“You and me both,” I agreed and gave him a smile. “You can watch until it’s time for bed. Or perhaps, you can read a little and make his lordship happy tomorrow when you dazzle him with your newfound knowledge.”
“No, I’d rather watch,” Jem replied happily. Dazzling Hugo wasn’t high on his list of priorities. He jumped up and pulled open the door as Archie carefully maneuvered his way in without upsetting his laden tray. “Ooh, what did you bring?” Jem asked, jumping up and down to see what was on offer.
“Cook has gone for the night and Elodie was feeling generous. She’s much easier to deal with when Marthe isn’t around,” Archie said as he set the tray on a low table. “I have some madeleines, almond biscuits, poached pears, and we’ll make mulled wine.” Jem grabbed a madeleine while Archie inserted a poker into the fire. The wine was already spiced with bits of fruit and raisins added to the mixture, but a hot poker would make it warm and melt the honey that had been added to the brew. I thought I might take a cup to lift my sagging spirits.
Archie pulled the poker out of the fire and used it to stir the wine. The iron hissed as it met with cool wine, and a lovely smell wafted into the air, suddenly reminding me of Max. He had offered me mulled wine when I stayed at Everly Manor for a few days while on assignment for the production company. I had never had mulled wine before, and thought it to be an old-fashioned drink no longer served in the age of coffee and tea, but had found it to be surprisingly delicious, the spices and honey making the warm wine slide easily down my throat and making me feel pleasantly drowsy and content. I was hoping for the same effect tonight.
Archie laid the poker down and poured me a cup of wine. He handed a cup to Jem and took one for himself. I wasn’t sure if the French celebrated Valentine’s Day in the seventeenth-century despite the fact that it had been around since Roman times, but I was sure it was celebrated in England, so I raised my cup in a toast. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Archie and Jemmy.”
“And to you, my lady,” they replied in unison. Jem was already slurping his wine as Archie handed him an almond biscuit which he dipped in his cup. It still set my teeth on edge to see a child drinking wine, but there wasn’t much I could do to stop it. Children drank wine the way modern kids drank juice, so to object would be out of character for a woman of the time. All I could hope to do was limit the damage. I was actually shocked that with all the alcohol women and children consumed, there weren’t more raging cases of alcoholism and liver failure. Hugo had assured me that drinking wine and ale was actually safer than drinking water, but my twenty-first-century brain still couldn’t accept the rationale and longed for a glass of water when I was thirsty.
“One cup of wine and then it’s off to bed with you,” I said sternly, knowing that Jem would argue like a trial lawyer to stay up and watch us play chess.
Archie popped a biscuit into his mouth and took a sip of wine, savoring the aroma. The firelight played on his face, setting his hair ablaze and casting shadows that gave him a chiseled look, like a Roman statue. Oh, Frances, I thought as I covertly studied him, you don’t stand a chance. If I were a young girl of fifteen, I’d be blushing too. Of course, Luke wasn’t without charms. He didn’t have the brute strength or the masculine aura that Archie possessed, but Luke had a pleasant manner and a smile that could light up a room. He could probably charm a woman right out of her clothes and into bed with very little effort. I set down my cup and took my seat across from Archie. It was time to get my raging hormones under control.
Archie made his usual opening move, and I pretended to think about what to do next when I already had the first half of the game planned out. Archie tended to be predictable, until he’d suddenly do something unexpected and totally demolish my strategy. Jem was peering at the board from his chair, but his eyes were already a little glazed from wine and sleepiness, his face covered with crumbs from the almond biscuits, and his fingers probably sticky to boot.
Archie had just taken my bishop when Jem nearly fell off the chair as he tried to turn over in his sleep. He momentarily woke up, mumbled something, and fell back asleep, his lips stretching into a happy smile as he returned to the world of dreams.
