Behind the Badge

by Susan Sleeman

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “I thought you were a good cop, little brother. You’d have to be blind to miss the undertones in the sparring that just went on.”

  “Nothing’s going on with us.” He surged ahead and unlocked the trunk.

  “Maybe not with actions, but your face gives you away.” Reid reached into the trunk for a tote bag. “Not a good thing when you’re charged with her protection.”

  “Look.” Russ peered over his shoulder at his brother. “She might be attractive, and, yes, maybe I could be interested, but nothing is happening between us.”

  “It wouldn’t be a bad thing once this’s over, though. It’s time you started dating again.”

  “Seriously? We’re not gonna have this conversation, are we?”

  Reid laughed. “You’re starting to turn into an old curmudgeon, so someone needs to tell you to get over what happened and move on with your life.”

  “I’m not doing this. Not now.” Russ went to the front seat and grabbed Dixon’s computer, leaving Reid to close the trunk and lug both of the bags.

  “Someday you’ll wake up and realize your job isn’t enough anymore, bro,” Reid called after him. “That you’ve wasted years when you could’ve been happy. With all that’s going on with Sydney, I’d think you’d understand how precious life is.”

  Oh, he knew life was precious. So precious that he couldn’t ever forgive himself for failing to protect Willie. He wouldn’t let Reid sidetrack him from the job of keeping Sydney alive. She was a big enough distraction all on her own.

  Sydney came down the stairs from making a security check and circled the room, checking the window locks. She was certain Reid had already made the rounds, but she needed something to do while the men were outside other than worry about her little sister.

  A little sister who was already bored stiff. She wandered aimlessly though the room, picking up books and magazines and dropping them in disgust.

  Sydney sighed and settled on the sofa. She was failing her sister…unlike Russ. He’d somehow found a way to connect with her.

  Truth be told, Sydney was jealous. So jealous that instead of being grateful that he could communicate with Nikki, she’d snapped at him when all he wanted to do was get her bags. She knew she shouldn’t go back outside, but she’d wanted to be in control of something.

  Ha! As if she was in control of anything right now.

  “Where’s the TV?” Nikki asked.

  Sydney looked around the room. “Doesn’t look like there is one.”

  “You’ve gotta be kidding. I bet that means there’s no internet either.” Nikki sighed out a torrent of air. “This’s so lame. What am I gonna do here?”

  “You brought stuff to do, right?”

  “Yeah, but I can’t live without the internet.” She dropped onto the sofa so hard the cushion next to Sydney popped up.

  “You could read.”

  “Read what?” She stabbed a finger at the coffee table. “That Bible? As if.”

  Sydney let Nikki’s comment drop. She wouldn’t get into another argument with her sister, who’d also decided religion wasn’t her thing. Nikki believed in God, but she didn’t think she needed to go to church or youth group anymore.

  The door whooshed opened.

  Sydney clamped her hand on her gun and swiveled. She expected Russ and Reid, but the possibility existed that it could be the killer.

  Heart thumping, she watched the brothers enter. Reid set their bags near the stairs. Russ, after double-checking the dead bolt, put Dixon’s computer on a small table in the corner.

  It wasn’t hard to see they were brothers, especially if you looked at their matching blue eyes. Reid actually looked like and had the same build as Ryan, the youngest of the brothers. Russ was the tallest of the three incredibly attractive men and the only one who’d ever been able to melt her heart with one glance.

  But she wouldn’t let the way his warm gaze settled on her face right now, making her feel safe, allow her to let her guard down around him. Too much was at stake.

  “This’s so boring,” Nikki lamented. “Can I go to my room?”

  Russ headed her way. “Let me cover a few game rules first.”

  “Yay, rules.” Nikki crossed her arms.

  “They’ll keep both of you safe if you follow them.” Russ lifted his index finger. “First, no going outside. At all. Ever.”

  Nikki rolled her eyes and slumped deeper into the sofa.

