by Soraya Naomi
Cam’s scars and the fact that she worked at the fight club are related; I’m positive of that. She’s been through so much more than I’d ever thought possible.
I’m done playing it safe. “We need to speak with a high ranking soldier on Fat Sal’s team. The lower ranks won’t reveal anything we don’t already know.”
James nods an approval and tells Henry, “Damian’s going to contact you with a name to track this afternoon. You can go.”
“I’ll be ready for his call.” Henry adjusts his black-framed glasses as he says goodbye.
After the door closes, James says to me, “Instruct Damian to locate a first soldier. You have carte blanche for interrogations if you think he’s withholding.”
He just gave me permission to torture a first soldier however I see fit.
“I want her here and safe,” he confesses, drumming his fingertips on the desk in agitation.
“Me too.” I’m already typing Damian a text with orders.
Damian answers that he’s working on it now.
“Damian will have someone soon. He works fast.” I might not always like the guy, but he’s been a good soldier and a decent member of this Syndicate.
“Good,” James comments. “I want you to contact me the second you find out anything.”
“Si.” Yes. Then I remember that I also need to contact Luca and inform James about the issue at Security Simplicity. “I’m going to call Luca to return.”
His stunned gaze is fixated on me.
“I’ve got a problem at Security Simplicity. Money’s been disappearing, large amounts. My financial director is investigating it as we speak, and I need Luca to oversee SS so I can focus on Cam.”
James’s eyes narrow; he knows that Cam and I had a more-than-friendly relationship. He didn’t like it back then, and he’s forbidden it now. Before, he hadn’t told us she was his daughter, but since he doesn’t need to keep it a secret anymore, I’ve been told she’s off limits.
“How bad is it?” he asks.
“More than a million dollars.”
“We’ve got a huge shipment coming this weekend for Sal’s club. It will mean a lot of cash to transfer and whitewash. Consigliere Salvatore and I are already pumping too much into our own company because of your company’s decreasing profits,” James explains.
“I’ll have exact numbers later today. Until then, I have no answers for you.”
With a cursory nod, he accepts the current situation. “I’ll contact Salvatore. We meet as soon as Luca’s back.”
“I’ll call you later,” I state and go toward the strip club’s private room where Cam and I spent our first night.
I enter the room and shift to the king-size bed. Leaning against the post, I run my hands through my hair, clasping my fingers behind my head.
Memories of the morning after we had sex for the first time wash over me, stabbing me with desire. I can see Cam lying on the grey sheets with her long legs wrapped around my middle as I push into her and she thrusts her hips up to meet me.
I left hurriedly because of work, which was true. And she wouldn’t leave my mind that whole day. Before, when I fucked, I was done with a woman. They knew, and they accepted it. But Cam captivated my thoughts, and I lost it when I discovered she went home with Damian. I never told her, but that was the main reason for my distance those few days.
Still, she dismantled my determination to never associate with a non-Syndicate related woman. I told her the truth; that with too many unknown factors, it was a risk to be with me. That was her confirmation that I was a criminal, but it didn’t push her away. That was caused by my own stupidity.
When I’d see her or see someone else talking to her, a possessive urge took over, and I’d always pursue her. And she’d let me; she’d allow me in again.
With her, it wasn’t only sexual. If I could only hold her, it would be enough. But when feelings became involved, it was a mess. I wasn’t used to being asked to explain or defend myself, and even coming from Cam, it grated on my nerves. Mostly because she refused to open up, yet expected more from me. As long as she withheld, so did I.
We couldn’t live with or without each other. We messed up, time and time again, but we kept going back to one another. And this went on for months.
Ultimately, I had to work twice as hard during the last few weeks she worked for us because we had started to grow apart.
I was also confronted with the realization that one day she’d leave this place and I would be left behind, forever stuck in this world. It was the first time I disliked being a Capo, being part of the mafia. At the end of the day, it’s a solitary existence. I think we constantly sought company with one another because we both felt that – that disconnect within our connection. I fucked her ten ways to Sunday, even in her luscious ass, and she always obliged me. She didn’t want to, but I took it anyway, and she loved it when I used her for my pleasure because between the sheets was when we felt most linked to each other.
She wasn’t like the others. I understood that. I wanted her to forget anyone before me and never even think about anyone after me, without offering her any kind of commitment. Her reluctance to open up would constantly fuel mine, and we never got the chance to cross the boundaries we set.
And when she was finally fed up and confessed she loved me after more than twelve months, I was so not prepared for it that I just blurted out the truth. That I wouldn’t bring a civilian into my world. I’ve seen what that does to people and how difficult it is with Luca and Fallon. Maybe I was so adamant about not offering her more because she was my friend first, but it was also because I wasn’t prepared to commit while she held back.
She asked me to love her, and I told her that I wouldn’t. And that moment took place just a few weeks before she vanished.
Then she began lying and omitting things, and I recognized that we were ending. It was the night before Fallon was kidnapped and brought to our headquarters. That night, I caught Cam with Damian – after she kind of told me she loved me that morning – and it made me realize that I had to break off wherever this relationship was never going.
