by Kara L. M.
Once he dropped me off back at home he gave me a hug. “Your fun to chill with Liv.” “Thanks you too Zeke”. I went in my house and my Mom had washed my clothes and put them on my bed. The hiking outfit sat there staring at me and taunting me of its horrible memories. Stupid shorts, maybe if I had pants on my cuts would have been less severe. I grabbed the shorts and ran to Carly’s to return them. She was getting ready for her third date that week. She was ridiculously popular. A few weeks ago I would have been jealous but somehow this summer had taken a weird turn for me.
“So what do you think of this?” She modeled her designer jeans and silk purple top.
“Gorgeous as always Carly.”
“Aww you’re so sweet! So what’s the news with danger boy?” She smiled.
“Well actually I haven't seen him all week.”
“Why is that?”
“Well I told him I needed a day to think, but now I’m done thinking and I need to talk to him to figure it out and well he is gone, from school and texting.” Her mouth dropped.
“What do you mean? I thought you liked him a lot?!”
“I think I do, but were pretty different.”Is all I managed to say.
“Well different can be good, opposites attract and all that.” She pointed out.
“Well if you need someone to pass your time by with I can get my date to bring a friend.” She said excitedly.
“Oh maybe another time but thanks!”
Before I left she found a gray mini skirt and black lace tank top from the closet and tossed them to me.
“For when you see him next, make him sorry he disappeared or whatever he did”. I laughed.
The weekend went by slowly. I was keeping to myself because I didn’t know how to feel right now. Was I sad that he abandoned me? Or happy that I would never have to face the fear again of what he was. It was hard to want to hang out with anyone since I couldn't explain it. I made up for missing family time by going to a movie with Mom and Peter Saturday night and then we played games all Sunday afternoon.
The week began and I found myself in summer school without him. In fact another girl sat behind me now obviously trying to get to know Jake better.
“Wow Austin must not want to go to high school.” Jake laughed and eyed the girl in Austin’s seat. “Yes pretty weird.” I responded. He looked at me confused “I thought you two were an item and you don’t know where he is?” “I haven't heard from him.” The truth stung my heart. Why did my heart sting? I was trying to feel like it was a good thing he was gone since I wasn’t ready for the heartbreak to sink in. He was my first kiss, maybe my first love. It meant something. The fact it was left so weird and with nothing figured out bothered me.
I ended up hanging out with Zeke, Katie, Samantha and Nic the next two nights. We had fun bowling and the other night we went to a drive in. It was a horror movie and I decided to take a walk when it was getting unbearably scary. I heard footsteps behind me and I flipped around to see him, tall, blonde and gorgeous as ever. My heart skipped a beat.
“Austin?” I asked. A small smile came from his perfect lips. “Hey Liv.” I wanted to hug him, but before I could a girl came up and hugged him from behind. “Austin your car is over here.” She said as she pulled him away from me. “Be right there.” He said to her as he removed her hands from his waist. She gave me a crusty and walked away. She wore a tiny jean skirt and a shirt that had her boobs on display. “Classy” I thought to myself. I felt a sting of jealousy that I didn't want to make space for. “So you decide to ignore me?” I asked harshly. “It’s not like that Liv, I just figured maybe it was better.” But before he could finish I said “You're right, I won’t ever be like that.” I stuck my finger out, implying about the girl that walked away. “Oh and for the record I healed fine, thanks for not asking.” I stomped off but he grabbed my shoulder and the zing traveled to my fingertips making me freeze. “Wait.” He said sternly. “Don’t touch me!” I yelled. Zeke must have heard me because he ran over. “Is there a problem Liv?” He asked with anger in his eyes. Austin’s mouth tensed into a tight line. “No I shoved Austin’s hand off me and ran over to Zeke. “Real mature.” He shouted after me. My blood was boiling. How did this just happen? He ignores me, finds a girl in one week and then doesn't explain it. I was so mad I told my friends I needed to go home. Zeke volunteered to take me.