  “Second, stay away from windows. Keep them closed, blinds and curtains drawn at all times. Third, no phone calls, no texting, no internet.”

  “What?” Nikki shot up. “Why can’t I talk to my friends?”

  “Because you might accidentally tell them something that will give away our location.”

  “I’m not nine like Jessie. I know how to keep a secret.”

  “I need you to accept this, Nikki,” Sydney said, hoping her authority would work.

  “Fine. But I can’t just ignore my friends. What am I gonna tell them?”

  “Send one text. Tell them you’ve gone out of town with Sydney, and you’ll talk to them when you get home.” Russ nodded at the door. “And of course I probably don’t need to tell you to keep the door locked. Don’t open it to anyone but us.”

  “Can I go to my room now?” Nikki snapped.

  “After I secure the upstairs.”

  “I already did that,” Reid and Sydney chimed in together.

  “I’ll do it again.” Russ frowned and headed for the stairs.

  “This’s stupid.” Nikki got up and flounced across the room to a leather chair where she pulled out her iPod and plugged in her earbuds.

  Russ grabbed the bags and climbed the stairs two at a time. The heavy bags didn’t seem to weigh him down at all. Not that his physical strength should surprise her. She knew from when he’d rescued her last night that the man was rock-hard muscle. Not only was he a better law-enforcement officer, but she was inferior in strength, as well. Still, she would appreciate it if he would treat her more like a fellow officer.

  She sighed out her frustration.

  “You don’t know much about him, do you?” Reid crossed the room and perched on the far end of the sofa.

  She looked up at him. “Why do you say that?”

  “If you did, his checking the upstairs wouldn’t bother you so much.”

  “I’m not bothered.”

  Reid laughed. “Tell that to someone who isn’t trained to observe body language.”

  “Fine. It irks me that he doesn’t trust my judgment as a deputy.” Her upset tone surprised her.

  “It’s not that he doesn’t trust you.” Reid’s eyes sobered. “Believe me, I know. He trusts me, but he still had to check things out even after I cleared it.”

  “Then what’s this all about?”

  He looked up the stairs, at Russ standing on the landing, and smiled, his fondness for his brother evident. “That’s something he needs to tell you about. I suggest you talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

  She watched Russ start his descent, his brow tight with concentration. His gaze landed on her and a flash of protectiveness flared in his eyes. His expression said he would do anything to keep her safe. The same as she would do for Nikki.

  Maybe Reid was right. Maybe this wasn’t about him not trusting her. Maybe she should talk to Russ.

  His expression turned suspicious. “What’re you two up to?”

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

  He gave Reid a pointed stare. Reid returned it with a satisfied smile. The interchange between brothers was quick, so quick she wasn’t sure she’d seen it, but the message was clear. Russ wanted Reid to stay out of his business. Reid had no intention of doing so.

  Reid stood. “Hey, Nikki. Let’s go to the den and I’ll show you why I’m the Uno champ in our family.”

  Nikki jumped up. “Finally! Something to do.” She stomped off and Reid followed.

  Eye
s narrowed, Russ took a seat in a chair across from her. “So what did Reid put you up to?”

  “He didn’t put me up to anything. He just suggested I talk to you.” She tried to inject some nonchalance into her tone but could tell from his expression that she hadn’t managed it very well.

  “What’s this about, Syd?”

  He didn’t miss anything. She’d best just come out with it. “I know I’m a rookie and I haven’t demonstrated much competence in the job.” She took a breath to go on.

  “Not so. Your collar of Eustis today will be talked about around here for some time.” He ended with a smile.

  It felt like a ray of sunshine beaming at her, urging her to tell him how she felt. “It bothers me when you don’t trust my judgment. Like just now. I cleared the upstairs and you couldn’t let it go at that. You had to double-check.”

  The curve of his mouth flattened into a resolute slash. “That had nothing to do with you, Syd.”

