by J. M. Hill
But now, he was different. All grown up. A doctor, with a great sense of humor and the same All-American good looks.
“So, I’m thinking we should have dinner sometime,” he said abruptly.
My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard. This caught me completely off-guard, and my expression must have been proof because he laughed.
“Well— ” I was interrupted by all three Anderson brothers coming through the door.
“Hey, Gracie!” Garrett said as he came over and kissed the top of my head. “Evan, it’s great to see you, man!”
Evan chuckled as they shook hands. “How’s it going, Garrett?”
Miles greeted Evan before retreating to the office to see Kate, while Michael stood next to Garrett, watching me with his eyebrows pulled together.
“Hi, Michael,” Evan said. “Good to see you again.”
Michael nodded curtly.
“What are you doin’ here, Evan?” Garrett asked. “Don’t you work for a living?”
“I’ve got a night shift in Boulder,” Evan laughed. “What’s your excuse?”
Garrett guffawed. “Early meeting in Littleton. What’s goin’ on?”
I couldn’t concentrate on their conversation, I was anxious about Evan’s dinner invitation and Michael’s glare.
“Well, sorry for interrupting,” Garrett said. “Evan, see ya later.” Garrett nudged Michael and they walked to the back.
Evan looked at his watch, and then at me. “I should probably go,” he said, standing and pulling his coat on. “Thanks for the coffee.”
“Sure.” I collected the cups and plates, setting them on the tray. Evan reached into his pocket retrieving a business card, handing it to me.
“I’d really like to take you to dinner sometime, or we can just have coffee again,” he said with a wide smile. “Give me a call.”
He didn’t wait for me to respond, he just waved and walked out the door. I studied the card for a moment, and set it on the tray with the dirty dishes. When I turned, Michael was there and took the tray from my hands.
“Let me help you.” His voice was soft, but his jaw clenched.
My heart thudded relentlessly as I followed him to the back. I took the cups and plates from the tray and put them next to the dishwasher, noticing Michael reading Evan’s business card. I took a cloth, wiping the tray and he held the card in front of me.
“You left this on the tray.” His mouth was tight as I took the card. He continued to watch me with tension emanating from him. “He seems like a nice guy.”
“Um, yeah,” I replied, keeping my focus on the tray I continued to wipe needlessly. “He’s really nice.”
It was quiet for a moment, and I glanced up at him.
“So, are you going to go out with him?” His expression was tense and his eyes didn’t leave mine.
“I haven’t really had time to think about it.”
He nodded stiffly and walked away without another word. Puzzled, I stood there for a moment before returning to the bookstore.
What was that?
The more I thought about Michael’s behavior, the more upset I became. Was he jealous? Why? He hadn’t shown any interest in me, other than friendship, so why would he be jealous? I felt a headache coming on as I tried to sort through the confusing emotions. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples with my fingers.
“It’s four o’clock, Gracie, you ready?” Kate chirped. “I’m going to ride with Miles.”
I nodded and walked to the back to get my things, passing Michael without making eye contact. When we got to the parking lot, Kate handed me the keys to the Jeep and walked with Miles and Garrett to the Audi. I was opening the door of the Jeep when Michael came up beside me.
“I can drive you home,” he said quietly.
“Why?” I couldn’t hide the acidity in my tone.
He shrugged. “Because I like driving your Jeep.”
I agreed because my head hurt, and I really didn’t want to drive. I handed him the keys, and he walked around to open the passenger door for me. He attempted to fold himself into the driver’s seat, his knees wedged between the steering wheel and his chest. I pursed my lips together as he fumbled for the button to slide the seat back, so he could actually fit. He glanced at me and I quickly looked out the window.
“What are you giggling at?”
I shrugged, but didn’t look at him. It was a quiet drive home, except for the radio. I wanted to ask what his problem was earlier, but he seemed fine now, so I didn’t bring it up.
Standing by the front door, he handed me my keys and ran his hand through his hair.
“You want something to drink?” I asked, as I shrugged out of my jacket.
He nodded, and followed me into the kitchen where I retrieved two ginger ales from the fridge. We sat across from each other at the table.
“How’s the head?” He asked, looking at me carefully.
“How’d you know I have a headache?” I asked.
He shrugged casually and took a sip of his soda, while I spun my bottle cap on the table.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked. It was so easy for me to get caught in his stare, mesmerized by his eyes, not to mention the rest of him. I wondered if I should ask him about his behavior earlier.
“Grace,” he said. “Did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you.”
“So are you going to answer me?”
“I was just wondering,” my voice was quiet. “Why you seemed so angry earlier?”
He leaned back in his chair, and pursed his lips together tightly.
“It’s not a big deal if you don’t want to tell me,” I told him. “It just seemed like you were upset with me.”
“I could never be upset with you, Grace.”
I lifted my eyebrows, as I looked at him in disbelief.
“I wasn’t upset with you,” he amended. I waited for him to finish, but I guess he was. The front door opened, Miles, Kate and Garrett came in holding bags of Chinese food.
