The next morning, I left my condo full of boxes. As I switched off the light, I took one last look over my shoulder. I remembered making spaghetti with Eden in the kitchen. I could still hear her tinkling laughter as I tossed pasta onto the wall. "What are you doing?" she’d asked.
"You know how people say something at the wall and see what sticks?"
She had giggled. "No, I don't."
I threw some more pasta on the wall. One strand stuck, while the rest of it fell to the floor, making a mess. "Well, it's a saying."
Glancing back at the sofa, I recalled watching countless movies and TV shows there with her. I couldn’t remember any other girls having been in my apartment, though I’m sure there were some, but everywhere I looked there were memories of my Eden.
My assistant Dwayne would come by to make sure the movers packed everything up, and trucked it out to Fresno. Within a few hours I’d be on a plane heading out there myself. Before I could give myself a chance to change my mind, I pulled out my phone and typed:
I'm going to miss you. Love, Nick
I sent it to Eden, then walked out the door and closed it behind me.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Eden
I had tried not to act weird over dinner once Nick came home. But things were weird, and there wasn't much I could do about that. I decided that this wasn't the time to tell him about the baby. So many things were changing right now, and I just couldn't picture Nick and I riding off into the sunset together with a stop at Babies R Us along the way. His life was focused around him being the best basketball player he could be. It involved a lot of travel, and he didn't need us dragging him down. And the baby and I didn't need a man who couldn't commit to family life.
But that didn't stop a part of me from wanting it. That last night we spent together, as he climbed on top of me and slipped inside, I couldn't help it. Tears squeezed out of my eyes. Making love with him was bittersweet. I reveled in the closeness, the intimacy between the two of us, but all the while my heart was breaking as I expected it was the last time we would be this close. I had actually promised myself I wouldn’t sleep with him that night, knowing how difficult it would be to divorce my feelings from the act. But when he gently pressed his body against mine, kissed my neck, the intoxicating smell of him drifted under my nostrils and all my resolve fell away. I convinced myself that since this would be the last time, I would allow myself to indulge in our passion for each other.
I had wanted to be with him the night before he left, but I knew it would be impossible to let him go if I did. My emotions were all over the place these days, and I didn’t trust myself not to tell him that I was carrying his child. And I didn’t want to do that. Not now. It would reek of desperation. Like I was trying to trap him.
Oh, why the hell did things have to be so damned complicated?
So instead, I invented some sort of party for the girls on my cheerleading team. Nick had no idea I wasn’t on the squad anymore, and now that he was leaving, I didn’t see any reason to tell him just yet.
And in fact, I did have a mini going away party with two of my Scorpions cheerleading friends. Paige and Tina took me out to dinner, seeing as I told them I couldn’t go out for drinks because I was on medication for an ear infection. At least that’s what I told them.
The official story going around was that I was leaving for "personal reasons.” The girls had the decency not to ask me much about it, but I'm sure the rumor mill had started and everybody probably already guessed. I just needed for Nick to move to Fresno and get back to playing basketball before my pregnancy became common knowledge in Austin. Only a handful of people knew about our relationship, and since I had a pretty low profile compared to him, my secret should be safe, at least until I started showing.
After he got to Fresno, I could tell Nick missed me as much as I missed him. When we spoke on the phone, I could hear the pain in his voice, but I had to stay strong. Not just for me, but for my baby. I didn’t want this child to have a father who stayed to stroke his own ego at having a child only to cheat on its mother and then leave us once the child was old enough to take it to heart. Wasn’t it better to avoid the whole thing? You couldn’t miss what you didn’t know.
We hung up, and the next morning when he called, I didn’t pick up.
Nick sent me an email.
He texted.
But I didn’t respond.
In fact, I turned off my phone, locked it in the glove box in my car, went back upstairs to my apartment, curled up in a ball under the covers and cried myself to sleep.
I would get over him. I would.
And my baby and I would survive without him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Nick
Fresno was both better and worse than I expected it to be. There were no stars like Froggy Jones to hate on me for feeling like I was stepping on their toes, but there was also not as much talent. Our first practice was a bit of a shit show. The other players couldn't get a handle on my passes. Hopefully that would improve as we got used to playing together. Team chemistry was a combination of practice, communication, and some sort of mercurial magic that sometimes happened. Unfortunately for me I’d had that in Austin, at least on the court, so this was a tough way to slide.
It was a Tuesday afternoon and the Fever’s coach, Woody Brian had us running passing drills.
Coach Brian seemed thrilled to have me and it was nice to feel welcome for a change. As much as I'd enjoyed winning in Austin, the needling and crap I’d gotten from Froggy was grating. I started to feel optimistic that maybe Fresno would be a good place for me. For a second, I started to think with those higher draft picks we’d get in the future thanks to our shitty record, but then I realized they had traded those draft picks away to get me.
It wouldn’t be easy to get down on this new situation, but I was determined to make the best of it.
