by Lily Baxter
‘Maybe one day. You never know, Susan, if the war goes on for long enough you might even be able to join the ATA like dear Elspeth, although you’d still need the right qualifications.’
‘You mean a pilot’s licence?’
‘Yes, that too, but it seems to me that the famous eight are all society beauties with rich daddies. You don’t qualify there.’ He gave her a hug. ‘Well, you do in the looks department. You’re a peach, Susan Banks.’
‘I’ll second that,’ Danny said earnestly. ‘But we’re missing the party, and it’ll be closing time soon. I could do with a pint, especially if the drinks are still on the house.’
‘You go on,’ Tony said, moving closer to Susan. ‘We won’t be far behind.’
Danny gave him a mock salute and a knowing wink. ‘Okay, squire. I’ll get the drinks in.’
It was almost dark and growing chilly. Susan shivered and Tony wrapped his arms around her. ‘Are you all right? I know you’re close to Roz. You must be worried about her.’
‘I’m okay.’ She raised her eyes to meet his and the warmth of his gaze made her heart give a funny little jiggle against her ribs, but there was something she had to know. ‘You’re very fond of her, aren’t you?’
He recoiled slightly. ‘I wouldn’t put it quite so strongly. I like her a lot and she’s a damned attractive girl, but I don’t fancy her, if that’s what you mean.’
She looked away. ‘I thought you did.’
‘Let’s get one thing straight. I admire Roz, and I think any man would be lucky to have someone like her, but there’s this girl I met last year. I can’t get her out of my mind.’
‘Oh.’ A suffocating cloud of disappointment threatened to overwhelm her. ‘She must be something special.’
‘Yes, she is.’ Tony lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers, looking deeply into her eyes. ‘I thought she was just a kid when she came off her bike in front of me. I imagined that I was too old for the little girl lost with the big sorrowful blue eyes, and then she told me she had a boyfriend called Charlie.’ His lips twitched and he dropped a kiss on her forehead.
Her heart was beating so fast that she could hardly breathe and an involuntary gasp escaped from her lips as she attempted to push him away. ‘You’re teasing me. That’s not fair.’
He drew her closer, caressing her lips with his, gently at first but with growing desire until she relaxed against him, sliding her arms around his neck and returning the kiss. Her experience with Colin had made her wary, but she realised now that there had been no genuine feeling behind his practised embrace. He had been toying with her emotions expertly but coldly and without emotion. Kissing Tony was like coming home. She could feel the heat of his body penetrating the thin cotton of her summer frock. She was melting against him like a candle set too close to the fire, moulding to him so that they fitted together in a perfect match.
He released her lips, holding her close with his face buried in her hair which had somehow come loose from the snood at the back of her neck. He drew back slightly, brushing a long golden strand back from her forehead. ‘Now do you believe me?’
Her legs threatened to give way beneath her and she clung to him, scarcely able to believe her ears. It was difficult to breathe and yet she was overwhelmed with a sense of completeness and deep joy. ‘I’m not sure. What did you want to tell me?’
His lips curved in a smile and his eyes glowed with inner fire. ‘That I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you, but I didn’t think I stood a chance. Then Colin told me about Christmas, and …’
She stiffened. ‘What did he say?’
‘That you two had got it together on the sofa in my dad’s flat.’
Horrified, she pushed him away. ‘That’s a wicked lie. He kissed me but that’s all. How could he tell such awful whoppers?’
He laid his hands on her shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. ‘I didn’t believe him, sweetheart. Colin’s always fancied himself as a ladies’ man, and I was pretty certain he was just saying those things to get me going.’
‘Elspeth’s welcome to him,’ Susan said bitterly. ‘They deserve each other.’
He studied her face as if he were trying to read her thoughts. ‘There’s something else that he said which concerns you and my dad. I need to get it out in the open before it drives a wedge between us.’
Suddenly she was ice cold. The cool breeze had turned into a chill winter wind. She dropped her gaze. She could guess what was coming next.