*
Ten months ago
I arrive at the deserted strip club with two of my soldiers after a rough night. Cam and I had another argument this week about one of the girls, and I left her annoyed. The rumors about me are getting to her. Where she used to defend me and not let it rile her, she’s growing more and more suspicious that I don’t want her because I’m incapable of swearing off other women. But I’ve always been faithful to her while we’ve been together – without her even asking. I won’t betray her. Yet the way she questions my honesty, while she isn’t being forthcoming herself about her scars or her past, elicits my frustration. I do still flirt with other women and refuse to change that, but I’m faithful in this relationship we don’t define. She isn’t, as I discover that night.
Of course, as always, I missed Cam after a few days apart and did spend last night with her, yet this morning, she professed that she wants me to love her, and I revealed I won’t offer her more than this.
The two men who are with me scatter off with some girls, and I walk toward our private room in search of Cam, feeling remorseful for the umpteenth time.
The door creaks open, and I can hear her husky voice. She isn’t alone. She’s with Damian, talking in an intimate pose, sitting on the bed, hips touching. My fists clinch, but I decide to eavesdrop before letting any unwarranted anger dominate my state of mind.
They’re whispering, and he inches toward her. I witness him kissing her, and a red haze overtakes my sight. I’m ready to barge in, but her words stop me dead in my tracks.
“I should’ve never fallen in love with him.”
She stops the kiss – thankfully, because I’m on the verge of blowing up. Why are they so chummy? Couldn’t she wait a few fucking hours for me to return and confide in me? I know too little about Cam. And I detest that she lets Damian get so close. A surreptitious fury sw
eeps through me, and I can’t guarantee that I can control myself, so I decide not to confront her now.
Cam stands, and I hide in another room, making sure these two part ways. And they do – I spy on them until they’re outside and I witness Damian leaving and Cam going with David.
*
The mattress dips as I sit down and lean forward with my elbows on my knees, dropping my head into my hands.
Love doesn’t fit into my world. I’m a Capo, not a boss or underboss. Bosses and underbosses have more power to protect their loved ones. But none of that even mattered at the time. I had made up my mind. Cam kissed another man, and I was ready to murder him. She had too much control over me. The insight that I had to end our undefined friendship settled over me like a silent mantle.
The next day, I was shitfaced and a stripper was giving me a lap dance when Luca and I learned Damian had taken Fallon – Luca’s then girlfriend, who didn’t know Luca was the underboss of our organization – and everything moved in fast forward from there.
I was busy with work. Cam was slipping away, and I had let her. But I was still protective of her those last few days, and once, when I was filled with fear she’d defied an order from Luca to help Fallon, she even let me kiss her, and that night, I made her sleep with me in our normal private room in the strip club. She stayed, reluctantly, but we didn’t talk, both feeling we were at the end of our play. It felt like a goodbye. And I think she was planning to help Fallon escape when she lay in bed with me.
A few days later, Luca and I indeed caught them escaping. Cam had placed herself in the middle of Syndicate business with one act. And when she admitted to Luca and me that she kissed Damian to get her hands on his car keys so that she and Fallon could escape in his car, I was too irate to be rational.
Luca was handling Fallon in his room, and I was pacing and clutching my hair with Cam sitting on this bed. For a tall woman, she looked small and fragile. I remember the conversation word for word.
*
Nine months ago
“What the fuck was your plan?” I bark.
Silence.
“Start talking before I start smashing.” My jaw clenches painfully.
“Only...to help Fallon get out of here,” she stutters and avoids my furious face.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I peer down at her. Cam, this elusive woman who has me questioning my sanity. “You’ve put yourself in danger now, and you’ve put me in an impossible situation. This was a really stupid move. How long have you been sitting on this master plan of yours?”
“What do you mean?” Some of her adrenaline and fear from the attempted escape is fading, and I can clearly she see’s pondering what to say.
I make a scoffing sound. Not a peep about Damian. “When did you come up with the plan to help her escape?”
“Right before I did it,” she lies; I’m certain.
“I don’t believe you.”
“What have you been doing these last few days? There’s a captive woman in this house! And you all act like it’s the most normal thing.” Defiance wells in the moisture in her eyes.
“I told you what you needed to know. That was for her, but also your, protection! Now you’ve put yourself in the middle, and I don’t know what Luca will do. Or what James will do when he finds out. You’re messing with dangerous men.”
She’s wringing her hands together in her lap.
“Do you think Damian will protect you?” I snap in the quiet room.
She jumps at my harsh tone as I sneer at her lips, her tainted lips. “When did you kiss him?”
She has kissed another man twice within two days. She planned to seduce Damian, conniving thing. I test Cam and give her one chance to tell me the truth. If she’s honest, she’ll say either yesterday or before. If she’s playing me, she’ll say today.
“I don’t know, fifty minutes ago.”
Well, that’s strangely specific. She’s being very calculated. I can see it in how her hands are now planted on her hips, preparing for a clash.
I take a handful of her hair, so she’s forced to look up at me. “I warned you about lying to me.”
Distress colors her eyes. “Is that a threat?”
“Yes,” I answer, and she gasps in fear, so I release her hair.
