by Lily Baxter
‘You’ve got your baby to think of,’ Bob said firmly. ‘I know exactly how you’re feeling, love. I went through the same thing when I lost my Jennifer, but I had you to live for and that’s what I’ve done for the past twenty years. We’ll get through this, Roz. I promise you.’
She dashed her hand across her eyes. ‘Promise me you’ll stop drinking, Dad.’
He crossed his heart. ‘Hope to die, love.’
‘I can hear Jennifer crying.’ Stifling a sob, Roz fled from the room leaving the door swinging on its hinges.
Bob let out a sigh. ‘She’s taking it hard, Susan. Thank God you’re back; you can talk sense to her.’
‘I can’t mend a broken heart.’
His cheeks flushed and he dropped his gaze. ‘I’m sorry. I know you’re mourning for Tony. He was a good bloke.’
‘He’s not dead,’ Susan said with more conviction than she was feeling. ‘He was listed as missing. I’m sure I’d feel it in my bones if he hadn’t survived.’
‘I hope you’re right, girl. I really do.’ Bob moved towards the door. ‘I’ve got to open up in ten minutes. Make yourself a fresh pot of tea and get something to eat. I expect you’re hungry.’
He was about to leave the room but she called him back. ‘Bob, I’m afraid I haven’t told you everything.’
‘What’s up, Susan?’
‘I’ve lost my job. They gave me the sack for what I did, but I’ll start looking for another one first thing in the morning.’
‘Bloody idiots,’ he said angrily. ‘That’s all the thanks you get for risking your neck. Don’t worry about the housekeeping. We’ll manage.’ He left the room and Susan set about the mundane task of making herself something to eat and drink, despite Charlie’s insistence that she stop and make a fuss of him every few seconds. Orlando opened one green eye and then closed it again, settling back in his bed as if nothing untoward had occurred. Cats were lucky, Susan thought, as she scraped butter onto a slice of toast; they lived in a self-centred little world where nothing mattered other than their own comfort. How lovely to be like that. She threw the crust to Charlie who swallowed it in one greedy gulp and wagged his tail.
She was washing the dishes when Bob stuck his head round the door. ‘You’re wanted in the bar, Susan. That stuck-up bitch who almost got you killed is asking for you. Shall I tell her to take a running jump?’
Susan dropped the dishcloth into the water. ‘No. I’ll come through.’ She dried her hands and followed him into the bar. There were only a handful of customers perched on stools at the bar, and Nutty Slack and Todd seated in their usual places in the snug. Elspeth was standing by the fire. She was still wearing her ATA uniform, and she had a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. Susan hurried over to her. ‘Is everything all right? Did you get into a lot of trouble?’
Elspeth swallowed a mouthful of gin and tonic. She pulled a face. ‘Hauled over the carpet, darling, which is what I expected. They can’t afford to lose a good pilot so it was just a verbal warning. What about you?’
‘Lost my job. The super said I was a security risk.’
Elspeth let out a derisive snort of laughter. ‘What do they think you’ll do? Steal a Spit and take it for a joyride? How ridiculous.’ She was suddenly serious. ‘But I am sorry, sweetie. You only did it to help me. I was in a blue funk after hearing about Patrick. God knows why, but that’s how it hit me. And then there was bloody Colin, the bastard. It all got too much for me, and you came to the rescue.’
‘It’s okay. I could have refused but if I’m being totally honest I suppose I wanted the chance to fly again.’
Elspeth sat down by the fire. ‘Take a pew, darling. I’ve got a suggestion to make. I thought of it as I was driving here.’
‘If you’re offering me my old cleaning job – I’ll take it.’
‘It’s more than that. I owe you one, sweetie. I’m going to pay for you to train as a pilot.’ She held up her hand as Susan opened her mouth to protest that it was out of the question. ‘I know that the silly old government rules mean that you’ve got to do war work too. Anyway, I rang Daddy and he’s going to tell his personnel officer to give you a job in the munitions factory. I told him to make it a nice easy one where you’ll get plenty of spare time for flying lessons. When you’ve got your pilot’s licence you can apply for the ATA. They’ll snap you up.’
Susan stared at her in disbelief. ‘Why would you do that for me?’