“I’d better take him to his bed,” Archie said as his eyes scanned the board, memorizing the position of the pieces. As if I were going to cheat! He scooped Jem up in his arms and carried him from the room, leaving me to contemplate my next move. I had to admit that I was having difficulty concentrating. I was tired and achy, and despite the calming properties of the wine, I felt cranky and inexplicably annoyed. I had no reason to feel so unsettled, but something was eating away at me. I rose to my feet to stretch my legs when something warm trickled down my legs and onto the floor beneath me. I stared down at the puddle at my feet just as Archie came back into the room. There was a moment of stunned silence as I frantically wondered if I had peed on myself without realizing it. It took a moment for my dazed mind to comprehend that my water had broken.
“I’ll go for Doctor Durant, shall I?” Archie said as he approached me. “Let me help you to your room first.”
“I’m all right,” I stammered. “I can go up by myself. Go get the doctor, please. And hurry.”
Archie vanished without another word, and I laboriously trudged up the stairs. I wasn’t experiencing any contractions yet, but my body felt unusually sluggish, my reflexes slow. I unlaced my bodice and skirt and took everything off until I was in my shift. It was wet, so I changed and was about to wash my face when a sharp pain sliced through my lower abdomen. It took me so completely by surprise that I just grabbed on to the bed post to steady myself. The pain hadn’t felt like what I expected a contraction to feel like, so I took a moment to calm myself and went back to my task. First babies took a long time, or so everyone said, so I just had to hold on until the doctor got here. The second pain came as swiftly as the first, leaving me breathless with its intensity. My belly had suddenly grown hard, and the skin felt so sensitive that even the thin fabric of the shift felt as if it were steel wool.
Suddenly, I was scared. I wished that Sister Angela was with me as she had been with Frances when her time had come. Her calming manner would be a great help right now even if she couldn’t do much to stop the pain. I just wanted a mother-figure to help me through this. And what if something is wrong? I suddenly thought. Contractions were supposed to start out with dull pain that was far apart and grow closer and stronger, not come on so unexpectedly. What if this wasn’t labor, but an indication that something was amiss? This pain was reminiscent of what I felt when I suffered a miscarriage.
I doubled over as a terrible pain tore through me. I was shaking and sweating by the time it was over, though it couldn’t have lasted more than thirty seconds. I climbed into bed and grabbed on to a pillow as if it were a life raft. Archie, please hurry, I thought frantically as my body tensed in anticipation of another attack. It came quickly, tearing me from the inside and making me gasp with shock. My hands flew to my belly, and I wrapped my arms around myself as if I could hold back the pain that seemed to reverberate all through me. It seemed to circle my belly and travel up my spine, making my lower back and shoulders stiff with tension.
I curled into a fetal position and wrapped my body around my belly as I waited for the doctor. I hadn’t even realized that I was praying. My lips were moving of their own accord, begging God to let everything be all right and to allow both me and my baby to survive. I nearly screamed with relief when I heard the opening of the front door. Archie was back. I let out a low moan as another pain sliced through me, leaving me breathless. I tried to breathe through the pain, but my breath stilled when I saw Archie’s face. He was still wearing his cape which was dusted with fresh snow. His lashes seemed to glitter as the snowflakes melted and turned to water, and his cheeks were ruddy with cold.
“Where’s Doctor Durant?” I moaned.
“He’s not coming, my lady. He’s been taken ill. I asked his housekeeper if she might know of a midwife in the area, but
she just scoffed at me and said the good doctor didn’t associate with those ignorant creatures.”
Archie threw off his cape and came toward me as I let out a low wail of despair. “Archie, I’m scared,” I cried. “It hurts; oh, it really hurts.”
“Shall I go fetch his lordship?” Archie asked as I grabbed his hand.
“Don’t leave me, please. I don’t know what to do.”
“Let me get the girls,” Archie said as he reclaimed his hand, which was red from my hard grip. “They’ll know what to do; they are women after all.”
That was not reassuring in the least, but I let him go. Those girls were young and ignorant. What could they possibly know? Perhaps the cook might be of help, but she didn’t live at the house. She went home in the evenings to her husband and returned in the morning to prepare our petit dejeuner.
