What the fuck am I going to do? My little sister came into my room. I could tell she was scared. I hugged her and kissed the top of her head.
“It’s okay, boogie. Keep my bed nice and warm. I’ll be right back.” I smile at her, to make her feel better.
I left my room, closing the door behind me. I could still hear Tranquel honking his horn. I paced back and forth unsure of what to do. My palms grew sweaty as my time became shorter. I crept in my mother’s room, removing the phone from the receiver.
I know I’m going to regret my next move, but I have to do something, and fast.
“Hey, Nancy, is my mom around? It’s an emergency.” I spoke fast into the phone, but I know she got my drift. Tranquel continued to honk the horn.
“Diamond, what’s going on?” she yelled into the phone with panic in her voice.
“Ma, you need to get home now, please. Someone is trying to break in.” I heard a click sound and then beeping, letting me know my mother hung the phone up.
I turned all the lights off, and ran downstairs to lock the back door with the chain. I had to make sure he couldn’t make his way back inside. As I slowly crept my way up the stairs bending down so that he couldn’t see me.
“I see you. Let’s fucking make it.” he banged on the door, scaring the hell out of me.
“Tranquel, just leave, my mother is on her way, please just go.” I rushed up the stairs. I heard the back door open, but the chain stopped it from opening all the way.
Going into my room. I shut the door behind me. I pulled my frightened sister into my arms. I held her tight as we both sat on the corner of my bed. I could no longer hold back the tears as I rocked both of our bodies back and forth.
“GET DOWN, GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND NOW!!!” I heard next. I turned around facing my window, trying to get a peek.
Just as I thought, it was the police. My mother must have called on her way here. Although I am relieved a part of me feels sad that the cops are being so mean to Tranquel. I know I shouldn’t, but I really do love him. I honestly don’t know why he’s acting like this.
“Baby, are you okay?” my mother ran through my door, hugging the both of us.
“Where is your brother?” she asked looking around my room.
“He’s been sleep this whole time.”
“That boy sure knows how to be in a deep sleep.” We all laughed at the same time. Someone knocked at the door, forcing us all to rush downstairs. My mother flung the door open, hitting the coat hanger behind it.
“Thank you so much, Officer, for coming in time to protect my children.”
“There’s a little problem, ma’am, the young man we have in custody says he was asked to come here by your daughter.” My mother slowly turned her head to face me. She didn’t have to say anything. I already knew she believed them.
“Ma, no I didn’t tell him to come here. I haven’t even spoke to him since my last day in school.” Tranquel was laid on the ground, handcuffed.
“I know you and Diamond don’t talk,” He said struggling to look up at my mother. “But she called me over to tell me some good news. This is the only reason I came over. Diamond,” he said turning his attention to me. “Please tell your mother the good news. I would have never disrespected your home.” My facial expression shows how annoyed I am.
“Officers, you can do what you want to with him,” my mother said with so much rage. Now we had the whole neighborhood outside just to be nosy. They were listening to everything, I couldn’t face telling my mother I’m pregnant now. It would only embarrass her.
The police picked Tranquel up from off the concrete. The look he gave me read “ass whipping” all over it. I turn around walking into the house while my mother walked over to the old nosy lady next door. Most likely to see what her old ass knows.
“Oh, hell no, not my boy,” I heard Renee yell out, stopping me in my tracks.
I turned around to give her all of my attention. From the corner of my right eyes, I saw my mother stomping towards me. It felt like I was in a movie, and shit is about to get real. If only someone could add some crazy, loud music to have everyone on the edge of their chairs.
Seeing both women charge at me, made my stomach cramp up. I have the bubble guts for real. Fuck, I know Renee is going to tell my mother about me being pregnant. I have to tell her before she does but how? Rubbing my sweaty hands together, only made the sweat build up more. As my mother and Renee approached me, I wiped my hands on my pants.
“MA, I'M PREGNANT!!” I shouted with my eyes filled with tears.
Her mouth drop and her eyes widen. I can see a smirk grow on Renee’s face. She’s lucky my main focus is my mother right now. I would have fucked her up real fast. My mother fell to knees crying.
“WHY LORD? NOT MY BABY. SHE’S STILL A BABY.” She threw her hands up in the air shouting.
Her cry made my tears roll down my face. I felt every emotion she felt. Her body began to shake. My tears came down faster as I rushed to be by her side.
“Ma, please, let’s go inside. I’m so sorry. I can explain everything.” Snot ran out of my nose and down to my lips. I tried to suck it back in. I reached for my mother’s arm to help her off the ground. She looked up at me with hatred in her eyes.
“Get the fuck off of me. You out here spreading your legs, not even using protection? I want you out of my house.” she pointed at me then the house.
My mouth and throat felt got dry, so dry like I’d been in the desert for a year. She knows I have nowhere to go. My mother stood to her feet, still crying. She walked past me and Renee. She signaled for my little sister to follow her. My feet and legs wouldn’t move. It was as though someone poured cement on my Adidas flip flops to keep me from moving. My body froze up. I watch my mother slam the door, locking it behind her.