‘I told you before, darling. I’ve been pushing the boundaries ever since I joined the ATA and I wasn’t the Head Girl’s favourite person in the first place, but flying is my life. It means more to me than anything and that’s why I understand what you’re going through. I’ve had it easy ever since I was born. Whatever I wanted, Daddy bought for me, including Patrick.’ Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away, taking a drag on her cigarette.
‘But he can’t buy Colin. That’s the real reason for all this, isn’t it?’
Exhaling a plume of smoke into the ingle nook, Elspeth shot her a sideways glance. ‘Yes. It’s as simple as that. Perhaps there is one thing I care about more than flying, but he’s a two-timing, double-dealing louse.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Susan could think of nothing else to say. She could only marvel at the apparent depth of feeling that had caused Elspeth to lose some of her iron-willed self-control.
Finishing her drink, Elspeth set her glass down on the nearest table. She tossed the cigarette butt into the fire. ‘Anyway, I take it that you accept my offer?’
‘I’d be mad not to. If you’re sure, that is.’
‘I never say anything I don’t mean, sweetie. You of all people should know that. Come to the cottage tomorrow evening after six. I’m only on stand-by at the ferry pool, so I should be there. I’ll give you all the details then.’ She managed a wintry smile and patted Susan on the shoulder. She breezed out of the pub as though she had not a care in the world, but Susan knew now that it was all an act.
‘What did she want?’ Bob demanded as she placed the empty glass on the bar counter.
She shook her head. She needed time to think. ‘I’ll tell you later. I’m going up to change and then I’ll give you a hand. It looks as though you might be busy this evening.’ The bar was filling up and she made her escape to her room, needing to be alone. Elspeth’s offer was generous in the extreme and she would be a fool to turn it down, but if she went to work at the Colby factory she would have to move into lodgings. That would mean leaving Bob and Roz without any help. Even worse, it seemed highly unlikely that she would be able to take Charlie with her. He nudged her hand, gazing up at her with sympathetic brown eyes, and she went down on her knees to give him a cuddle. ‘If I accept Elspeth’s offer it will only be a temporary thing,’ she murmured into his fur. ‘I’d never give you up, Charlie. We’re a team, you and I.’ He licked her face and gave her a paw. She smiled. ‘But if I can get my pilot’s licence we’d be in clover, old chap. We could have our own place with a garden for you and a spare room if Roz and Jennifer came to stay.’ She scrambled to her feet, brushing dog hairs off her work clothes. ‘Don’t worry, Charlie. I’m sure it will work out.’ She began to undress, deciding not to tell Bob or Roz until it was definite.
Wearing her one good frock, she went down to the bar and Charlie took up his place in front of the fire. He had become a popular attraction in the pub and customers made a fuss of him. He was expert at cadging and greeted his special friends with a beer mat in his mouth, which he refused to relinquish unless offered a crisp. Susan was afraid he would get fat but Bob said it was good for trade. Thanks to Charlie, sales of crisps and arrowroot biscuits had rocketed.
Leaving her greedy dog to work his charms on a group of people who had occupied the ingle nook, Susan collected ashtrays and empty glasses and took them to the bar. It was only then that she spotted Danny sitting in the corner of the snug. She picked up a damp cloth and went round to wipe the tables. ‘Hello, Danny.’
He look
ed up but his expression was carefully guarded. ‘You look pleased with yourself.’ His tone was sharp and his green eyes snapped fire.
‘Why are you angry? Nothing bad happened.’
He grabbed her by the wrist. ‘Don’t ever do anything like that again.’
‘Let me go. You’re hurting me.’
He released her with a mumbled apology. ‘Have you any idea of the upset you caused here? Roz was in shock after getting the news of Patrick’s death and you took off with that mad woman without a thought for anyone else.’
‘You don’t know anything about it, and Roz wasn’t the only one to have bad news. I’d just heard that Tony was missing. He might be dead for all we know.’
‘And you were doing your best to join him, I suppose.’
‘I don’t have to listen to this.’ She walked away without giving him a chance to argue and almost bumped into Colin who had come into the bar.
‘Hello there, Susan. How’s tricks?’
His charming smile might have fooled her when they first met, but now she saw him for what he was. ‘I suppose you’ve heard what happened?’
