Behind the Badge

by Susan Sleeman

  He smiled with the sweet little smirk that she couldn’t resist. “If I’m gonna keep you safe, you need to not question my every move.”

  She’d expected anger and a harsh tone, but the only thing he telegraphed was the sincere desire to protect her, taking away all of her usual defenses.

  “I want to trust you, Russ—” she let her gaze linger on his eyes “—but when it comes to Nikki, I—” Strong, almost primal, emotions took away the rest of her sentence.

  He lifted a hand and ran his fingers tenderly along her cheek. “I understand, Syd. Just promise me you’ll try.”

  “I will.”

  Their eyes locked. His adoring gaze overpowered the sensible impulse to push him away. His head dipped closer. He was going to kiss her. A wave of happiness eased out all fear. Warm and tender, his lips claimed hers. She clutched the back of his shirt. Lost her breath again. She released the fabric and reached up to his neck to draw him closer.

  With a groan, he lifted his head. She sighed at the loss of contact and let her gaze connect with his again. She wanted him to kiss her again and could see the same longing on his face.

  “All clear, Chief.” A deep voice from the other side of the door placed a spotlight on all that was wrong with kissing Russ and felt as if a bucket of cold water had been tossed over her head.

  Eyes still engaged with unspoken emotions traveling between them, her hand dropped. She took a few steps back. Russ pulled in a deep breath, paused for a moment, then turned to unlock the door. The light flooded in, ending a special moment that never should’ve happened.

  “You find Baker?” Russ’s voice was husky but all business now.

  “Yeah,” Garber answered. “The suspect knocked him out. He’ll be fine.”

  Relief flooded Russ’s face. “Bring me up to speed on what went down out here.”

  “A bomb was tossed through the den window,” Garber said.

  “Then we need to evacuate.”

  “It okay. Krueger checked it out. Said it was made of putty, not C4.”

  Russ knew all about Krueger’s munitions expertise from his army days—the man told everyone who would listen how he’d defused every type of bomb. Still, Russ didn’t want to take a chance. “Have him remove it from the premises.”

  Garber nodded then took off down the hallway.

  Sydney’s cell chimed. Certain it was from the killer, she didn’t want to look at the text.

  “You want me to look at it first?” Russ asked.

  She shook her head and thumbed to the message. Russ leaned over her shoulder.

  You can’t hide from me, Deputy Tucker. I’m running out of patience. I suggest you give me what I want or the next time the bomb will be real.

  “This’s escalating out of control,” she said. “How did he even know we were here?”

  “We’ll talk about this later.” Russ nodded at her sister jogging down the stairs. “Nikki needs you right now.”

  Eyes wide like a frightened doe’s, Nikki ran for Sydney and flung herself into Sydney’s arms. She clutched the crying teenager and rested her chin on Nikki’s soft hair. Reid followed down the stairs at a slower pace, his eyes tight with worry.

  “A minute,” he said to Russ and jerked his head for Russ to follow.

  They walked away, leaving Sydney feeling alone and helpless.

  Nikki looked up at Sydney. “You won’t send me away by myself now, will you?”

  “We’ll see.” Sydney stroked her sister’s back as she did when she’d had nightmares as a child.

  She trembled and Sydney’s resolve to send Nikki to her own safe house wavered. She dug deep and found the strength that had allowed her to flee their mother. On that day, Sydney promised herself that she’d never let her sister experience such pain again.

  Sydney had failed on that promise tonight. She couldn’t do it again or the consequences could be deadly. This maniac wanted something from Sydney, and Nikki didn’t have to get hurt in the process. Nikki would go to the safe house alone as planned, but not tomorrow. Sydney would insist she go tonight.

  Intent on telling Reid to move up the arrangements, she looked at him.

  The brothers’ heads were pressed together, their posture rigid. She was sure they were already discussing changes that this latest intrusion warranted. Now that the killer had breached the safe house, they probably wanted to take Sydney with them, too.