“You don’t need to, I can call my Mom”. I said. “Liv you're the chillest girl I know and trust me when I say a car ride home is not a big deal especially after what Austin did”. His smile made me feel like a million bucks. Everything with Zeke was always real and easy. No electric fog messing with my head, just pure old Zeke, laying his charm on thick. I don’t know if it was me trying to get back at Austin or if I suddenly realized how much of a babe Zeke was but once we reached my house I leaned over and kissed him.
He held still out of shock but then his hands quickly found my face and his tongue slipped in my mouth. Our kiss felt wild and free. The taste wasn't near as good as Austin’s and the feelings weren't as strong but I felt like a fifteen year old girl having fun. Once we finished I opened the truck door. “Thanks for the ride home Zeke”. “Liv, you are MORE than welcome.” He said smiling from ear to ear.
I lie in bed with a smile. I was still riding on my high from taking charge and kissing Zeke, Austin be damned! But it didn’t take long for the pain in my heart to return. Austin’s face was still in my head and I tried to chase it out by closing my eyes and thinking of Zeke. He was super cute with his green eyes and scruffy brown hair. The more I thought about Zeke the less I felt horrible about Austin.
That night my dreams changed from falling off the cliff into space to seeing Zeke and Austin. Zeke was on the cliff begging me to grab his hand while Austin was eyeing me floating in the air with his devilish grin. “You know it’s me, it will always be me.” I couldn't decide who to choose and I woke up.
The next day I decided to wear my mini skirt and black lace shirt to class. I missed my opportunity to make Austin wish he hadn’t ignored me but I might as well feel cute today. Maybe I would see Zeke later. I felt bad because I wasn't sure I could like him as much he liked me but for now he was a great distraction and friend that I couldn't afford to lose.
I was shocked when I walked into math class and saw Austin in his same chair. I debated to sit somewhere else but I figured I might as well torture him with my perfume and hot outfit. I confidently walked to my seat without looking him in the eye. “Are you going to a club after this?” He teased. “Yes, I am going to let a bunch of guys dance on me, you jealous?” I hit back hard. He didn't say anything and math started. When we got a break our teacher asked us to pick partners again. I went to turn to Jake but the girl he had been flirting with was already at his desk like a puppy. I stayed in my seat. “Does everyone have a partner?”Our teacher asked. I didn't answer. “I don’t.” Austin said. “Well you and-- Liv maybe? I didn’t see her find someone?” “Actually, I won’t be around tonight so I will just do it at work by myself.” I said thankful that Katie had asked me to work for her tonight so I could use that as an excuse. “Ok, well Austin you do well enough alone you will be fine.”
Class ended and I got up to walk out the door but he was behind me. “Work? huh?” I debated to answer him. All I could think about was that slutty girls arms around his waist. “I am working the snow shack for Katie not that you should have to know”. “Gosh Liv take it easy, you don’t have to be such a beast.” I flung around ready to use some choice words when I heard my Mom call out the car window. “Thanks Austin, for leading me on, scaring me to death and then rubbing a new girl in my face.” His mouth dropped as I said the last word. I stomped off and hopped in my Mom’s car. I was so angry I could barely breathe.
“That didn’t look pleasant.” Mom said.
“Yep let’s just say you won’t have to worry about me liking summer school boys.”
“You can do it Liv, only five more weeks.”
Tha
t night I rode my bike to the snow shack and Ben the owner showed me how to work the machine. It was easy enough but apparently it would freeze up sometimes and you have to hit it with a wrench. I was looking forward to that, not! I sat in the booth with my homework and started in. By far this was the most difficult take home test we had and I was struggling. Three guys walked up and ordered. I made the snow cups, wiped off the sticky solution and got back to my test. The little shack was getting pretty warm in the late evening sun so I made myself a margarita flavored cup which helped. The next sets of customers were kids. Then I had a long break where I tasted every flavor of the rainbow until I got sick. At one point a few guys about my age came up and the ice machine froze up. I had to hit the machine with the wrench looking like an idiot. One teased me “Can I get this one free since I am so cute?” His friends laughed. As it got darker I became nervous about closing up alone since there had been robberies at other snow shacks in the area. I decided to ask Zeke to come help me lock up the shack at 10:00 p.m. He showed up on time and I felt relieved to see his blue truck. I made him a tiger’s blood cup and we locked up the shack.
