by Lee Crystal
“I love you, too, Tare. You just have to hang in there, and keep working through this. It will get better, you’ll see. Now, try to get some sleep,” he said, then turned, leaving my room.
I looked over at the clock on my bedside table and saw that it was 6:22 a.m. I decided that I might as well get up and start my day. The only thing I had to look forward to was the cooking I was going to do for the barbeque tomorrow. I was grateful for that, as I had found a kind of refuge in the kitchen—I actually loved cooking. It gave my mind something else to focus on, and I reveled in the reprieve from my dreary thoughts.
After I showered, brushed, and dressed for the day, I found my way downstairs to the kitchen. On the counter was a yellow piece of paper with my name written on it.
Taryn,
I will be back around seven tonight. I already pulled all the meats out of the freezer, they just need to go in the marinade. The list of dishes you made is taped to the fridge, and remember that if this is too much, just call Aunt Mel to help. If you need anything, call my cell.
Love you,
Grandpa
I made my way to the refrigerator and pulled the list from the door:
Macaroni salad
Potato salad
Pasta salad
Blackberry cobbler
Cookies
Corn on the cob
Green beans
Baked beans
Okay, I might have gone overboard on what I thought I could accomplish by myself. Feeling slightly overwhelmed with the amount of work I had ahead of me, I turned my iPod on and put in my earbuds. Listening to Snow Patrol, I got started by pulling out all of my ingredients and assembling them on the countertop.
After about an hour, Creed was blaring in my ears, and Ethan walked into the kitchen, giving me a broad smile. I pulled my earbuds out, smiling back to him. “Morning,” I said, wondering what exactly had him in such a great mood. The swelling to his eye had decreased, but a deep purple ring had taken hold, circling his eye. His lip looked normal with the exception of a small cut.
“Good morning, who you jamming to?” he asked.
“Creed,” I said, returning to pulling the husks off the corn.
“You got anything for me to eat?” I saw the smarmy smile he was flashing me, and let out a snort. Whenever I was cooking, he was in here stealing or begging for food.
“Well, I guess if you don’t mind that it’s not breakfast food,” I looked at my watch and saw it was already afternoon, “I can make you an egg salad sandwich.”
“That would be awesome! Can you make it two? I’m starving,” he pleaded.
“Yeah,” I laughed. His exuberance for food made me happy, especially when I could make it for him. It was a small thing I could do, and it made me feel less of a burden.
“I’m gonna go shower real quick,” he said as he headed to the bathroom.
After I had finished with his sandwiches and started on my other tasks, he came back in and sat on the stool at the counter, diving in to the sandwiches I had set out for him.
“Thanks, this is really good,” he mumbled through the food in his mouth.
“You’re welcome,” I said with a smile to myself. I wondered to myself if now would be a good time to talk to him, but then decided I’d wait. I didn’t want to ruin today; it had been good so far and I wanted my respite from self-condemnation to continue.
Ethan finished eating, rinsed his plate, and put it in the dishwasher. “I’m gonna be out in the shop working on my car if you need anything,” he said while examining my face, most likely making sure I was still sane.
“I’m fine, Ethan, go outside,” I said, exasperated.
“All right… well, holler if you need something,” he said as he made his way out the door. I put my ear buds back in, and started in on snapping the beans. I just needed to make them see that I would be all right. I wasn’t really sure if I would be, but something had to change. It was the only thing I could come up with that gave them freedom from me, and put me where I could be independent and self-reliant. I would probably never be “normal,” but I did aspire to see more than the walls of this house.
Bolstered by new hope for the possibility of independence, I managed to finish all the dishes and put the kitchen back to rights. The house smelled like a bakery, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything or seen Ethan for hours. My hip and leg were killing me from standing all day. I took off my apron, hung it up in the pantry and made my way to the door. As I gauged the distance from the house to the barn, I inwardly cringed.
Well, one thing I had certainly learned was how to push through pain, and I decided to make the walk to the barn regardless of how much I hurt. Stupid, maybe, but this was one thing I had control over, and I relished in it.
