“I volunteer at a displaced persons camp. Every time I am working there, I see lost people in search of their loved ones. They are broken souls, emaciated, and alone. And as I look at them I think to myself … so, this is the result, the end result of the powerful Third Reich that was supposed to save Germany.”
“It destroyed Germany, but not only Germany. It destroyed so many other countries too.
And so now, those of us who are still alive must spend forever carrying the painful unanswered questions of what became of our friends and families, and also we must live with the knowledge that so many innocent people died needlessly.”
“Do you have any idea how I might go about looking for my parents?”
“No, Alina. I wish I did. There is nothing you can do. I’ve been looking for them. In fact, I’ve registered everywhere. No one can find any information,” Lotti stated, shaking her head.
Alina nodded. “I am going to run ads in the London newspapers to try to see if I can find Gilde.”
“That’s a good idea. It would be so wonderful to find Gilde again,” Lotti said. “Do you still remember when we worked at the orphanage together, you and I?”
“Yes, of course I do.”
“I often think of those children. I wonder what happened to all of them. How many was it that we sent on the Kindertransport?”
“I can’t remember the exact number, but we sent all of the children from the entire orphanage.” Alina sighed. “It was so difficult for us to get them to take Gilde on the transport. For a while I was afraid they wouldn’t allow her to go. And then … you, Lotti … you worked your magic. Everyone loved you. And even though Gilde wasn’t technically one of the orphans, you somehow managed to get her in.”
“Oh, you make me sound like I’m something special.” Lotti laughed. “I wonder how many of those children survived.” Lotti’s face became somber. “With all of the bombing in London…”
Neither of them said what they were thinking, but both had grave looks on their faces when their eyes met, and both were silently asking. Is Gilde alive?
Alina got up from the floor. “I’ll start the water for tea,” she said, and once it was ready she prepared a tray with the tea and cookies and carried it out to the living room. Then after almost forty minutes, she remembered to introduce Lotti to Joey and Ugo.
They spent a few hours talking, reminiscing, and laughing. Lotti hugged Joey. She played with him and mentioned how much he looked like Johan. Her eyes glazed over with tears, but even so, for a few minutes while Lotti was playing with her nephew, Alina thought she could see a shadow of Lotti’s younger self.
Alina and her family spent a week with Lotti. It was a glorious but at the same time very sad time for Alina. She and Lotti were close again, as close as they had been before the war. But it was hard to be in Berlin, in Lotti’s apartment, and not think of her parents and her sister. The reality of their absence was a constant reminder of all she’d lost.
And then it was time to go. Ugo had a business to run, and they had to return to America.
“Why don’t you come to America with us? You can stay with us until you get on your feet. We’ll apply for papers. You can start over, Lotti. In a new country.”
“Yes, please come,” Ugo echoed Alina. “I want you to know that you are welcome in our home.”
Lotti shook her head. “Thank you for the offer. But, no. I must stay here, right here in this little apartment and wait. Perhaps your parents or your sister will find their way back here. I wouldn’t want them to come only to discover that I had gone away. You see, leaving here would mean I’ve given up hope. And I will never give up hope.”
“Yes, once the Nazis surrendered, I could finally see a glimmer of hope for my family,” Alina said.
“I’m glad you came. Will you come back?” Lotti asked.
“I will. I will,” Alina said. She took Lotti into a bear hug.
CHAPTER 46
Gilde July 1946
Vicky’s injury took a toll on Gilde. The child was out of sorts, uncomfortable, and had limited mobility, and so Gilde was forced to postpone her students’ recital for a month while Vicky was recovering. But once Vicky was well, Alden took a day off work to watch Vicky while Gilde’s class put on their long-awaited performance.
Because Vicky was young her bones healed easily, but the incident made Gilde very protective of her daughter. She hovered over Vicky all the time as part of her blamed herself for her child’s pain and suffering.
Being with Alden was like a dream. When they were apart she believed she had lost him forever. And now that he was back she cherished every precious day they shared.
When Alden proposed, Gilde was thrilled.
Gilde and Alden married for a second time in a simple civil ceremony with Vicky at their side.
But, because she was afraid to leave Vicky, Gilde wasn’t keen to go going on a honeymoon. Alden wanted to get away from the city so they could be alone together, therefore he convinced Gilde that he knew a nurse who would be happy to earn the extra money and could be trusted to watch Vicky very closely. Finally, Gilde agreed. The couple decided to go out to Brighton to the beach for a quiet romantic weekend. They took the train out to Brighton and checked into a quaint hotel. For two days they did very little, just ate, walked the beach, and made love. Gilde was never so happy, and except for the phone calls to London to inquire about Vicky, they had no contact with the outside world. On the second morning of their vacation Alden and Gilde awakened in each other’s arms. The passion stirred and they made love . After they had finished they lay in bed watching the sun’s light flicker through the window.
“Are you sure you don’t miss the theater?” he asked gently, rubbing her shoulder.
“I’m sure.”
“You know I am not going to tell you what to do about the school. You can keep the school open, or not. It’s your choice, but I earn enough money to take care of us,” he said.
