“It was time.”
“Bullshit. It would never be time,” she scoffed.
He leaned forward and rubbed his palms. “I was CEO for all the wrong reasons.”
She skeptically peered over the rim of her cup as she sipped. “Please. It’s everything you’ve always wanted. You told me so the night we first met in Austin.”
“A young punk kid will always believe success, money, and fame will get you everything in life. Here I am, mid-thirties, and it turns out that punk kid was wrong.”
“How?”
“Wanting to be the best never ends, Shane. Ever. There’s always another mountain to climb, another competitor to beat; it’s sprinting toward no finish line. And look what it made me do. I fucked with your business. And for what?”
She looked down into her tea, rubbing her lips together. “When you set your mind to something, it can’t be stopped. Always number one.”
“No kidding.” He leaned back and gazed at the ceiling. He rubbed his temples. Always number one, all right. An A1 asshole.
“But… I finally came out on top. Literally. Your news came in second on the most viral topics of the week.” She waved her phone with a sad chuckle.
“Well, there’s that.”
“So, what will you do now?”
“No fucking clue. What about you?”
“I could sell my tape and make enough to retire.”
“Silver lining.” The joke fell silent as she scanned the city, the dim lighting framing her beauty.
“Who am I, Jacob?”
“What do you mean?”
“My whole identity has been through other people. Achieving things to prove something. My career was for my dad, and after you left, I fought to prove I could make it...alone. And where did it get me? A sex tape in a club for one night of ecstasy and a lifetime of humiliation.”
“No, Shane. What I saw...” He faded out, thinking about her bliss in Gavin’s arms. He gripped his jeans.
“What did you see? Not that I want to discuss my sexual activities with you, but maybe... I don't know what I'm asking.” She waved it off.
“Freedom, Shane. You enjoying yourself. You, well past getting over me. These last few months, I was trying to win you over when you’d already moved on.”
“I wasn't...” Her lip quivered.
“What?”
“Over you. And now I don't know what I am. What I'm searching for. I feel like when I cling to something, whether you, Gavin, or my job, I become a different version of myself.”
“I'm so sorry...”
“I’ve been running from something, and all this set me to ground zero. A place I can start over, on my terms.” His heart sank and eyes stung. “What made you do it? Why go to such lengths with buying the band out?”
“Love makes us do stupid things. There are two sides to it—the festering darkness from hurt and the brilliant light of joy and vulnerability. There is no in-between. It either exists with both halves or not at all.”
“Do you still love me?” Her eyes glimmered with hope. He wasn’t worthy of such things.
“What? No, I...”
“Be honest. If you felt nothing, you wouldn’t be here.”
“Shane, what does it matter?”
She shrugged. “Maybe it doesn’t, but I’m lost. Flailing into emptiness and… Forget I asked.”
“Love or no love, I respect you. Knowing which one will only hold you back from finding what you’re searching for. And I've proven I’m not the man to help you find it. Trust...trusting someone means trusting yourself. Do you at least have that?”
“Not anymore. I thought I did but...”
“Find a way to trust yourself, Shane, and all the other things will fall into place. And promise me you will do it without influence. Stay true to the woman inside.”
“What woman? The slut who caved her empire?”
He winced. "You are not a slut. You are brilliant, smart, and fucking gorgeous. And you will come out of—”
“Rock bottom.”
“Yeah.”
“But what if I need someone to lead me?” She straightened, tears tracking down her cheeks. The teacup sounded on the coffee table when she set it aside. “Otherwise, I make fucked up choices and become the laughingstock of the industry. Don’t you see? Only someone like you can guide me toward sound decisions. And that’s why I hate you more than the lies. With one decision, you altered my world. Even from afar, your presence controlled me and now…” She sniffed. “I’m lost, and I have no idea what path is right.” She covered her face and sobbed into her hands.
He went to her, drawing her to his chest. “You can do this. You are resilient.”
“No. I’m not. I’m a shell without someone to guide me.”
His body ached as her heart poured out around him into a puddle of despair. Regret racked his insides for even leading her into the lifestyle. To make her feel un-whole and unworthy of herself.
“Do you remember when you took the Promotions Director job at Omega? You were scared then, but you owned it. Brought the label into the forefront.”
“You told me not to take it,” she recalled.
“Yes, I did. Omega was a small rate label, buried in debt. Too much risk. But you didn’t listen. You went anyway, and man, did you prove my sorry ass wrong.”
She pulled away. “I took it to be with you. I knew you were primed to move to New York with AMG. It was going to happen, so I had no choice.”
His heart plummeted to his feet. She’d always thought about him first. Always.
“You had a choice.” He cupped her ruddy cheeks, her swollen eyes shedding waterfalls of tears.
“The only other choice was to stay in Austin and let you go.”
His jaw went slack as her words entered his ears and clutched his heart. The remaining love she held, flashed in her eyes. “Jesus, Shane. Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“Would it have changed things for you? Would you have put your dream on hold to be with me?”