I started my way down the wide cobblestone path from the front door to the driveway. If I broke the distance into sections, it seemed to help the process. I was a little out of breath by the time I made it to the driveway, and had to stop to rest for a few minutes. Having made it about half way, I started out again, noticing a truck that I didn’t know parked by the barn. I was wondering whose it was, and if they were out there with Ethan. I felt a smidge of panic start in my chest and I pushed it down. Maybe I should have just called his cell from the house? I patted my pockets—they were empty. In my mind’s eye I could see my cell sitting on the kitchen counter. I had no choice but to keep walking.
When I reached the side door to the pit side of the barn, or as Ethan and Grandpa called it “the shop,” I was completely out of breath. Sweat had accumulated on my brow, dripping down my temples. I took a minute to try and make myself look less spent before opening the door. I heard Ethan’s voice and someone else. I walked inside, knowing my limp was considerably worse than normal, and saw Ethan under the hood of his 1970 Camaro that he had been working on restoring. I also saw Blaine in the pit under the car.
Blaine and Ethan started hanging out about a year ago, and he had always been really nice to me. He didn’t come over that often, I think mostly because Ethan didn’t like people to come over. I couldn’t help but think it was because I embarrassed him, or maybe he thought I couldn’t handle it. Matt would come over sometimes, too, but I had actually only met him twice. He seemed nice, but certainly crasser than Blaine.
“Ethan?” I said to get his attention.
He turned his head to look at me from under the hood. “Hey,” he narrowed his eyes. “Did you walk out here?” His voice revealed a tinge of anger while he moved out from the hood and in my direction.
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I certainly didn’t magically appear or fly,” I replied.
“Smartass,” he murmured. “Why didn’t you just call me? I would have come in,” he said. I looked over to see Blaine had stopped whatever he was working on, and was looking intently at us. A blush crept up my face.
“Do you think we can have this discussion later?” I whispered with obvious embarrassment, flashing my eyes in Blaine’s direction. He got my hint, and smiled sheepishly.
“Sure, we were just about done anyhow, did you need something or just wanted to hang out?”
“Actually, I’m starving, and didn’t feel like cooking anything else for dinner. I was wondering if you wanted to order pizza or something.” I looked at my watch and saw it was only 4:30, and Grandpa wouldn’t be home for a few hours. Not sure if we should wait or eat without him.
“Yeah, or we could go to the diner and get supper?” he asked hopefully. I had been out to the diner a few times with Ethan. After the initial panic from the first visit, when Ethan made me go in anyway, I somewhat learned to enjoy the diner. However, it was always just Ethan and me. I realized this would be a great step toward proving myself.
With a big smile plastered to my face I replied, “That would be great!” I looked over to Blaine. “Blaine, would you like to join us?” I asked in the hopes the gesture would add to my cause. Not that I minded if Blaine came, I just hadn’t ever invited anyone somewhere
—well, at least not since the incident.
Ethan looked at me a little wide eyed, but gave me a goofy grin before turning to Blaine. Maybe I was biting off more than I could chew?
“Yeah, that would be cool, Blaine, you in?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah, sounds good to me, but Matt was going to meet me later, you mind if he comes?” he replied.
Ethan looked back at me, asking me if it would be okay without saying anything. I just shrugged; I could handle this. This was no big deal. I kept telling myself this over and over.
Ethan smiled. “Yeah, call him and tell him to meet us there. Let me put the tools away and wash up, then we can go,” he said mostly to me.
I didn’t wait for them to clean up the shop, I wanted to make it to the house before they got done. I didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of Blaine, and I’m sure Ethan wouldn’t hesitate to carry me himself if he saw me limping.
Surprisingly, it took me less time to get to the house than the trip to the barn. I suppose I had more motivation than just my rumbling stomach for the trip back. I made it to my bathroom, and having decided to take a quick shower, I turned on the water as hot as I could possibly stand it. I disrobed, and got in. Instantly, I let out a sigh of pleasure as the hot water soaked through my skin and into my achy muscles.
