by K. S. Adkins
“Why are you asking him?” I throw at him. “You just dislocated his god damn jaw, for all you know he could be my attorney.”
“He is not your attorney,” he says, moving me away. “He’s my attorney.”
“Julian,” I say, throwing my hands up, “a little help here?”
“Tony’s right to be upset,” he admits, grabbing his coat. “I crossed a line.”
“What line?” I ask, spinning around in a circle looking around for it. “I didn’t even know this guy until a week ago. Both of you and your bro codes can fuck each other. Oh I know, in the ass!”
“Tell her,” he orders, Julian. “Then we’re leaving, together.”
Julian gives me a seriously I know I fucked up look and I still don’t get it. Dammit, I’m not good at detecting shit when I’m piss drunk. “We met on purpose,” he begins. “He asked me to keep an eye on you in his stead. I knew he wanted you and I pursued you anyway. I saw you and couldn’t help myself. But it matters little, Tony. She doesn’t want me anymore, you’ve seen it for yourself.”
Grabbing him around the throat with one hand and holding onto me with the other, he growls, “You fucked my woman, asshole.”
Breaking his wrist lock, I case the exits needing to bolt. Who’s woman? I’m no man’s woman, least of all his. Holy shit, this is why I don’t date. Watch me? Like I need a fucking sitter? Picking up speed I make it to my truck door and next thing you know, I’m in a fireman’s carry and I started to get woozy. “Put me down,” I groan. “I could get sick.”
“You were going to drink and drive,” he says, tossing me into his car seconds later. “You deserve to be sick.”
Whipping my head around while trying to pick which head of his to focus on first, I growl in his face. “I was going to drink and sit dickhead. I would have called a cab but, thanks for the trust fucker.”
“Had I not been here to once again save you, you would have been fucking my attorney! Should I ask my accountant if he’s been inside you too?”
“No I wouldn’t have! Wait, is your accountant hot?”
“Get out,” he says, turning away from me. “You’re disgusting. Just get the fuck out.”
Closing my eyes, I let his truth run over me. It hurt and I was sick of being hurt. He’s pissed about things I didn’t know or understand because he’s never told me. He just shows up and expects me to get it. Reaching for the door, I pause.
“I told him no,” I whisper. “It isn’t fair that you knew I existed but, I didn’t know you because you were too busy judging me from the shadows. You should be familiar with shadows, you fucking hide in them. I’m not perfect Tony, but whatever that was had nothing to do with me.”
“It had everything to do with you,” he says, still looking away from me. “He knew.”
“Maybe he did,” I say, stepping out, “but I didn’t. He said you wanted me, but made no move. From where I’m sitting that tells me everything I need to know. You don’t want me, you want my ability. It’s not like I’m not used to it. Just remember when it comes to this game you’re playing the only one with the edge here is me. Because let’s face it, without me you have no game at all.”
Closing the door I walk back over to my truck, dial the cab service and wait for this fucking night to end. But nothing is ever that easy for me. When I look up it’s to see Julian at my door. Cracking it open I’ll admit he looks miserable too but I don’t have it in me to care. “Are you okay?” I ask, staying seated.
“I’m sorry, Lina,” he says, reaching for my knees, but I move them away not wanting his hands anywhere near me. “I knew he wanted you and what I did was wrong. I deserved his anger, you didn’t.”
“We met on purpose huh? I was really played then. Perfect,” I say, wanting this over with. “Just go, Julian and forget you met me.”
“I’m afraid that would be impossible,” he says, then just like that, we’ve got round two.
“I suggest you fucking try,” Anthony says, going ballistic jacking Julian upside the head. Hitting the ground, Anthony follows him down and attacks his face. Grabbing my phone I start filming because it’s the age of viral stupidity and I wasn’t missing out on it. After about fifteen seconds of footage, I snap a few pics, send one to Jules with the caption “deez nuts” and hit send. Seconds later, she replies “Is that him?” Texting her back an affirmative we go back and forth explaining the how’s and why’s that brought these two to blows in a gravel lot. Showing no signs of stopping, I’m relieved when my cab rolls up. You’ve gotta love Detroit where the cabs, unlike the cops, show up when you call. Locking my truck and stepping around the fun, I throw out, “Don’t forget the happy ending!” Before climbing in and shutting the door. I hear him yell for me, but then I cleared the corner and decided he could yell all he wanted, as long as I didn’t have to listen to it.
