by Shan
“Yo! What’s up?” I said into the phone once Tamar picked up.
“What’s good? You calling to give me a name or something?” Tamar asked.
“Yeah, man. And I hate to do this, but I can’t have anyone fucking with my money. I’ll be out of everything in the next couple of weeks, and I need everything to be good between us.”
“Give me a name, and I’ll take care of it from there.”
“My uncles Dom, B.B., and Davion. They on some—”
“I know Dom,” Tamar said, cutting me off. “He and I tried to do a lil business a couple of years ago, but things didn’t go over so well when he found out that I had fucked his wife a few times while they were married.”
Suddenly, it all made sense why Dom had such a big problem with me dealing with Tamar, but it just didn’t make sense why he would want to stay with Ice, knowing he had such a weak and lousy product that was really hard to move. I’d given Dom more money in the past six months than I ever had over the past few years, so I knew that this had to be more of a personal issue than one of politics, like he had stated. My uncle loved that little Italian wife of his even though everyone felt like she was a big slut that was only using him for his money.
“I’m not even surprised, my nigga. He’ll do anything for that wife of his, even if it means losing out on some money. But look, I honestly believe that it was them. A couple of my blocks were hit the other day, and some of my men were killed, and this shit has them written all over it. They on this mafia type shit right now and are really looking to get everyone in Dallas coming to them for any and everything. I guess, since I didn’t stop dealing with you after they told me to, this is what they did to get my attention.”
“Yeah. Well, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you about it yet, but I do like the way you work, and my transition into Dallas hasn’t been quite so easy, and I got a feeling that they are the reasons why I’m catching so much hell behind it. Keep fucking with me and before you know it, I’ll have everybody in Dallas coming to you for everything. Believe me when I say this. Don’t worry ‘bout your fam, though. I got that. Them niggas fucked up going after my moms and sister like that. I don’t play that shit. I’ll get back to you later, though. Good looking out.”
“No doubt.”
I hung up the phone and sighed heavily, feeling like I had just betrayed my whole damn family, the only family that I knew and the only family that took care of me when my mama couldn’t. It was always supposed to be loyalty and blood over everything, but I couldn’t have anyone fucking with my money. I had lived the broke life, the life of always needing everything and never having anything you wanted, and I was not about to go back to that shit. Besides, I didn’t agree with the way my uncles were going about things. All this forcing everyone in the city of Dallas to live by their fucking rules was insane. Once again, my cell phone vibrated with another message from Jahzara. I had ignored the last few that she’d sent, but, this time, I opened it up just to see what she was so eager to tell me: Imran, I’m so sorry for everything. I miss u. Please text me back.
“Hey.”
“What’s up? You’re ‘woke,” I said, setting my phone down and walking over to Rain’s side.
“I’m sorry, Imran, I’m sorry. I didn’t get to call you in time, and I just want you to know that I didn’t let him in the house.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Rain. It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is. I shouldn’t have come here. I knew that Chino and his people would find me, but I was really hoping that they wouldn’t.”
“Chino? Who the fuck is Chino?” I asked with my suspicions rising by the second.
“My ex-boyfriend’s boss. When you sent me to rehab, Imran, I didn’t want to be in that place, but I promise you, when I left that place, I stayed clean, and I took the little money that I had and went to Maryland to stay with my cousin and my aunt. While down there, I got involved with this dude named Yurie. We dated for about two and a half years before shit just went bad. Now, I got Chino after me, trying to kill me. I promise you. I didn’t start smoking again until a few months ago because I got stressed out about Chino trying to kill me and not having anywhere to run… I just ran to dope again. Imran, I don’t wanna be a crack head, and that’s why I called you because I wanted to get clean and stay clean. I should’ve never came here. This was a mistake, and now you’ve lost your house because of it,” Rain cried.
“So, some dude named Chino burned my house down? What else does he know about me? Could he have been responsible for my blocks getting hit, too?”
“It wasn’t Chino himself, but I know it had to be one of his people, although I’ve never seen him before. He was light skinned. He had a cut under his right eye, dark brown eyes, and a low cut. It’s crazy ‘cause he had a thick southern accent like us. He didn’t sound like a nigga from up in Maryland, but—”
“Rain, that sounds like that nigga Quin,” I said, cutting her off. Quin was light skinned with a deep cut under his eye that he had gotten after being hit with a rock when he was a kid. I knew that nigga had to be responsible for something, but damn what else was he responsible for?
“What else do you remember about him? Anything else?”
“No, I can’t remember anything else. I mean, he did ask me to take him to your money and drugs before knocking me out. I thought that was kinda of weird because, when Chino sends his killers, they come to kill and nothing else.”
“I don’t think it was this Chino cat you are talking about, but I’m glad you told me about this shit.”
