by Lee Crystal
He closed his eyes, and hung his head in—what? Defeat? Remorse? I wasn’t sure.
“Yes.” It was almost a whisper.
I sat back down in the chair and let out the breath I’d been holding. Some of the tension left my body, but more questions circled in my mind. What would their dad have to do with her getting shot? Did he go crazy and shoot his own kid? The questions that I desperately wanted answers to would not stop invading my head. I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from voicing them. I didn’t think Ethan would answer them, and he looked too forlorn to press.
I couldn’t help but feel connected to Ethan. I didn’t think it was a remnant of our childhood, but more from the respect and awe I felt for him. What these two must have gone through was staggering to think about.
“What exactly do you want with my sister, Carter?” he asked, still with his head bowed.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I didn’t even know the answer myself. I decided to give him honesty—how could I not with all he’d told me?
“Honestly, Ethan, I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I am attracted to her, but it’s not just that. I feel drawn to her, I can’t explain it. Hell, I don’t even understand what it is,” I paused for a moment, trying to think of the right words to truthfully explain what I was feeling. “I know you only told me this because you felt you had no choice, but I am grateful you did. I would like to get to know her, and you, for that matter. But I also don’t want to hurt her or be the cause of her panic.”
Since leaving Florida, and after dealing with Felicia, I never wanted to get involved with anyone again. But this felt completely different. It felt overwhelming, and butt-fuck crazy, but also it felt right.
Ethan looked up and scrutinized me again. I knew he was gauging my sincerity, and only thinking of his sister, so it didn’t really bother me. I sat silently, not looking away, waiting for him to say something.
“Okay, as long as she wants you around, I’m okay with it. Just know that she is the most important thing in my life, and if you hurt her, you will regret it,” he said with determination, and I would be smart to assume he was serious. I might have been bigger, maybe even a better fighter, but I would be a fucking idiot to underestimate Ethan Dalton.
“Yeah, I get it, man. The last thing I want to do is hurt her,” I replied.
“Okay, well, I think I’m gonna get another beer. You want one?” he asked as he stood up.
“No, I think I’ll just hang out here for a while.”
“All right, just holler if you need anything,” he said as he walked away.
I needed to process everything he had told me, and calm down enough before I was fit to be around other people. I walked around a while contemplating, thinking, and eventually clearing my head. I saw Taryn walking down the sloped yard and hesitated only for a moment before deciding to follow her. I didn’t want to startle her, but I felt so drawn to the connection I felt when I grasped her hands.
I could see the limp, but it did nothing to distract me from her backside. Good lord, coming and going the girl looked hot. She had on shorts, so I could see just how curvy she was. Her legs were slender, and looked toned. She had great legs. Her curly hair was loose, and I was surprised to see how long it actually was. It was like a yellow curtain that flowed down to the top of her shorts, and I wanted to touch it, to see if it was as soft as it looked.
I followed her to the lake, and as she stood at the shore, I watched her, wondering what she was thinking. Calling myself crazy for wanting to get involved with this girl, yet unable to stop myself, I walked toward her.
“Why exactly do you want to have dinner with me?” Startled from my woolgathering, I looked to Taryn, trying to assemble an answer.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked.
“Don’t answer my question with a question. It’s deflecting, and some might consider it rude,” she snapped at me. She looked pissed, and maybe a bit hurt. Shit, I was fucking this up already.
“Taryn, I would like to get to know you,” I said, deciding plain old honesty was the best route. “I thought having dinner would be a good place to start. I promise not to kidnap you,” I said with a grin, trying to ease the tension. I really wanted her to say yes.
Her face was scrunched up in concentration, but her eyes were wide, and I could see although she was calculating, she was nervous.
“You look like you’re trying to solve world hunger or something,” I said. “It’s just dinner and talking, Taryn,” I said, trying to alleviate her obvious turmoil.