“I think I am ready to close it. I needed something to bridge the gap that leaving the theater and losing you left in my life. Now, I would like to concentrate on being a wife and mother. That’s where my heart is.”
“Are you happy?”
“Very happy, Alden, are you?”
“You don’t know how happy I really am.”
“So … why don’t you show me?” she said.
He took her into his arms and they made love again. Afterwards they both fell asleep and didn’t awaken until after noon.
CHAPTER 47
When they returned from their honeymoon, Gilde and Alden walked into their flat to find the nurse sitting quietly in the living room rocking Vicky, who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. The house was clean and in perfect order. Gilde was relieved to see that Vicky was fine. Since the accident, she was always on guard.
As the days passed, Gilde finally felt at peace in her life. She’d always been searching for something. But now she had finally stopped seeking. She knew exactly what she wanted and where she wanted to be.
It was wonderful to see how much Alden had missed not only Gilde, but Vicky. It was apparent in everything he did- small gestures like bringing home little treats for Vicky, or candy or flowers for Gilde, to larger, more life-altering decisions like putting money away every pay period in order to buy a house for the family.
One day as Alden was on the floor playing with Vicky, Gilde was watching him from the kitchen. He had no idea that he was being observed. She saw him hold Vicky to his chest for several minutes. Then lean his head on her tiny head. It was a tender moment that touched Gilde deeply. She put her hand to her lips as she continued to watch. But Vicky got bored and fidgeted, so Alden lifted her high in the air until she giggled.
His eyes were fixed on Vicky as he smiled up at her.
Gilde walked into the room. “I love the sound of her laughter.”
“Yes, so do I. She’s growing so fast, ” Alden said.
“I know. I can’t believe it. She is so act
ive now.”
“God, I am glad to be home.” He sighed. “You know, Gilde, I am sorry for being so selfish. I was thinking about it the other night.”
“About what?”
“Well, you know, I felt ignored and, well, like I wasn’t important to you when you were in the theater. But the truth is that I have asked you to be understanding of my career. I work long hours and I am not always able to be at home. But I hope you never feel second best.”
She shook her head. “I don’t.”
“I don’t really know how to say this. But, if you want to go back to the theater, I will stay with you and we’ll work it out. I don’t want to live without you. But I don’t want you to be unhappy either.”
“I don’t want to go back, Alden. This is what I want. You, Vicky, our home…”
“I really do love you,” he added, “more than you’ll ever know.”
Gilde smiled at him. “Too bad we can’t leave her for a few hours. I’d love to be in your arms.”
Alden looked at her and she could see the desire in his eyes. “You know, you have always had the power to do that to me. You could always make me forget all my responsibilities and want nothing more than to make love to you.”
“But she is far too active to leave alone. After that accident….”
“No, you’re right. Not now. Later tonight when I get home from work and she is asleep. Then it will be our time….”
He still worked long hours. But he never volunteered for extra shifts. In fact, he couldn’t wait to get home.
CHAPTER 48
Gilde December 1946
“You brought home a Christmas tree? Where did you get it?”
“Yes I did. I bought it from some fellow who cut down trees for firewood.” He laughed.
“I’d like to light a menorah too. I would like Vicky to grow up knowing that her parents are both Jewish and Christian.”
“Well, then let’s do it. Alden smiled. “Do you have a menorah and the candles?”
“I have a menorah from when I was married to William. I’ll have to buy candles,” Gilde said.
Together they tried to explain the holidays and what they meant to Vicky. She was too young to understand, but she was giddy with excitement because of the decorations on the tree and the sparkling wrapped gifts underneath.
Hannukah began on the 17th of December, a cold and snowy night. For the next eight days, Gilde and Alden would light the menorah, and then Christmas would fall on the eighth night of Hannukah. Each night Alden and Gilde gave Vicky a small toy. She picked up on her parents’ playful attitudeand tried desperately to spin a dreidel on the kitchen floor. Then on Christmas, Alden came home early from work with a bundle in his arms.
“What’s this?” Gilde asked. She was standing at the stove preparing a special dinner. Vicky was napping.
“This, my love, is a new friend. Someone special for Vicky to grow up with. I should probably have asked you first. I hope it’s all right. But, every child should have a dog, don’t you think so?”
Gilde looked into his eyes. She was puzzled. She hadn’t been expecting this. After wiping her hands on a kitchen towel, she pulled the blanket open and inside she found a small yellow puppy. Her tail was wagging, and if dogs could laugh this one was laughing.
“Oh my gosh. Let me see this little fellow,” Gilde said, taking the puppy from Alden’s arms.
“You like her?”
“I love her. How could you not love her? She’s adorable. What’s her name?”
“Whatever you want it to be.”
“Vicky will be so thrilled. But Vicky isn’t the only one who will be happy. I like her too.”
When Vicky got up from her nap and saw the dog she squealed with delight. The puppy instantly knew that Vicky was going to be a great friend and began licking Vicky’s face.
“How about Pal? I had a dog named Pal when I was young,” Alden said.
“Pal. Yes, I think so. She certainly looks like she’s going to be quite the pal for Vicky.”