I walked away from the bed and grabbed my phone from the window seal. I was gonna call Jahzara. Since she was all on this apologetic shit and hollering about she missed me, I wanted see just how much of it was real. The line trilled in my ear a few times before she picked up.
“Hello?” she answered in a raspy tone.
“What up? What’s with all this ‘I miss you’ shit you’re talking about?” I asked, cutting straight to the point.
“I miss you, Imran, and I’m sorry that I walked out on you when you proposed to me. I was just going through so much, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Did Quin burn my house down, Jahzara?”
“Huh?”
“You heard me. Did Quin burn my house down? Don’t lie to me because I will find out.”
“Umm, I know that he went to your house last night. I believe that he was there at the same time you were here looking for him. I…”
I hung the phone up without listening to another word that Jahzara had to say. If he was at my house last night, it was because she had to have told him where I lived.
“Bitch! I can’t believe that I wanted to marry that girl! Man!” I said, sighing heavily.
I put my cell phone to my ear to make one more call. I needed to get in contact with Tamar to tell him to hold off on going after my fam, at least, until I could figure all this shit out. First, I assumed that it was them. Then, I assumed that it was Quin, and now Rain was adding a third player to the mix. All I knew was that shit was getting crazier and crazier by the minute.
18 Quin
"Get on the muthafuckin' floor, nigga!" I yelled, waving my gun between the two young runners.
They laid on the floor, and I walked over, spreading their hands and legs as far apart as possible. "Move, if you want to, and I will blow your fucking head off!"
Money. That was the only thing on my mind at that moment. Every thought that crossed my brain had something to do with money. Food. Money. Car. Money. Bills. Money. Any and everything had to do with money, money that I didn't fucking have. At that point, I was willing to do anything to get it. I just knew that that Sears bag that held the money and dope would keep me in a good place for the next few months until I figured some things out. I couldn't believe that Jahzara had done me like that. I really wanted to work things out with her and have my wife back, but I guessed all those years apart had really put a hurting on our relationship.
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I knew I should have never put my hands on her, but, when facing betrayal directly in the eyes, it was hard to do anything other than snap. Sad that this was what I had to resort to in order to make it. I mean, I could easily get on the block and work my way back up, but I was too old for that shit. Besides, I would have had to get Imran's permission to do so. Fuck that! I wasn’t asking that nigga for shit. I was straight taking everything. Just like he had taken my keys and come up further in the game than what he was, I was taking it all back. Who gave a fuck if Jahzara replaced what she gave away? I still didn't have the connect to get more once it was gone. After bagging up every drug that I could find in the house and taking all their money, I aimed my gun at one of the runners.
Pow! Pow!
One shot in his back and another shot to the top of his head. That was the second spot of Imran's that I had hit that day. I had nothing to do with Imran's blocks being hit, but, after Jahzara told me about it, I figured it wasn't such a bad idea. All I had to do was pretend that I was a dope fiend looking for the best stuff on the streets and they would point me directly to where I needed to be.
"When your boss man asks lil' man, tell him I said to see Quin! A'ight, youngin'?" I yelled out.
"A'ight, man. A'ight. Just don't shoot me," the young runner pleaded.
I backed out of the house and tucked my pistol once I was on the outside. Hurriedly, I ran to my car, got in, and drove off. That shit there got to me more than anything. Stealing from niggas was an all-time low.
"Shit!" I yelled out.
I punched the steering wheel a few times before grabbing a cigarette from the center console. I lit the cigarette and thought about moving somewhere and just getting a fresh start. It had taken time to build up my name, but I did, and the end result was nothing but pure pleasure until I got locked up. Had I not been greedy, I might not have been in this situation.
Once Imran and I went our separate ways, it was merely a competition between the two of us. He made major moves and brought a shit load of paper, more than me and my crew at the time. I knew it was mainly because of his uncles and their influence, but, regardless, he was over there getting it.
It wasn't until I hooked up with Tamar and started getting that A-1 product that I began taking business from him. We had a few petty beefs because of it, but none of them ever got too serious. I knew, with the work I had, that I could definitely take over the bullshit Imran had going on. I came up with a plan to get him out of the way. I paid one of his goons to plant a key of coke in his car and to call the police and report that the car had just been involved in a home invasion. Well, unfortunately for me, I had approached the wrong goon. His loyalty laid with Imran and the two of them flipped the whole plan on me. My block runner wasn't so fucking loyal and did the shit for less money than I'd paid out. Couldn't really be mad at nobody but myself, but shit it still didn't stop the moments where I felt that others were to blame, specifically Imran. Greed was a terrible thing, and most people didn't realize how terrible it was until they were affected by it.