“Um, who will be there?” she asked, looking down and fidgeting with her fingers. I wanted her to look at me, so I slowly cupped her chin and lifted her face to meet mine. She was so small and feminine. I just wanted to take care of her, make her happy. God, I must have been going bat-shit crazy, no other explanation for it.
“Just you and me, unless you would rather have someone else come, too,” I said, knowing she might feel more comfortable if Ethan came.
“When?”
“Well, when are you available?” I asked.
“Friday,” she blurted out, and I thought I saw a little excitement flitter in her eyes. It gave me hope.
“Okay, Friday at seven all right?”
“Yes,” she replied firmly, and she gave me the brightest smile I had ever seen. It knocked the breath out of me. It wasn’t just her mouth that smiled, but her whole face. Her eyes illuminated with light and little creases appeared in her forehead, somehow imperfect and ridiculously perfect both at once. A breeze passed and rustled her curtain of golden hair. I smiled back at her, as there was no helping whatever this was between us, and hell if I gave a shit right now. Not with this girl, whose smile ensnared me and whose soft hair I wanted to wind around and around my fingers. I was so fucked, it wasn’t funny.
Feeling emboldened by the tingle her smile had ignited in my gut, I grabbed her hand and turned back toward the house. Her palm felt warm and smooth. “Let’s go back, before Ethan decides I have kidnapped you,” I said, and was happy when she clasped my hand back.
As we made our way, I noticed that she was much slower than I was. She was a lot shorter than me, but I could see tension on her face as we started to climb the sloped yard. I knew her speed had more to do with her limp than with her height. I didn’t even ask Ethan where exactly she had been shot, and since I didn’t see any scars on her legs at least the parts that weren’t covered, I assumed it was either her upper thigh or hip area.
I tried to think of something I could do to help her, but I knew that if I tried she would take offense and probably blow off our date. I gritted my teeth so I wouldn’t say anything, while trying to hide my anger. That was the last thing I needed—for her to see me angry.
Eventually, we made it back to the house. I led her over to where Ethan, Matt and Blaine were sitting and pulled a chair out for her to sit down. She winced as she lowered herself into it, and I tried to hide my cringe. I pulled a chair next to hers, and sat as well. Noticing she was fidgeting again, I grasped her hand with mine, but left them on her lap. She looked up to me and smiled, it was a shy smile, but any smile of hers made me feel invincible.
It dawned on me that no one was talking, so I looked over toward the guys, who were not-so-subtly staring at Taryn and me. Ethan’s eyes were locked on our hands, Blaine was grinning, and Matt just looked stunned.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see Mr. Dalton, whose gaze was also on our linked hands. I stood up without letting go of Taryn’s hand.
“Mr. Dalton, it’s good to see you, sir,” I said, extending my other hand.
He took my hand in a firm shake. “Carter, I’m glad to see you finally made it home. What the hell is that mama of yours feeding you, boy? You’re like a Clydesdale among Shetland ponies.”
I chuckled, I could see where Taryn got her sense of humor. “It’s good to be home, I’ve missed a lot.”
He looked pointedly at our hands. “Yes, it seems you have,” he said.
Then he looked back up to me with a grin on his face. “You best not be missing any more, young man.” He looked toward the other guys, nodded and strolled away.
The awkwardness soon passed, and we all passed the time talking and watching some of the girls fawn over Ethan, who tried not to seem interested. I think it was only because Taryn was sitting there that he wasn’t going off with one of them. Matt had no compunction about leaving with a tall brunette he seemed to know already, while Ethan, Blaine and I kept talking.
Periodically, Taryn would make a small comment about something that had been said, but she was nothing like the little spitfire from the lake. I considered briefly that she was uncomfortable with my open affection, but after she began rubbing her thumb along the top of my hand, I knew that wasn’t it.
I meet her aunt and uncle, both of whom seemed very curious about me, and their daughter, Maddie. She was, without doubt, the cutest little girl I had ever seen. All smiles, giggles, and huge, inquisitive eyes. After sitting with Ethan, and then trying to do something with Taryn’s hair, she climbed up into my lap easy as you please.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“Carter, who are you?” I asked, smiling at her.
