She has cried a lot, right there in that red swing with me sittin next to her, holdin her, tryin to soothe her grief. I tell her to find somebody else. I KNOW somebody that is a good man would sure want her! I tell her plenty things, like there are twenty million men look as good and better than he does, and at least half of them would want her. I don’t know if she takes my words to heart or not, but I ain’t givin up! I talk to her about pure-dee, down-right, do-right life. I don’t want her to keep bein no fool for nobody. Specially not be a fool FOR a fool. No sir.
See, I know she is poor; “necessity” poor. She gets all the things her children need, but she don’t get nothing she wants. Now, I know, also, a woman like to look good for the man she wants to marry her. More’n a couple times I went and bought pretty material. Oh, I can sew, chile, I mean, I can sew! Anything! I sew for her sons, too. And I made her nice pretty dresses for her to wear to church and when she knows Cool would be comin to see her. I don’t have to like him, but, since she loves him, I want her to be happy. I want him to see what a pretty woman he had. But that damn fool couldn’t see them dresses for takin em off of her and castin them out the way. He can’t see nobody but hisself!
Well, what you gonna do? Least I know he loves them two boys. Joe, my nephew, say he always braggin about them boys! ALLLL the time. See, I know what it is; those boys, sons, make his manhood. Yes sir! They are all he has to show for it. You can’t count these women who be runnin after him to be nothin cause they would be runnin after somebody else if he wasn’t there. No, they don’t count for much. Cause if you have to run after somebody, they must not want you, cause people run towards somethin they want, not away from it. And my gramma told me a man is a hunter, you know; you better let him do the huntin! Yes mam.
Don’t too many people like a fool, but another fool! I sure hate to think Irene is a fool, or goin to stay the one she is for Cool. She is such a nice person, sweet . . . and a good mother. I mean!
Now, you know what? It’s too bad she ain’t old enough for that Mr. Summer. His wife passed on bout ten years ago and he ain’t picked nobody else yet. Ole Rether tried, but she too old for that man, he bein only in his forties. He got a nice house and other property too! Besides the one Irene lives in. Got a good steady job cause he works for hisself. Painting contractor. That’s how he got some of his property; bought a few of them old houses and fixed em up. Yes mam, he is one of the good men. I told Irene he is the kind she needs cause you can love a man like that. Safe love. SafER anyway.
People think “safe love” must be boring. Not full of surprises like that challengin love Rether always wanted. Sometimes anything can be boring. But Rether’s “challengin love” ran over her like a tractor, her face and her life too, I think. Whereas Agatha’s safer love left her face, body and life intact. She still had a future when he was gone.
Now I don’t mean you’re not goin to have any trouble with a man, or woman, who gives you “safe love” cause you can only tell what has happened the last minute; you don’t know nothin bout what’s gonna happen the next minute! And you don’t know nothin bout what nobody is gonna do until they are dead. But, everybody knows, some people are more careful with their life than other people. Have more chance at happiness and peace. That’s what I mean.
Mr. Summer did some work for Agatha and she said he talked about Irene a little. Say he sure does like her and wish she would do better for herself and the boys. He love them boys, but I know he got better sense than to love another man’s woman. And it is good of Mr. Summer to pick the boys up and carry them to church on Sunday cause Cool sure ain’t gonna do it. Irene goes when she ain’t too tired. Chile, that church too slow and quiet for Cool, but Irene, tryin to smile, says he likes to see her boys go. He really likes somethin good belongin to him. Phooey!
But I have come to find out, there was a lot of things I did not know, chile. Me! Sittin up here talkin bout other people bein fools and here I am some kind of fool myself, thinkin I could know into somebody else’s life. And judge, even! God is right, honey, don’t think you know so much you can judge nobody.
Oh, ain’t life somethin?! Lord, every day I wonder at it! Then I look up and I have found somethin else that makes me marvel at it again. But, that’s life and ain’t it good?
Listen at me, sittin up here talkin you to pieces and you ain’t said nothin. But ain’t I right? Trials and tribulations teach you all kinds of things? Now, what have you learned? Are you one of them fools? I have to laugh at myself cause listen at me askin you that!
