by Soraya Naomi
I like it when you voice it. “Keep that up, and I’ll be hard again within seconds.”
Cam and I have an exquisitely long shower before ever reaching my bed again.
CHAPTER 31
Adriano
I think about Cam and our uncertain future constantly, and with all the mayhem going on at headquarters, rushing home to my loft every night has become my favorite part of the day.
She challenges me and provokes me, but eventually, she does follow my direction. I enjoy witnessing her growing mentally and physically. I enjoy how she lets me tease her. How I can’t always figure out what she’ll do next. With other women, that particular quality bothered me. With her, it absolutely captivates me. She wraps me around her finger without knowing it. That little piece of me that always belonged to her is growing every day.
But my thirst for Cam also clouds my ability to think straight, making it difficult to figure out how to protect my parents and siblings once she and I leave. And until I’ve come up with a plan for how to protect them, I can’t get out with Cam. The Syndicate will badger and torture them to locate her. And not even Luca will have the power to stop James. I’m ready to risk my life for her, but not my parents’ lives. Not Carmine and Mary’s lives. Carmine is already asking too many questions about my work life lately as it is.
Apart from that, I need to tap into a lot of resources to get us out of the country. Then I’ll need to continue to protect her; and I don’t know how to do that except to keep running. But there’s still a part of me that’s reluctant to let this life go. This life that has become an intricate part of me over the last ten years. Yet, within the two years I’ve known Cam, she’s apparently taken over that part of me too.
Since I’m at a breaking point – unsure of how to proceed – I decide to confess to Luca. I was supposed to meet him yesterday, Tuesday, at his penthouse, but because we’re both swamped with keeping our women safe and drawing up our plan of attack, I didn’t get to speak to him privately, so I’m on way to Luca’s now.
I arrive at his penthouse while he’s eating breakfast with Fallon.
“Good morning.” I pour a glass of orange juice from the decanter on the kitchen island and stand across from where they’re seated on two of the bar stools.
“Good morning.” Fallon stirs a spoon in her mug.
Luca, who, similar to me, has also had a busy week, prompts, “We have several items to go over, and I should’ve left ten minutes ago.” He addresses Fallon, “I need to talk to Adriano alone.”
And she gives us privacy, gladly fleeing to her library.
“First,” Luca begins, “What’s the status of the shooting near Security Simplicity’s building? Did any witnesses – specifically, the child – come forward? Is there any link to us?”
“No. Chicago P.D. is keeping me posted. The kid hasn’t been brought in or questioned. It’s a relatively unimportant case because there was surprisingly minimal media coverage. Our building wasn’t even mentioned in the investigation, only the opposite tower that the shot originated from, so we’re in the clear.”
He releases a relieved sigh. “Second, the audit. Jeffrey contacted our associate, and he arranged for our previous auditor to handle it now, not the newly appointed female accountant. So while that’s taken care of, we’re still keeping a company afloat that’s not making any profit. We either need to expand or find a new viable company.”
“Can we talk about that later? I have a more pressing matter.”
Reaching for his coffee cup, he states, “Cam?”
I nod and take a sip of the freshly squeezed juice. “Of course.”
“So, how long did it take for you to cave?” A grin pulls at his lips, even though I can tell he’s also concerned.
“Hours. It happened the first night.”
“And now? What do you want to talk about?”
Luca and I have been friends since we were seventeen. We’ve shared ups and downs in the Syndicate. We’ve fought side by side and always together. But my next confession will put us at opposite ends of the spectrum for once.
“I want to be with her,” I admit.
His eyes narrow, and he balls his fist that’s resting on the counter.
“I’m ready to take the risk.”
“What does that mean exactly?” he asks.
“I’m going to leave with Cam.”
“Leave?” he sneers the word and bolts up. “How? When?”
I set the glass down. “I don’t have everything figured out. I came to you to confide in my friend.”
“My friend, you come in here telling me you’re leaving what we built for years for a woman?!”
“You know she’s not just any woman!”
“Then what’s your plan?” he challenges.
“I’m going to leave the country, with her. We’re going to run.”
Luca braces the counter and leans forward. “This is a suicide mission. For both of you. Are you going to desert your family? Your mom? When will you see them? You’re thinking with your dick!”
“No, I can’t stay away from her, Luca. She’s...She’s more than just a fuck!”
He grits his teeth. “I know that, but...Fuck! Adriano, you’re not thinking straight. Has she agreed to go with you? To leave her newly found life behind?”
“Yes. I’ve explained our limited options.”
He regards me with suspicion. “She’ll eventually resent you for providing her with another lonely life. You said yourself that she wants a family – above all. Now she has one and is willing to give it up this easily? She’s in love, probably infatuated with the excitement right now, and isn’t really considering the long term consequences.”
“You don’t know what’s between us,” I defend, not revealing that I share his concerns. “I’ve talked about it with Cam, and we’re both certain that we’ll do whatever it takes to have a chance.”
“You’ll never have a chance if you run with her. I know you, and there isn’t a scenario where you’ll be able to protect Cam and your parents, and you won’t be truly happy unless you can do both. You also know my hands are tied in this situation because James will be on the warpath.”
