Nyxie sighed as she dropped to one knee and removed his shoes and socks, his athletic equilibrium helping him keep his balance. She didn’t rise to pull the drawstring on his black scrubs. His erection sprung forward as she lowered the rest of his clothing.
Using her shoulder to steady himself, he stepped out of his pants. Nyxie glanced up at him before taking him into her mouth. Instinctively, he knew she would try to deep throat him again. The other time she had taken him that deeply, he had used lidocaine to numb her gag reflex. He was curious to see if she could do it without the spray. He found himself holding his breath with anticipation.
Nyxie took a couple of deep breaths and pressed forward. As soon as he felt the tip of his glans touched the back of her mouth, she withdrew a couple of inches, gagging.
“Try again,” he said gently. “Relax your jaw and your throat and breathe through your nose.”
He saw her tensing before moving forward again. And again, she made a retching sound as she hastily retreated. Her eyes shut momentarily as she tightened her lips around him and she began bobbing her head, taking as much of his huge member as her mouth could accommodate.
Their eyes met. Hers were red and watery. Although he knew the tears were an automatic response to her gag reflex, his body and his mind reacted to the vulnerability he saw. Christ, she was on her knees, his cock filling her mouth and she had tears in her eyes. She was his perfect submissive. Had he ever seen a more beautiful woman? Could he possibly love her more?
“Stand up, baby.”
She leaned back until his dick was free, took his proffered hand and rose to her feet.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to do it. I just couldn’t,” she said, not lifting her eyes higher than his chest.
He raised her chin with one finger, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Look at me, Nyxie.” It took several seconds for her to comply.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated.
He tilted his head slightly. “Most women can’t. I guess you’ll never be a porn star.” He saw her eyes drop again and he had a twinge of regret that he had stayed away for so long. He had been punishing her but he had been going through his own torture to execute her sentence. “Why are you still dressed?”
The way he used his Dom voice, made it sound as if he had ordered her to undress. She quickly stripped off her T-shirt and undies and waited for his lead.
He began circling her, his fingers touching her now and then, her clavicle, her shoulder, her scapula, her ribs, her wrists, hipbones. On his second time around, he stopped behind her, and ran his hand over her small bottom. “You’re still not completely healed. I see a little yellow from the bruises I left.”
“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” she said breathlessly, as his touch sparked her desires.
“I’m sorry I did that to you. I took it too far. We still need to talk about that night.”
“Do we have to do it now?” Her tone had a plaintive whine to it that made him chuckle.
“Always so eager to get to the fucking.”
“I have a need…,” she said, turning her head to see him behind her.
“Do you want me to throw you on that bed and fuck you into unconsciousness?”
Although that would’ve been all right with her, she could hear the edge in his voice and knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“I’ve missed you. I don’t mean to be overly eager.”
He rubbed one of her butt cheeks as if contemplating giving it a little slap. Her sex clenched in anticipation as she silently pleaded for the pain. Her eyes closed and her breathing increased. She instinctively tightened her muscles as she waited for his hand to lift and strike, leaving her bottom hot and stinging.
He chuckled as his free hand went around her waist and hauled her slender form against the length of his body. “Sorry, Nyxie, we can’t do that until I trust you to safe-word me. You let me go too far.”
It wasn't her fault he’d taken it so far, but in his present mood it was difficult not to take it out on her. Her eyes popped open and her shoulders sagged in disappointment.
“I wanted you to be proud of me, like you were in Emily’s office.”
Confusion clouded his mind until he remembered telling her he was proud of her after her first punishment. To someone who had had so little love in her past, the passing praise was most likely elevated to another level to her. He needed to keep that in mind as he dominated her. “Oh, baby…. What am I going to do with you?”
The hand at her waist moved up to her breast. He pulled her silky black hair over one shoulder and felt her flinch when his fingertips grazed the sensitive skin below her ear. Her reaction caught him off guard as he had not quite gotten accustomed to her aversion to having her neck touched. “I’m going to kiss your neck, now. Don’t freak out on me.”
Her whole body went unnaturally still as his lips and tongue found the nape of her neck. “Relax,” he whispered against her skin. “Breathe.”
She did neither until her lungs began to burn from holding her breath and even then, if she relaxed at all, he could not detect it.
He moved his free hand between her legs both to distract her and to try to get her to associate the touching of her neck with pleasure rather than fear.
Nyxie cleared her throat twice.
“Try to concentrate on everything else I’m doing to you, baby. Feel my hand on your breast,” he said, gently flattening her breast and stroking his fingers over the nipple. “Feel my hand between your legs.” His long middle finger stroked her clit in slow firm movements, every third stroke, he delved deeper drawing her juices from her opening, but never entering her.
“Do you feel my cock against your ass and back?” He nipped her ear lobe with his teeth before kissing and licking the sensitive spot below it. He ground his pelvis into her back as he tightened his grip, momentarily lowering the hand on her breast to her waist.
She whimpered, unable to fight off the sensations building, but also not capable of fully allowing herself to drop her guard enough to give herself completely. “God.”
“Give into it, Nyxie. Come for me.”