‘Of course. It’s all round the aerodrome. Poor old Elspeth, she must have had the devil of a hangover.’
‘You really are a callous brute,’ Susan said in a low voice. ‘She’s too good for you and always was.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t think you were her greatest fan.’
‘I wasn’t, but I know her a bit better now, and you’ve really hurt her.’
‘She’s just miffed because I wasn’t going to play pet poodle and roll over and die. Elspeth thinks that her father’s money can buy anything and anyone. Well, it’s time she learned that it doesn’t. I may be a lot of things but I’m not a gigolo. I’ve never gone after a woman for her money.’
‘You’d rather flirt with a nightclub girl than stay with someone who really loves you.’
He chuckled. ‘So that’s what this is all about. Save your pity for someone who deserves it. Elspeth found out about Sandra and blew her top. She behaved like a lunatic and threw me out.’
‘I don’t blame her.’
‘It was a one night stand. It was fun for me and business for Sandra. That’s the way of the world.’
‘It’s not the way I want my world to be.’
‘Grow up, Susan. Would you be so judgemental if it was Tony who had slipped up?’
A spasm of pain shot through her and she gasped, unable to speak.
Colin’s face puckered with genuine regret. ‘Sorry, kid. Forget I said that. I was out of order, but the rest stands. Elspeth will bounce back. She always does.’
‘You couldn’t be more wrong. Just go and see her. Tell her what you just told me, that it was just a physical thing and meant nothing. It’s up to you.’ A wave of exhaustion swept over her and she walked away. She could not muster the energy to continue the argument. She had told him the truth and what he did with it was up to him. She went behind the bar to help Bob, but for the rest of the evening her mind was elsewhere. She struggled to add up rounds of drinks, made mistakes giving change and was relieved when the bell rang for closing time.
‘You look done in,’ Bob said, placing a tea towel over the hand pull pumps. ‘I can finish up here.’
‘Thanks. I am a bit tired.’ Flashing him a grateful smile, Susan headed for the kitchen.
Roz had just finished feeding Jennifer and she hitched her over her shoulder, patting her back gently. ‘She’s a greedy little gannet,’ she said with a misty smile. ‘Patrick would have been so proud of her.’
‘She’s adorable.’ Susan stroked the baby’s downy head. ‘I’m going to make some tea for your dad and some cocoa for me. Want some?’
‘Yes, please.’ Roz gave her a searching look. ‘What’s up? I know you’re worried sick about Tony, but this is something else.’
‘You know me so well.’ Susan filled the kettle and put it on the hob. ‘I’ve got a problem, Roz. I didn’t want to burden you with it, but you’ll find out soon enough.’
‘Fire away. I’m listening.’
When Susan had finished, she glanced anxiously at Roz. ‘I don’t want to leave you and your dad in a difficult position. You’ve got a tiny baby to look after and there’s the pub to run …’
Cradling her sleeping daughter in the crook of her arm, Roz reached out to pat Susan’s hand. ‘We can manage. I know how much flying means to you and this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Do it, Susan. Accept Elspeth’s offer quickly in case she changes her mind.’
‘I feel as though I’m betraying you and Patrick if I take her up on it. I’ll be working for the man who was responsible for him joining the veterinary corps.’
‘He would probably have gone anyway. We talked about it before all of this happened, and I wouldn’t have tried to stop him. We can’t live in the past. I’ve got Jennifer to bring up, and you must do what you have to.’
‘There’s another thing.’ Susan patted Charlie’s head as he laid it on her lap. ‘I couldn’t take Charlie into digs. Even if the landlady didn’t mind dogs it wouldn’t be fair to leave him on his own for hours on end.’
‘You and that dog,’ Roz shook her head, smiling. ‘There’s no question about it and I know Dad would agree with me. Charlie stays here. You can come home on your days off and see him.’
‘Do you really mean it?’
‘Of course I do, silly. Charlie is part of the family. He’ll be fine.’
The job at the munitions factory was repetitive and boring, but Elspeth had been as good as her word and had pulled a few strings so that Susan’s hours were to some extent flexible. This enabled her to leave work early on the evenings when she had a flying lesson.
