“I agree, but if we don’t comply with her wishes, she’ll worry about them. I’m not sure she won’t take off just to keep them safe.” As thoughts of her strong will filled his mind, Russ smiled. “She clearly has a mind of her own.”
“Just what you need, little brother, to get you back in the dating game. A woman who tests you all the way.”
“We’re talking about protection here, not dating.”
“I know. I’m just saying I like what this woman is doing to you.”
“Enough, all right? I’m serious—I don’t want to talk about this.” His sharp tone brooked no argument. “But I do want your help in locating a second safe house. Can you call in a favor and arrange a place or do I need to look on my own?”
Reid studied Russ for an uncomfortable length of time. Reminded him of when they were kids and Reid caught Russ in the act of doing something wrong. Well, Russ was older. Wiser. He wouldn’t squirm.
He stared back. “Go ahead. Say what you’re thinking.”
“Is it such a good idea for you to continue to head up this case? Even if you won’t admit it, it’s clear you’re getting too close to Sydney to make sound decisions.”
Russ wanted to tell Reid that he could be objective and handle it, but was that true? Was his judgment impaired? Maybe she’d be better off under someone else’s supervision.
Maybe…but the thought of sending her where he couldn’t watch over her didn’t sit well. For now, she’d remain in his care. The second he determined he was a liability to her, then and only then would he recuse himself from the case.
“Just make the arrangements.” He left the room before Reid said anything else.
He went down the hallway to tell Sydney that Reid would work on locating another safe house. He found her on her knees, laughing hard as she slammed cards down in rapid-fire. Nikki’s laughter joined her sister’s and he couldn’t help but smile along with them. This was the way the two of them should get along all of the time.
Unfortunately, he was here to tell them that he’d be splitting them up. Once Sydney told her sister about the pending separation, he predicted an end to this good time.
“Uno.” Nikki tossed down a yellow card.
“Oh, yeah.” Sydney dropped a wild card on the pile and announced a color change to red.
“And that, my dear sister, is how the game is won.” Nikki slapped down a red three. Her lips curled up in an impish grin reminiscent of Sydney’s younger days.
The memory of her face peering up at him with nothing but admiration and pent-up longing, left him wishing he could go back to the time when life was innocent. Before he messed things up.
Was Reid right? Had he totally crossed a line? Did he want her to look at him like she had when she was a starry-eyed schoolgirl? If so, he’d have to work hard to keep from showing his emotions as he’d never put her through that kind of crushing disappointment again.
Watching Russ from the corner of her eye, Sydney clicked through files on Dixon’s computer. Since he’d returned from his discussion with Reid, he’d openly watched her as if he wanted to talk, but seemed afraid to approach her.
So she’d made herself available by joining him in the kitchen and initiating a conversation, but he responded to her comments with one-word answers and seemed almost uncomfortable in her presence. Then when Nikki invited him to play Uno, he jumped at the chance.
Sydney wasn’t certain why she even wanted to talk to him, but his troubled expression made her want to help. So much, that it frightened her. But he’d made it clear that he didn’t want her help, so she needed to let it go. Return to her work.
She focused on the computer screen. She’d love to have internet access to see what Dixon had been doing before his death, but that wasn’t an option. An email icon sat on the desktop and she recognized it as a program where he’d download the emails for his provider’s server, so she should be able to see his messages even without the internet. That is if he didn’t have it password-protected.
She clicked on the icon and it opened his email account.
“Yes.” She shot up her fist.
She scrolled down the listing. Found several emails addressed to Nikki’s friends inviting them to parties. Sydney dreaded what she might find, but these emails seemed like the best way to track Dixon’s moves. She read message after message. Learned nothing new except that Dixon thoroughly enjoyed corrupting young girls.
Farther down the list, she opened an email to Nate Johnson, Dixon’s boss.
I have proof. You better believe I’ll blow the whistle if you don’t cooperate.
She clicked on an attached picture showing an invoice for plumbing materials.
“How’s it going?” Russ asked.
Surprised to hear his voice so close, she looked up. He stood on the other side of the table and Nikki had gone to the kitchen to make popcorn.
Sydney pointed at the computer. “I’m in Dixon’s email. It looks like he’s blackmailing the construction foreman.”
“Let me see.” Russ came around the table and bent over her shoulder.
She clicked to the message and then the picture. “I don’t know what this invoice proves, but it must mean something to Johnson. If Dixon was blackmailing Johnson, it’s certainly motive to kill Dixon.”
She leaned back and looked up at Russ. He didn’t move away. She could see tiny flecks of gold in his eyes as he studied her. She should move back, but kept gazing into his eyes while imagining what it would be like to kiss him.
He suddenly drew in a deep breath and moved to the other side of the table. Sitting, he let out a long sigh. His phone pealed in a different ringtone than she’d heard on his other calls.
“My son.” A smile, joyous and tender, lit his face as he lifted the phone. “Hi, Zack.”