“Thanks Zeke, it’s a bit creepy being out here alone!” “No worries Liv, you want to hang out when we get back?” “I wish but I have this stupid test.” I said pointing to my backpack. “Ah summer school well let me know if you get time tomorrow.” He went in for a kiss and I hugged him instead. I cared about Zeke but I wanted to go slow this time. With Austin we were all over each other the second day of hanging out. “I want to go slow.” I said while blushing. “Of course.” He agreed and kissed my cheek. “Sorry Austin messed me up pretty bad.” He nodded as if he totally understood. He lifted my bike into the bed of his truck and we headed to my house. I checked out Zeke while we drove home. He was super attractive in his red t- shirt and black shorts. There was something about his sweet side and athletic skills that made him the total package. But I wasn't sure if it ran deep enough to hold on to. I guess time would tell but I felt like I should let him know that my kiss the other night didn’t mean the fast track to boyfriend status.
“So Zeke, my kiss the other night.” Before I could finish he interrupted. “Oh Liv I get it we’ll go slow.” He winked at me. “Yes slow but I feel like I need to be honest.” He bit his lip. “I have never had a boyfriend before and I am not sure I am ready.” His shoulders relaxed a bit more. “I think it would be best to date and see what happens.” I said playing with my fingers. “I get it, we aren’t together, but I won’t lie about the fact that I want to be.” He said seriously. I inhaled. It was so easy to like Zeke. “But will you do me a favor?” His green eyes locked onto mine. “When you are ready, let me know because I am dying to kiss those perfect lips of yours.” He said as he dragged his finger across my lips. Butterflies filled my stomach. I liked kissing Zeke. Not the way I liked Austin but in the way that most girls probably feel. We hugged and said goodnight. I headed to my room and went to bed.
My dreams were vivid tonight. Austin was screaming louder than usual to grab his hand. Something inside me wanted to but I didn’t I kept staring between him and Zeke. I woke up annoyed that Austin still had some hold on me.
Ben called me that morning to offer me another shot at manning the snow shack since another employee called in sick. I jumped at the chance to make some extra cash. I worked on the math test the whole day and could only get half of it done. I was getting nervous that class was tomorrow. I couldn't help but think of how fast I finished the test when Austin helped me. Gosh could I ever get him out of my head?
Late afternoon I rode to the snow shack. I was more confident with the snow maker today. When it broke I didn’t panic, I knew exactly how to get that kitty to purr. But seriously I was smart this time around only eating two snow cups so I didn’t get sick. I had decided that pina colada and margarita are the best flavors. When it grew dark outside I remembered that I didn’t have anyone meeting me to close up the shack. Zeke was working and none of my friends could drive besides Carly who was on a date as usual. If I called my Mom she would get suspicious that my job was dangerous. It wasn’t really but I had read too many news stories that had me on edge.
A group of college guys were the last I served. One was particularly annoying asking me how old I was. He wouldn't leave me alone. I was grateful it was almost closing time so I was able to shut the window to drown out his creepy flirting. I counted the cash in the cash box and I knew it was time to dump out the ice and lock up. I peeked out the window to notice they were still there. Uh... what to do? If I leave now we will for sure have a confrontation and I can’t escape fast enough on my bike. I sat in the shack re-wiping the clean counters trying to stall and hoping they would be on their way. The flirty one was laughing loud and I was convinced I would be locked in here all night. I gathered up my courage and had 911 dialed on my phone so at any time I could push send if something were to happen. I opened the door, dumped the ice and quickly locked up the shack.