‘Colin was drunk at the time and I think he was having a bad time with Elspeth, but he said that you’d made a play for my father. He said that Aunt Maida had warned Dad not to fall for a girl half his age, but he was besotted with you. I shut him up, of course, but not before he’d accused you of being a gold digger.’
‘And you believed him.’ She stared at him in horror. ‘How dare you say you love me when you’re prepared to believe anything that anyone says about me? What sort of girl d’you think I am, Tony Richards?’
He took a step backwards, recoiling as if she had struck him. ‘I didn’t mean it to come out like that, Susan. Of course I didn’t believe you were capable of such a thing.’
‘Then why say it? Why bring it up.’
‘Because I want everything to be open and above board between us. I do love you …’
‘Then you’ve got a funny way of showing it.’
He ran his hand through his hair. ‘It wasn’t just what Colin said. Aunt Maida wrote to me saying much the same thing. She said that Dad had given you some of my mother’s things and you were trying to take her place. I just wanted to hear your side of the story, Susan. I’m not accusing you of anything.’
‘Yes, you are. You’re doing just that, and whatever I say you’re always going to have a niggling suspicion that what they said was true.’ She turned away, unable to bear the stricken look on his face but too hurt and angry to make concessions.
‘Please, Susan, be reasonable.’
‘You don’t love me. There can’t be love if there isn’t any trust. I’m beginning to wish that I’d never met you or your dad.’
He stood with his hands clenched, his face pale in the gathering dusk. ‘You don’t mean that, darling.’
‘I was a fool to come here, and even more stupid to think that there could ever be anything between us.’
‘You really wanted to see me again? It wasn’t just because I promised to help you find a job?’
‘Not entirely.’ She clenched her fists at her sides. ‘You wanted the truth so here it is. I ran away from London because your dad asked me to marry him. He did give me a couple of things that had belonged to your mum because I came away from the Kemps with little more than what I stood up in. I tried to give them back but he wouldn’t hear of it. I was genuinely fond of him, but not in that way. For God’s sake, he was old enough to be my father.’ She glared at Tony, silently daring him to speak, but his face was now in deep shadow and he said nothing. She choked on a sob. ‘There. It’s all out in the open now. We know where we stand, thanks to your aunt and your friend Colin. He’s wrecked Roz’s life and mine too.’
‘Susan. Please don’t be like this.’ He took a step towards her but she backed away.
‘Don’t speak to me. Don’t saying anything, Tony. Keep away from me. I don’t want anything to do with a man who thinks so little of me.’ She fled in the direction of the kitchen.
Chapter Fifteen
Susan would have left the pub there and then had it not been for the fact that Roz begged her to stay. She said that she needed a friend now more than ever. They had both been betrayed by the men they loved, and they could support each other through the coming difficult months. Susan could see the sense of this, and anyway she had nowhere else to go. Her half-hearted enquiries into renting rooms had met with a firm rebuff when the landlords discovered that she owned a large, bouncy Labrador. Leaving him behind or giving him away was unthinkable, and the Victorious had become their home. The Fullers we
re the nearest thing to a family that Susan had ever had and she made a solemn pact with Roz to stand together no matter what, but it was obvious that life from now on was going to be anything but easy.
Despite the fact that Susan refused to see him, Tony came to the pub every evening. Roz tried to act as mediator but Susan was still hurt and angry. The fact that he had suspected her, even for a moment, of encouraging his father’s advances made her feel physically sick. She knew she was being irrational, but she was terrified by the depth of feeling he aroused in her. Deep down what she feared most was rejection. Only someone who had been abandoned at birth could understand the need to be loved unconditionally. She dared not let Tony back into her life. It was easier to be alone than to be with someone who doubted her integrity. She tried to explain her feelings to Roz, but although Roz was sympathetic she was preoccupied with problems of her own. On her twentieth birthday she had received notification that it was compulsory for women her age to register for war work. This did not apply to married women with young children, but Roz did not fit into that category. When she looked into it further she discovered that her options were limited. She was adamant that she did not want to work in an armaments factory or as a nursing auxiliary. She was, she said, too young to join the Women’s Voluntary Service, as the old tabbies would treat her like a fallen woman, which she supposed she was since there was no likelihood of her getting married before the baby was born. Patrick had begged her to see him, sending messages through Susan as he was still barred from the pub, but Roz’s reply was always the same. She would not have anything to do with him until he could assure her that he had filed for divorce.