His eyes flicked back and forth over her grieving ones. A hammer beat the walls of his chest as the question took on a life of its own. Would he have stayed? Would he have gone away without her? When she told him she’d scored the job, he never thought twice about their future. But she had. And she made the choice because his career was important to him. “I…”
“You don’t have to answer. I’m not trying to put you on the spot. I need you to understand why this is so hard.”
Tears constricted his throat. “I do. I really do.”
He held her until his arms ached, rocking back and forth until sleep swept her under. He scooped her in his arms and carried her to bed. Laying her gently on the mattress, he covered her with blankets. She seemed peaceful, although her sleep was most likely racked with fits of stress. As though with a will of its own, his hand touched her. Soft skin pulsed under each fingertip as it ran the length of her face.
“I'm so sorry, Shane.”
His lips met her hair and a bouquet of wildflowers bloomed in his nostrils.
“Find yourself, Lovely. She’s in there. Even when it seemed like I wasn't looking, I saw you. And I do love you. I always will.” A piercing ache stabbed in his chest. Let her go.
And he did. For her. A woman meant for brilliance. Someone he always cherished. She lived in his blood. And now, from afar, he would watch her become the strong person she had yet to discover.
27
Shane pulled her worn Austin City Limits sweatshirt over her head and shimmied on black leggings. Dawn had pierced the horizon when she woke. Jacob’s last words continued to ring in her ears. I do love you. I always will.
As she tossed her wet hair in a messy bun, her phone rang.
“Hello, this is Shane.”
“Have ye fallen off the face of the earth?”
She winced. “Anna Marie. Hello.”
“Oi! Chaps! I’m on the phone,” she yelled. A funky beat played in the background. She was in the s
tudio recording in Los Angeles. It stopped. “Sorry, love. Ye got my messages, aye?”
“Yes. I did.”
“I knew I liked you, and with this”—she whistled—“you upped your cool points.” The distinct sound of her smoking a cigarette came through the receiver.
“Not sure cool would be the word. So you watched it.”
“Aye! It was the best thing I’ve seen in celebrity scandals. You are on another level. I may have met my match.”
Strangely, her embarrassment simmered down at Anna Marie’s interesting reference to a sex scandal.
“I should mention I’m on a leave of absence from Omega, as you can imagine. So I shouldn’t be talking to you.”
“Oh, bloody hell. I’ll talk to whoever I want. Ye need to come to LA.”
“To visit? I don’t think—”
“Visit? No, to stay. Live with me in my flat.”
She chuckled nervously, taken aback by her invitation. Sure, they’d worked together on her albums and best PR moments, but to say they were close would be an overstatement.
“I appreciate the offer, but I live in New York. I have a life here.”
A cackle sounded on the line. Apparently, Shane was clueless about her life. “Oh, darling. I’m offering ye a fresh start. Come work for me.”
“Work for you?” Shane’s new reputation would ruin her career.
“Come be my manager. Ye get me. And I admire your lady balls. You’re a tough bird, aren’t ye?”
“I suppose,” she laughed. “But you are signed with Omega, remember? Even if I’m removed from the company, it would be a conflict of interest.”
“If you leave, I leave.”
“You can’t be serious? Your contract is for another two albums and the advance and lost royalties alone would cost you millions.”
“Listen. It’ll take care of itself; Daddy has great solicitors. They can eat the effing contract.”
Shane had witnessed first hand the capabilities of Anna Marie’s father’s legal team. They beat Omega up so bad on her contract, she’d often wondered if the label even made money.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Voices filtered in the background. “What? Aye, all right, I’m coming,” she yelled to her band mates. “Gotta run, lovey. Think about it.”
Before she could answer, the line went dead. She smiled. Anna Marie had a way about her. It strangely sparked joy to know she could fall back on something. She tossed the phone on the bed. Who was she kidding? Manhattan was her home even if it existed behind four walls.
A snail moved faster than the elevator at Omega Records. She sighed, bracing her body against the brass rails. The car slowed and revealed the glass doors of her office. Once a place of pride and success. She smoothed her long ponytail through her fingers, digging deep for any residual strength to get through the board meeting…or funeral. The sandblasted engraving on the door read, Omega Records, permanently memorialized in glass and in her heart. Yeah, definitely a funeral.
A blast of cold air pushed over her when she entered the reception area. It was after eight p.m. A vacuum in the distance calmed her to know only the cleaning crew remained.
As she walked the otherwise quiet halls, dark and dull tones surrounded her, unlike the days, months, and years prior. She stroked the framed platinum record next to her office door. A shiver ran through her, and a deep pain struck her chest. They tormented her, haunting melodies of past hit records ringing in her ears. All gone. But not all for nothing.
Dropping her hand, she entered her office. She clicked on the light and squinted. The energy she used to feel had gone from hurricane winds to a cool winter breeze.
She grimaced. Would John tell her she could stay? Or would she be fired for misconduct? And if he kept her as CEO, would she be able to face her colleagues, talent, and employees?
She sat at her desk and gazed beyond the farthest building, the road to saving her reputation so far in the distance, she couldn’t fathom the strength needed to travel it.