  “Then what’s going on?”

  “Just a habit I picked up on the job.”

  “So tell me about it. Maybe it’s a habit I need to embrace.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I need to remember you don’t ever give up.”

  “Exactly. So save yourself some time.” She put a teasing tone into her voice. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Fine. When I was a rookie, my training officer searched a kid high on crack. He tossed him in the back of the car and we headed for lockup. But he missed a knife. The kid stabbed it through the screen. Sliced my shoulder. From that day on, even if my partner searched a suspect, I made it a habit to do another one.”

  “So that’s why you double-check everything?”

  She expected him to nod and be done with the conversation, but his eyes darkened and a myriad of emotions charged across his face until indecision won.

  She’d never seen him indecisive about anything. Unease over what he hadn’t said ground at her stomach. “Is there something about our killer that you’re not telling me?”

  “What? No…nothing like that.” He got up, went to the kitchen counter and planted his hands on the countertop.

  She followed. Laid a hand on his shoulder and he spun. Their eyes met and she saw the same gut-wrenching pain he’d shown at the hospital.

  Something had wounded him deeply and it wasn’t just the stab to his shoulder. It was something more serious and she wanted to help. “What is it, Russ?”

  He removed her hand and held it between his, turning it over and studying it for long moments as if he was trying to come to a decision.

  “Let’s sit.” He twined his fingers through hers and led her to the sofa.

  When they sat, he loosened his grip as if to let go. She clung tighter to let him know that whatever he said, she’d support him.

  He pulled in a deep breath. She squeezed his fingers to urge him to speak.

  “The day of my son’s fourth birthday, Wilson—my partner at the time—and I arrested a murder suspect. It was almost time for our shift to end and arresting this guy meant tons of paperwork to complete. The job had kept me from so many family events already. I didn’t want to miss Zack’s party. So I skipped that second search.” He extricated his hand and lifted it to the back of his neck. “The suspect had another gun. Wilson missed it. When I hauled the suspect out of the cruiser, he opened fire. He hit a kid. Willie Babcock. He was only six. He died in my arms.”

  She could feel the anguish oozing from his pores. This tragedy had occurred a few years ago, but the pain in his voice said he still felt it as if it had happened yesterday.

  “I’m so sorry, Russ. That must be hard to live with.” She laid a hand on his knee. “Now I understand why you’ve been so sympathetic about my mistake with Dixon.”

  “I should have told you last night. Maybe it could’ve helped you even more.”

  “That’s okay. You’re telling me now.”

  He jumped up again. Paced the room. This had been hard for him to confide, but he’d shared a part of himself. That spoke volumes about his level of trusting her. She felt so close to him right now and wanted to show him how much this meant to her. Maybe how much he was starting to mean to her.

  She went to him and met his gaze. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?’

  He let his eyes settle on her face and didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. His expression said that he hadn’t told her the whole story. He was holding something back, something that troubled him as much as the loss of this child. Something she wasn’t brave enough to probe deeper to find. She wanted to reach up, touch his face, tell him she would understand no matter what.

  But she didn’t need to know anything else about him. Didn’t need to get any closer. It would only lead to despair when he told her he didn’t want to be tied down by a relationship that came with all of her responsibilities.

  She walked away and went toward the table holding Dixon’s computer. She was far better off focusing on work than on Russ. And better off remembering that he was off-limits. She knew that. Logically. But as she crossed the room, her heart ached and it was all she could do to keep moving.

  TWELVE

  Knowing Sydney could tell he hadn’t told her everything, Russ watched her settle behind Dixon’s computer. Even without telling her about his alcoholic past, he knew she’d seen something in his eyes that made her turn and walk away.

  Good. Right?

  It dissipated the warm sense of homecoming that had flooded his heart when she’d sat next to him on the sofa and encouraged him to confide in her, replacing it with a hard knot in his stomach.

