by Iris Gower
Emily smiled. John might think he was fooling her into changing the subject but she knew, she always knew, when he was thinking about his daughter and it hurt.
‘Wait and see,’ she said gently, trying to infuse a teasing note into her voice, but suddenly she was beset by the old fears and worries. ‘Come on,’ she said rising to her feet, ‘let’s take Pammy to the park.’
Later that evening, Emily sat looking round the dining table with mixed feelings. It was good to have Craig and Hari with her again and Will Davies appeared to be making headway with the youngest daughter of the ever-pompous Lady Caroline, but the memories raked up that afternoon continued to haunt her.
Emily met Hari’s eyes and there she saw reflected the same darkening of the spirit that mirrored her own fear. Emily leaned over and spoke quietly to Hari.
‘Have you been thinking over the past, too?’ she asked softly. ‘I have and it always makes me feel nervous.’
Nervous – that was an understatement. The past made Emily feel fearful of losing everything she had, it made her tremble with dread.
‘I’ve been thinking about that awful time when I almost lost David, yes,’ Hari said.
Emily sighed. ‘I don’t know what it is, the time of the year perhaps, but I can’t seem to get the feeling of apprehension out of my mind. I suppose the real fear is that Sarah will one day come back and claim Pammy. I think I’d die if that happened.’
The knock on the door startled them all and Emily exchanged a quick, fearful glance with Hari. The butler entered the room and bent over Emily and John.
‘Excuse me, there’s a young – er – lady wishes to see you, I tried to put her off but she was most insistent. I thought I’d better let you know.’
Emily stared fearfully towards the open doorway and suddenly her heart was beating so swiftly, she thought she would swoon.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Eline stood near the table, her hands resting on the scrubbed surface. She stared at her husband with his mistress at his side and she could scarcely believe the words he was speaking.
‘So, for the time being Nina will have to sleep in the spare room.’
Eline’s legs were trembling, she wanted to scream at Joe, tell him to get his harlot out of her house. How dare he bring Nina Parks into their home?
But Joe’s expression made the words die on her lips. He was frowning, red with embarrassment but determined to be the master in his own house; it was his home, Eline realized with sudden clarity and not her home. Well, he could do what he liked with it, but not with her.
‘I see.’ Her voice was surprisingly controlled. ‘And how long do you expect this arrangement to continue?’
Joe shrugged, not reading the warning signs in the colour of Eline’s cheeks and the tautness of her shoulders.
‘Until I sort things out,’ he said. ‘I’ll soon find Nina rooms in the village, don’t you worry.’
‘So you are accepting responsibility for her?’ Eline asked quietly. ‘In other words you are admitting you are the father of her child?’
Joe looked uncomfortable. ‘Now look here, Eline, I’ve had enough of argy-bargying with Nina’s family. In my own house I expect a bit of respect.’
Eline folded her arms so that Joe would not see her hands shaking. ‘And me, don’t I warrant respect as your wife? Am I supposed to sleep in the next room while you spend your time with her?’ The sarcasm in her voice finally got through to Joe and his colour rose.
‘You will do as I say!’ He spoke loudly now as though to a stupid child. ‘You are my wife or have you forgotten that little fact?’
‘I can’t believe this,’ Eline said. ‘Have I forgotten that I’m your wife? That’s rich when you are bringing a pregnant paramour to my door wanting me to take her in.’
‘I’m not wanting you to take her in,’ Joe said, ‘I’m telling you to take her in, is that clear?’
‘Oh yes,’ Eline said bitterly, ‘that’s clear all right.’ She moved to the door and ran quickly up the stairs and began frantically to throw some clothes into a bag. How dare Joe treat her this way? Well, he could not have both of them, he would have to choose between Nina and his wife.
The enormity of what she was doing washed over Eline; in a small village like Oystermouth women did not walk out on their men. But then neither did husbands inflict such humiliation on their wives. No one would blame her for leaving Joe in the circumstances.
She returned more slowly to the kitchen where Nina was sitting in Eline’s chair rubbing her hands over her face as though she were the wronged one.
‘And what do you think you are doing?’ Joe’s voice was dangerously quiet.
‘I’m leaving, what did you expect?’ Eline asked. ‘Joe, it’s about time you grew up. You are old enough to be my father and you are behaving like a child wanting your cake and eating it. Well, the answer is no, I won’t have it, I’m going.’
