by Lisa Olsen
“I know I got no call to ask for your forgiveness…”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of giving it,” I answered as honestly as I could. “I’m not going to lie, even after all of these weeks, I can’t begin to think of… of that night, without wanting to… to…” My hands clenched tightly, bones standing out against my knuckles as I choked back the urge to hit something.
Rob saw the motion and stopped, turning toward me. “Go on then, do it. I deserve it and more.”
It was so tempting, but in the same instant I wanted to hit him, I also saw myself covering him with kisses to make him better if I actually hurt him. I let go of the fists, shaking my hands to try and dispel some of that conflicting energy. “No, don’t you get it? As much as I hate what you did and as much as I want to beat you to a bloody pulp and then set the mess on fire, I don’t want to hurt you either.”
“Why not? I hurt you.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I still happen to love you. I’m not happy about it, but there it is. Otherwise why would we be out here trolling for a midnight snack when you barely ate three hours ago? You’re getting worse, and I don’t know if that’s a natural progression of the curse, or if it means I’m starting to love you more every day again or what.”
“I don’t deserve that love.”
That was debatable. He’d done far more to earn my love over the year since I’d come to know him. It didn’t escape me that he didn’t offer any words of love in return though, and I wasn’t sure which one of us he was punishing by the omission. “But I also know it’s not entirely your fault.”
“Does that even matter?”
“It does and it doesn’t. I can accept it on an intellectual level, but my heart…”
He looked down at the ground, a deep furrow appearing on his brow. “I’ve lost you forever, haven’t I?”
“I just don’t know,” I shrugged, at a complete loss. “How’s that for total honesty? I don’t know what I’m feeling and I don’t know what I want. And to be completely honest, you’re not the only one I feel that way about.”
“Bishop.”
“He’s in there too.” I tapped my chest. “But he’s got just as many issues to face with Carys in the picture. It’s all a complete mess.”
Rob nodded slowly, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “He’s a good man.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say? It sounded to me like you said Bishop is a good man.”
“He is that,” he agreed, his eyes hooded with pain as he looked up at me. “Maybe it’d be for the best if I backed off and let him make you happy?”
Was he serious? What’d happened to the flirtatious way he’d stalked me when offering a taste of his blood? Did he want to try to work things out or didn’t he? Wait – did I want him to? Why wasn’t his offer to step aside for Bishop simpling things up for me? In the end I could only scowl back at him.
“Don’t do me any favors okay? I don’t need you to make any sweeping sacrifices when I don’t even know what I want. Let’s focus on this curse thing and see what happens on the other side.”
“Fair enough,” he replied, escorting me to my side of the car. “Just so we’re clear though?” he said, pausing with his hand on the door handle.
“Yes?”
“I still love you heaps.”
“Good to know,” I nodded, swallowing back the urge to throw my arms around him at the old endearment. Good to know – but definitely complicating things.
Chapter Fifteen
“Are you feeling alright?” Maggie asked, and I looked up, having half missed the question.
“Hmm? Sorry, what?” The boys were all off doing manly things (that is to say, Lee and Tucker were off running through the woods and Gunnar was updating Rob on his spy-guy status), which left us alone for some girl talk and a few hands of cards. I’d already heard all about how sweet and charming Tucker was, but when the conversation waned, my mind had started to wander.
“Are you feeling alright?” she repeated, staring back at me over the tops of her cards.
“Sure, why do you ask?”
Her head tilted to one side. “Did you really mean to play that card?”
I looked down at the cards on the table, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what I was playing for anymore. “I, ah… sorry, I guess I’m a little distracted. What’s it to me? Sevens?” I picked up the unsuitable card and sorted through the ones in my hand, which all looked completely foreign to me.
A sharp knock sounded at the door, and Maggie jumped up to answer it while I tried to figure out how to save my sorry hand. “It’s Bishop here to see you,” she reported, looking to me before she opened the door very wide.
“Oh, send him in,” I replied, waving her on. They must all be back from the party at the museum, I realized, looking at the time. Dawn wasn’t too far off, and I realized Rob had better come back soon or I’d have to go hunt him down and drag his unconscious butt back to the room.
Bishop stepped in, looking casually elegant in a pair of tailored slacks and a cashmere sweater. “Hi, I’m not bothering you, am I? I know it’s getting late.”
“No, come on in. Would you like a drink or something? We were playing cards. I could deal you in if you like, my hand pretty much sucks anyway,” I smiled.
“No, I’m good,” he waved the offer away with a nervous glance to Maggie, who’d gone quiet and still, as though she was my servant, not my friend. Of course the two of them hadn’t spent much time together since they’d met, I could understand why they’d be less than comfortable in each other’s presence.
“Would you like to sit then?”
“I actually just came to drop something off. It’s nothing big, just… I was at the museum and I saw this in the gift shop and…” Bishop sounded almost nervous as he thrust a small box in my direction.
“Oh, thanks,” I murmured, opening the box to reveal a stunning necklace, featuring a large garnet cabochon set in elaborately etched, antiqued bronze with a faceted dangly bit encased in delicate floral pattern. I guessed it to be a renaissance design, but it could’ve been Tudor. It was exactly the sort of thing I’d have expected a man like him to give to his sweetheart when he’d been alive.