Fresno was the fourth largest city in California, which meant a strong market. We could build a loyal fan base. My money went further here than it did in Los Angeles, so I was looking at getting a pretty nice house. Something told me that I was going to be here a long time.
I'd already spoken with my new agent, and he urged me to aim for the scoring record. He said if I ended the season the league’s top scorer he could get tens of millions more for me in my next contract. He was also focused on getting me additional endorsement deals. Though I had to give Lucinda credit, getting promotional deals was something she had done a great job of, and the majority of my income came from those jobs.
I threw an outlet pass down the court to one of our guards. He missed, and it bounced off the tips of his fingers. “Fuck. Man, you've got a cannon for an arm."
I chuckled. He wasn't the first guy to tell me that.
"Let's try that again.”
***
I’d only been with the Fresno Fever for a couple of days before we headed up to LA for a game. Afterward, I hung out at Dynassy’s place, and I spent the first ten minutes bitching about our mother.
“Mom’s not so bad,” Dynassy countered.
“You feel that way because you and she want the same things right now. Just wait until you don’t. Wait until you want to go one direction, and she insists you do something else. Then you’ll see what a control freak she can be.”
“Nick, I’m sorry you’re upset with her right now, but you can’t forget all the things she’s done for us. I wouldn’t have my career, the twins wouldn’t either. And let’s face it—you wouldn’t be near the star that you are today without her.” Dynassy shrugged, and my blood began to boil.
“How the fuck can you say that? I do not score thirty or forty points a game because of mom. I don’t average five blocks a game because of my fucking mother! How can you say that? When I’m out on the court and I see a potential play and I make a kickass pass—how the fuck can you attribute that to our mother?”
Dynassy’s eyes widened, and she remained silent.
“I have the career I
have because I’m a damned good basketball player! I’m grateful to her for giving me the opportunities I had growing up—basketball camps, gym memberships, and stuff. But I’m the player I am because I put in the hard work—ME! Not her. I am not where I am today because of her goddamned reality show! You and the twins may feel that way, but it’s not the same for me. And I believe I’d be better off if she didn’t continually meddle in my career.”
Dynassy spoke quietly. “Then why do you let her do it?”
I slammed my fist into my palm. “I don’t fucking know, okay?”
My sister was quiet while I paced around the room, steam rising from the top of my head.
Finally, she said, “Maybe Fresno will be the place…”
I looked at her like she was nuts. “Fresno? Who the fuck makes it to the Hall of Fame out of Fresno?”
“I don’t think they’ve been around long enough to have anyone make it to the Hall of Fame…”
Exasperated, I sighed. “I don’t mean literally. I mean—what kind of career can I make with a squad of nobodies like this?”
It was her turn to sigh. “Give it a chance, Nick. And maybe work on being grateful. Do you even know how many guys don’t even make it to the pros? Like ninety-nine percent of college players. Maybe you should think about that, big brother. Quit your bitching and make the best of that pretty freaking good life you’ve got.”
She had a point, which just pissed me off more, so I got up and walked out the door.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Eden
"Eden!" My mama came running out the front door of her three-bedroom ranch house, her arms waving in the air, and before I knew it she'd enveloped me in a hug that felt as warm and comforting as chicken soup when you’re sick with a cold.
"Mama." I hugged her neck so tight I thought she might squeak, but she didn't. That was the thing about my mother. She always seemed as fragile as a doll, but when it came down to it she was made of stronger steel than everyone else I knew. She'd raised me mostly by herself and done a damn good job of it.
"Honey, I'm so glad to see you. I keep meaning to get down to Austin to see you cheer, but Porsche is due any minute and last week it was Lula Bell. I just hate leaving them when they could have a baby at any minute. You know?"
"I do, and I don’t blame you a bit." I didn't have the heart to tell her that my cheering days were already in the rearview mirror. She'd find that out soon enough.
"Come on in. Can I get you something to drink? Some iced tea maybe?"
"Sure. I'd love some sweet tea. Let me just get my bag, and I'll be right in."
"All right. Do you need any help? I'm happy to give you a hand if you need it."
“No thanks, mama. I'm good."
"Okay."
I watched her as she walked back into the house, thinking how great she looked. Life in the country agreed with her. A couple of years ago Mary Lou moved to a small ranch about an hour and a half outside of Dallas. She started growing her own vegetables, kept chicken, and even raised a few alpacas that she sheared each spring to use their fleece for something she'd taken up called needlefelting. She made these adorable little dolls and fiber “paintings” with it. Her work was amazing, and she loved every minute of it.
I hefted my suitcase out of the trunk and wheeled it up to the rocky driveway to the house. Once inside, I let the screen door bang closed behind me and set my suitcase in the hall before joining my mother in the kitchen.
The smell of something cooking in the slow cooker wafted under my nostrils. Normally it would have smelled delicious, but instead it gave me a pang of nausea.
Mama handed me a glass of iced tea and motioned for me to sit down
We sat around the same kitchen table where I had done homework and colored pictures as a child. The continuity of something as simple as an old wooden table was so comforting. Would my own baby color pictures at the same table years from now? I could feel my emotions welling up, and I bit the inside of my lip, willing myself to remain even-tempered.