In the end it was Tony who came up with a suggestion that appealed to Roz. He told her that there was a vacancy at the Armstrong Whitworth factory at the airfield. He was not certain whether the job in the workshop would suit her, but he suggested she might like to apply. Despite her father’s protests that it was unsuitable and she could do better, Roz sent in her application and received a reply by return.
Tony took her to the interview. She rode pillion on his motorbike, and when Susan protested that it might harm the baby, Roz replied shortly that she did not care. Life had to go on, even if hers was a ruin. She returned home later that day with a triumphant smile on her face. Connie Makepeace had gone for the same job but had been rejected, mainly because she was six months pregnant and beginning to waddle. Roz patted her gently rounded belly with a satisfied sigh. ‘I won’t show for ages, especially wearing one of those dreadful overalls. At least that slut didn’t beat me. That would have been the ultimate humiliation.’
Susan returned to work at the Petersons’ and she continued to cook and clean for the Fullers, but her life seemed to be on hold. She could think of nothing but the pain that Tony had caused her, and she could barely force herself to be civil to Colin on the occasions when she saw him with Elspeth. Their affair alone seemed to be going on as before. The two people who had wrecked the lives of others had got off scot free. There seemed to be one law for ordinary people like herself and Roz and a completely different set of rules for those like Elspeth, who had been born with a silver spoon in their mouth. She was either oblivious to the suffering she had caused, or else she simply dismissed it as a trivial matter. She treated Susan in exactly the same way as she had before the disastrous birthday party, but her offers of a ride in the Moth had grown more frequent. Perhaps, Susan thought, Elspeth had felt a tiny pang of guilt, or maybe she simply liked showing off her flying skills to an audience. Whatever the reason for the invitations, Susan was not going to turn down the chance to fly. In that she was as single-minded as Elspeth, and her enthusiasm paid off. She was allowed to take the controls more often and Elspeth was as generous with her praise as she was hard on Susan when she made mistakes.
The countryside basked in a golden haze of September sunshine. Susan had just made a perfect landing and she climbed out of the cockpit feeling very pleased with herself. Elspeth was smiling as she took off her helmet and goggles. She slapped Susan on the back. ‘We’ll make a pilot of you yet. That was textbook perfect, my dear.’
‘Thank you.’ Susan tucked her helmet under her arm as she followed Elspeth out of the hangar and helped her close the huge doors. ‘When are you going off to join the ATA, Mrs Peterson?’
Elspeth smiled. ‘Darling, they’re coming to join me, would you believe? It’s hush-hush, of course, but number 15 ferry pool is moving to Hamble on the twenty-first of September, next week in fact. I might have told you that my friend, Margot Gore, is the commanding officer, and I met most of the other girls when I visited White Waltham. I went to boarding school with a couple of them, so it was like an old girls’ reunion. It’s going to be such fun. I can’t wait to get my hands on the controls of a Spitfire or a Hurricane. We’ll show the Brylcreem Boys what the female of the species can do.’
‘I really envy you,’ Susan said sincerely. ‘I’d give anything to do what you’re doing.’
Elspeth angled her head. ‘Would you, darling? Well, stranger things have happened. Anyway, I’ve got a special job for you, Susan.’ She walked slowly towards the chalet. ‘I’m moving into the cottage on the riverside. It will be nearer to the aerodrome and much more convenient. I expect the place is in a bit of a mess and I know all about Patrick using it as a love nest with that trollop, so don’t look at me like that. I want you to clean it from top to bottom. Strip the beds and send everything to the laundry. I want it spick and span by next week.’