  Russ caught her gaze, telegraphing the seriousness of the situation. She didn’t need him to convey their dire straits. She’d put too many lives in danger. These two fine men had risked their lives to keep her and Nikki safe. She owed them both so much. And she owed it to them and Nikki to end this thing right now.

  The chaos grew exponentially as Reid’s associates arrived and swarmed like ants through the rooms. Sydney kept her cool, but the activity grew too taxing for Nikki, so Sydney sent her sister upstairs to pack. With Nikki out of the room, now was the time to tell Russ that even if he wanted her to go away with Nikki, she wouldn’t be leaving.

  She approached him as he talked with Reid. “I’m sure the two of you are planning to send me off with Nikki, but I’m staying here.”

  “No way,” Russ said.

  “This episode proves Nikki needs to be as far from me as possible.”

  Russ’s jaw clenched.

  She knew he wouldn’t budge no matter what she said, so she focused on Reid. “If you and Jessie were in this situation, what would you do?”

  “If I was thinking rationally, which history has proven I don’t do when it involves her, I’d like to think I’d send her away.” Reid offered Russ an apologetic glance.

  “And you’d stay here like a sitting duck?” Russ’s voice rose.

  “No, I wouldn’t sit around. I’d bait the guy into showing himself.”

  Russ shot Reid an irritated glare. “Don’t even think of doing that, Syd.”

  “Me?” she said, hoping her tone didn’t betray the plan forming in her mind.

  “See what you’ve done, man?” Russ said to Reid.

  Reid chuckled. “Her guilty expression says she might already be planning to do so.”

  She pressed on before Russ chimed in with some crazy demand. “So we’re agreed, then? Nikki will leave tonight, and I’ll stay here.”

  “No, we’re not agreed.” Russ huffed out a breath of frustration.

  She wouldn’t let it stop her. “I don’t think there’s any way you can make me go.”

  He pierced her with a sharp stare. “You’re right—I can’t make you go. But I won’t let you stay at the lodge. We’ll find another place.”

  “And then what? Put someone else in danger, too? No, thanks.” Her tone was as pointed as his stare.

  Reid stepped between them. “You’re both too close to the situation.” He clamped a hand on Russ’s shoulder. “Last year when Jessie was kidnapped, you kept me from doing something dumb. I’ll do the same thing for you. As of this moment, I’m in charge.”

  “But—” Russ and Sydney both responded.

  “No buts.” Reid’s tone was firm. “Give me a few minutes to confer with my associates, and I’ll get back to you with a plan.”

  Sydney watched him walk away. She didn’t know what he’d come up with, but no matter his plan, she’d move forward with hers. Even if Russ continued to gaze at her as if he’d like to lock her up and throw away the key.

  “We need to talk.” He directed her to the side of the room and out of the chaos. “You can’t just go off on your own and bait this guy. He’s proven how capable he is. Once he knows you don’t have what he’s looking for, he’ll kill you.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. But at least he won’t hurt anyone else I care about.”

  “Nikki and Kate will be safe in Portland so he can’t hurt them,” he reminded her.

  “What about you? How are you going to stop him from hurting you?”

  “Are you saying you care about me?” he murmured.

  Suddenly feeling shy, she
looked at her feet. “I would think after that kiss, it would be obvious.”

  “I feel the same way, Syd.” He slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her head. “That’s why I can’t let you do this. You may think baiting the killer will keep him away from me, but it won’t. I’ll do everything within my power to protect you. And trailing after you when you go off on your own would leave me more exposed than if we were hunkered down in a safe house.”

  “I don’t know, Russ…”

  “I’ve been in law enforcement longer than you. Trust me to do the right thing.”

  Everyone she’d ever cared about had let her down. She’d had to take over. To take care of herself and Nikki. Could she really trust Russ’s decision?

  He moved closer. “Syd?”

  She could see the pain her indecision lodged in his eyes, but she couldn’t blindly let someone take over caring for her and Nikki. Yet she didn’t want to hurt Russ.

  What should she do?

