“Every day in this life is a risk,” Keith said unblinkingly. “I knew that the day I made the decision to be a part of the gang.”
Emma sighed heavily and turned her head sideways, in the direction of the small table that held a number of rusted picture frames. Keith knew she was travelling years into the past, with the images in those frames as a guide. He couldn’t help but stare at his fourteen-year-old self, staring blankly back at him from a yellowing photograph.
“You hated taking pictures,” Emma said, noticing the direction of Keith’s gaze.
“I still do,” Keith said. “Taking pictures is a pastime for happy people with memories to capture.”
“We had memories...” Emma said softly.
“You mean the memories of dad kicking you in the stomach, or the memories of him pushing me down the stairs? Which one do you prefer?” Keith asked bitterly without thinking.
After a moment, he realized what he had just said, and he turned to his mother in apology. “I… didn’t mean that.”
“Of course you did,” Emma said unblinkingly. “And I can’t blame you. It’s just that sometimes… I suppose I like to pretend your childhood wasn’t as bad as it had been. It’s the only way I can control the guilt I feel.”
“You have nothing to feel guilty about,” Keith said firmly. “You hear me?”
“I am you mother,” Emma said distractedly. “I should have protected you. Instead… I forced you to grow up because I was incapable of fighting back.”
“You did no such thing,” Keith said. “That was my decision. I knew I needed something to make me strong… so that I could face him.”
“That wasn’t your job,” Emma insisted. “It was mine. I was his wife.”
“And I was his son,” Keith said through gritted teeth. “And he and I had a score to settle.”
Emma sighed again and turned away from his stare. “I remember that life like it was yesterday. I can remember him standing over you with his fists clenched and his eyes bloodshot.”
“You know what I remember?” Keith asked. “I remember you standing between us so that he wouldn’t have the chance to hit me. I remember you jumping on his back so that he would turn his attention on you rather than me. I remember that you only ever wore shirts with long sleeves because you wanted to hide the bruises he left on your skin. I remember the week that you stayed in your room because you didn’t want me to see the black eye he had given you. Those are the things that I remember.”
Emma’s eyes were far away when she looked back at Keith. “I was so scared when you joined that club.”
“I know,” Keith said, as he nodded gently.
“But it changed everything, didn’t it?”
“It did,” Keith said. “The club taught me how to let go of my fear. The club taught me how to be a man.”
Emma nodded as though she were distracted, her mind travelling into the past when she was still beneath the heel of her husband and Keith had just been a scared little boy. “It’s a dangerous life though,” she said after a long silence.
“Nothing in life is perfect,” Keith said. “I may not always be safe… but at least I’m free.”
“Do you still think that… after what happened with—?”
“Why don’t you eat something,” Keith interrupted her swiftly before she could finish her sentence. He did not want to have to think about that; he did not want to think about what he had lost in choosing this life. It was a catch twenty-two however. He would have had nothing to lose if he had not chosen this path.
“Have you met any nice girls lately?” Emma asked deftly, acting as though the previous conversation had no relation to this one.
Keith kept his face impassive. “None,” he said gruffly. “And I’m happy to keep it that way.”
“Maybe you should just consider—?”
“Consider what?”
“Opening yourself up a little,” Emma said gently. “You’re so closed off, Keith. You weren’t always that way.”
“I have good reason.”
“I’m not saying you don’t,” Emma said. “I’m just saying there are other ways of dealing with your loss. This is not a good one.”
“It’s worked pretty well the last two years.”
“And all these women you sleep with and then discard… do they make you happy?” Emma asked pointedly, raising her eyebrows and fixing him with a fire bright stare.
“The point is not to be happy,” Keith said stubbornly.
“It’s not?” Emma asked calmly. “Then tell me, what is the point?”
“The point is to distract myself,” Keith said honestly. “And that I achieve with every one of those girls.”
“And you forget them afterwards?” Emma asked in a good imitation of casual disinterest.
“Yes, I do,” Keith replied, after hesitating for a moment.
The moment his mother had asked him the question, an image of Kristina popped into his head. He didn’t know why her face was so clear to him or how he had managed to retain so many details surrounding her. All he knew was that it was not a good sign that his mind had raced to her.
“Keith?” his mother’s voice brought his attention back to the room.
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“You seem distracted?”
“No,” Keith said quickly. “I’m just… there’s a gang meeting tonight, that’s all.”
Emma sighed, as though she suspected he was lying. “Even this gang won’t stay together forever. Look at Miles… he’s going to be a father now, and that’s going to change everything.”