  Well, too bad if his gut ached. He needed to let these feelings go. Keep his focus on his job. He couldn’t imagine how their killer would know her location, but her earlier assessment that their suspect was more inclined to abduct her than kill her, kept nagging at his gut. Enough so that he ordered Baker to stand guard outside for the night while he and Reid staffed the inside.

  What was really bothering him was the suspicion that once the killer abducted Sydney, this creep would torture her to gain the information he sought. When she couldn’t produce it, he’d end her life. But Russ wouldn’t let him take her. He’d stand guard outside her door all night to watch over her.

  He went to the kitchen and started a pot of strong coffee brewing so he would be alert all night. As he waited for it to brew, he looked over the rooms where he’d grown up. Nothing had changed since his parents retired to Florida. Reid had remodeled other parts of the resort, but he’d left the main lodge alone and rented it only to special groups.

  Their parents stayed here when they visited. When the whole family gathered around the floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace in the family room, Russ could almost believe his life would someday return to normal. Then he left the security of his family, faced the very real problems of his past and wondered if he could ever have a normal life again.

  Simple things, like the fun camaraderie between Reid and Nikki. As he waited for his coffee, the two returned from the family room complaining of hunger, pushed Russ out of the way and heated frozen meals before plopping down at the dining table to eat and resume their Uno game.

  Russ leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee and enjoying the sound of Nikki’s laughter as she soundly trounced Reid. Sydney looked up with a smile and crossed over to stand next to Nikki. Gazing down at her sister, her face filled with happiness.

  Russ’s not so much. His heart ached at the sight.

  For a long time, he hadn’t thought he needed something like this, but now he could see himself at home with Zack and a woman like Sydney beaming down on him. When he’d let the bottle take over his life, he’d blown his chances at a future like this. Now, when he could be hoping for something with Sydney, the bottle stood between them, too.

  But wishing wouldn’t change anything and there was no sense in dwelling on it.

  He poured a fresh cup of coffee before crossing the room to talk to Reid. His brother studied his face with
the assessing eyes of an FBI agent.

  “I hate to break this up, but can I talk to you in the den, bro?” Russ asked in a lighthearted tone.

  Reid slid the cards toward Sydney. “You might as well take my place.” He ruffled Nikki’s hair. “She’s skunked me too many times.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Nikki taunted. “And I’ll do the same thing to you.” She smiled a dare at Sydney.

  Sydney slid into the chair. “We’ll see about that, kiddo.”

  Wishing he could find some joy in this day, Russ led the way to the den and closed the door behind Reid, who settled into their Dad’s favorite leather chair.

  Russ set his coffee on a table to cool and went to the window to confirm that Baker remained outside before taking the chair opposite his brother.

  “Stop worrying,” Reid said. “We prepared for every contingency. We’re as secure as can be.”

  “As we can be is the thing that’s got me uneasy. Sydney’s too unpredictable for me to rest easy,” he groused, picking up his cup and watching the steam curl into the air.

  “How’d your talk with her go?”

  “Thanks for that, by the way.”

  Reid grinned in the way that Russ had hated as a kid. “Ooh, he evades the question. Don’t tell me you didn’t tell her about your past?”

  “I did.”

  “But?”

  “Just about Willie. Not how I handled it.”

  “No way you’ll move forward with her until you tell her the whole story.”

  Russ knew Reid was right, but he wasn’t planning to move forward with Sydney. She was the last person he wanted to saddle with his past. Someone like her deserved a whole man. One who hadn’t treated his ex-wife badly and neglected his son.

  And he didn’t want Reid to try to convince him that he was deserving. He’d only feel hope then remember why he didn’t deserve it. “Sydney asked me to find a separate safe house for Nikki and Kate.”

  “Nice change of subject.”

  “Can you find a place?”

  A raised eyebrow was Reid’s only comment on Russ’s continued evasion. “Makes more sense to combine resources and keep them together.”