My second year of college I met a guy who was a loner like I was. Unlike me, Julian was focused, and pulled good grades. I floated by and was reminded often by my father that I was expected to do better. What he didn’t say but I knew it all the same, was my being there was killing him financially so I needed to do my part. Julian and I would study together and when I wanted to call it a night, he continued to study. Julian wanted to be an attorney. If money was an issue it would be because he came from it and had a lot of it. I never met a guy as focused as he was. Lucky for me, it started to wear off.
When I got the call about my parents I had seventeen dollars to my name. Not only did he buy my flight home, he came with me and helped me handle all the details. It was in my parent’s kitchen he told me he had to do the same thing when he lost his father. He was the closest thing I had to a friend and right then I was really grateful for him.
So over the years, when I needed help on my parent’s murder, he was who I went to. Julian went on to become a well-known criminal defense attorney. If you wanted to know what was going down in the city you only had to ask him, they guy knew everything. My Pop would have said be leery of those who know too much.
I cannot believe she fucking left.
Now that Julian got the picture, I leave him on the ground and head over to my car to check my phone. Rogan is a creative guy. Tracking Venessa was pure genius and came in handy on several occasions. I took a play from his book, knowing one day I’d need it. Synching it up to the app I installed in her phone while she slept last night, I track her movement, deciding to let us both cool off before I show up. Because, I will be showing up.
“She won’t be held down,” Julian says, slowly approaching. “Not by you, not by anyone.”
“Leave.”
“I fucked up,” he says, wiping the blood from his mouth. “But you didn’t have to take it out on her, Tony. She’s innocent in this. You know that.”
“That woman,” I say, pointing at her empty truck, “is far from innocent.”
“This from the man who made stalking her a career? She wasn’t a virgin. She wasn’t yours and let’s not forget, she had no idea you existed.”
“You’d do well to shut the fuck up.”
“No,” he says. “You say one thing and do another. You were too chicken shit to approach her, so I did it. Just like in college. I’m only human, asshole. I didn’t think you actually wanted her. There is no saying no to her. Fuck man, I couldn’t help it.”
Throwing a right hook, I catch him under the chin. “One favor,” I growl. “When I couldn’t be there, I asked you for one god damn favor and you fuck her? The first time I ever spoke to her it was after I pulled some drunk asshole off her who would have raped her. Followed by finding her on some biker’s lap in another dive bar. I told you she was mine. I fucking told you! I had enough challenges to face with her. Never once did I think you’d be one of them.”
“You’re pissed you can’t control her like you control everyone else,” he says, spitting. “You may have said she was yours in the beginning, but you made no move. I apologized, but I will not apologize for wanting her. She’s everythi
ng I could---”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“She doesn’t want me, Tony,” he says, throwing his hands up. “If you’d listen for once, I all but begged. It’s not me she wants.”
“Yeah, well I don’t want your fucking leftovers.”
“Again, that’s not her fault.”
“We’re done,” I tell him. “I considered you a friend.”
“Bullshit.” He laughs. “You don’t have friends. At this rate, you won’t have her either. You collect favors, that’s it. We’ve known each other a long time, Tony. You’ve had me doing favors for you forever. Funny, but I don’t recall ever asking you to return one. I’ll keep in mind that you don’t want her in the future. If I were you friend, I’d lock it down before someone else does.”
Grabbing his jacket and walking away, I sit in my car cleaning my hands off. They’ll be swollen by morning. Checking my phone I see she’s stopped. Another shit hole, figures. Fuck Julian and his favors speech. You don’t fuck another man’s woman, taken or not. His parting jab didn’t go unnoticed either. He wasn’t going to back off and I’m fairly certain that if he didn’t, there was a good chance I’d kill him.