I rocked back and forth as another contraction seized me. I was suddenly very warm, my cheeks burning while my forehead was covered in cold sweat. Somewhere, a clock chimed ten o’clock. Hugo wouldn’t be home until at least midnight.
Archie came back into the room, his face full of determination. “Where are the girls?” I whined.
“Marthe is afraid, and Elodie went to the kitchen to prepare some hot water and towels. She’ll be up shortly. I don’t think she knows much, but she said her sister recently had a baby.” And Archie had recently saddled a horse, but that didn’t mean that I knew how to do it by association. Elodie would be useless.
I looked at Archie in surprise as he unbuckled his sword, removed his dagger, and began to roll up his sleeves. He washed his hands in the basin of water and then wet a towel and brought it over to the bed. Archie wiped my brow with the cool towel then pulled me to my feet and turned me around to face the bed.
“Bend down,” he said as he began to massage my back. He stopped for the duration of another contraction, but then went back to work.
“What are you doing?” I asked, shocked.
“I remember my sister’s husband saying that it helped when he massaged her back during labor. He said it eased the tension. I don’t know what else to do, and I need to do something,” he replied as he continued to knead my lower back. I had to admit that it did help somewhat. “Try to relax,” he advised, which made me want to kill him.
“Can you relax when you are in acute pain?” I growled as another contraction silenced me.
“I’m sorry, my lady, I’m only trying to help.”
“I know you are.” I was about to say something else, but I simply couldn’t form the words. The pain was so intense that my knees buckled, and I slid to the floor screaming. I barely registered as Elodie came into the room carrying a bucket of hot water and a stack of clean towels. She looked shocked, but didn’t say anything as she pulled back the bedding and covered the mattress with a layer of towels to keep it from being ruined.
I wanted to keep quiet, but I no longer had any control. The pain subsided for only a short while before coming again and again in relentless waves of torture. I was screaming and rocking back and forth on the floor as Archie tried to get me back onto the bed.
“Come now, you need to lie down. You don’t want your baby to fall on the floor,” he said soothingly as he finally managed to help me onto the high bed. I arched my back and spread my legs as the pain dictated. The sweat running down my face stung my eyes, and Elodie tried to dab at it with a damp towel as she bent over me. Her light eyes were round with worry, but she kept smiling reassuringly and prattling in French. I grabbed her hand and held on for dear life until she began to scream with pain.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Here, take mine,” Archie offered, and I grabbed onto his hand with all my strength. I could barely see or hear anything by that point. All my awareness was concentrated on what was happening inside my body, all my senses attuned to my womb. My belly was heaving, and suddenly I let out a primal, low scream. My pelvic bones felt as if they were being pried apart. The pain was so unbearable that I could no longer even speak. I was roaring with agony as I bore down to keep my bones from breaking. Archie’s arm was covered in scratches, but he didn’t peep as he tried to talk to me.
“It can’t be long now. It must be coming.” I stared at him in alarm. Was it really possible for the baby to come so quickly? Labor usually lasted for hours, but I couldn’t survive hours of this; it was too intense. My back felt as if it would snap from the tension, and the acute pain of the contractions seemed to have morphed into pressure.
I slid my free hand between my legs and felt the hard, smooth curve of the baby’s skull. It was just the top of the head, but it was obviously time to push. My body knew what to do, and I pushed as hard as I could. I felt terrible pressure building up in my body as nothing happened. I continued to push, but the head seemed to be firmly lodged in the perineum. I didn’t know it was possible to feel such pain. I was being torn apart, eviscerated. I was no longer screaming, but growling, which scared Elodie, who fled the room in tears.
I wasn’t even aware of Hugo until his face loomed above me. He was white to the roots of his hair, but it wasn’t rice powder; it was shock. He was talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him above the roaring in my ears. I was dying; I knew it. I was a throbbing, raging, nucleus of unbearable pain. I was completely incoherent as my body heaved with every push. Archie was behind me now, supporting my back as Hugo pushed my legs apart. His hands were slick with blood as I arched my back and roared, giving this push everything I had. The baby slithered out of my body into Hugo’s waiting hands as I collapsed back against Archie, crying and shaking. The pain had receded somewhat, but my tender tissues were on fire from being stretched so much. I couldn’t even move my legs. They were bouncing on the bed from the strain that my body needed to release. I felt as if my spine had been broken in two, and my head ached terribly from the pressure of pushing.