  Seeking answers, she looked around the room. Caught Reid’s attention. He finished his conversation and crossed the room.

  “We’re all set. Nikki will go to Portland as planned. Russ and I’ll transport you to another safe house.”

  “I won’t put anyone else in danger, Reid.”

  “No need to worry about it. We’re going to Claudia Umber’s house. She’s the former assistant special agent in charge of the Portland office. She retired a few years ago and moved out here. No one, and I mean no one, can get the best of her.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Russ trained his gaze on Sydney.

  “Fine,” Sydney said. She’d go along with them. If she found the arrangements would endanger anyone, then she could still take off as planned.

  “Now, if you’ll bring Nikki up to speed on the plans—” Reid paused and nodded at Nikki, who’d come downstairs and sat on the sofa with her backpack under her knees “—we’ll get this transfer under way.”

  “Want help telling her you won’t be going with her?” Russ asked. “She seems to trust me. I’ll do my best to make sure this doesn’t traumatize her.”

  She peered into his eyes. Eyes that were beginning to make her do things that she normally wouldn’t consider.

  “I don’t know,” she said.

  “I promise not to say a word unless you ask me to.” His sincere desire to help was written all over his face.

  Who was she to say no if it could help Nikki? “Okay, thank you.”

  Sydney went to the sofa and wrapped an arm around her sister’s shoulder. “Ready to go?”

  Nikki nodded. “Where’s your stuff?”

  “As much as I want to, I won’t be able to go with you.” Sydney squeezed Nikki’s shoulder.

  “What? Why not?”

  Sydney explained their logic.

  “I don’t care,” Nikki cried. “I want you to come with me.”

  “It’ll be better for you if I don’t.”

  “No, it won’t!” Nikki jumped to her feet.

  Hoping Nikki would process the info and come to realize it was the best decision, Sydney let her sister fume and sort out her thoughts.

  She suddenly spun on Sydney. “Don’t worry. I get it. You’d rather stay here and play cops. It’s always about your job. Or the neighbors. Or you. Anybody but me.” She crossed her arms. “It’s never about me.”

  Sydney could barely stand the look of misery on her sister’s face. She wanted to comfort her, but then she was afraid she’d give in and agree to go with her to the safe house.

  To keep from reaching out to Nikki, Sydney clasped her hands together in her lap. “This is about you, Nikki. I’m doing what I think is best for you.”

  “Right,” Nikki said. “Abandoning me is best for me.”

  At a loss of what to say next, Sydney looked to Russ for help.

  He faced Nikki. “Sometimes it’s best for us to stay away from the people we care about.”

  Sydney could hear pain in Russ’s tone but Nikki shrugged. “I expected you to be on her side.”

  “I’m not on anyone’s side. I’m telling you the truth.” He lifted her chin with his finger as he’d done to Sydney a few moments ago. She could still feel the imprint of his finger. Still wished she’d been able to look into his eyes and trust him, as Nikki seemed to be moving toward doing.

  “I have a son,” Russ went on. “He’s seven, but I haven’t lived with him for a few years.”

  Nikki’s jaw dropped open. “Seriously? That’s so lame.”

  Russ cringed. “You’re right. It is lame. But at the time I left him, I was in no position to be a good father.”

  “Seems like you’d be a good dad to me.”

  Russ smiled as if he liked her vote of confidence. “I think I am. Today. But back then, I got into drinking. Messed everything up.”

  “Like my mom.”

  “Yeah, like your mom.”

  “But she didn’t ditch us.”

  Sydney could see Nikki’s comment worsened the pain already eating at Russ. But he kept the resolved look on his face. “I didn’t ditch Zack, either. I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself all the time. How could I stay around him when I didn’t want him to learn to do the same thing? I loved him too much for that. So I left.” He sighed. “Your sister is doing the same thing. She cares too much about you to let you stay in this dangerous situation.”

  Nikki seemed to ponder his words. “You were really a drunk, huh?”

  Sydney almost laughed with relief that Nikki was now more interested in the fact that Russ was an alcoholic instead of the safe-house assignments.