Then that night, when Vicky finally went to sleep with her arms around Pal, Alden and Gilde were alone.
“I’m glad you got her a dog. Got us a dog…” Gilde said.
“I’m glad you’re not angry. I can’t really take credit for planning it. Some fellow came into the hospital carrying the puppy. He said he had to get rid of her. The staff didn’t want any part of the situation. But when I saw that little ball of yellow fur, well, Pal melted my heart,” Alden said.
“Of course I’m not mad.”
“Oh, I forgot something.” He smiled at her and winked. “Just sit here a minute,” Alden said. Then he went into the pocket of his overcoat and took out a small box. “This is for you, my love.”
“For me, Alden?”
Gilde took the box and opened it. Inside was a gold ring inlaid with tiny diamonds. “Oh Alden, it is beautiful…. I wasn’t expecting you to bring anything for me. I always thought holidays were for children.”
“Holidays only give us extra reasons to celebrate our love. Not only our love for children but our love for each other,” he said. Then he took the ring out of the box and put it on the fourth finger of her left hand. “It’s a wedding ring, Gilde. I never gave you a wedding ring,” he said.
She held the ring up to her heart and smiled through her tears.
“With this ring I thee wed…” Alden whispered.
CHAPTER 49
Lotti December 1946
By Christmas Gabe had finished his tour of duty and returned home to America. He didn’t ask Lotti to go with him. They had discussed it many times and she had made it clear that she was never going to move away from the little apartment where she lived. And she’d also made certain that he knew that she would never regard their affair as anything but casual. Gabe had explained that he wanted stability, a home, a wife, and a family. Lotti understood. But she told him that she could never be that for him. The day before he shipped out for home he came to see her. She held him in her arms and cried a little when they said goodbye.
Gabe looked into Lotti’s eyes and felt his heart break. He would never forget this sweet German woman with the heart of gold. But his time in Germany was over and he wanted to leave Berlin and go home. He missed his family, and his friends, and damn if he didn’t miss America.
Because Gabe’s leaving had left such a void in her life, in order to fill the loneliness, Lotti spent all of her free time at the displaced persons camp.
On the night of December 25th, after a depressing Christmas Day alone in her apartment, Lotti attended a Hannukah service at the DP camp. It was a simple service where a rabbi who had survived Auschwitz conducted a candle lighting ceremony with a menorah that another one of the survivors had managed to hide and then recover after the war. After the eight small candles were lit everyone began singing. It was amazing to Lotti to see a room full of people who had lost so much and suffered so greatly still able to express heartfelt joy for something as small as the flicker of candlelight on a menorah. These broken people who had lost everything were up clapping to the music. Those still able sang and danced. Children who only two years ago had been near death in a camp, or in hiding, or hiding out in the forests, were now laughing as they spun homemade dreidels on the floor. The scene was so sad but so hopeful that it brought tears to her eyes. She remembered a Hannukah she’d celebrated long ago with Lev. He’d always respected her religion, and she’d respected his. In fact, because he knew it would make her happy, he’d bought a Christmas tree and went to church with her for Christmas. That same year she’d gone to synagogue with him and the Margolis family for Hannukah. What a beautiful time it was then. But today was special too because on this Christmas, this very special day of hope, it was a small miracle the way that both holidays had fallen on the same day. The eighth day of Hannukah and Christmas Day. To Lotti it felt like the joining of her and Lev. She smiled at the thought and didn’t realize that tears were running down her cheeks until an older man came
over to her and handed her his handkerchief.
“Here, you look like you might need this,” he said.
He wasn’t handsome, he was weathered, but he looked kind. His light brown hair was thinning. His skin was pockmarked. But his eyes were warm and in them she saw a glow, a tiny flicker.
“My name is Myron…” he said.
“I’m Lotti.”
“You’re not Jewish?” he said.
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know, I am just asking,” Myron said.
“No, I am not Jewish, but, my husband was.”
“He’s gone?”
“Yes, he is gone. Murdered, like so many others.”
“I’m sorry. My wife too, she is gone.”
“I’m sorry,” Lotti said.
“Yes, we are all sorry. Maybe we will always be sorry. Or maybe the only thing we can do now is to start to live again. Who knows, right?”
She nodded.
“Even after all we have been through … there is still Hannukah, there are still candles and singing, right?”
Again she nodded.
“Come sit with me … let’s talk for a while.”
Lotti sat at a table across from Myron and they began to talk.
“I was a baker in Austria before the Anschluss. It was a beautiful country then, very beautiful like a picture book. I had a nice business. I had a wife and a young son. Nu, so...” He threw his arms up. “We weren’t rich, but we were happy. Back in those days we were worried for silly things, like who to invite for Passover dinner. You know. Then everything changed when we were deported to the Lodz ghetto. A terrible place, one dirty prison block, very dirty, no running water, no place for sewage. My family and I, we were living in one room with fourteen other people. The Nazis controlled all of the food and there was hardly enough. We were starving. My Rosey, she was so skinny that I would feel a chill when I looked at her.”
Another Breath, Another Sunrise: A Holocaust Novel (Michal's Destiny Book 4) Page 17