“I had your back the entire time you were getting together with Fallon. I would’ve thought you’d be more supportive of us.”
Luca gives me a skeptical glance. “You’re my brother, and I’ll always support you, but I refuse to indulge in a suicide mission. With Fallon, you knew from the start she was important to me.”
Coming here, I knew I’d stumble upon resistance but didn’t imagine he would be this defensive. “Then what do you suggest?”
He looks away in thought. “Do you love her? Or is this just lust gone wild? If you love her, then put her welfare above your own. You and Cam have always had a peculiar relationship.”
“I love her,” I confess with conviction for the first time.
And it shocks him into silence for several minutes before he says in an agonized tone, “It’s not easy having a woman in this life. Fallon is the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me. The best thing is having her; the worst thing is worrying about how to protect the one you can’t live without, Adriano. Is this really love?”
I nod without one shred of doubt streaming through my veins.
“It had to be the one you can’t have?”
Instead of cracking a joke, I say, “She’s my Fallon, Luca. I’m not letting her go. I’ll lose her forever if I back out again.”
“Christ!” he whisper-shouts. “I’m not asking you to give her up. I’m just saying you can’t go through with your initial plan. I’ll keep it a secret from James – I have for some time. But you two must promise me to not take any action without involving me.”
“I can’t unless you tell me you’ll help us.”
“I will. However, we need to brainstorm about this, Adriano. Damn it, so much is going on right now, especially with the raid Saturday. But I can’t lose my best Capo, and more importantly, I d
on’t want to lose my friend. We got into this together, and now you’re considering leaving?”
“Then I’ll ask you again, what do you suggest?”
“Promise me that you won’t just pack up and leave,” he insists.
“I promise.”
“Sit then. You have to explain it in detail to Cam. Adriano, are you sure she understands the repercussions?”
I keep standing. “I think she does, but no, I’m not positive.”
“Maybe that should be your first step,” he advises, and I recognize that he’s correct. “Are you honestly willing to give up everything we built? Your Syndicate life that’s part of you now?”
Luca knows me better than anyone, and his words spiral me into a world of hesitations.
CHAPTER 32
Camilla
The days after I receive the disturbing package containing Santino’s ear are just plain hectic. I’m somewhat living on cloud nine, allowing Adriano to do anything sexual to me at night while my love for him deepens with every second we spend together. On the other hand, our reunion is overshadowed by an impending goodbye. I’ve been withdrawing larger amounts of cash, and James asked me once what it was for. I lied and said clothes, but I’m building a buffer for when Adriano’s ready to leave. Although I am afraid of running again, I’ll follow him anywhere. He’s opening up to me like he never did in the past. And the man behind the Capo, who I’ve caught glimpses of here and there, appears more often around me. He’s caring for me without restricting me, yet he always seems to convince me to do whatever he wishes – something that doesn’t dawn on me until later on.
Then there are also moments when he’s a thousand miles away, plotting our escape from the Syndicate and planning our future together. He’s becoming tormented, and I also have my doubts sometimes. When I’m with Fallon, Alessa, Rosalia, or James, I realize that I’ll miss this family. But I’m still searching for who I am. Still processing everything that’s happened. However, I do know what I don’t want. I don’t want a life without Adriano. My desire to be with him always wins out.
I’ve had dinner with his family, and I’m not sure how he’ll ever leave them. But seeing that he’s willing to give them up for me solidifies that he loves me. He hasn’t spoken the words. Nevertheless, his actions and protectiveness toward me speak louder than words. Even though he’s never said it, I feel most loved when I’m in his arms. A hole in my heart has been filled with a fixation to be with him forever.
Unfortunately, the only thing Adriano and I can’t agree upon is my need to go with them to help Santino and rid myself of this never-ending guilt that’s haunting me. That’s beginning to upset Adriano.
I did call James to get myself on the team, and I’m training for hours every morning and afternoon. It’s amazing how fast I’m seeing results, and the feeling of empowerment has only increased. Just when I’ve started to enjoy this lifestyle, it’s sad that it will be taken away – no, I’ll choose to leave this time. It’ll be my choice.
Adriano comes home in the afternoon right when I’m blocking a blow from my instructor on the mat by the window. His presence distracts me, and they both rebuke me harshly when I’m taken down on my back.
“Again, Camilla,” my instructor shouts. “Concentrate! Anticipate my next move.”
Jumping up, I move around, countering and mirroring his steps. But when he advances toward me, I turn my back too late, and he catches my arm, twisting it around.
“Shit!” I yell, discouraged.
“You can go,” Adriano says to my instructor and empties his pockets on the bar before joining me on the mat. Standing in front of me in a casual stance, he raises both brows. “Again, Cam!”
“I’m tired!”
“You want to fight with us? Join us? Well, today’s Wednesday, and you only have a couple of days left to train, so you better train until the end. Again!” he barks and pushes me too far, charging at me.
I bend forward a little and lift my knee, but he knows exactly what I’m going for and hooks his heel behind my foot, causing me to fall back and get the wind knocked out of me.