I stepped out and dried off, then rubbed some cream onto my hip and thigh, digging into my muscles, hoping to keep the pain at bay for a while. I finished with dressing, and put my hair up in a simple ponytail. I never bothered with make-up or any foo foo stuff. Really, what would I need any of it for?
As I walked out of the bathroom, Ethan knocked and opened the door without waiting for an answer. Thankfully I was dressed, I thought sardonically. I had on a simple V-neck floral print blouse, a pair of white capris and flip flops.
“You ready?” he asked
“Yep, just want to grab my purse,” I said as I made my way to the bedroom door, hoping he didn’t notice my increased limping. I wasn’t so lucky, I noted to myself, as Ethan scowled at my hip.
“I’m fine, Ethan, please leave it alone,” I pleaded with him.
He looked down at my face, and let out a long sigh. “If you’re sure you’re fine. Are you sure?”
“I am,” I said strongly, hoping that it was the last I heard about it. I didn’t want anything to screw up this chance. It was something small, but I was hoping it would eventually work in my favor. This was the first time in three years that I was avidly determined about something, and I planned to succeed.
We both made our way down the hall to the front of the house where Blaine was waiting by the front door. I grabbed my purse from the coat hook and threw it over my shoulder.
“Let’s go,” I said with false bravado, because truthfully I was afraid of this backfiring. I think I was more afraid of having a panic attack than I was of actually going to the diner. Didn’t I say I might be crazy?
As we walked to the truck, I was obviously slower than the guys were, but Ethan, being the man he was, walked beside me, draping his arm behind my back, subsequently helping carry my weight. He did this without Blaine being any wiser to my weakness. Oh, I didn’t doubt that he had noticed the limp, but he had never pointed it out or asked about it.
Ethan helped me into the truck, and thankfully it was tall. With my 5-foot-1-inch frame, it wouldn’t seem awkward to have someone lift me up into it. I scooted to the middle of the bench seat and Ethan and Blaine climbed in on both sides of me. Ethan was driving—he loved this truck and didn’t let anyone else drive it. It was a big Ford with a backseat, however with all the crap Ethan had in the back, no one could sit there. Our dad gave him the truck for his high school graduation present, so I doubted Ethan would ever give it up.
As Ethan drove to the diner on the other side of Elk Creek, I purposefully leaned into him, trying not to touch Blaine. Like I said, he was nice, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be touching anyone I didn’t really know. With the way I was hindering Ethan’s ability to steer the truck, I was sure Blaine noticed, but thankfully neither he nor Ethan said anything.
Ethan pulled into the parking lot of the diner, and I felt the tightening in my chest start, with my breathing growing a little rapid. I reminded myself that Elk Creek was a small town with only about 10,000 people, and there was nothing to be afraid of. I closed my eyes trying to gain the calm that I desperately needed. I felt Ethan place his hand over mine and give a little squeeze, and with that and the repeated deep breaths, I felt fine enough to get out. I didn’t even bother to look toward Blaine, I was embarrassed enough as it was.
Ethan helped me down and whispered in my ear, “Can you do this?”
This was exactly what I didn’t want—I wanted him to see me as strong and capable, not a whimpering twit. I stiffened my spine, looked directly at him and with somewhat of a growl I said, “Yes.”
He smirked at me, and we both began to follow Blaine into the diner. Chelsea’s Diner was known for the best onion rings in town. It only seated about forty people, but it never seemed too crowded. As a tinkling bell and a blast of air conditioning signaled our entrance, I heard Blaine call out toward Matt, where he and another guy were already sitting. I faltered a step, which pulled Ethan up short, and he looked up to see what had caused me to go rigid.
“Shit,” he said then looked down at me. “That is Carter Belmont, remember I told you he drove me home? He’s a nice guy, you don’t have to worry about him, okay? I didn’t know he was coming, or else I would have told you,” he whispered in my ear, then looked at me. “If you can’t do this, we can go home.”