“I’m Maddie Ellen Gardner, but my mom says that I am more Dalton than Gardner, which is good, ‘cause Gardners are wimps, and Daltons are tough!” she declared matter-of-factly. I couldn’t help the laugh, she was just too much.
“You sound like a bear,” she giggled and looked toward Taryn. “Cousin Tare, he would make a good hider, wouldn’t he?” she asked, totally leaving me confused.
Taryn chuckled. “Yes, I think he would, Maddie. Maybe we can get him to hide for us another day.”
Maddie looked back to me. “Would you come play with me another day?” she asked with wide, imploring eyes.
“Uh, yes?” I replied, looking at Taryn for any sign as to what I should say. She gave me another one of those grins, and I felt like I had been let in on a highly coveted secret.
The night was coming to an end, and I was reluctant to leave. I kept telling myself that I had a date with her on Friday, albeit it was only at my house, but it was time with her. After saying goodbye to Blaine, Taryn and I made our way into the house, where she walked me to the front door. I knew Ethan was nearby, probably Mr. Dalton as well, so I kept my voice down.
“Well, I will pick you up on Friday at seven?” I asked, just to make sure.
“Yes, I will be ready,” she said, and I knew it was time to go.
“Goodnight, Taryn.”
“Goodnight, Carter,” and I turned to walk out the door, instantly missing the warmth of her smile.
Chapter 6- Taryn
The week had passed with the agonizing speed of a slug. It was finally Friday—the day I had been anticipating since Sunday. I hadn’t heard from or seen Carter since, although I was sure Ethan was probably happy about that. Telling him and Grandpa about the dinner date was not one of my best moments.
It was after Carter had left, everything was cleaned and put away. My hip was killing me so I sat down on the couch. I kept thinking about Carter, and what it felt like when he held my hand. The fact that he did that in view of anyone and everyone was not lost on me; it made me feel special, like I was worth something. I was sad when he had to let go, and itched to hold his hand again. In three years the only physical contact I had was with my family, and that stupid shrink. I was still baffled at the comfort and rightness I felt around Carter, but when I was near him, touching him, nothing else seemed to matter.
Grandpa and Ethan came in and sat down, both looking utterly exhausted. I wasn’t sure what the right words were to tell them, not that it would have mattered one bit.
“I’m going on a date this Friday,” I blurted out. I was never one for mincing words. The instant shock on both their faces was almost comical. Did they think that I had no interest in dating? Did they really think I didn’t want to grow up? Yeah, I was technically an adult, but around here I felt more like a five-year-old.
Grandpa cleared his throat. “All right sweetheart, where are you going and who is taking you?” Count on Grandpa to stay calm and ask questions. I glanced at Ethan. He was wearing his notorious scowl, and the pinched expression he always gets when he’s about to blow up.
“Carter asked me to have dinner at his house, he said he will pick me up at seven on Friday,” I said, looking at Ethan.
“NO, he can come have dinner here. You aren’t going there by yourself!” Ethan spat. The anger and hurt that instantly exploded in my chest was kin to devastation. Had I really allowed myself to be so controlled that I couldn’t even date? Not that it had ever been an issue, but Jesus, I was so sick and tired of feeling incapable and alone. I stood up, squared my shoulders and spoke directly to Ethan.
“Enough is enough, Ethan. I am going whether you like it or not. I’m not going to be regulated by your sense of duty and worry anymore. I’m frickin nineteen years old and can make my own blasted decisions. I am going!” By the grace of God, I held in the tears that were trying to break free. Don’t show weakness, don’t show weakness, I said over and over to myself.
Ethan stood as well, and stood in front of me so only a few inches separated our faces. “What the HELL, Tare?” he said accusingly. “You can hardly leave this house without going into a meltdown. What makes you think you can be alone in a house you have never been in, with Carter Belmont, ALONE? What do you think will happen after you freak the hell out and piss yourself in front of him?”