Elspeth flew the Moth to Southampton, landing in the grounds surrounding her father’s factory. She insisted that she did not want her beloved plane mothballed for the entire duration, laughing at the pun, and pretending to be cross with Susan when she showered her with gratitude. A retired pilot with many hours flying time under his belt was hired to train Susan, and they went up almost daily. In the evenings she studied and next day he tested her on her knowledge of all the subjects she would need to obtain her pilot’s licence, once she had completed the requisite hours of flying time.
She had a small room in the attic of an Edwardian terrace house on the outskirts of Southampton. It was sparsely furnished with a single bed, a pine chest of drawers and a bentwood chair, but at least she had it to herself. There were two other girls from the factory who shared a room on the floor below, but they regarded her as something of a freak. At first they tried to persuade Susan to go dancing with them or to the cinema, but eventually they gave up. Neither of them, it seemed, could understand why a pretty young woman wanted to spend all her free time swotting. Susan kept quiet about her flying lessons. Even Mrs Jessop, the landlady, had no idea that this was what her youngest lodger did every day after work. Supper was on the table at six o’clock every evening, and if anyone was late their meal went straight to the pig bin at the end of the road. Susan felt quite sorry for the pigs that had to eat Mrs Jessop’s Woolton pie or mock banana pudding.
At weekends, if she was not required to work in the factory, Susan caught the train to Hamble and walked home from the station. Sometimes Danny met her pushing Jennifer in her pram. This always struck Susan as quite hilarious. Danny with his tough ways and uncompromising attitude to life did not seem on the surface to be the paternal type, but he obviously adored Jennifer, and he had an easy-going relationship with Roz. She seemed happy to entrust her precious daughter to his care on these occasions, and Susan was allowed to push the pram back to the pub while Danny carried her overnight bag.
On a particularly beautiful June morning Susan alighted from the train expecting to see Danny standing on the platform, but there was no sign of him. Disappointed but unsurprised she started off in the direction of the High Street. The air was filled with birdsong and the hedgerows were choked with wild flowers, thei
r perfume scenting the air. If it were not for the gasmask case slung over her shoulder and the ever present ache in her heart, she might have been able to forget that there was a war casting its shadow across the world. She felt a guilty sense of pleasure as she listened to a skylark warbling its song above a field of ripening corn, and as she entered the High Street people she knew only slightly greeted her like a long lost friend. There seemed to be a smile on everyone’s face, and when she saw the frontage of the Victorious hung with bunting she began to wonder if the war had ended and she was the last to know. Her heart thudded against her ribs and she had butterflies in her stomach as she opened the door and stepped inside. It must be good news for someone but she scarcely dared believe that it was for her. Charlie bounded up to her with his usual rapturous greeting, and having calmed him down she looked round, blinking as her eyes grew accustomed to the dimness after the bright sunshine outside. Bob was in his usual position behind the bar, but unusually for this early in the day there were a lot of familiar faces grouped around the room. Mrs Delaney had abandoned her mop and bucket and was standing next to her son Terry. His cheeky face was split in a wide grin but when he opened his mouth to speak he was quelled by a stern look from his mother. Nutty and Todd emerged from the snug clutching their pint glasses, and, most surprisingly of all, Susan saw Roz seated in the ingle nook with Jennifer cradled in her arms, something she would never have done on a normal day. Danny was sitting beside her and then she spotted Dave. He leapt to his feet and came towards her with his arms outstretched and a smile almost splitting his face in two. ‘Susan, ducks. I had to come in person. I couldn’t tell you over the phone.’
Her knees were trembling and each breath was an effort. ‘What? Tell me, please.’
‘He’s alive. Tony’s in a prisoner of war camp. I had the telegram last night. I’d have come then but it was too late. He’s not dead, Susan. Our boy is safe.’
She did not know whether to laugh or cry. She returned the hug and then moved away, overcome with emotion and too choked to speak. Roz passed Jennifer to Danny and rose swiftly to her feet. She put her arms around Susan and held her. ‘It’s all right. Bawl if you want to. No one will mind.’ She fumbled in her pocket and brought out a crumpled hanky. She wrinkled her nose. ‘Er – maybe not. Sorry, Sue, it’s covered in Jennifer’s upchuck.’