"So, Eden honey, what have you been up to? Have you met anyone, been dating lately?" This was a common question my mother asked. And I think it came more from her projecting her needs onto me. I’d always been rather shy with boys, and my extraverted mother continually pushed me to interact more with the opposite sex. She herself, on the other hand, had lots of offers, but ever since my father died, she refused to get involved with anyone. I always thought it was because she was so in love with my father that no other man could hold a candle to him, so she didn't even try. When I was a girl this explanation made sense to me, but now that I was a grown woman, I’d started to wonder how healthy it was for her to keep herself so closed off from love.
Maybe that was why she had so many critters running around. They offered her the kind of unconditional love that was almost impossible to find in a relationship.
"I was dating somebody. But we can talk about that later. I want to know all about you and what's been going on on the ranch."
She squeezed my arm and launched into telling me all about which vegetables were ready to harvest, which ones she just planted, then she asked me if I would help her with some weeding. Not having inherited her love for playing in dirt, I cringed, but agreed to do it. She told me all about her chickens and even mentioned they'd gotten a new veterinarian who she hoped would help her when and if she needed it when her alpaca went into labor.
"So this new vet, is he single?"
Mary Lou blushed, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was interested. "I don't know, he might be. But don't go getting any ideas, Eden."
"Why not? You're always trying to set me up…"
"That's because I'm your mother. It's my job."
"Well you might be my mother, but that doesn't mean you have to be lonely."
"Enough about that. I'm going to have to go feed the animals in a few minutes. Do you want to come?"
"No. I'm a bit worn out from that drive. I think I'll take a nap if you don't mind."
"That sounds good, honey. I made up your bed with some fresh sheets today, so just go make yourself at home in your room, and I'll wake you when dinner's ready. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great. Thanks, Mama." I was glad I didn't have to explain my fatigue to her. The drive was a good excuse, but these days I was so tired that if I didn't get a nap in the middle of the day, I might fall asleep in the middle of eating dinner.
I went and lay down in the bedroom Mama had designated for me. It was the same bed as the one I'd had as a child, and it still felt good and cozy to be snuggled in bed at my mother's house.
It seemed like only a few minutes had passed before Mary Lou was shaking my shoulder, telling me dinner was ready. I’d slept the sleep of the dead so now I wiped a river of drool away from my mouth. "I'll be right there.""
"Are you sure you're okay? You were sleeping mighty hard.”
"Never better," I lied.
We sat down to a dinner of eggplant lasagna. Mom offered me a glass of red wine, which I declined. “Still too sleepy,” I offered as an excuse.
She shrugged and poured herself a glass.
As we ate, I finally found the courage to bring up the purpose of my visit.
"Actually, I have been seeing someone recently, but it's someone I already knew. Someone we both know."
Mary Lou’s fork clanked on the side of her plate as she set it down. "Who?"
"Do you remember the Barnes?" This had to be the stupidest question I could ever ask. It was akin to asking if she remembered the Blacksmiths. The Barnes family who had only been an integral part of our lives for the first ten years of my life. Our fathers had been inseparable, we'd vacation together every year, not to mention the fact that the income from my father's entire career was tied at the hip with the Barnes. The public perception was probably that without Ziggy Barnes, my father wouldn’t have had a career. It was like asking Keith Richards if he remembered Mick Jagger.
She eyed me
warily, offering only a bob of her head for a response. I waited, hoping she would say something, but she remained silent.
I laughed nervously. "It was the funniest thing. Nick Barnes saw me cheering at a football game and looked me up. You know, I've stayed friends with Dynassy, but I hadn't seen Nick for years. Since the funeral actually, so…" Finally, I stopped babbling to take a breath.
"So, you've been seeing Nick Barnes? That's who you've been dating?"
"Yes." And it came out more of a question than I intended.
"Isn't he a professional basketball player?" My mother's face was pinched with concern.
I nodded. "You don't seem too happy about this."
My mother let out a sigh. “It's not that, Eden. It's just that, well that sort of career— it can be hard on a relationship."
"I know. The travel, the groupies, it's a recipe for disaster."
Her jaw dropped. “I wasn’t going to say that, but those were aspects of your dad’s career that were certainly challenges in our marriage.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I know what it’s like, and I don’t want that kind of life for my child.”
She eyed me quizzically.
“I missed having a dad at home when I was growing up. I want my kids to have a dad who comes home, reads them a story, and tucks them into bed every night.”
"Okay, but you don’t have a family now. What is he like now?"
I couldn't help but smile thinking about Nick. "He's wonderful. Just like how I remember him as a child, only better, more grown-up." I laughed at how silly this might sound, but my mother just placed her hand on mine and said, "Go on."
“Well, he's a gentleman. We have a lot in common, we have a lot of fun together, and he seems crazy about me."
"And I can tell by that smile of yours that you're crazy about him too."
The Barnes Family Romances: (Books 1-3) Page 9