Her body twitched. “I can’t,” she cried. “Not while you’re touching my neck.”
His assault on her senses intensified. He pinched her nipple roughly while his hips and other hand quickened the pace.
“Yes, you can,” he coaxed. “This is how you make me proud of you today.”
Slowly, her hips began rotating. Her back arched when he was at the apex of his thrust, and then shifted forward into the rhythm of his hand. He rolled her nipple between his fingers in pace with her motion, never letting his lips lose contact with her neck.
“God.” The word burst from her lips, but it rang of frustration that she couldn’t find release.
“I love you, Nyxie,” he said between kisses. “Come for me… Make me proud… If you don’t… I’m going to turn you over my knee… and spank your bottom… I’m going to leave cherry-red handprints on your ass… They’re going to be so hot… and tender… And your ass is going to be on fire….”
Nyxie burst into orgasm. Her whole body jerked and twitched as a long, low moan escaped her lips. Suddenly, she was pulling on the hand between her legs. “Stop, please,” she begged as the nub became overly sensitive. As his hand stilled, her body sagged into his.
~*~
“I like the way you talk dirty.”
“I like kissing your neck. You changed shampoos and body wash. You smell sexy as hell.”
She giggled at the praise, and rolled her neck on her shoulders. She wished she could take credit, but if she smelled different, it was because of Sonia’s purchases.
Nyxie turned around in his arms and stretched up to kiss him. “I love you.”
“Do you love me? Or do you just love a good orgasm?”
Her eyes widened at his question. How could he doubt it? “Both.”
She moved her hand to his cock and began stroking it. Her touch was tentative. “We hav
en’t taken care of your needs yet.”
“Go lie on your bed,” he demanded. “I’m afraid all my toys are on the other side of that wall. We’ll have to be creative. Close your eyes and don’t open them. Grab your ankles with your hands. You are not allowed to let go, but you may move as much as you want as long as you hold on.”
“I’m pretty limber,” she said, her eyes opening. “I bet I can find several good positions.”
“Keep your eyes closed. Maybe I’ve got a friend with me and I don’t want you to know he’s fucking you.”
Nyxie knew he would never share her with anyone, but was giving her a little fantasy to excite her. She was beginning to realize Declan had a propensity to fantasize.
She drew her feet up to her bottom, planting her soles on the mattress and grabbing her ankles. Arching into her shoulders, she lifted her hips, her knees spreading automatically.
“Hold that position,” he said, shoving a pillow under her bottom to help her maintain the pose. Placing one hand above her mons, he lowered his head to her sex.
With the growl from deep in his throat, he gently bit her outer lips, then delved on her clit. He snarled and lapped at her sex like a dog, licking and sucking her clit.
Nyxie didn’t know if she should laugh or moan. When the giggle slipped out, he bounded up her body and licked her face. “Want to be my bitch,” he said playfully.
“I want to be your everything.”
She already was.
“Pull your knees to your chest.”
It took a bit of maneuvering to draw her knees up without letting go of her ankles, but as promised, she was flexible enough to accomplish the move. As soon as she complied, he flipped her onto her stomach and mounted her doggy style, pumping into her depths fast and hard. He grabbed a handful of her hair at her scalp and pulled her face out of the pillow as he bit her shoulder with a growl.
The forcefulness of his touch and the slight pain from his bite was all it took to send her over the edge. Her sex throbbed and clutched his engorged cock as her breathing became ragged and raspy. He barked and howled into the air as his own climax engulfed him and she fought the laughter bubbling up from her lungs. If she hadn’t been so self-conscious, she might have joined him with her own bays. He slammed into her hard and froze in place, incapable of movement until it ended.
Laughing, they collapsed onto the mattress. “Please, tell me you’re not into sex with animals.”
“No, baby. I just thought after how tense you felt when I kissed your neck, that you could use a little levity.”
She rolled into his chest and put her arm around him. “You’re always so serious and intense. I didn’t know you could be funny.”
“I’m just like everyone else. I feel everything everyone else feels. This is what you want? Would you rather be my submissive on my days off, than my wife?”
She rested her head against his chest as she tried to figure out how to explain. Her eyes closed, unable to say what she wanted if she was looking into his face. “One of us has to be practical. We’re compatible in the bed, but what else do we have in common?”
“For starters, we love each other.”
“Isn’t that enough? We don’t have to be married to love each other,” she said. “It’s more than I’ve ever had.”
“The Dom/sub relationship is all I’ve ever had,” Declan said. “I want more. Am I not a person you would want to fight to keep? Your whole life, you felt unloved, and here I am screaming at the top of my lungs that I love you, but you are pushing me away.”
Her breath hitched sharply at the sound of hurt in his voice. Her hand stretched out and stroked his beard-shadowed cheek.
Shying away from the contact, he grabbed her wrist, and pulled it away from his face, trapping it between their bodies.
“I don’t believe you think it’s enough for you either.”
Her eyes opened but she couldn’t raise her gaze above his collarbone. “You don’t understand.”
“You’ve got that right, I don’t understand,” he said, his words had a harsh tone to them, making her shrink away from him a little.