He talked with Zack about his day and what sounded like an upcoming weekend visit. She’d not heard him this cheerful since high school. She studied him as he talked. Love for his son was evident in every word. As was a deep longing in his eyes—to see Zack more often? She felt a burning desire to know what happened in his marriage to separate him from a child he clearly adored. She couldn’t imagine his pain. She wasn’t Nikki’s biological parent, but if someone took Nikki from her, she’d grieve as Russ must be doing.
He ended the call, his expression warm and soft as he peered at Sydney. “Sorry about that. I don’t get to see Zack enough so when he calls, I drop whatever I’m doing.”
“How old is he?”
“Seven going on twenty.” His smile broadened.
“You really miss him.”
“Yeah. A lot.” His voice caught.
“What happened, Russ?”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “What do you mean?”
“With your ex-wife and son?”
His smile disappeared. He hung his head forward and rubbed the back of his neck. “It was my fault. Every bit of it.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I mean, it’s none of my business.”
He looked up and opened his mouth to speak, but then peered at her for a long silent moment as if he reconsidered speaking. She gave him an encouraging smile.
“I couldn’t handle Willie Babcock’s death,” he said in a flat tone and peered at his hands. “It ate at me every day. So I started going out after work with some of the guys. Drank a little too much. That helped me forget. But then I’d get up in the morning and there it was again. That awful, nagging feeling that I’d cost this child his life. I started drinking in the day to wash away the pain.”
She ached with compassion. “This child dying wasn’t your—”
“Don’t.” His head shot up. “Don’t say it wasn’t my fault. I know that up here.” He stabbed a finger at his temple. “But I can’t reconcile it in my heart. So I drank to forget. In the process, I let down the two people I cared about most. Amy and Zack.”
She understood. More than he could know. Dixon’s death had given her an in
sight most people could never know. Yet she couldn’t imagine the pain of seeing a child gunned down. And she couldn’t imagine losing her family on top of it.
Before thinking stopped her, she got up and went around the table. She knelt in front of him and took his hands in hers. “I can’t say anything to make you feel better. All I can say is I can’t imagine how much pain you were in.”
“I still am, Syd. I may have quit drinking, but the regret and pain over Willie’s death still haunt me.” He reversed their hands, turning hers over to study them. “Willie wasn’t a drug dealer like Dixon. He was an innocent boy with his whole life ahead of him.” His voice broke. “I think about Willie’s parents every day. Wonder how they’re doing and know that they hate me beyond belief.”
“Have you ever talked to them about it?” she asked softly.
“No, I couldn’t face them.”
“You need to.”
Sheer anguish filled his face, and he shook his head.
“When this is over, I’ll go with you to see them if you’d like.”
“Why would you do that?” He searched her eyes.
“Because after what happened with Dixon, I have a small idea of what you must be going through. You shouldn’t spend the rest of your life tormented by something that wasn’t your fault. This could be the way to let it go.” She squeezed his hands.
“I wish it was that simple, but that’s only the half of it. I also let my ex-wife and son down. I can never get that time back or undo the hurt I caused.”
“You’re a wonderful man, Russ. A fantastic boss. And from your phone call just now, I can see you’re a terrific father. You had a problem, but that doesn’t mean you should spend your whole life paying for it. You deserve to be happy.”
His eyebrows arched. “I never expected this, Syd. Not from you.”
“Expected what?”
“Understanding.”
“I know what it’s like to feel responsible for the loss of another person’s life, so how could I not understand what you’re going through?”
“You’ve been pretty outspoken about your mother’s problem with alcohol. I thought you’d feel the same way about me.”
Surprise hit her upside the head. She could see so clearly why Russ had turned to alcohol. He was simply trying to erase pain. She could even see that he deserved a second chance. But her mother? Not her mother.
So why was it different? Why couldn’t she identify with her mother’s struggle?
Was it the cruel things she’d said? The harsh look in her eyes when she’d threatened to give Nikki away? Or the fact that she hadn’t cared enough to come after them when they took off for Aunt Lana’s house?
That Sydney couldn’t understand. Moving beyond the hurt would take forgiveness. Something she wasn’t sure she had the ability to offer.
Russ had said something to change the supportive look on Sydney’s face to one filled with the same gut-wrenching pain he’d felt all these years. Did bringing up her mother make her realize the full ramifications of his past? Did it help her imagine the kinds of things he’d done to his family? The way he’d hurt people he loved?
She gave his hand a squeeze then went into the kitchen. He was so confused. Despite the anguish in her eyes, did the final squeeze mean she supported him? He had to know.
He followed her.
She opened the door to the fridge. “You want anything?”
He shook his head and settled on one of the wrought-iron bar stools he and his brothers had occupied so frequently growing up. She pulled out a cola then filled a glass with ice.
He waited until she could hear him over the sound of clinking ice from the dispenser so Nikki wouldn’t hear the conversation. “Can we talk about what just went on between us, Syd?”
“I’d rather not.” She poured the soda over ice, droplets fizzing into the air. “Have you asked Reid to find another place for Nikki and Kate?”
He was disappointed in the subject change, but maybe she needed time to process his revelation. He’d honor her choice and move on. “He’s making the arrangements, but it won’t happen until tomorrow. It’s best to hunker down here tonight and time the transfer to coincide with Kate’s release.”