Everyone stood in place. Waiting and watching for my reaction. The old lady across the street held on hand over her mouth, and her other hand over her chest. Renee just stood next to me in disbelief.
“I’m sorry, Diamond. We don’t get in family matters, but for what it’s worth you’re still a minor. We can place you with child protective service. Or if you have a family member’s house you can go to…” The officer said to me. I couldn’t respond to anything he said. I heard everything but couldn’t speak.
How can someone I love so much cause me so much pain? The officer placed his hand on my shoulder, breaking my thought process.
“Can you have my mother give you my clothes, please?” I asked in between breaths.
He nodded his head yes. Signaling for his female officer to come over to him. They both knocked on the door waiting for my mother to answer. Without opening the door she yell out, “What?”
“Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but at the moment your daughter is still a minor. Since you are putting her out, she will be in child protection custody.”
“So, what’s your point?” she spat. I could tell the officer was beginning to get annoyed with my mother.
“Ma’am, is it possible we can collect your daughter clothes?”
The female officer added that if she didn’t agree, they would be back with a warrant, allowing them to collect my items and also search the apartment.
An hour later, I am sitting in the back of the police car with two garbage bags filled with my clothes. I ask the officer if he could take me to my aunt’s house a couple of blocks away.
All the lights at my aunt house were off. I hoped she was asleep. I rang her doorbell twice, and on the third ring she answered the door.
“Who the fuck…” she yelled while opening the door. Once she noticed it was me with the police, she stopped what she was going to say. I ran to her, like a little girl looking for love. She embraced me and I began to cry.
“What’s going on, baby-girl?”
Before I could say a word, the female officer asked if she could have a word with her in private. My aunt told me to go lay in her bed. I did as she said leaving them in the livi
ng room to talk about me.
I sat on my aunt’s bed going through my bags of clothes. I was looking for some pajama pants. I came across a piece of paper folded. I didn’t recognize the paper. I unfolded the paper, it was a letter from my mother.
Diamond, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I have to do this to you, but my mother did it to me. It’s called tough love. You being pregnant at the age of 17 with no job, not even a high school diploma, you won’t get far in life. I wish you nothing but the best. Hopefully your make a wise decision. Don’t think I did this because I don’t love you. Since you're pregnant it's time you act like a mother. I hope we can look past this in a couple of years.
To my surprise I didn’t feel anything about her letter. I could see if she was a perfect mother, did what she had to do for me, then okay I would be hurt, but she isn’t.
I ripped the letter into tiny pieces, stuffing the pieces into one of my jean pockets. I found a pair of basketball shorts, not caring that they were Tranquel’s. I laid in my aunt’s king-sized bed and I drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
Decisions, Decisions.
“Baby-girl, are you okay?” I could hear my aunt talk to me in my sleep. I slowly opened my eyes. I looked around and spotted my aunt standing by the frame of her bed. She handed me a cup of orange juice.
“I didn’t want to bother you last night. I’ve spoke to the cops, your mother, and Tranquel. So now it’s your turn.” She said taking a seat next to me.
I didn’t know where to begin. I swear it all feels so unreal to me. At first I was thinking it was all because of Tranquel, but when I think back, that’s not true. It all started with my mother forcing that man on me. I took the orange juice and started sipping it. My aunt was making facial expressions, like she isn’t getting any younger. I knew I better start talking soon.
“What did my mother say?” I asked.
“Let’s just say, you don’t want to know word for word. Just know she doesn’t want you back in her house period. Even if you get an abortion. Which is kind of hard since you have no insurance. Tranquel’s side wants nothing to do with an abortion.” I gave my aunt the big googly eyes, she always love from me. I needed her to come through for me.
“Oh, don’t give me those eyes. I don’t have no abortion money, honey.” I placed the glass on her nightstand, and then I placed my hands over my face.
“I’ll ask you again, what is your next move, Diamond?”
I shook my head from side to side. I removed my hands from my face, placing them on my lap. My tears fell slowly from my eyes.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready for a baby, nor do I have money for an abortion. There isn’t anything I can.” I leaned my head on my aunt shoulder, sobbing.
“Baby-girl, I don’t know what you’re going to do. But I do know I did perfectly fine being a teenage mother. Just look at your cousin. She’s on her way to college. Has a great head on her shoulders. Although her father and I weren’t together we made a decent life for her. I’m not telling you what to do. But I am telling you it isn’t possible to be a teen mom. You can still finish school, and live out your dreams. With or without your mother, Tranquel, or anyone else.”
She left out of her room, leaving me with so much to think about. I truly hated this, from this day on, I will have to make my own decisions.
I pick up the phone dialing Tranquel’s phone number.
“Hello,” I nervously said. Hearing his voice made me grew butterflies in my stomach.
“Hey, baby, I’m sorry about everything. Can we please talk?
“Yes,” I answered.
I’ll come pick you up. Be there in 15 minutes,” He told me.
He spoke with so much excitement in his voice. I said okay, hanging up the phone. I actually only wanted to find out if we can co-parent without being together. I threw some clothes on, and I headed downstairs to my aunt’s living room. I took a seat and, I waited for Tranquel to pull up.
