by Astrid Amara
I shrugged. “The way I figure it, we can wallow in guilt, or we can try and be better than we were. Better than we are.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Isn’t it?” I asked. “All we have to do is try.”
“Try to not hurt anyone,” she said, nodding.
“Try to help,” I added. “Make a small difference even, to just one person. It won’t cancel out the wrong we’ve done. But if we don’t try, we’re no better than Trust.”
She sighed. After a minute she stood and held out her hand. “Thank you, 505.”
“Ivo,” I said. I shook her hand. “My name is Ivo.”
“Ivo. Will you join the lawsuit?” she asked.
“I think so.” I hadn’t read through the bulletins I’d received from the teams of lawyers that were putting together their case to represent all of us Trust had abused. I figured there would be time to read it. It would take years to bring justice, but if there was a chance to hurt the company more than Mack and I already had, I’d take it.
Eleanor said, “Then I will see you again.”
“Until then, take care of yourself. And others.”
She smiled, and I felt suddenly freer. Maybe I’d already done my first good deed. It was as easy as that, after all. Make one person feel better. Maybe it was easier than killing.
And that was the sad truth of the fact—doing good had always been more natural to me than doing bad. But the deck had been stacked against me.
So when Mack came back in the room, locking the hospital door behind him with a smile radiating from his beautiful face, I knew I could do what I told Eleanor. Take care of others. Because with Mack beside me, nothing came easier.
“Doc says I’m free to go in an hour,” I told him. “So what’s next? Do we get off this miserable planet? Work for cheap somewhere?”
Mack sat carefully on the edge of the bed, wary of my stomach, and held Carly in his lap. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve fond memories of the place.”
“And you have your cause,” I said, realizing he’d never want to leave the revolution.
But he shook his head. “No. I’m done with the revolution. I’ve given everything for my cause. I’ve given you to my cause. If it hadn’t been for that delivery ten years ago, none of this would have happened.” He looked physically pained saying the words, so I reached for his hand and squeezed it.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. Because despite everything that happened, isn’t this the best possible outcome? Here we are. Together.” I shook his arm a little. “But I don’t want you taking any more risks. This was a suicide mission, Mack.”
“That’s all I’ve ever done since I lost you.” He spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly.
I struggled to control my voice. “No more suicide missions. No more missions. You and I disappear. We take up pig farming.”
“Jesus.” Mack laughed. “I can’t think of a thing we’re less qualified for.”
I smiled back at him. “Peacekeepers?”
He snorted. “Poets?”
“Rocket scientists.”
“Landscape architects.”
“Ballet dancers.”
“Hey, I can dance,” Mack reminded me. “Sort of.”
“Ballet?” I shook my head. “Baby, you can do a jig. That’s it.”
“Well I’m more likely to learn ballet than I am to learn animal husbandry.”
“No one gets to be your husband but me,” I growled.
Mack laughed at that. “It means taking care of animals, idiot.”
“Oh.” I ran my finger down his chest. “Well, you were always the smart one. I’m just here to fuck you.”
“So you have all your memories back?” he asked, looking a little nervous.
“Most of them.” I swallowed. “I’ll have to sort through the ones of my family. But we can do that later.” I cupped the back of his neck. “Let’s have some more reunion sex first.”
Mack pushed my hair out of my eyes. “You want more healing cock?”
“What?” I spurted.
“You said you remembered me when I fucked you.”
“Oh God.”
He snickered. “I always knew it had some serious powers, but—”
“Oh God, you will be insufferable now.”
“Magic memory cock. The Detail Dick. Portents of the Past Prick.”
I reached down for the item in question and squeezed, a little too hard.
Mack winced and curled around it. “Hey!”
“How about not calling it anything?” I suggested.
“Everything’s gotta have a name,” he replied. “You know that.”
“Fine.” I slithered, somewhat painfully, down the bed until my face was flush with his prick. “Then we simply call it ‘mine.’”
Loose Id Titles by Astrid Amara
A Policy of Lies
Crash Plus Expenses
Demolished
Holiday Outing
Intimate Traitors
Love Ahead: Expect Delays
Sweet and Sour
The Valde: Water
Trustworthy
* * * *
The HOLIDAYS WITH THE BELLSKIS Series
Carol of the Bellskis
Miracles of the Bellskis
* * * *
“Next of Kin”
Part of the anthology Hell Cop
With Nicole Kimberling and Ginn Hale
* * * *
“Trust Me”
Part of the anthology Hell Cop 2
With Nicole Kimberling and Ginn Hale
Astrid Amara
Astrid Amara lives in Bellingham, Washington with her husband, three dogs, three goats, and a horse. She is a former Peace Corps Volunteer, an animal rights activist, and an underpaid employee of The Man. Her novel The Archer’s Heart was a finalist for the 2008 Lambda Literary Awards. More information is available at: http://astridamara.com/.