I remember my nephew, Joe, tellin me how Cool be in the bar braggin, sayin, “I got me TWO, not one boy, but two boys! BOYS! Show you I’m a man.” Yes, that’s how he talks. Say, “And if don’t nobody else ever love me again, which ain’t likely, I know that woman, my boys’ mama, do! Yeah, I am a man! Done proved it!” That’s how he keeps them other men from goin after her.
Well, anyway, I watched things with Irene and Cool, not particular from everything else I watch, but she was just down the road from me. I have watched them boys grow up. They bout seven and nine years old now. My, my, time flies don’t it? Irene was always so down-feelin cause Cool wasn’t marryin her. She seem to be doing better now, done got used to the facts. Prob’ly cause she don’t see him for long stretches. But, then he be back tippin down that road again to see her and check his hold on her. She let him in, feed him them children’s food, let him love up on her and let him rest. Then he be gone again.
Last year or two Irene say she don’t let him love up on her much no more. Say she was thinkin she might get pregnant again and she don’t want that. Say she got just the right-size family to have to raise. But Cool still watchin her to see that nobody else don’t come around her!
In fact, come to think of it, a long time has done passed and Cool ain’t been too close round her. I know he ain’t too far off though. But, chile, Irene don’t look too sad too much no more. I guess she don’t have time, workin them two jobs she got. She, sometimes, let Mr. Summer keep her sons cause they couldn’t always go to work with her some days.
Mr. Summer be so happy to keep them boys cause he has no children of his own. His wife, what died, was sickly almost ever since they been married, but he never forsaked his wife. When she died, bout ten years ago, poor little thing, 2,900 women came after him. I mean they was bearin down on him; even come from out of town! They bring food, offer to wash his clothes, clean his house, all like that. But not one of them got a foot stuck in that house yet. After he was done grievin, bout a year, he kept company with a few of em for a time, then he just got quiet and seem to resign hisself to bein alone, goin to church, workin his houses. Wasn’t gonna sing no more love songs, chile. That’s sad, ain’t it? A good man, too! I guess that’s why he takes up time with Irene’s sons. That’s good, cause I know they love him for all his kindness to em. I know he needs their love too, cause everybody needs some love.
You know, he comes over here and sits in that swing and talks to me, too. Yes sir. During that time, right after all them women was bout finished huntin after him, he was feelin low and come by here cause he knows I liked and respected his wife and did little things for her and him, too. We could always talk, like good friends, cause he knows I don’t repeat things I hear. No mam. You will never hear me repeat nothin I hear! So we talked about his life.
He said, with his eyes just as straight and clear, most of the sadness gone, “I want . . . a woman . . . a woman . . . I can call my own. When she calls somebody, it’s me she calls . . . and thinks of. She don’t need to be no great beauty, cause I’m not much to look at myself. And she don’t need to wear all them fancy clothes, less she just want to. I like pretty hair, but she don’t have to have hair hangin all down her back. I want that woman . . . to come home to . . . to love and care for, take care of. I want to eat her food and sleep in her bed, our bed. I’m not a woman-chasin man, Mrs. Everly, I am just a one woman’s man. I want one good woman to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t wa
nt to grow old, (he laughed softly) older, alone.
“Me and my last wife, bless her soul, we didn’t have no kids cause it would have killed her, sooner. I wanted a family, but I wouldn’t leave the wife I had. Not cause I’m such a good man, but cause I wouldn’t want nobody to do that to me . . . and I loved her. She was always the sweetest little thing you ever saw. Better than many a woman in this world with good health. Only . . . she was sick. I still love her in my memories. I never been sorry I married my Elizabeth. And I am gonna be mighty careful the next time I get married, if there is a next time. I don’t know. Time’s passin. I’m gettin . . . older.”
With a wave of my hand, I told him, “Chile, you ain’t old, and you look good. Some women I know would try to pull you out your coffin. Dig you out your grave. And you got property, too? Humph, honey!”