“We’re still going to be his family,” Keith said confidently.
“I don’t doubt it,” Emma said with understanding. “But you will be his second family, and that means his partner and his child will always outrank you…which is as it should be.”
Keith thought about his mother’s words, and they made sense to him. Of course Miles would value the love and respect of his partner and child above the members of the Iron Dragons. What surprised him about the realization was the fact that it made him feel… like he was being left behind. It didn’t make him sad as much as lonely, and it was an unpleasant feeling to have.
“I’ll always have you though, won’t I?” Keith asked with a smile, as he tried to brush off the seriousness of the moment.
“Of course. You will always have me,” Emma said gently. “But that might not be enough.”
“I’m happy being alone,” Keith said fervently, wondering why his voice sounded so robotic and emotionless.
“Oh Keith,” Emma sighed. “You can’t be alone forever.”
“Why not?” Keith demanded. “So many people are. There’s nothing wrong with being alone.”
Emma shook her head at Keith, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and clear. “You think you’ve left your fear behind… but it’s still there, son. It’s just taken a different form.”
Chapter Five
Kristina
Hiking had become something of a tradition with Kristina and Marie. It had started in their sophomore year, and it had initially all been a ruse to get closer to a certain handsome senior who Marie was interested in getting to know a little better.
Being a loyal friend, Kristina had accompanied Marie on her quest, and for the most part it had succeeded. Marie and Malcolm dated for four months before she found him cheating on her with another girl, and that had been the end of their short-lived relationship. Ironically, however, it had not been the end of their hiking excursions.
Monthly hikes had turned into a weekly fitness regimen, and both Kristina and Marie had found that they loved it. Since Marie was pre-med, she didn’t always have the time to hike, and in those instances, Kristina went alone, savoring the independence.
As Kristina put on her hiking shoes, Marie looked at her with envy and gave a big sigh. “I wish I could come with you.”
“Me, too,” Kristina said, as she nodded. Although the honest truth was
that she had been looking forward to hiking alone that morning. “Next time.”
“Next time,” Marie said, as she prepared for her first lecture. Kristina waved goodbye as she left their dorm.
The morning was awash with dew and a thin veil of mist that had only just begun to lift. Kristina breathed it in, feeling adrenaline pump through her body as she jogged towards the trail that would lead her upwards to more hilly terrain. It was a route she had travelled countless times, and she knew the path like the back of her hand. She didn’t have to think about it anymore; there was no concentration involved, which meant her thoughts were free to travel where they pleased.
As Kristina neared the trail, her thoughts invariably landed on Keith, and she sighed in frustration. She had tried all week to get him out of her head, but more often than not, she found herself thinking of him. Her task was made harder due to the fact that she had not seen him around Lee and Seton since he had dropped her off on his motorcycle.
She had expected to see him the next day, and when he had failed to show up, she found herself having to swallow her disappointment and wait expectantly for the next day to come around. It was not a feeling she had experienced before, and Kristina realized that she hated it. She was not used to daydreaming about a man and fantasizing about all the things she would do to him. It made her feel more vulnerable than she was comfortable being.
When the trail started winding, Kristina turned left off the beaten path so as to avoid the main trail. It wasn’t usually crowded, but she had used that path so often that sometimes it was boring. She veered off, using the thin trees as guides and supports as she moved higher up the gently sloping hills filled with small pebbles that had once been large rocks. She followed the light until she reached a small clearing that was surrounded by large trees and lots of rubble. She was about to head west when the sound of footsteps made her stop short and turn in the direction of the sound.
She almost felt her heart skip a beat when the figure of a man approached, and she realized she was staring at Keith’s chiseled features and brooding stare. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and an expression that indicated that he was as shocked to run into her, as she was to run into him.
“Keith?” Kristina said instinctively.
“Hi,” he said after a moment’s pause.
It didn’t appear that he was going to say anything more so Kristina cleared her throat awkwardly and attempted to fill the silence. “Do you hike often?”
“Lately I have,” Keith nodded.
“It’s good to keep fit,” Kristina said lamely.
“I don’t do it to keep fit,” Keith said. “I do it to distract myself.”
“What are you trying to distract yourself from?” Kristina asked with interest.
Kristina saw his face change slightly, almost as though he regretted saying too much. His eyes were hooded, and that made it hard for Kristina to read what lay behind them.
“A number of things,” Keith said finally.