I was going to make a run for my bike and get out of there. But as I turned around from the shack there he was. Bigger than he appeared at my window and staring at me like a piece of meat. “I need a refund.” He said with an evil smile. “I have to get going.” I said struggling to sit upon my bike. But he grabbed me and pinned me up against the shack. I was about to scream when he put his other hand over my mouth. I watched horrified as his buddy slid his fingers into my pockets taking the keys to the shack and tossing my phone aside. I tried to bite the fingers of my captor not knowing if it would help. “Stop it girl, I don’t want to hurt you but I will.” He warned. I shrank back from his words. His friends had successfully found the cash box and were yelling to my captor to leave. He tossed me to the pavement and I heard their feet running away. In that moment I wanted to lay there and cry but I was worried they would change their minds and come back. I quickly ran to my phone and was ready to make the dreaded call to my Mom when Austin’s jeep came screeching into the parking lot. He jumped out and ran up to me. “Are you ok?” He asked. Relief washed over me knowing I wasn’t alone anymore. “No these guys, they robbed me and I . I didn’t know what to do it was so scary.” I sobbed unable to stop shaking.
I could tell he wanted to hug me but I quickly sucked in my tears and locked up the shack again. I was not sure at all where we stand but our touches were powerful and I should be careful. “Liv I am so sorry, are you hurt? Let me take you to the police station and then home.” He offered. “I am ok, and a ride would be great.” The ride to the station was painful. I couldn’t stop thinking about the evil guy’s harsh hold on me and the feeling of being utterly defenseless. A burning desire was growing in me to want to learn combat skills. I didn’t want to feel like a victim ever again.
Austin asked me about the math test to keep my mind of the robbery. Being with him was calming; my body was desperate for his soothing touch. I hated how my heart hurt from being a foot away from the guy of my dreams. The guy that wrote me off, but all the questions I wanted to ask him couldn’t escape my lips. Austin dropped me by the police station to file a report; I then called Ben the owner to give him the bad news.
“I know you had a traumatizing night, but I need to talk to you. Can I be honest?” Austin spoke carefully. “Of course that is what I wanted before you disappeared.” My response had changed his course of thought but he shook his head. “If you wanted Zeke all along you really shouldn't have spent all that time with me, driving me crazy.” He said hurt. How could I have hurt him? He was the one who moved on to short skirt girl after ignoring me. “I like Zeke but not in the same way I cared for you.” I said slowly. “Cared? So no more feelings, were done?” He looked as if all hope drained from his eyes. Who was this guy? Not the same confident boy I knew a few weeks ago and not the guy who I had seen at the drive in with miss slutty pants.
“I didn’t say that. Plus we both know I am not your type.” He pulled into my driveway. My stomach was twisting from the tension. I did still care for him. I wanted t
o ease my pain and just say it and reach out to him and feel him. But the memories of our last day spent together came flooding in. My heart started to harden over the secrets he was still keeping from me. My thoughts continued down the bad road where all negativity enters. I started remembering what he put me through that day and then never came to explain any of it. It gave me the courage to open the door and as I was getting out he reached over and grabbed my hand. Uh oh. The current rode its way down my wrist and hit my chest like a wave. I was falling into the fog the longer he held me.
“Liv, we need to talk and I mean really talk. Not here and not like this.” His eyes were pleading. “I am not going for another hike.” I mumbled. “That is fine, please meet me later. Sneak out after your Mom goes to bed.” “Austin I can’t I have to finish my test. I am so horrible at math.” I started to trail off. “Your test? Even better bring it we’ll finish it and talk.” His eyes lit up since he knew I couldn’t say no. “See you in an hour.” I said as I disconnected my hand from his. The lingering of electricity put me on a high. This is why I could never get Austin out of my thoughts. He fueled them, he fueled me. I missed this feeling.
I decided to take a shower since I had an hour before I was planning to sneak out. The heat of the snow shack and sticky syrup on my hands created a sweaty sticky mess mixed with parking lot dirt. I had expected that the reality of tonight’s horrible robbery would plague my thoughts and feelings but I was surprisingly calm about the whole situation. I knew it had to do with the electric buzz flowing through my veins. It also helped that I was caught up in seeing him tonight; my feelings were still very much intact. I had missed him every day we have been separated but I denied it with as many excuses I could come up with.
I knew tonight was different. He had somehow found me when I needed him the most and even with the crazy experiences we had been through I couldn’t possibly know if we were done, not until I knew the whole truth. I was more hopeful than I wanted to be. I knew I should not think that tonight’s talk could magically fix us. But I did know one thing, I hadn’t thought about Zeke and that worried me. Was I ever going to be over Austin?