Hugo left the baby between my legs as he reached for Archie’s dagger and cut the umbilical cord, severing the child from me. He wrapped the baby in a blanket and held it, unsure of what to do next.
“You must clean its mouth and nose,” Frances said forcefully as she swept into the room. She took the baby from Hugo and went about gently cleaning its face with a damp handkerchief. Only a moment ago I had been relieved to feel less pain, but now my heart was hammering, tears running down my face as I tried to see around Frances.
“It’s not crying,” I wailed. My voice was raspy from screaming, so my cry came out as a whisper, but I didn’t care. “It’s not crying. Please make it cry.” I was thrashing again, trying to get to my baby. Frances looked terrified, confirming my worst suspicions. I watched, horrified as she unwrapped the blanket and slapped the baby on the bottom. There was a stunned moment of silence before the baby began to scream in outrage, its face turning purple from crying. Mucus flew from its nostrils and mouth as it screamed, but I didn’t care. It was alive, blessedly alive. Frances threw me a look of apology as she wrapped the baby back up and handed it to me. I held it close to me as it calmed down and seemed to settle. A tiny hand escaped from the blanket and pushed against my breast. I was sobbing with relief as I felt the baby’s stomach rise and fall as it sucked air into its lungs. The tiny mouth was moving, but the eyes were closed against the light of the candles.
Frances’s bodice was covered with bloodstains, but she looked on happily, proud to have been able to help. Hugo’s shirt was utterly ruined, and his hands were still covered in blood as he sank onto the bed, just staring at me as his mind finally accepted that it was over, and we were both alive. Archie tactfully removed himself and went to stand by the window where he wasn’t in the way.
I suddenly realized that I no longer felt any pain. All I felt was an overwhelming sense of wonder and a fierce love, the kind I’d never experienced in all my life. The tiny baby had been in the world for roughly two minutes, but everything that had been important just fell away and nothing mattered except the tiny being that now snuggled against my breast. I fe
lt an all-encompassing joy, which could only be described as euphoria as I carefully pushed aside the blanket. I had been so terrified that the baby was dead that I hadn’t even noticed if it was a boy or a girl. I took a peek and smiled.
“Hello, my funny little valentine,” I whispered to her and kissed the warm little head.
“So, that’s it then?” Hugo asked with a smile as he drew closer and cupped the baby’s head. He looked overcome with love as he beheld his daughter. “Is she to be Valentine?”
We’d discussed several names over the past couple of months, but none of the names we picked seemed to fit now that we were looking at our baby. We’d come up with several good male names, but the female names just didn’t appeal to me at all. It was customary to give women traditional names, such as Elizabeth, Anne, or Catherine. Most women named their daughters after whatever queen happened to be on the throne, but I felt no such compulsion, wanting my child to have a name that was even a little unique.
“Yes, I think that’s it. Valentine Elise Everly. What do you think?”
“I think I love it,” Hugo replied as he reached out and accepted the baby from my arms. Elise had been his mother’s name, and although he never mentioned it, I thought it was nice to acknowledge the woman who had given him life and died at a young age in childbirth. He held the baby close, studying her little face. “I’ve never seen a newborn baby before. Are they always this little?”
“You wouldn’t call her little if she just emerged from your body,” I retorted. “I feel as if I just gave birth to a cannon ball.”
“What happened to Doctor Durant?” Hugo asked Archie as the younger man made to leave the room.
“He’s very ill.”
“God, of all the days to get ill,” Hugo said, exasperated. “I’m so sorry you were alone,” he said to me.
“I wasn’t alone; Archie was with me. He was a great midwife.”
Sins of Omission Page 5
