagine it was my old teddy bear (Dr. Fuzzy) or my younger brother, Tad, that one time when he used his monthly allowance money to buy me the new flavor of waffle-pops (crunchtastic cherry).
Time seemed to slow down as I continued to hug the squid.
I had no idea if it was working or not, I just knew at that moment I wasn’t being eaten alive in front of the entire school (always a good sign).
That’s when I heard Uncle Dale. “Awwww . . . it’s so cute!”
Huh? I opened up my eyes and saw that my arms were no longer wrapped around a psychotic demon squid from the deep, but more like a cuddly-wuddly plush toy from the planet Adorable.
It worked!
Loraine said, “By ‘embrace’ I meant more like a choke hold, but what you did was great too.”
Before we could celebrate too long I looked over to see Grumpus sobbing like a baby, as the giant child held a lit match up to the end of the bottle rocket.
There was a time I really wanted to see the evil gnome shot off into space. But now I sensed a panic. A panic I knew all too well. He was scared just like me.
I wanted to help him. And I’m not sure why this came to my mind.
I saw Grumpus close his eyes. And then it happened.
The rocket vanished into thin air and Grumpus collapsed into a grateful heap onto the stage floor.
Uncle Dale smiled at her. “Looks like you can cross off the top name on your NICE List.”
Loraine smiled back. “And I owe it all to you.”
Uncle Dale blushed as Loraine leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Uncle Dale swooned.
Then I turned around see over four hundred kids staring at me from the bleachers. Oh yeah, they’d watched the whole thing.
I knew exactly what to do.
I took a bow.
Chapter 48
Loraine, holding a strange device, stepped in front of the stunned student body and cleared her throat. “Okay, kids, everyone look straight ahead. Cole . . . you too.”
“Wait, what is that thing?” I asked.
“Memory erasure thingy. We can’t have these kids knowing about the Trans-Dimensional World.”
“Me too?” asked Cole.
“Afraid so,” said Loraine.
He sighed and began walking toward the rest of the kids.
“Wait, Loraine,” I said. “Cole’s the smartest, weirdest, sometimes annoyingest, and most definitely the bravest kid I ever met. If there’s anyone or anything else out there like Grumpus who wants to mess with the border and get on your NICE List, don’t you think you want kids like me and Cole around to help?”
Loraine squinted at me, then her face softened. “I suppose I can bend the rules just this once.”
Cole beamed. “Thank you, Loraine! You won’t regret it!”
I smiled. “Don’t worry, Cole. I know just the place where we can talk about everything.”
Chapter 49
So this is my life now. Every Sunday night Cole, Uncle Dale, and I head down to the Nondenominational Church of Happiness and Stuff for our weekly Trans-Dimensional support group meetings. I used to hate these things, but honestly it helps to talk about stuff. Plus, Cole really seems to love it!
Cole and I are good friends now. I started working with him at the student newspaper and it has really helped me meet a lot of new people. We don’t talk about our adventures with unicorns or Segway-riding mer-men or farting spiders when we’re at school, but sometimes we’ll share a quick look that lets me know someone else out there knows I’m not crazy.
Uncle Dale is doing great too. His blog traffic has more than doubled since our last adventure. Up to 134! He still loves going to the support group, but now he loves it even more because sometimes Loraine will drop by unannounced.
Loraine’s career as a Trans-Dimensional bounty hunter has really taken off since she took down Grumpus. She still takes her job of protecting the barrier between real and imaginary worlds VERY seriously, but ever since she and Uncle Dale started dating she’s lightened up a bit.