“Don’t get too excited, it’s not real,” he said, his hands coming up. “It’s a reproduction I found in the museum gift shop.”
That actually made me feel better about accepting it. A pretty bauble was easier to justify in a spontaneous gift. “The gift shop was open this late at night?”
Bishop scratched at the back of his neck, a guilty smile tugging up the side of his mouth. “Technically no, not exactly, but I left a contribution that should more than compensate them for it. Anyway, I saw this when Carys was oohing and ahing over the diamonds, and this reminded me of my mother’s most treasured possession, a necklace she wore whenever she sang.”
“It’s beautiful.” I held it up to the light, admiring the deep fire within the stone. Well, not a stone, probably glass, but it was just as lovely.
“Anyway, I thought… Well, I thought you could wear it sometime when you sing and think of me.”
I smiled at that, more moved than I could say over the gesture and the sentiment that went along with it. Jakob could definitely take gift giving lessons from Bishop when it came to giving from the heart. “Thanks, Bishop. I love it.” I rose to kiss him on the cheek. “I don’t know when I’ll be singing again, but I love it.”
His hand rested on my back as if he wanted to pull me closer, but he didn’t. “I’m sure you’ll have an opportunity sooner or later.”
“Please, sit down,” I insisted. “I have some stuff I want to tell you.” He agreed and Maggie joined us, busying herself with stacking the deck of cards neatly and putting them away.
“Oh right, how did that visit with Rob’s family go?”
“I think we’re finally on the right track.” I filled him in about the visit with Kenna and the location of the gypsy camp.
Bishop gre
w more enthusiastic about it the longer I talked, and was practically ecstatic by the time I finished. “That’s fantastic news,” he grinned, and I wasn’t sure if he was so happy on my behalf or because this was one step closer to breaking the curse for him and Carys. Otherwise why would he be so psyched about saving Rob’s chances?
We chatted for a few more minutes and we both tried to draw Maggie into the conversation, but she offered noncommittal replies at best. Finally, he rose to his feet, hands in his pockets. “Well, I’d better get some work in before her Highness realizes I’m not at her beck and call. Goodnight, ladies,” he smiled.
“Goodnight, Bishop.” I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. For a second I thought he was going to turn into the kiss, but there was the briefest of brushes between the corner of my mouth and his before we were apart again. Even that fleeting contact left a tingle that lasted until he’d gone.
“Does that have something to do with why you’re distracted tonight?” Maggie asked, putting the cards into the drawer of the liquor cabinet.
“What, do you mean the necklace? I had no idea he’d be stopping by to drop this off.”
“But you had to have some inkling of his regard for you. Is that why you’re not so keen to take Rob back?”
That knocked me for a loop, and it took me a few moments to respond. “There are a world of reasons why not to take Rob back that have nothing to do with Bishop, but yes, I do have some unresolved feelings for him.” That was putting it mildly. I might as well say Luke Skywalker had some daddy issues.
“I can see how that would complicate things for you. But surely your feelings for Rob were much stronger.”
Were they? Just because I’d been with Rob longer didn’t mean I loved Bishop any less. “I take it you’re in Rob’s corner?” I ventured, and she suddenly found a loose string at the hem of her dress fascinating. “It’s okay, I get it. You’ve been good friends with Rob, we all lived together for much longer. We left Bishop here in England right after you met and you haven’t been back to visit since. I’m pretty sure most of what you remember of Bishop is distorted through my weepy-colored glasses after he dumped me.”
“I just remember how good you and Rob were together, and how devastated you were when Bishop broke things off with you,” she shrugged, still not meeting my gaze.
“You’re conveniently forgetting the wreck I became over the whole Rob debacle.” I’d left my entire life behind.
“Yes, but…”
“Don’t say it’s not his fault,” I stopped her before she started in on that again. “We’ve gone over this before. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances, but Rob’s not blameless by any stretch. Neither am I, for that matter. I should’ve seen there was something bothering him, but I was too wrapped up in my own stuff. But even if he was blameless… I honestly don’t know if I can ever trust him again.”
“Then Rob has no chance?” she asked in a small voice.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then you’re thinking of rekindling your affair?” she perked up.
“I didn’t say that either.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying…”
Rob came in, whistling a jaunty tune. “Hullo, girls. What you up to?” he asked with a cheery smile. I traded glances with Maggie, giving her the eye when she looked like she might say something to spill the beans on what we’d been talking about.
“Just a little girl talk,” I spoke up first, eager to change the subject. “How did your talk with Gunnar go? Is he on to something or chasing at shadows?”
“He’s on to something alright, no doubt of that. Hard to say what exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
He took a seat on the edge of the couch. “Vamps are leaving the territory in droves right enough. Not only the noble set here in the Vetis House, but in the city as well. All since Simon Corley left. Ain’t sure if it’s due to any loyalty to him or if they think Aubrey’s a tosser,” he shrugged. “Alls he could find out so far is there’s maybe a third of them left now.”