“I don’t know how to explain.” Nyxie closed her eyes but said nothing.
“If we’re finished with our conversation, maybe I should go,” he said after thirty seconds of silence.
Her hold on him tightened. “Don’t go. I just don’t know how to say it without you getting mad and hating me.”
He put his hand on her cheek, lightly stroking with his thumb. “Look at me, Onyx.” He waited until her eyes opened and she changed her position to see his face. “I doubt there is anything you could say that could make me hate you.”
Her eyes left his and began filling with water. “I don’t think I can tell you. My heart is pounding.”
“Trust me.”
Nyxie closed her eyes as if she subscribed to the ostrich’s form of self-defense. If she couldn’t see him, she was safe.
“Sometimes, I’m scared of you. I don’t think you know how strong you are. That wooden paddle is a hard limit for me.”
Declan chuckled and drew her closer. “I threw the paddle in the dumpster. It’s a hard limit for me too.”
“Really?”
Her voice was high pitched, whether it was only surprise or perhaps hope, he did not know.
“Yeah, but why didn’t you safe-word me? Dammit, Nyxie, you would have let me beat you into unconsciousness before you let me know I was hurting you.”
Nyxie stayed quiet, tears wetting her lashes, making them spiky. The rise and fall of her lungs was her only movement.
“Talk to me, Nyxie. I think you owe me an explanation.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
A dimple appeared on one cheek as her lips pressed together. The tears filling her eyes, spilled over her lashes. “I’m afraid if I don’t do what you want, you won’t love me.”
“I’m sorry, Nyxie, you’re not making any sense. You’re going to allow me to hurt you so I’ll love you, but you prefer to be my submissive, where we are only going to be together for a limited amount of time, rather than my wife for a lifetime.”
He took the small shrug of her shoulders to mean yes, without the commitment of saying the word aloud.
“You think because you caught me masturbating after the licks I got in school that I have masochistic tendencies, but I don’t think I do. I wasn’t turned on by that spanking. I was in pain and I had already figured out that when you orgasm—your pain stops. I grew up feeling pain regularly. I coped with it the only way I knew how. As your wife, I’d have to put up with it the rest of my life—as your sub, only a few years.”
Declan didn’t know if she was intentionally lying to him about not liking the pain; he suspected she was still trying to justify to herself something the rest of the world deemed abnormal. He had seen her eyes light up at the prospect. He had seen her come on the heels pain during sex or had her so turned on after punishment that she could barely contain her enthusiasm.
“The light stuff is okay,” she continued. “It doesn’t hurt much, just a quick pop of pain like a rubber band snap. It makes sex seem dirty, forbidden, like we’re getting away with something naughty. I know someone like me doesn’t deserve better.
“You seem to think because I don’t react to pain, that I don’t feel it. You just keep escalating it. You are nearly twice my size and an athlete—you hit me harder than anyone has in my life. And somehow, you expect me to trust you. Why, because you haven’t hospitalized me? You scare me, Declan.”
“Christ!” he said, his lips pressed into her hair. “You should never be afraid. That’s what the safe words are for. If you are afraid, say red. I’m not going to be mad. I’m not going to hate you. It’s been difficult for me to know how far to take it. Because you’ve never been in this kind of relationship, I’ve gone in with no negotiations to guide me. I thought you understood we would be setting limits as we went along.”
“You don’t hate me?”
His sigh sounded melodramatic, as if she should already know the answer. “No, Nyxie. I don’t hate you.”
Nyxie turned over on her other side and he automatically pulled her back against his body. She lifted her head and he slipped his arm under her neck. His other arm went under hers before he grabbed her wrists.
“I like the card you drew,” he said. “You have art skills.”
“Yeah, I’ve mastered the crayon.”
Her sarcasm made him smile for a change. “I’m serious. I think you have talent. When you go to college, I think you really should explore how far you can go.”
“I thought you wanted me to get an education to make sure we never went hungry again,” she said with a chuckle. “I don’t really enjoy drawing. It’s one of those activities Momma wanted me to do to keep me quiet.”
“When your father was drunk?”
“Or sleeping,” she said. “You and Mrs. North are the only ones who ever saw any talent in me. She was the only teacher who put my artwork on the bulletin board and I think she was just making sure everyone got a chance.”
Nyxie could still remember the excitement when her teachers were going to switch out the artwork and she was always disappointed when the other kids’ drawings and paintings went up, but hers never did. She’d stare at their pictures and try to figure out why theirs were picked over hers. After a while, she realized it didn’t matter how well she outlined and stayed in the lines or how much her drawings looked proportionate. The teachers picked the kids they liked the best. Once, Nyxie tried leaving her name off her project, but she just ended up with a zero in the grade book for her trouble.
“Have you been thinking about what you want to major in?”
“I don’t know. I might like to work with abused kids, but I don’t want to be a social worker.”
“More like a child psychologist?”
“I’m not smart enough for anything like that.”
“If I weren’t so comfortable, I’d give you a swat for saying that. Sounds like laziness to me. You just don’t want to work that hard.”
The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2) Page 9