He laughed, like I wanted him to, so he could take that needin look off his face. He waved his hand back at me, said with a smile, “Mrs. Everly, I don’t want nobody who wants me for my ‘property’ and all. Hell, anybody can buy a house. No mam. I know about love, Mrs. Everly. I know a great deal about love . . . and that is what I want.” See, he could tell me the truth cause I prob’ly wanted the same things he did. Almost.
So we talked a bit more, then he had to go on bout his business. I sat and swung in that ole porch swing for a long while. Just thinkin bout love . . . and life . . . passin some people by.
Later, that evening, I looked up and caught a glimpse of Irene, way down the road, knew it was her cause I made that yellow blouse she had on, a couple of years ago. She came out her house walkin Mr. Summer back to his car, so he musta stopped there. Made me think of Cool, who had what Mr. Summer wanted and didn’t have sense enough to know a good woman from a hole . . . in the ground!
Well, I’ve watched em all bout ten years now and Irene is bout thirty years old now. Gettin older and them sons are, too. Times is gettin harder and things more expensive. Damn that Cool. Them kids needed a mother AND a father!
Then other things happened round me and I put Irene out of my mind for awhile. It’s awful sad for me to always be thinkin about. And I got my own life to run. I need to laugh and be happy once in a while.
That’s why, round that time, when my nephew, Joe, called and asked me to come in and give him a hand because his cook had the flu (or a hangover!), I said yes cause it gets lonesome and borin just sittin on this porch all the time. That bar is somethin interesting to do and I can use the money he is gonna pay me, too! Sure can. And I don’t have to eat my dinner alone them days neither. Yes mam.
I love my nephew, Joe, cause he is a good man. He takes care of his family. Lord yes. He’s bout forty-three years old now, and I know he gets tired with them long hours and some of them people that come in his little second-class bar in that second-class neighborhood. It ain’t the best, but it ain’t the worst. It’s small, only eight or nine barstools and two or three little tables in there. Most what’s in there are the usual beer and liquor signs all lit up, and it’s a good thing cause its kinda dark in there, cept in the kitchen where I work. But I love to go over there cause it’s like lookin at a real good picture show! Sometimes.
Well, it was about twelve o’clock in the afternoon when he called me, so I got ready and went down there after I shopped for a few things I knew I would need. Coming out the bright sunlight, it was extra dim in that bar, but first thing I saw was Cool leanin up against the bar, laughin and talkin, drinking a beer. Joe tryin to catch up on all the busy work to be ready for the evenin crowd. I went on back to the kitchen after we all spoke and Joe thanked me for comin.
I started gettin my things ready to fix two kinds of orders. I ain’t cookin all day in this kitchen cause it ain’t never really clean like my own is. They can have “this” or “that” and that’s all.
After I got things to going and was through makin my little noise, naturally I paid more attention to what I was hearin from the bar part. First thing I hear is Cool sayin, “Yeah, man, I lost big money in that crap game the other night, but I caught up on things last night!” Can you magine that?! He’s spendin his money gambling!
Joe has a low-soundin voice, but I heard him say, “You sure finally got lucky, man.”
Cool, so smart, said, “Well . . . you gotta stick with things, man!”
Joe put up some glasses (I heard em clinkin) and said, “Sometimes . . . sometimes not! I don’t like them games, cause somebody always get mad or somethin and then somebody gets hurt.”
Cool must have pulled out a gun when he said, “This here keep me from gettin in too much trouble! I ain’t never had to use it, but I let everybody know I got it!”
Joe sounded nervous when he said, “Man! Put that thing away! I don’t like them things! Only a fool carry a gun! Put that damn thing away! Take it out’a here even!”
Well, I just come out that kitchen’s half-a-door and moved closer to em. I still stayed in the darkness cause this is Joe’s business and I know he knows how to run it, but if Cool didn’t put that gun away or take it out, I’da taken it from him and whopped him cross his good-lookin, stupid head with it.
Cool said, as he put the gun away, “Cool it, man. I ain’t crazy. I always know what I’m doin! And that’s all you have to do. Know what you doin! If you can’t tell a snake from a worm . . . you betta stay out the jungle!” He laughed at his own joke, alone, cause me and Joe wasn’t laughin.