“Did you figure it out yet?” my aunt asked, walking out of the kitchen into the living room.
“No, but Tranquel is on his way over. If I can’t talk him into coughing up the money for an abortion. I’ll talk him into co-parenting.” I replied.
Tranquel pulled up right on time. I felt like my aunt was pressing me to keep the baby. Probably since I’m in her house, but damn. I hate when adults give you decisions, but truly want you to make their choice.
I got into Tranquel car feeling a little scared. He did push me, making me hit my head on the bath tub. When he drove off, I already had an idea of where he’s going. The only spot we can talk and get our relationship in order. He reached his hand out to hold mine, but I’m not having it. I don’t want him to think everything is okay between us.
“I know you’re still upset about what happened, but if we’re going to be great parents we have to work out our differences. I’m sorry about everything. I promise to be a better person, for the both of you. I’ll go to anger management. I promise I won’t entertain anyone. Me and Fatz are starting a production company, if the football thing doesn’t work out. Just give me a chance.” he said. He pulled up in front of the Hoboken Waterfront parking lot.
He rubbed my knee, thinking that would change my mind, but this isn’t something small. He can’t win me over with his charm. He turned the car off, pointing towards the broad walk. We both got out of the car and began walking on the path. Although it’s hot outside, the water provided a cool breeze, instantly it cooled my skin down.
The sun began to go down, making the sky a reddish-orange color, with a hint of blue. The scenery allowed me to relax. I felt as though everything would be okay. Feeling relaxed I began to talk.
“Tranquel, what has gotten into you? Within the last couple of days you have cheated on me, disrespected me, and laid hands on me. Your temper has shown a side of you that I have never seen before. Nor do I want to see it ever again. I’m not sure if it’s because you’re going to college, if you’re feeling yourself, or if all the groupies have gotten to your head. But this isn’t the guy I fell in love with.” Tears began to run down my face. Tranquel attempted to wipe them away, but I stopped him.
“I’m not finish. I’m only 17, my life hasn’t even started. Why should I have a baby with a crazy, deranged guy?”
We stop walking to face the water. Tranquel grabbed both of my hands. I knew how our conversation would end up, but I still want to play the tough guy role. I know by the end of the night, I will be snuggling under Tranquel in his bed. On many shows the female is over the whole situation until the guy uses some of his charm.
Out of nowhere the female is back at home. I don’t want to be that type of person period. But I do need to think about all the benefits if I do go back with Tranquel. I will have somewhere to stay and my baby will be spoiled as hell.
“I know you don’t believe me, but for what it’s worth. I only have my word to give to you. And I promise you things will be different. I love you, Diamond.” He dug in his pants pocket and asked me to close my eyes.
My heart began to race so fast and hard, my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. He told me to stick both of my hands out. I did as he ask. He then place something fluffy in my hands.
“Trany, what is this?” I asked with my eyes still close becoming antsy.
“This is the beginning to our forever.”
I opened my eyes and saw a cute, mini football teddy bear. It was holding a ring instead of a football. I covered my mouth with my hand, I was in shock, was he asking me to marry him?
“Diamond, I know we're young. But I don’t want anyone else to have you. I love you so much. This is a promise ring.” He took the ring from the bear hands, grabbed my hand from covering my mouth, and slipped the ring onto my ring finger.
“Whatever you decide is fine with me. Just know with either decision, I’m by your side.” He gave me a tight hug, and we headed back to the car.
I was in shock and unabl
e to take in what just happened. I do know Tranquel has to pay for what has put me through. I have to get myself together so that I will know for sure he’s for me.
As he drove back to my aunt’s house, every stop sign he came to I felt him staring at me.
“What Tranquel?” I asked sounding annoyed.
“I want to know what you think? How do you feel?” I took a deep breath.
“I don’t feel anything. I love you, but I’m not sure if love is enough. You caused me so much pain and that isn’t love.”
He tighten his grip on the steering wheel. I can tell he is pissed, but he didn’t act like it towards me, just his actions. Thank God he pulled into my aunt’s complex.
“That’s cool. Take your time. But remember, I’m leaving and everyone wants me. You keep the ring to remind you of what you’ll be missing.”
As I got out of the car, I chuckled so hard, it made him even madder. I opened the front door and instantly began to cry.
“Diamond, what’s the matter?” my aunt yelled, making her way towards me.
She helped me call my cheerleading coach and she told her everything. She couldn’t believe how strong I was, and that I didn’t fall into his trap. She told me that spoiled boys like Tranquel love to be controlling.
We sat for another hour talking, and I came up with my game plan. I’m going to go to summer school to try and graduate early. If it’s okay with the board of education. I didn’t care about going to a graduation, or a prom. Next month I will be eighteen and from our math, 2 months pregnant. Time is ticking. I’ll send the summer filling out applications. My aunt said once Gilda leaves for college, I can stay in her room until I save up to move on my own.
A Fistful of Love: A Domestic Violence Anthology Page 34