That stung. I felt my chin start to quiver, and a few tears slipped out before I could stop them. I was hurt, shocked and downright furious with what he just said to me. How dare he humiliate me like this?
“Ethan!” Grandpa called out, attempting to get control of the situation. He was on his feet too, but before he could say another word, and before I could break completely, I let my anger free.
“You can go to hell, Ethan Dalton! You are not my father, HE IS DEAD!” The words ripped at my heart as I shouted them. “I don’t need another one! I don’t need you or want you!” I shoved him out of my face, and walked as quickly as my aching leg would allow to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I was able to hold myself together until I was in my bed, but with the stillness of dark, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The tears flowed, soaking my pillow, and I sobbed until my throat was raw. I sobbed for the hurt I felt at Ethan’s words. I sobbed for the situation as a whole, but I sobbed mostly for the look of anguish on Ethan’s face after I yelled those vial things at him.
That night, Ethan didn’t come to my room when I screamed.
The last few days had been tremulous at best with Ethan. He avoided me, hardly speaking to me, or looking at me, for that matter. Grandpa had tried to soothe us both. The morning after, he patiently sat with me in the kitchen, telling me that Ethan loved me, and he just didn’t want me to get hurt. I already knew this, but at some point I had to be responsible for myself.
“You are everything to him, sweetheart,” Grandpa said consolingly over his cup of coffee. “You don’t realize it, but he depends on you, too. You ground him, you make him see more than his pain and anger. You both need each other, regardless of what you said.”
The following days ended in a pattern of waking early, dressing, and going to the kitchen so I could talk to Ethan. Only, every day I found he had already left for work, and didn’t come home until after I had gone to bed. Yesterday he came home a little after five, but when he saw me, he turned around and went to his room. Of course I followed him—this really had gone on long enough. After climbing the stairs to his room and knocking on the door and receiving no answer, I opened it. I heard the shower in his bathroom, so I went back downstairs to finish the laundry, figuring I would catch him when he came back down. I didn’t catch him. He somehow left without me hearing him, again.
Today was the second of August, and since I had taken on all of the bookkeeping for the house, I was able to put
aside the anticipation for tonight, and my worries over Ethan. All week the only thing to divert my attention from both distractions was my online courses, and I finished the week’s assignments on Monday.
Finished writing the last check for the gas company, I slid it in the envelope, and put a stamp on it. I picked up the pile of payments ready to go out in the mail, walked out of the study and set them on the kitchen counter for Grandpa or Ethan to drop in the mailbox at the end of our long gravel driveway. I glanced at my watch, seeing it was almost five, and went to my room to get ready for my date. Something that felt like a little paper-winged moth fluttered in my stomach when I thought about it: my first real date.
After showering, shaving, drying my hair, and putting on just a touch of mascara and lip gloss, I walked out of my bathroom to find Ethan sitting on my bed. Thankfully I had my robe on. A little startled and a lot nervous, I walked to the bed, and sat down next to him. I wasn’t sure what to say. I knew he needed to talk. So, I just waited.
“I’m sorry, Tare,” he began without turning to face me. His eyes remained trained on his hands in his lap. “I should have never said what I did, and you’re right, you don’t need me. I know you’re going to Carter’s, but before you leave, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” He spoke with such a despondent tone, it made my chest ache. With his head bowed, hands in his lap, and shoulders slumped, he made a perfect picture of dejection. Tears started to form in my eyes, and guilt swamped me. Trying desperately to not cry again, I grabbed his hand and turned my body to face him.
“Ethan, look at me, please.” He lifted his head until he met my eyes, and turned his body slightly toward mine. I had no control over my emotions, and I threw my arms around him, grabbing onto his middle and holding on tightly. I felt his arms come around me and tighten.
“I’m so, so sorry, Ethan. I do need you, you are my best friend, and without you, I would have died, too.” My body was shaking with sobs. I could feel his chest quaking, and when I looked up to his face, he was crying, too.