Once I pulled up on my block, I looked around, looked at every car I passed, and even looked at the niggas that was standing on the block. My paranoia level was at an all-time high. I only came back here to grab a few of my things and then leave to go to a hotel or something. Imran most likely already knew that I had hit his spots, so it wouldn't be long before he came after me. I wanted him to know that it was me that jacked him, but I wanted to face him when I was ready.
"Honey? Is that Honey?" I questioned, peeping the chick that was walking down my block. She was short in height, with long brown curly hair. As I slowed completely down to get a better look, she turned and looked directly at me. What the hell is she doing over here?
19 Jahzara
A few days later
Sitting up in this hotel room day after day had me about to really flip out. I had no friends, no boyfriend, no husband, nothing. Seemed like I was the only one that mattered in my little world. Besides my parents, there wasn't anybody I could call on, and, at a time like that, I needed somebody to talk to. My parents would never understand this whole thing with Honey or even this crazy love triangle with Imran and Quin. Hell! I didn't know if I should even call it a love triangle. Neither of them wanted me at that point. Quin thought I had stolen from him, and Imran knew that I had given Quin his residential.
I didn't know how the fuck I had gotten myself in this situation. You would think I was some ditsy-ass bitch that didn't have any common sense or street smarts, but I was far from that. I had a lot sense and knew that the shit I'd been doing was only something that birds did. My thought process had been on a level that classified me as unworthy and one that was not to be trusted. That was not me at all. I wanted to fix things, but the problem was I didn't know where to start. Quin and I were too done, and I didn't want anything to do with him. I couldn't be with a nigga that put his hands on me. No matter what the history was between the two of us, that was something I just couldn't do.
Imran, I thought. I didn't know if I had a leg to stand on with him. Shit is just so fucked up that it’s not even funny anymore.
I walked over to the window of the hotel and pushed it open to the max. I lit up a blunt that I had started smoking on earlier that day and took a huge toke from it. Tears escaped my eyes and rolled down the sides of my face before dripping onto my chest. I had never felt so lonely before. At least, when Quin was locked up, I had Tomeka and even Honey to run to, but now I had no one.
"God, what do I do?" I cried out before I took another puff of the Kush.
I grabbed the hotel phone and dialed Imran's number for what seemed like the hundredth time today. He wouldn't answer the hotel calls or the calls from my cell phone. I just needed to apologize to him, let him know how sorry I was for giving Quin that information. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how much I regretted ever walking out on him after he proposed to me.
"Imran, please pick up. I really need to talk to you. I'm going crazy, and I really need to see you. Please call me back." I hung the phone up and then grabbed the phone book to look for a car rental service. I have to get out of here. I just have to.
****
I can picture us in the living room
by the mantel piece
and you’re telling me you’re loving me
with your hands on my thighs
while I’m staring in your brown eyes
and the expression on your face
is telling me you want more than a taste
so tonight we’re going all the way
we’ll be loving till the break of day
The moment that Enterprise brought the rental car to me, I immediately got out and started looking for Imran. I knew I wouldn’t feel better until I made things right with him. He’d done too much for me and had been true in his heart to me, so I had to let him know how much I appreciated him. He had to know that I was sorry for my foolish mistakes and that, if he gave me another chance, things would be golden between us. I knew I would have a lot of making up to do, but I would do whatever I had to do to show him that I could be his ride or die chick. That chick that had his back through whatever—the same chick that I was to Quin, but a whole lot better.
I pulled up in front of Imran’s house, and my mouth dropped in utter shock. I deafened the “Nothing in this World” track by Avant and KeKe Wyatt to take in everything in silence. Although, Quin said he had burned down Imran’s house and Imran asked if Quin was the one that had done it, I would’ve never imagined the damages to be this bad. The entire house was nothing but black, mangy looking ashes, and there was not one brick left on the entire house. It was hard to even tell where the kitchen once was or where the family room once stood. Everything was gone, and it was all my fault.
I took my cell phone from my purse and dialed Imran’s number again. Call after call to him had gone unanswered, and, each time he ignored my call, it took a piece out of me that I felt I would never get back.
How could I fuck up things between us so badly? Why didn’t I realize that I had a good man? I thought before driving off Imran’s quiet street.
To be completely honest, I had held Quin down before and after our marriage, but, after being with Imran and comparing the two, I had to admit that Quin had never really shown me what love really was. He had molded me to be this bottom bitch for him, this house wife, and a fuckin’ trophy wife whenever he was in the mood to show me off, but not once did he ever show me real affection. He hardly ever spent time with me, and one would think that he was married to the streets and didn’t have a wife at home. I could see how Imran never knew anything about me. Quin would come out at all hours of the morning, eat the dinner that was so graciously prepared for him, and, if he was in the mood, we would fuck. As I reflected on things, I couldn’t remember one time that my husband and I had ever made love. Imran and I had made love each time that we were together even from the very first time. His approach was gentle. His touch was gentle, and the way he handled me was just gentle.