‘Yes, Mrs Peterson. Will I still be needed here?’
Elspeth shrugged her shoulders. ‘I suppose so. I’m allowing Patrick to stay on with Mrs Harper to look after him. I don’t want to give the authorities the opportunity to billet evacuees here or even worse the army. So, yes, you will be needed, but probably not quite so often.’
‘And will you want me to clean the cottage too?’
‘Of course. You don’t think I’m going to soil my lily-white hands doing housework, do you, Susan?’ She laughed as if the idea was too hilarious to even consider. ‘I’ll pay you double, and that will ensure your silence as well. I don’t want any of my affairs made public. Do you understand what I’m saying?’
‘Of course, ma’am.’ Susan waited while Elspeth searched her pockets for the door key.
‘Come to the cottage at nine o’clock sharp tomorrow morning. If you don’t know where it is just ask the tart. She’s spent enough time there, as is evidenced by her thickening waistline.’ She paused with the key clutched in her hand. ‘Does he see her very often?’
‘Your husband is barred from the pub, ma’am.’
‘That’s not what I asked. Are they still seeing each other?’
Susan shook her head. ‘Not that I know of, and I’d rather not talk about it, if you don’t mind. Roz is my friend.’
‘Loyal to the last.’ Elspeth turned the key in the lock. ‘I hope you’re as stalwart when it comes to fending off gossip about me. Come inside and change out of the Sidcot. You won’t be needing it after next week.’
Susan’s heart sank. ‘I suppose not. What will happen to the Moth?’
Elspeth went to help herself to her customary gin and tonic. ‘She’ll be quite safe in the hangar. I might take the old girl out on the odd occasion but she’ll be there waiting for me when the war’s over, which is more than I can say for my husband. I’m not even sure that Colin will be around for long when all the glamour girls descend upon Hamble. Poor darling, he’ll be spoilt for choice with all the rich society beauties on his doorstep.’
Susan changed out of her flying suit in silence. For a moment she almost felt sorry for Elspeth, but she put the thought out of her mind. Elspeth was no victim. She was quite capable of standing up for herself, and if she allowed Colin to stray it would be because she had tired of him. She was like a spoilt child in a toyshop, snatching up things that amused her and casting them aside when the novelty wore off. She would almost certainly end up with nothing and no one.
Having put on her day clothes, Susan folded the Sidcot suit neatly and left it in a pile with her helmet, goggles, gloves and boots. Elspeth had put a record on the gramophone and she lit a cigarette. Standing with her back to Susan she swayed to the music of Joe Loss and his band with her drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Finding herself forgotten, Susan let herself out of the chalet and returned to the house.
‘She’s told you, I suppose,’ Mrs Harper said in her usual lugubrious tone as Susan walked into the kitchen. ‘At least I’ll only have to cater for Mr Peterson, and he’s no trouble.’
‘Yes. Mrs Peterson said she’s moving to the cottage.’
‘Well, just so long as she doesn’t expect me to make up food parcels or go over there and cook for her, I don’t mind. It’ll make my job easier. Although, to tell the truth, I’ve been thinking about giving up here and going to live with my sister in Cornwall, except that she’s a bit of a misery, always complaining. I don’t know where she gets it from. We was always a cheerful lot at home.’
‘Yes, I’m sure.’ Susan could not begin to imagine what Mrs Harper’s sister must be like, but she did not want to get drawn into a lengthy discussion. ‘I’m off then, Mrs Harper. I’ll see you when I see you.’
‘So you’ve drawn the short straw then?’ Mrs Harper dropped a peeled potato into a saucepan filled with water. ‘She’ll get her money’s worth out of you, young Susan. Beware, that’s all I can say. She’s sweetened you up with flying lessons and then she’ll come down on you for what she’s really after. I know her sort.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘She’ll have you at her beck and call. You’ll be lady’s maid, cook-general and charwoman, all rolled into one, and paid very little for your pains. Take my advice and don’t stand for any of her nonsense.’