She stumbles back on the bed.
Rubbing my hands over my jaw, I groan in agitation. I’m so infuriated. I just can’t handle this now. It’s true that I don’t know if Luca will let this go and keep it from James. I think he will, but I need to talk to him to confirm. He’ll probably protect Fallon and will want to cover up their escape attempt too.
I charge out the door, not knowing how to control my emotions. Since yesterday, I’ve been on edge, and she’s inciting me more. I feel the need to fuck up Damian. To fuck up her for kissing another. I inhale a deep breath to control my need to throw my fist into the wall. I still can’t handle myself well enough to talk about this with Cam. I might hurt her when I’m this manic. Striding to the bar, I fish a cigarette and my lighter from my pocket. I let the smoke burn down my throat and lean forward with both hands bracing the counter.
Her uncertain footsteps come closer, stopping next to me.
I take another drag and stare ahead, not facing her. “You need to leave and be careful. I need to think, so we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“You’re just letting me go?” she asks, surprised.
“No. I’m firing you. Beyond that, I don’t know yet.” Tipping the ash from the end of the cigarette into the metallic ashtray, I turn my gaze on her and say in a low voice I don’t recognize, “I can’t discuss what happened with you now. I’m too angry with you.”
“Adriano...” Her hand comes up as if to touch my cheek, but she hesitates and lowers her arm.
“Go to the room and stay there. I’m taking you home in the morning. We’ll discuss your mess then.” I raise my brows, ordering her to go without words.
Her eyes dart away and then back. And she tries again. “Adriano—”
“Don’t.” I grip the counter harder. “GO!”
She slinks away with a sad look.
After a long time, I crush out the cig and go after her.
She’s lying on top of the covers, solemnly inspecting the ceiling in the dark room.
Unclasping my watch, I set it on the nightstand and lie down in the same position, not touching her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers softly.
“For what?”
“I’m not sure.” Her fingers inch closer to mine on the mattress, and she strokes them.
My eyes fall closed, and my body instantly reacts. Our breathing grows heavy, and then her kissing Damian flashes across my vision, so I move my hand away.
“Go to sleep, Cam,” I say with bite.
I’m aware of her the entire the night, and sleep is unattainable.
*
That was our last night together. I took Cam home in the morning and told her to lock her doors and that I’d be back later. But then Syndicate complications ate up all of my time for days, and I’d texted and called her – she was secretive, but so was I. I was going to talk to her about where we’d go from there, but when I got to her apartment, no one was there. Her neighbor told me she’d gone. I broke open the door and was appalled by the poor state of where she lived. Immediately, concern set in, and I called Luca to check to see if the Syndicate had seized her. He said they hadn’t, and I’ve been looking for her ever since.
I’ve been trying to juggle so many balls lately. My job as Capo comes first. Then I have responsibilities at Security Simplicity. I have parents whom I can’t neglect.
I learned the hard way how difficult it is to retrieve information from people when you can’t throw your authority around. I was searching for Cam in secret for months. James didn’t know, only Luca, so I couldn’t use my rank as Capo to enforce power.
At times, I gave up and sought comfort in other nameless women, but they were always similar to Cam somehow, an
d I never felt fulfilled.
Then James revealed she’s his daughter a couple of weeks ago and told me that I could search with Syndicate approval and use all the influence we have. Still, she’s untraceable. Now, this is our last resort; interrogating a first soldier that works for Fat Sal – if Damian apprehends one.
I fall back onto the bed, filled with remorse. If only James had told me she’s his daughter sooner, then I wouldn’t have had to worry this much the last couple of months. It was a shock to learn she’s his blood, but it was a relief to finally have some help with finding Cam.
No one knew the depth of our feelings. Not even Luca. I’d kept so much between Cam and me private. She’d worked her way inside my life, and I didn’t, yet I did, want it. If we don’t find her alive and well, then I’m sure I’ll be doomed to live with this hollow feeling for the rest of my life.
I sit back up, fish out my phone, and decide it’s time to inform Luca that he needs to return to the Loop.
“Amico,” he answers more cheerily than I’ve ever heard him. “What’s—Hey!” Fallon’s voice comes booming through the phone.
“Hey, dolcezza. How’s the honeymoon so far?” I call her dolcezza like Luca does, just to bug him.
“Amazing!” she practically sings.
“Don’t call her dolcezza!” Luca warns, and I laugh. He then talks to her, “I’ll be right back.” And a door closes on his end. “What’s up, Adriano?”
“We’ve got problems.”
“Syndicate?”
“Yes and Security Simplicity. Money has been stolen. Jeffrey’s getting numbers now. And James just gave me the go-ahead to use the extent of our power to find a lead on Cam. Damian is finding a first soldier of Fat Sal’s now. I need you to come back to handle SS.”
“Okay...” His voice trails off as he mulls over his options. “I have a wife to consider now.”
Knowing Fallon, I ask, “What’s she doing?”
He’s silent before answering, “Reading.”
Just as I thought.
“Yeah, she won’t mind coming back. I’ll tell her it’s because of Cam. I’ll make arrangements and get on the first flight.”