  “One of the worst.” Russ let his eyes settle on Sydney’s face. “So bad my wife divorced me. Now I only get to see my son every other week.”

  At one time, she’d thought an admission of how someone had let alcohol ruin their life would send disgust churning in her stomach, but the way he’d faced his problem and recovered from it actually made her respect him more.

  Nikki shook her head. “Just can’t see you drinking. You’re so uptight and Mister Lawman now.” Her tone had lightened and was almost taunting.

  His face didn’t break in laughter. “I’d like to think I was too tough to let alcohol take over, but it can happen to anyone whose foundation is shaken badly enough and doesn’t know how to deal with the problem the right way.”

  Sadness, maybe regret, on his face left Sydney with questions. Willie’s death had affected Russ so much that he’d drowned his pain in a bottle. The same thing had happened to her mother—her father leaving had cut her mother to the quick and she’d sunk into despair.

  Had Sydney been fair to their mother? If she’d fallen into depression instead of a drunken state, would Sydney have been more sympathetic? Should she reconsider her stance on their mother if she’d quit drinking as Russ had?

  Reid rejoined them. “So are we ready to go?”

  Thoughts of anything other than the madman chasing her vanished. As cunning as their foe was turning out to be, she had to keep her head in the game or the consequences could be dire.

  FIFTEEN

  Sydney peered out the living-room window of Claudia’s rustic log home. The one-story building sat, secluded, in a dense forest of tall trees at the end of a long gravel driveway. Heavy fog clung to the ground, refusing to clear and let the sun break through.

  Sydney kept vigil at the window, watching as dawn came and went along with the morning, ticking past in slow increments as she went stir-crazy. Not that Claudia hadn’t been a gracious host. Quite the contrary: Sydney wished she’d met her under different circumstances and could talk with the older woman about her experience in law enforcement. And she wished she hadn’t put her or the men in the line of fire.

  Sydney peeked out the window to check on the men.

  Reid stood at the end of the driveway, Russ on the porch. The main drive was the only entrance onto the property, so Sydney felt confident that even if the killer figured out their new location, he wouldn’t get past Reid
. Problem was what he might do to Reid.

  “You shouldn’t be by the window,” Claudia said, coming up behind her. Tall, nearly six feet, and thin with silvery hair styled in a buzz cut, the woman commanded respect simply by the way she carried herself.

  “For some reason, I feel claustrophobic here.” Sydney let the drapes fall over the picture window.

  “Probably because you want to be out there hunting down the killer before he hurts someone you care about.”

  “Did Russ tell you that?”

  “Didn’t have to. I’ve seen it in your eyes all day.”

  Could she also see Sydney’s feelings for Russ, or was she hiding it well enough?

  “Piece of advice?” Claudia offered.

  “Sure.”

  “Stop worrying. It won’t change anything.”

  “Easy to say, so hard to do.” Sydney had tried to put her trust in God, but even with everyone safe for now, she’d failed.

  “I hear you, but listen to an old broad like me. The older you get, the more you realize what a waste of time it is. Whatever’s gonna happen, happens.” She went to the hook by the door and retrieved a sheepskin jacket. “I’m going out to spell Russ and then Reid so they can grab something to eat and shake off the cold.” She shrugged on the jacket over a berry turtleneck. “I know you want this to end and you think you’re putting us all in danger, but don’t do anything foolish while I’m gone.”

  When the door closed behind her, Sydney went to a leather club chair in front of the tall fireplace. She purposefully positioned her back to the door. A real no-no in the police world—always face the door so you can see any threat coming your way—but the threat she feared right now would wound her heart, not kill her.

  She heard the door open and the sound of Russ’s booted feet thumping across the wood floor to the kitchen. After the kiss and her admission of caring about him, she didn’t know what to say if he came over. Whenever he looked at her with eyes all tender and warm, she wanted nothing more than to pursue a relationship with him. Not that she’d give in to her feelings. She still had Nikki to think about.