“I got you some Lo Mein,” Garrett informed me proudly.
As we ate, Kate decided to discuss my brief conversation with Evan.
“What did you and Evan talk about today?”
“Nothing much,” I replied with a shrug.
She eyed me skeptically. “Oh? Well, he was there for a while.”
I gave her a look, hoping she would change the subject, but no such luck.
“Did he tell you he’s moved back to Fall Rivers?”
I could see Michael from the corner of my eye, his jaw clenched tight.
“Yes. He told me.” I twirled noodle remnants with my fork. “But he’s still working at St. Jo’s. occasionally.”
“I saw him there last week,” Garrett said. “Great guy.”
Kate giggled. “Gracie had a crush on him in high school.”
My face heated, and I wanted to crawl under the table.
“Gracie!” Garrett nudged me with a huge grin. “Is that true?”
I rolled my eyes. “I was fourteen for crying out loud.”
I narrowed my eyes at Kate, daring her to say a word, and she stifled a laugh as I got up from the table quickly, trying to escape the questioning. I gathered the plates from the table, taking them to the sink and started to rinse them. Michael came and stood next to me, and helped me load them in the dishwasher without saying a word.
When the dishes were done, the boys headed for the front door to leave. Garrett kissed the top of my head, and Miles and Kate were talking quietly with each other. Michael walked out, not saying anything, and I felt nauseous.
It was earlier than usual when I rolled out of bed to get ready for my run, wondering anxiously if Michael would even be joining me. I sat on the porch tying my shoes when I heard the familiar crunching of gravel coming from the road. Michael stood there, hands pushed deep into the pockets of his hoodie and a look of trepidation on his face. I smiled uneasily as I walked toward him, my heart pounding so hard I was sure he coul
d hear it.
“Morning,” I said.
He nodded and eyed me cautiously as we started a slow jog down the drive. After a long silence, he finally spoke.
“Grace, I was wondering something.”
“What’s that?”
“I was just wondering why you don’t go out with Evan?”
I kept my eyes forward, as he continued, trying to explain his question.
“Actually, I’m wondering why you don’t date at all,” he clarified. “I mean, I know you get asked out a lot, so I’m just curious.”
I snorted a laugh. “I get asked out a lot?”
His eyes narrowed with impatience, and I cleared my throat.
“It’s kind of a long story.” I shrugged. “And it’ll probably sound stupid to you.”
He stopped running, grabbed the sleeve of my jacket, pulling me to a stop, and folded his arms across his chest with an obstinate expression.
“Try me.”
I took a deep breath and kicked at the gravel by my feet.
“It’s just something Uncle David drilled into Kate’s and my head when we were in high school. He told us to never sell-out.”
A confused look came over Michael’s face. “Sell-out?”
“Well, according to my uncle, most people—girls especially—tend to settle. Settling for the first guy that says she’s beautiful, or the first guy that gives her attention.
“She gives pieces of herself away to each guy, searching for that one guy. The one guy who thinks she’s truly beautiful, seeing her inner beauty more than anything else.”
I watched him carefully, wondering if he thought I was insane.
“She gives piece after piece, to guy after guy, until all that’s left are broken pieces that have been used. Used and given back. Then one day, the right guy does come along, but there are so many pieces, she has to be put back together. And even though she can be put back together, the scars from stitching those broken pieces together, are there forever.”
Michael continued to study my face as he listened.
“Anyway, Kate and I decided together that we would never sell-out. We wouldn’t give pieces of ourselves away. We want to give ourselves away in one piece, to the right person.”
I swallowed hard, as his gaze became intense.
“That’s how I know Miles is so amazing for Kate, because that’s what she’s done. He doesn’t just have her heart, he has all of her, and it’s a beautiful thing. I think it could be that way for everyone, if they wouldn’t sell-out.”
“How do you know if it’s the right person if you don’t spend time with them?” He asked. “I mean, dating someone is how you get to know them, right?”
“You don’t sell-out by dating. I’ve dated before,” I tried to explain. “But sometimes, the more you’re with someone, the more you try to convince yourself that person may be the right one, even though you know in your heart they’re not. You’re afraid the person you’ve built up in your mind will never come, so you settle.”
“I understand,” his voice was quiet. “But you didn’t really answer my question about Evan. He seems like a good guy.”
It seemed like he wanted me to go out with Evan, and that hurt.
“He is a good guy, but like I said before, I haven’t really thought about it too much.” I looked past him to avoid eye contact. “I don’t think he’s what I’m looking for.”
“What are you looking for, Grace?” Michael’s voice was sincere and full of curiosity.
I wanted to summon the courage to tell him how I felt, but no courage could be found.
“I’m looking for the same thing everyone else is looking for.”
“Which is?”
“To be taken care of, watched after, loved. To be the most important thing in someone’s world.”
I finally met his eyes and something changed. There was no more curiosity, only sadness. We continued our run in an uncomfortable silence.
.