Spinning her chair slowly around, Shane absorbed every nook, cranny, and accomplishment displayed. Was there enough to keep her here? Was it time to let it go? She blew a breath from her nose. Either way, she’d be starting again from nothing, but which path led to the better outcome?
A knock on the door jarred her. She turned. Gavin stood, defeated and worn.
“Why are you here?” She faced the windows again. Anger percolated, and she steadied her breathing to keep her composure.
His footfalls made their way to the visitors’ chairs, and he sat. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Did you meet with the board? Guess you got what you wanted. I’m sure John is happy to have you at the helm of the label.” Her chest tightened.
“Shane, please let me explain.”
She spun her chair. His eyes were sunken and red, hair slightly disheveled even though his outward appearance remained sharp and professional. Clean cut and dressed in a fine three-piece suit, he rubbed his hands together as he leaned forward. She only stared, wondering why she decided to play the game. Things would be different.
“The video wasn’t supposed to be released.”
“Whatever the intent was, it doesn’t matter now.”
His lips thinned. “You’re right. But you need to know what happened.” He paused. “In the beginning, I needed you to fall for me.”
“For my job. Right. We’ve covered this.”
“Yes, for your position. But when you said my motives ran deeper, I believed it. You flipped it on its side, and suddenly, it all made sense. Your submission. My dominance over you. The place where we intersect and unify.” She flinched, bile threatening to rise from her stomach. “When I found out you were a member of the club, things were easy for me. I was able to get you in a place where I could use you. But I didn’t think I would fall for you,” he said in a rush, running his hand through his hair.
“And that makes this okay? If you hadn’t fallen for me, this would have been okay?” Her voice rose as her neck flushed.
“No,” he responded quickly. “It wouldn’t have. But showing me your submission was the piece I was missing; it released me, helped me understand there’s more to life than being alone.”
“Then why release the video?” She smacked a hand on the desk.
“Blair did. It happened so fast, I couldn’t stop her.”
The burning behind her eyes threatened tears. “What about the thirty days?”
“Not happening. It’s what sent her over the edge. By admitting I loved you, I thought she would see I wasn’t the one for her. I’m so sorry, Shane. Even when I’m honest, I fuck shit up.”
A small part of her wanted to forgive him. His pleading eyes and solemn voice threatened her resolve. But he’d pushed too far. Even if the video release wasn’t his fault, it was his responsibility to protect it. To protect her. She’d trusted him. Would it ever stop? Would he really change? With too many questions and zero answers, she had to walk away even though it pained her.
“Honesty should happen in the beginning, not the middle or the end. You were careless and manipulative. None of it can be repaired. Even your apology will never right what happened.”
She was careless, allowing the domination of other people to write her story. To choose her path.
She walked to the front of her desk, each step laying a new path to the life she was meant to lead. A life she could build on her own. She had the power. She leaned on the edge of the desk. He craned his face upward. They’d come full circle, back to the place where it all began. The only difference? She was calm, and he was cowering.
“I’m sorry, Shane.”
The pain he apparently harbored from his own actions dulled his otherwise beautiful irises. Her heart stung for a moment and she softened.
“Whatever it is you’re fighting against, let it go. It will only continue to hold you back.” She breathed out allowing her own regrets to fall to
the floor. She felt for him and hoped he would find his way. “Besides, you’ll need the energy in order to run this company.” She made her way to the door.
“I didn’t take the job,” he called after her. She halted. “I came to tender my resignation.”
She whipped her head around.
“It wasn’t offered, either.”
Wasn’t offered? “I don’t understand.”
“I came clean. John and the board are aware it was me in that video, and I’m the reason it was released.”
The shock created a track of tears down her cheeks without sobs. She clutched her purse to her chest as her heart released the final tension she held.
“And the side deal?” she blurted. He didn’t appear stunned by her question.
“Yes, they know I approached Jacob about the side deal months before he agreed to it.”
“Wait…you approached Jacob?”
His head tilted to the side. “Yes. I approached him. He hesitated for a while before agreeing to it. Not sure what changed his mind but he did, eventually.”
“I thought he came to you.”
“Is that what he told you?” She nodded. “He was wrong. I’m the reason all this started in the first place.”
“Yeah…” her voice faded as her heart clenched.
A cleansing breath escaped, and she exhaled the anger. She wouldn’t carry the disdain she felt for Gavin or Jacob into her future. She turned toward the door and whispered over her shoulder, “Thank you.”
“Mr. Talbot.” Shane held out her hand and shook the hand of the chairman from across the table.
“Shane.” He looked at the other board members. “Gentleman, would you mind if I had a few minutes with Ms. Vaughn?” The members nodded and left them alone.
“Sir?”
He steepled his fingers, leaning his elbows on the glossy conference table. “I can’t imagine what you have gone through these last few days.”
Shame washed over her as she sank into the chair. “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ve embarrassed your company and myself.”
“It’s been a tough decision to make, Shane. You know how I feel about office relations and media on personal scandal.”
Beyond the Masks (Beyond Love Series Book 1) Page 27