Throwing my car in drive, I break every law and invent a few new ones because I am that pissed. At Julian, at her, but mostly at myself. I should have never left her care to someone else, even temporarily. It was my responsibility and I failed. Finding her won’t be difficult. Going to the front desk and threatening the clerk with my badge and to steal his stash, he hands me a key and runs to the back, locking the door.
Finding her room was easy, opening the door even easier. Too bad the female behind it was as difficult as they came. Pitch black, no lamp or television made it impossible to see, but my hearing worked just fine. Sitting next to her, I pull the covers down so I know she’s at least paying attention. I owe her an apology and I won’t be balanced again until she hears it.
“Forgive me,” I mumble, reaching blindly for her in the dark. Locating her shoulder, I wrap my fingers around it and pull her up to me. Smelling her hair and neck I can’t help but to feel like this is where I belong. Only I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want me in the same manor, but if I’m anything, it’s convincing. “What he did is between him and me,” I tell her. “It’s not your fault.”
Stiffening in my arms, she rears back pushing me off the bed then there’s light and her standing over me. “You’re damn straight it’s not my fault,” she says, kicking me. “Apology not accepted, now get the fuck out.”
“Lina please,” I groan. “I just beat the shit out of my friend over you. Would you cut me some fucking slack?”
“You? Why is everything about you? What about me? Huh? I do what I please when I please. I will damn sure fuck whomever I please, Tony.”
“Anthony,” I groan. “Call me Anthony, please.”
“Fine Anthony,” she spats. “I’m not your woman. There’s a reason I’ve never had a serious relationship and it’s because I refuse to deal with this bullshit. What was that, anyway? Jealousy? Do you need your meds adjusted?”
“Jealousy coupled with rage, I’d guess.”
“You’d guess?”
“Yes I guess,” I say, standing up. “I have nothing to compare it to since it’s never happened to me before!”
“Huh,” she says, sitting down oblivious to the fact that she’s butt ass naked and that we are supposed to be fighting. The woman is always switching gears on me. “Okay then, it’s a wasted emotion. Ditch it.”
“I feel like I’ve wanted you forever, Lina,” I admit. “Seeing you with him---”
“I didn’t know,” she whispers. “I’m a lot of things, most are even true, but I would never get between friends. I think I caught the whore gene from my mother, but even I know when to step back. I’ve never even been with anyone where feelings were involved or sober, what does that tell you?”
Laughing, I pull her into my lap. “You are not a whore. You may not be particular, but you aren’t a whore.”
“In all fairness, Julian is pretty hot.”
“Don’t,” I growl at her. “How would you feel if we were discussing Jules?” When she tenses I know she got the point. “I want you, Lina, but I can only be a gentleman for so long.”
“I don’t remember asking you to be a gentleman.”
“No,” I admit, pulling her closer. “But you deserve one.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? What does that mean exactly?”
“I think you should go,” she whispers, pulling away but I won’t allow it. Not now. Not when then this is the closest I’ve ever been. “Answer me,” I order her. “What does that mean?”
Looking me dead in the eyes, I see a sadness in her especially when she speaks. “I don’t deserve a gentleman,” she says. “I get used, Anthony, it’s all I know.”
“Not anymore,” I growl, taking her to her back. “Look at me,” I order her. “I want you in my life. You are not just a solution to me. I’m investing my heart here, Lina.”
“Don’t do it,” she warns. “You’ll lose your ass on that investment.”
“What would it take to get you to take a gamble on me?”
“I don’t know how,” she whispers, turning away. “I don’t do feelings. I already have too many I can’t get a handle on. I only bet so I can lose on purpose to see Rion and do shots with her.”
“You can tell me who Rion is and what that means later. We’ll figure it out together,” I promise her. “I won’t lie to you, you won’t lie to me. Fuck, Lina it’s more than what most people ever get. Bet on me, say you’ll fucking try. If I have to keep following you to bars, I’m going to kill someone.”