Joe commence to wipin his bar glasses again, said, “You got a point there. But you got to go a long way on this here earth to get out the jungle.” Joe put them glasses away as he said, “But you know what? I don’t see how you fellows have enough money to gamble with, drink with, still eat and sleep somewhere . . . and dressin clean.”
Cool laughed that ole prideful laugh some men have, “Ain’t nothin to it!”
Joe shook his head, “Well, it beats me. I have to work.” Cool explained, “Reason ain’t nothin to it cause half the time most of these jokers owe everybody! But I don’t! I do a little work sometime though. Can’t tell that lie some of them tell and say I don’t!”
Now Joe laughed, sayin, “I know you work sometime! I know you HAVE to cause don’t nobody want to lend you nothin no more. You don’t pay back.”
“That’s a lie!” Cool sat his beer bottle down, hard.
But Joe didn’t get excited. “Man, this is me . . . I been here. I know what’s happenin!”
“You don’t know everything!”
Joe decided to cool things down. “At least, you ain’t tryin to pimp none.” He laughed as he said, “Too much.”
Cool shook his head. “Uh-huh, that’s a fool’s game.”
Joe didn’t leave well enough alone, “Course you prob’ly can’t nohow.”
Cool laughed and said, “Brother . . . I can do whatever I want to do!”
Joe poked fun at Cool with a little grunt. “Huh!”
Cool said, “Damn right! Pimpin just ain’t my game.”
Joe held his arms out wide, said pleasantly, “That’s what I was sayin . . . it ain’t your game.”
Cool picked up his new bottle of beer. “Ain’t cause women don’t love me! I ain’t never had no trouble with women! You know that!”
Joe sighed, sayin, “Everybody always think I know so much.”
Cool laughed lightly, “Cause you say you do. But you know somethin else, man? I love women. All of em!”
“I see you tryin to, anyway.”
Cool spread his arms, said, “Man, I saw a woman the other day and I wanted to jump out’a the car and make love to her right on the sidewalk! Make her feel better than she ever felt in her life . . . But, I was cool. Got too many women now I can’t get rid of.”
“Yeah, bad luck just follows you around.”
Cool laughed, “That’s cause I am a strong man. I ain’t weak! Women don’t like weak men! And I got a strong, smooth, good, hard body!”
Joe just looked at him, “It’s sposed to be a good thing if you love yourself.”
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“Well, I sure do! And women do, too. They good to me too!” Cool laughed proudly. “They . . . some of em, give me money and plenty presents.” I looked at him as he smoothed his hair with one hand and I could have gone out there and bapped him upside his head, gun or not!
But Joe knows his business. He said, “That’s kinda sad, man, takin a poor woman’s money. Prob’ly welfare money sometimes.”
Cool leaned over the bar, confidentially, said, “They ain’t all poor! I got one . . . you know that lady with the . . . no, I better not mention her name . . . she too well known.” Cool took off his little stingy-brim hat and held it up, saying, “You see this sharp hat?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “She just gave me this fine hat! It’s brand new! This my good-luck hat. My luck is gonna change! From now on, with this hat, my luck gonna be so good I almost won’t be able to stand it!” He laughed happily.
Joe grunted. “Huh!”
“She gives me all kinds of things, man. I got more shirts and suits . . . and that good men’s cologne! I got plenty of that!”
Joe started wipin off the bar. Said, “Well, I must be doin something wrong.”
Cool laughed softly, “Hell, all you got to do is tell em how pretty they are. They ALL want to hear that. Even the real down-home, plug-ugly ones. Now that ain’t hard for me cause I love all of em! But I know them. I know women! I don’t let them get ahead of me!”
Joe scratched his ear (I can see everything) and said, “You know, them women can wear you out, man.”
“Yeah, man. You right! Sometime I wish I was four men, then I could spread myself out more. Travel all over the state and make more women happy.”
Joe must of thought I could hear them. “Man, I think you think about screwing too much . . . if you need to be four men.”
The Future Has a Past Page 20