He pins my wrists next to my head. “Listen to me. I don’t want you to die down there Saturday because of some guy you barely know and some sense of misplaced guilt you don’t need to feel. You have no idea how dangerous it will be. I’m pushing you for you. But also for me...I’m scared you’ll get hurt.”
I suck oxygen into my lungs, and the distraught look I’m witnessing dissolves my annoyance. “I understand but—”
“No buts. What’s going to happen afterward? You and I are leaving. What’s going to happen to Santino?”
“I don’t know, but at least he’ll be out of there so that he’ll have a chance to rebuild a life too. And I won’t have to live with the fact that he died in there because of me,” I try to explain it one more time.
“You want to be part of the mafia? You’re still too emotionally attached to people. And don’t you understand that with you there, I can’t concentrate?”
“I get that, but I’m stronger physically, and I want to be there to help you. James says it’s okay. I’m going.”
He’s off me swiftly, and I get up.
“Really?” he trails off in a derisive tone. “James said nothing of the sort. Don’t lie to me. I’ve warned you about that once before.”
“Okay, so he hasn’t confirmed it yet, but he wants to speak to me tomorrow. And honestly, I don’t know if you’ll help Santino or just kill him down there.”
In a flash, he presses me against the window, a powerful hand on my throat. “You would choose him over me?!” His eyes are huge, storming with anger.
“No! Never.” I place my hand on his jaw. “Calm down. What happened today? Why are you so on edge?”
He isn’t seeing my face; he’s looking straight through me. “Don’t forget where your loyalty lies – with me.”
“You know where my loyalty lies. That’s why you let me get away with so much. Because in the end, you damn well know I’d follow you into Hell while you can’t even tell me that you love me.”
Breathing hard, he lets me go.
“What happened today?” I prompt again.
Adriano clutches his hair; a clear sign that he’s stressed. “I spoke to Luca.”
“You mean you told him about us? What did he say?”
Uneasiness sets in. What if Luca has convinced Adriano to choose his Capo life instead of me? Whatever Luca said is obviously getting to him. He isn’t even trying to hide his absolute distress anymore. Luca’s made him second-guess his decision.
“He shares my concerns. Do you truly understand what you’re giving up? That we’ll have a life where we’ll be on the run forever? James will never stop searching for you.” His palms cover my cheeks while he implores, “Do you get that?”
“I do.”
“But wouldn’t you rather stay here? You’ve already accepted a mafia life. You’re training and acting like James’s protégée.”
“Yes, I admit I would love to stay, but only if I get to be with you. I want to be with you more.” I rest my forehead against his. “Don’t let Luca change your mind.”
“I’m not. It’s just far more difficult than we considered. What about my family, Cam?”
“We can take them with us,” I offer.
“They don’t know about my mafia life.” His voice is so soft that it pulls at my heartstrings.
“They’ll find out anyway when we run.”
“As much as I want them with me, I can’t. My mother is too sick to lead a life like that.” His hands slide away from my face. “If there were any other option, would you stay?”
“Yes,” I blurt and hurriedly add when he’s obviously startled by my reaction, “If I don’t have to sneak around and can be with you.”
Where is his mind? He’s drowning in a million thoughts, floating away.
“Does Luca have an alternative option for us?” I ask.
He shakes his head
once. “No, not a manageable one, but he did make me promise that we won’t take any action without informing him.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
“Can I tell Fallon about...us?”
“You haven’t already.” He poses it more as a statement than a question.
I ignore his comment. “Adriano, your reluctance to let me know what’s going on in your head is scaring me.”
“I don’t have an answer for you yet. I need to focus on Saturday first.”
Rubbing my fingers down his jaw, I agree, “Okay. Then we first focus on getting through Saturday. And after that, we’ll talk to Luca together. I can see that he’s got you worried.”
In turn, it worries me that Adriano will pull away. Years of history with this man upsurges my doubt. But I trust his word. I must trust him.
He leaves for work again without saying anything else.
CHAPTER 33
Adriano
Conflicting emotions divide my thoughts. Deep down, I don’t want to give up my life as a Capo. I’ve worked so damn hard to secure this position, and Luca’s words hit me hard because he’s right. Cam’s infatuated, blinded by a love that’s only been set free for a few days. And that’s intensified our emotions amidst the problems.
My hesitancy lies in the fact that the longer we stay, the more attached she’ll become to her father and family. And that will conflict her mind; she doesn’t even realize that.
I desperately want to strip Cam naked and bury myself inside her because of her devotion to me. In the days that she and I have grown closer, we’ve become more attached than we were in the months we were together in the past. And she’s scorched into my blood. I’m in love with Cam. I’ll never let her go. She belongs to me.
She lets me bend her in half in every position I choose in order to feel her body. And we’re learning to open up to each other, which is easy for me to do with her, since I trust her love for me. She’s the only person in this universe who has experienced all my sides: the Capo, the son, the friend, the lover. And she loves each and every part of me. I never have to pretend with her. She knows me – although I’m still not positive she comprehends the extent of my ruthlessness – and how I’ve lived.