“I didn’t want him, Anthony,” she says, running her fingers through my hair. “Don’t you get it? I wanted…you.”
“I waited too long,” I say, grinding into her. “I’ve wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want you to think I was crazy.”
Grabbing my ass with both hands, she kisses me once, then says, “We’re all crazy. Hell, very few can beat me in the crazy race. I do have one little condition, though.”
“Fuck,” I groan when she kisses my neck the bites down. “What is it?”
“No talking,” she says, but then covers my mouth when I’m about to object. “Please.”
“I guess I’ll just have to show you then.”
Locking my fingers with hers, I raise them above her head and keep them there. When she wraps her tiny legs around my back pulling me closer to her, I fight back wanting to take her over. I promised her a gentleman so that’s exactly what she’s going to get.
This time.
Grabbing my Chuck’s I stick my feet in quickly so I can grab the door before she does. “Coming!” I yell, hearing the knock and when I clear the dining room, I see my mother at the door.
“You don’t want her,” she tells him. “She lies about everything and she’s not even that pretty. Go on now, find yourself a normal girl.”
Frozen in place, hurt and humiliation tackle me, leaving me speechless. How could she do this to me? He’s the first boy to show interest in me and mean it. I begged him not to come here, but he talked me into it. Listening to her cut me down wasn’t nearly as awful as wondering if he believed it. His name was Jay and I liked him a whole lot. When she slams the door she jumps when she sees me but then a smile takes over her face.
“Oh it’s you,” she laughs, passing me to go into the kitchen. I rarely speak to my mother. I’ve worked part time at the book store for months just to stay gone longer, but I took the chance anyway. “Why did you say those things?” I ask her quietly.
“Why? Because they’re true!” she screams at me. “You are a god damn liar and an ugly one at that!”
“How can you say that?” I ask her shocked that she meant it. “I look just like you!”
Right then my mother changed. She morphed into pure evil. Wrapping her hands around my throat, she cut off my air b
ut I didn’t fight back. In fact, I let my arms drop. If my own parents hate me that much, maybe it’s best this way. Then my father was there pulling her off of me. He didn’t do it for me though. He did it for her.
“She’s an abomination, Aron!” In an effort to console her, he switched over to polish assuming I can’t understand them.
Only, I understood every word. My own mother wanted me dead.
He’s holding back on me.
When it comes to lust I’ve never big on taking it easy. It’s not like you’re going to rid yourself of it playing around with it. You need to get to it, purge it right out of your system. When lust is present, you don’t tease, you act. I like things a certain way, the rough way. I like asking men to hurt me, knowing at any time, I could hurt them in return. For me, pain triggers feeling. Maybe not the good kind but, feeling just the same. I’m not ready to tell him about that side of me because when I’m near him, I don’t feel the need to be hurt. Around him I seem to feel everything but, the need for pain.
The man above me playing games has a very large and defined back, quite impressive really. It’s taking all my strength to keep my legs wrapped around him in case he wises up and decides to bolt. Taking his sweet time, he licks and sucks my neck and the only reason I know he’s holding back is because when I moan his hands tighten in mine. I know I’m small but dammit, I’m sturdy!
Tightening my own grip, I anchor myself so I can roll my hips. This in turn causes him to groan again. Breaking his ministrations, he looks me in my eyes and I see it’s killing him not to talk it out. My condition was that he didn’t speak, but that rule does not apply to me.
“Release my hands,” I ask him, panting. “I can’t get your pants off without them. I’m a one trick pony. Telekinesis is not in my arsenal.”
Instead of answering, which I know he wants to, he takes my nipple in his mouth and bites down and fuck is that nice. “Hands, Anthony,” I moan. “I need them.”
Biting down hard on my nipple again, my legs squeeze, my hands are like vices in his and I could seriously come from this. I’ve gotten off in plenty of unconventional ways over the years, but dry humping would be a first, at least with a partner. Mentally checking that off the list it’s when he switches to the other one that my eyes cross. He’s beating me at my own game and the prick is making me work for it, suffer through it and though I’d never admit it aloud, I approve of his under handed tactics.