Sydney’s gaze drifted toward Nikki, who was playing solitaire. “I hate to ruin Nikki’s good mood. Maybe I should wait until morning to tell her.”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Syd. We both know how she’ll react. It would be best to let her blow off some steam tonight so tomorrow she’s more compliant during the move.”
“I guess you’re right.” She sighed. “I’ll do it now, but be prepared for the fallout.”
As Sydney went over to Nikki, her face tightened with sadness, making him wish he could change the turmoil the sisters were going through. While he was at it, change his past so he didn’t have to wonder what Sydney was thinking about him. Their conversation showed him how much he’d come to care about her opinion of him. More than he wanted to admit.
“Let’s go upstairs for a minute,” she said to Nikki.
“But I’m having fun,” Nikki whined.
Sydney peered down on her sister, a smile on her face, but Russ could still see the anguish in her eyes. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Fine, but I’m not going to bed this early.” Nikki held up the deck of cards to Russ. “I’ll be back to skunk you again.”
Russ grinned at her. She might often have an attitude so big it was hard to see beyond, but he recognized it as the same determination Sydney had displayed in the old days. With Sydney’s love and commitment to Nikki, she’d turn out to be a special woman, just like Sydney. A woman who deserved all the happiness in the world.
When they left the room, he went to Dixon’s computer and peered at the plumbing supply invoice.
What about this invoice would allow Dixon to blackmail Johnson?
Russ scanned down the other email listings. Spotted additional emails to Johnson, all with a similar tone and attachments, except a few of them also had pictures of the actual construction of the town houses. Looked as if Johnson had violated building codes to save money. They needed an expert to look at these files.
Russ lifted his cell phone, called Garber and explained the situation. “I’m thinking Johnson was cutting corners and Dixon found out about it. I’ll forward these emails to you. Contact the local building inspector. Bring him in ASAP to see if he can clarify the situation.”
“Will do,” Garber replied.
Russ disconnected and linked the computer to his phone by Bluetooth so he could send the files to Garber using his phone’s connection to the internet. The process was time-consuming, but he wanted Garber to get on this right away.
As he sent the last message, Nikki stomped down the stairs and stormed past him without saying a word. As expected, she’d reacted poorly to the news. But his big question was how was Sydney handling it?
He imagined her sitting in her room, her face downcast over Nikki’s reaction. Before thinking things through, he charged up the stairs and went to her room.
Empty.
Unease circled his brain. Russ lifted his weapon and eased down the hallway. Swung into each of the five bedrooms before finding Sydney asleep on Nikki’s bed, Bible splayed open on her stomach.
He lowered his gun and hissed out his breath. He’d overreacted again. Sydney was the picture of innocence. He’d seen many sides of her, but not this one. Brash and outspoken in high school. Now tough and determined. Traits he could appreciate, but this sweetness emanating from her tugged hard at his heart.
He should just walk away, but finding her in the room he grew up in made him linger. She seemed as if she belonged in the space where he’d spent the first eighteen years of life. As if she was part of the family. The family that had stood by him in his time of need.
Would Sydney stand by him, or, after her history with her mom, would she run now that she knew the truth about him?
Ru
n. Definitely run. As he should. In the other direction.
With a surprisingly heavy heart, he backed out of the room and silently closed the door. He’d rushed upstairs to be her knight in shining armor, but she didn’t need a knight to rescue her from the same despair he often felt. She had her faith. Something he should consider exploring more. Especially after seeing how it was helping her through this terrible mess.
In the kitchen, he grabbed another cup of coffee and wondered how Nikki was handling the news. He couldn’t resist the urge to check.
He found her in the den, curled up in an overstuffed chair with her cell phone clutched in her hand. She looked up and frowned. “If she sent you to talk to me, don’t bother. The only one I want to talk to is Emily.”
He couldn’t have her calling a friend. No telling what she’d say in this mood. Maybe he should try talking with her. She’d opened up to him once. She could do so again. If she did, it might make things easier for Sydney.
“If by she you mean Sydney, I haven’t talked to her.” Russ sipped his coffee and waited for Nikki to start the conversation.
“This is so lame. I can’t even call my friends.” She slammed her phone onto the arm of the chair and slouched down.
“I’m guessing your friends can’t take your call even if you could call them. They probably lost a few privileges after the officers arrived and arrested them for partying.”
“Arresting them was so bogus. They weren’t hurting anyone.”
This wasn’t the direction that would gain her understanding, but now that she’d raised the subject, he had a responsibility to see it through.
He sat on the corner of the large mahogany desk. “I won’t lecture you on all the bad things drinking can do to your friends’ bodies, but you need to think about what would happen if they climbed behind the wheel.”
She shot him a look of superiority. “That’s why I was there. Drinking makes me sick so I’m the designated driver.”
“But you can’t always be there for them. Sydney won’t let you attend those parties.”
“She might if she’d didn’t think drinking was such a big deal,” she retorted.
Behind the Badge Page 13