I tried to gain control over the slight shaking that has coursed through my body, and attempted to pull myself together. I mean, come on, this was so ridiculous. Get a grip, Taryn! I gave Ethan a nod, because I was afraid to open my mouth at that moment. He continued to gauge my reaction and it pissed me off, so I moved around him toward the table while plastering another false smile on my face.
Blaine, Matt and Carter were still standing and greeting each other, so I quickly moved to the open bench seat and slid across the red vinyl, all the way to the wall, without saying a word. Ethan moved to greet Matt and Carter, then slid in next to me. I let out the breath I had been holding, and shook out my fingers that I had clenched so tightly they were beginning to cramp.
Carter slid in opposite me, with Matt beside him, and Blaine scooted over a chair to put at the end of the table. I felt surrounded, and seriously it was taking everything I had to not start screaming. I kept my shaky hands beneath the table, and fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I tried to keep all outward appearances of distress hidden. I wasn’t sure how effective this was, but I was hoping at least a little bit.
Ethan grasped one of my hands under the table and started rubbing his thumb against my palm. I started to feel a sliver of the calm, and internally grabbed onto it. After a few minutes of talking to myself, and concentrating on my breathing, I decided that I needed to engage myself a little. If I didn’t, this whole thing would be a wasted effort, and I couldn’t afford for that to happen.
As I was prepping myself to say something, I felt a light tap to the side of my foot, and ignored it. I felt it again, a little harder this time. Deciding that I needed to acknowledge whomever was interfering with my calm, I looked up and I think my heart actually seized. In front of me were the most beautiful eyes staring back at me.
Chapter 3- Carter
Holy shit, she was beautiful. Staring wide eyed from across the table at me was the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. Her wide, emerald-green eyes felt like they were piercing me straight to my soul. Her light blonde hair was put up, with some curls framing her oval face. She had a pert nose, and those lips, good God, I would have dreams about those lips.
I could tell that all the guys were staring at us, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. It was like she had me chained to her with her eyes alone. When Matt told me we were coming to the diner for dinner and meeting Ethan and his sister,
I did not expect to see such a beautiful woman. Honestly, I was picturing the little pain-in-the-ass princess who put crickets in my soda can, only to break out in hysterics when one of the little bastards crawled out and scared the shit out of me.
When she first came in, I couldn’t get a good look at her with Blaine blocking the way. Then before I even realized she moved, she was already sitting down. I was intrigued, so I slid in across from her with the hope of seeing more. I knew something was off, because she just looked at her lap. Her body was as rigid as a bow string.
When I saw her visibly relax some, after Ethan took her hand, I thought she would look up at least. When she didn’t, I wanted to do something to make her. I wanted to see her. I tapped her foot with my boot, and the little vixen ignored it. Again, I tapped her harder, and saw her head begin to rise. I felt a little triumphant, then I was completely blown away when her eyes met mine. Seriously, I think a fucking bomb could have gone off, and I wouldn’t have given a shit.
Ethan growling my name brought me back to the here and now. I let her gaze go, and looked over to her brother, who was scowling at me. What the hell? What pissed him off?
He looked down at Taryn, and his face softened dramatically. “Tare, this is Carter.” He looked to me, “Carter this is my sister.”
Okay, I saw maybe with my open ogling of his sister why he might be pissed. Tread lightly, Belmont, I thought to myself.
“Hi, Taryn, it’s nice to see you all grown up.” Jesus, did I really just say that? What the fuck was wrong with me? Seeing the murderous look Ethan gave me, he didn’t like that comment either. Fuck!
Looking at me, she said, “Hi.” She had a sweet voice, like warm syrup. That thought brought some seriously inappropriate images to mind. I gave myself a mental shake down, and tried to bring my thoughts back to PG territory before I said another thing.
“Yeah, so… who’s eating what?” Matt asked everyone, and once again my thoughts were back to sex. I let out a groan, which unfortunately brought everyone’s attention back to me. I thought it might be safe if I just didn’t talk about or to her for a while. So I turned to Ethan, who was now looking at me warily. What did he think, I was gonna just jump his sister?