“Wow, that’s a pretty big deal.” At least, it would be come tithing time when Vetis stood to collect from the local population. “Do we have any idea where they’re going?”
“Not as of yet. Those that are still here seem to be pretty clueless about it. Most ain’t put two and two together yet and noticed a pattern.”
“I wonder if Aubrey’s aware of it?” I frowned.
“Don’t know, I don’t rate a heart to heart with the likes of him. I say we stay out of it. It’s none of our business.”
I wasn’t so sure of that. “Unless those missing vampires turn up in our territory. We definitely think they’ve moved on though, not been killed or something more sinister?”
“All signs point to them picking up stakes and moving on. Might could find out to where, but it’ll take more time.”
It was an interesting puzzle, but not one I could devote much of my time to. “Gunnar can keep on digging if he wants to, otherwise I’ll have to file that away as an interesting fact for now. We’ve got bigger things to worry about. Are we set for tomorrow night?”
Rob nodded. “I already spoke to Lee about it, he’s keen to come along. We’ll be good to go as soon as you wake me.”
“I can clear out of here if you’d like to settle in early,” Maggie offered, and I caught a gleam in her eye. She wanted to give us some alone time.
“Naw, I’m not all that tired yet,” Rob waved her offer away.
“Then how about another game of cards?” I suggested, not wanting to let Maggie go yet. Maybe if I built a few more normal memories with Rob again, I wouldn’t keep coming back to those traumatic ones?
Rob fixed me with a smile that warmed me all the way to my toes. “How could I say no to that?”
* * *
Much later, I knocked on the bathroom door, calling out to Rob loud enough to be heard over the sound of the shower. “Do you think you could save me some hot water? More than anything, all I wanted to do was slip into the tub for a nice, hot bath.
The water turned off, and two minutes later, Rob emerged with a too-small white towel clutched around his hips – minus the cloud of steam I’d been expecting. “There’s plenty of hot water to be had, never you mind about that,” he said.
“Did you take a cold shower?”
“Yeah,” he said simply, pulling on a pair of workout shorts and a white singlet without bothering to hide his damp nakedness at all. I admit it, I totally watched without shame. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate the heck out of it.
“Hey, if sharing quarters is making you uncomfortable…” I started to say, but he waved me off.
“That’s not it. Felt like cooling off is all.”
“In the middle of October.” I stared at him. “Because I’m wearing like three sweaters and two pairs of socks to get all snuggly and warm, and vampires don’t even feel the cold anymore. You’re seriously too warm?”
“I’m fine.” His lips turned down into a frown. “Go on and take your bath now.”
Uh oh. Something didn’t sit right with me, and I couldn’t figure out what it was until I realized he wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Rob?”
He ignored me, grabbing a lint brush and taking it to his black suit with a zeal that seemed out of proportion.
“Rob? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he repeated, brushing with short, brisk movements and frowning over the results.
Forgetting the bath for the moment, I snuck up behind him, noting the damp stains down the back of his undershirt that had nothing to do with the cold shower he’d taken. Even more than a foot away, I could feel the heat coming off of him like a furnace.
“Son of a biscuit…” I murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Rob was all hot and sweaty like he’d been running a marathon – for a vampire that was seriously bad news. His body was consuming itself in its constant n
eed for food, despite the fact that it hadn’t been all that long since he’d last eaten.
“It’ll pass, it always does,” he said in a low voice. “It ain’t like normal hunger. It’ll rage for a piece and then fade, but I’ll be weaker is all. I can manage until nightfall, I’ll just go to bed early.”
“But… why don’t you drink something, and then it’ll go away?” I asked, confused when he had access to room service at his finger tips.
“Because when the hunger grips me like this it’s better not to start, trust me. It’ll pass soon enough.”
There was only one thing to do – and it left me with equal parts anticipation and trepidation. “Drink some of my blood,” I said, thrusting my wrist at him. It wasn’t how I’d planned the night to go, but he was obviously in need.
“No, I don’t want it.” He strode away from me to settle on one of the chairs and I followed, shoving my veins right back under his nose.
“Rob, you need it.”
“No.” He pushed my arm aside. “I don’t deserve it. Curse or not, what I done wasn’t right. Not to you and not to her. I don’t deserve to feel any better than I do right now. I should burn for what I done. If I’d only been honest with you about it instead of keeping it to myself…”
“You’re right,” I agreed, meeting his gaze directly. “What you did was crappy, and I’m not saying all is forgiven, but I’m still your Sire and I’m not going to let you wither away and die either. Now take my blood, that’s an order.” I was prepared to add a level of compulsion to it, but he picked up my wrist, hesitantly bringing it to his mouth.
I steeled myself for the bite of his fangs, but the touch of his lips came feather-light. They brushed over the delicate skin until the veins at my wrist ached to be taken. I’d gone utterly still in the way that only vampires can, not a cell moving out of place as I waited, the anticipation building between us as a palpable thing. I realized my eyes had fallen shut and I opened them to see why he hadn’t taken what I offered yet, to find him staring up at me intently. Our eyes locked, and that’s when his teeth slid into me.