TWELVE
Things seemed a little off after my conversation with Michael about Evan. He didn’t show up for our run the following morning, and because of snow, we’d been unable to run for the three days following. I barely saw him because of the work he was doing for Nina Sandler. Technically, he was working for Nina’s father, but Nina was in charge of the design aspect of whatever project was underway.
Nina was an entirely different issue. I knew she was a client, but whether it was work-related or not, she and Michael were spending a lot of time together. I’d only spoken with her twice, and both times were less than comfortable. She appraised me while looking down her surgeon-sculpted nose, then forced a smile as fake as her boobs.
Kate and Garrett both tried to convince me to tell Michael how I felt, but every time I saw him with Nina it ate away at my courage a little more. Besides, I was convinced Michael only saw me as his friend and it made my heart ache.
After spending an entire afternoon organizing the storage room, I got a text from Garrett saying we were all going to meet for dinner. Kate and Miles had the Jeep, so Michael picked me up. The ride to the restaurant was quiet, and a little tense. Michael’s jaw clenched and unclenched, but he wouldn’t say anything.
“So do you think we’ll ever get to run again?” I asked, trying to break the tension. “It’s been a while.”
“I’ve just been busy.” He sounded aggravated, and he’d misunderstood what I was saying.
“I just meant because of the snow,” I explained. “It’s been so cold.”
“Oh.” He glanced at me, and then faced the front again. “Yeah. It’s been cold.”
When we pulled into the parking lot, he turned off the engine and sat quietly for a moment.
“Is something wrong?” I asked. He was acting so strangely, and I wanted him to talk to me about whatever was bothering him.
He smiled weakly, and shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. Let’s go eat.”
A lump formed in my throat as we got out of the car and walked in silence into the restaurant. Kate, Miles and Garrett were already seated, and Garrett patted the chair next to him when he saw me. I scanned over my menu and decided on a bowl of soup, my appetite diminishing with every sideways glance at Michael. The waitress brought our food, and we all ate while conversation ensued about our plans to spend Christmas with Will and Ava. Halfway through dinner, I noticed Nina approaching our table, as if my night hadn’t been bad enough.
“Hello, everyone.”
As usual she was a beauty, wearing a low-cut hot pink dress, her hair in gorgeous curls that fell over her shoulders. Everyone said ‘hello’ as her eyes found Michael.
“Hello, Michael,” she said sweetly. “I just wanted to make sure we were still on for Friday?”
Michael shifted in his chair. “Yes.”
She stared at him for a moment, and then her eyes moved to me, I was holding my soda, playing with the straw.
“Tracy, right?” She pointed her manicured finger at me.
“Grace,” I corrected her, even though I knew she didn’t care what my name was.
“Oh, that’s right.” She twittered a giggle and flipped her hair over her shoulders. “It’s nice to see you again. Are you feeling okay?”
I nodded, confused by her question.
“You seem a little pale,” she said with a sniff, then shrugged. “Oh well, must be your usual color.”
Ouch.
My face got hot, and I couldn’t even think of a snarky response. Garrett draped his arm over my shoulder as he leaned back in his chair. He didn’t like Nina much either. She lingered, maybe waiting for someone to speak to her, but no one did.
“Okay then,” she said. “Enjoy your dinner. Michael, I’ll see you on Friday.”
I continued to focus on my soda as she sashayed toward the front of the restaurant. Garrett squeezed my shoulders.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded and took a bite of my soup, but now I really wasn’t hungry. Everyone was quiet for
a moment, and Kate cleared her throat delicately, trying to ease the tension.
“How about brunch tomorrow? Miles, I’ll make banana pancakes.”
He grinned at her and she giggled—banana pancakes were Miles’ favorite. “Sounds great to me,” he said. “I’ll be there.”
“Me, too,” Garrett said, and I snorted a laugh—as if there were any doubt he wouldn’t be there.
“What are you laughing at?” He nudged me.
“Nothing,” I replied with a shrug.
He head-locked me and held me that way, casually taking a sip of his drink, while I squirmed and everyone laughed. Finally, he kissed the top of my head swiftly, and let me go. I blew my hair out of my face and scowled, but he just grinned.
After dinner, we walked to the parking lot and I followed Miles and Kate to the Jeep.
“Grace,” Michael called from beside his Yukon. “Why don’t you ride with me?”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly.
He smiled, opening the door for me and I climbed inside, fastening my seatbelt as he got in his seat and started the engine. It was quiet as we pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road, but then he sighed.
“Nina was rude to you,” he said sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I shrugged. “You don’t need to be sorry for what she does.”
He nodded. “I think she’s under the impression that we’re more than friends.”
I didn’t respond, and he continued.
“I told her we were good friends, but we’re not together or anything.”
The truth of his words hurt. I nodded minutely and turned to look out my window. I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat, as he pulled in front of the house.
“Do you ever think of me as more than just your friend?” I looked down at my hands, too afraid to see his face, and instantly regretting my question.
“Do you?” he asked.
“Yes.” I exhaled—relieved to finally say it. “Yes, I do.”
I looked at him then—his expression pained, and my stomach sank.
“Grace.” He shook his head sadly. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