Kristina shrugged. “I just do it to stay fit… and it’s a good pastime to do when you want to think.”
“You do a great deal of thinking, do you?” Keith asked.
Kristina smiled. “Yeah, I suppose. Doesn’t everyone?”
“I try to avoid it as much as possible,” Keith said.
Kristina felt a thrill in realizing that they were actually having a conversation. She had the feeling that he wanted to leave, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, and that gave her a boost of confidence that made her take a step closer.
“Sounds like you have demons you don’t want to face,” Kristina said, lowering her voice without realizing it.
Keith gave her a pointed look. “You think so?”
“Why else would you want to avoid your own thoughts… why else would you have approached me that night?”
She had not meant to say the last part of that sentence, and her cheeks flushed pink instantly as she lowered her gaze so that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. It was amazing how eyes that were so icy could burn so fiercely.
“Are you just naturally presumptuous, or is this just a side effect of studying psychology?” Keith asked in a hard tone.
Kristina flinched internally at his tone, but she kept her expression calm and unaffected. “Sorry, sometimes I speak without thinking.”
“Ironic,” Keith said sarcastically. “Considering that you come here specifically to think.”
Kristina turned hard eyes on him and gave him an annoyed smile. “Are you always this charming?” she asked, matching his sarcasm. “Or is this just a side effect of being a too cool for school, bad ass biker dude?”
Kristina thought she saw the corner of his mouth twitch upwards for a second, but he managed to keep it straight. “Does my personality irritate you?” he asked, as though he were hoping she would say yes.
“No,” Kristina said calmly. “I know better than to let clichés bother me. I’d spend my whole life being irritated.”
“I’m a cliché?” Keith asked in a tone of feigned hurt.
“The brooding biker who fucks his way through life?” Kristina said. “Come on.”
“Didn’t your mother ever teach you that stereotyping is insensitive?”
“Your mother should have told you the value of being polite.”
“She did,” Keith said with a smirk. “It’s not her fault I didn’t listen.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Kristina snapped as she whirled around. “Enjoy your hike, dill hole.”
Her back was to him, but she heard him laugh out loud and the sound almost made her turn back just so that she could see it. She forced herself to keep walking, but she was extremely aware of Keith’s heavy footsteps close behind her.
“There are plenty of trails,” Kristina said, stumbling slightly over her words. “You don’t have to follow me.”
“You’ve given me no choice,” Keith said, making Kristina stop in her tracks and turn to face him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly.
It was the first time that Kristina had seen him smile, and she was suddenly aware of the heat rising through her body. She felt her breath speed up and memories of the night they had shared together came crashing into her head. She tried to shake them loose, but Keith was standing really close to her and his smile was scrambling her will.
“You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who follows up after… a one-night stand,” Kristina said because that was the only thing on her mind, and she couldn’t think clearly enough to make something up.
“I’m not,” Keith said, as the smile drifted off his face. It was replaced with a searching expression, as though he were trying to figure some things out.
“Then why are you still standing here?” Kristina asked bluntly.
“I don’t have a reason other than I want to,” Keith said, matching her honesty. “Is that answer enough for you?”
“I guess,” Kristina said hesitantly, feeling her indignation slowly leave her body. She breathed out slowly and felt herself calm down in the same breath. “It’s a nice day.”
Keith looked as though he were about to smile. “It is,” he nodded.
Kristina nodded, feeling slightly awkward as she tried to make sense of this new cordiality. She was trying to avoid staring at the rippling muscles that were on full display in the sleeveless t-shirt Keith was wearing.
“Something on your mind?” Keith asked.
Kristina turned her eyes down immediately. “No.”
“Sure?” he asked, and she could sense that he had noticed her preoccupation and he was teasing her. She felt her chin jerk up in response to that realization, and she stared at him unblinkingly. “I’d better get going.”
“Ok,” he said evenly.
“Ok,” Kristina repeated.
Despite their goodbye, both held their ground and each other’s gaze. When it was clear that neither one was leaving, Kristina felt her curiosity peak again. She could
feel the sexual tension build between them, and she wondered how far this would go if she allowed it.
“I haven’t seen you around the auto shop lately,” she said.
“Have you been hoping to see me?”
Kristina rolled her eyes. “Hardly,” she said. “I’m just making conversation.”
“If that were the case, you would have commented on the weather,” Keith pointed out.
“The fact that you’re avoiding the question makes me think suspicion is in order,” Kristina said.
This Savage Love: A Bad Boy Romance Boxed Set Page 51