Nina Parks spoke for the first time. ‘Aye go, you, a woman who has no respect for her husband don’t deserve a good home like the one Joe has given you here.’
Eline didn’t even look at her, she moved towards the door and Joe reached out and caught her arm, a haunted look on his face.
‘You walk out of that door now and you don’t come back,’ he said, but his eyes were pleading with her. Suddenly Eline felt a deep sadness.
‘Joe, if you think I’d trust you ever again after this you must be more stupid than I took you for.’
Joe’s hand caught her across the face but Eline didn’t flinch. ‘That’s just one more nail in your coffin,’ she said and, opening the door, let herself out into the growing darkness.
Joe didn’t come after her and Eline could imagine the sharp tongue of Nina Parks telling him he was better off without an ungrateful wife like Eline.
She stared around her, wondering where she was going. She had no money, nothing but a bag of clothes. She forced back the tears, she would not cry, she was a woman now not a child and she would fend for herself, as many others did.
She caught the last train to Swansea and the coach, as it rattled along the rim of the bay, was almost empty. She could hear the sound of the horses’ hoofs echoing in the darkness, she heard the wash of the waves against the shore and suddenly, feeling unutterably alone, she hunched down into her seat as though she could make herself disappear.
When Eline alighted in the town, there were the bright lights spilling from public bars and the singing of men happy in drink and the sights and sounds only made her more aware of her vulnerability.
She saw a priest walking along the roadway and suddenly making up her mind what she would do, approached him to ask for directions to Emily Miller’s house. He stared at her suspiciously for a moment and then seeing she was respectable, he smiled.
‘And what, my dear child, are you doing out alone like this? Are you in any sort of trouble? If so, I may be able to help.’
Eline shook her head. ‘I’m a chapel girl, I’m not a Catholic,’ she said. ‘Why should you want to help me?’
‘Because we are all God’s creatures, child,’ his voice was gentle, ‘and all worthy of his love. Come, I will walk with you myself to the house of Mrs Miller and sure doesn’t everyone in Swansea know where she lives.’ He fell into step beside her.
‘Which is to ask,’ he said drily, ‘where have you come from?’
‘Oystermouth Village, about five miles along the coast,’ Eline said softly, warming to the old priest’s kindness.
‘Is there anything I can help you with, my child? You seem troubled,’ he said, glancing at her as though trying to read her expression in the darkness.
‘I don’t think anyone can help me,’ Eline said softly, but suddenly wanting to confide in this wise man. ‘My husband has brought home another woman, she is expecting his baby and he wanted her to stay with us in our home.’ She looked up at the priest. ‘I suppose I should turn the other cheek?’ she said.
The priest shrugged. ‘We are all human
and can only take so much damage to our pride, for that’s what it is, isn’t it, child, it’s your pride that is most hurt.’
‘I suppose so, sir,’ Eline said doubtfully. The priest chuckled.
‘Just call me father, Father O’Brian, and I’m not so wise, just observant. If it was more than your pride that was hurt, you’d have stayed and fought this woman tooth and nail, would you not?’
‘Perhaps,’ Eline said with some surprise. Was he right, was it just stubborn pride that made her walk out on Joe? Was there even some feeling of relief that now no one would blame her for leaving her husband?
Father O’Brian stopped walking. ‘Here it is, the home of Mrs Miller, a lovely old house, wouldn’t you say?’
Eline was taken aback at the grandeur of the building, the house towered above her, with elegant gables and fine big windows. For a moment, her courage wavered.
‘Where is your church, father?’ she asked urgently and without hesitation he told her.
‘St David’s. It is in the middle of the town and the door will be open should you need me.’
‘Than you, Father O’Brian,’ Eline said gratefully.
She watched him walk away back down hill towards the lights of the town, then the darkness stretched around her and she shivered suddenly.
She rang the bell with trembling fingers, seeing the big, curved doorway with a sense of wonder that Emily Miller, the woman who had offered a job when they’d met that day in William Davies’s shop, should live in such splendour.
The man who opened the door looked down at her in surprise, his sharp eyes taking in her working clothes and heavy boots with a sniff of disdain.
‘Tradespeople usually call at a convenient hour and go to the back of the house,’ he said pointedly and made to close the door.
‘Wait!’ Eline said quickly. ‘You don’t understand, I must see Mrs Miller tonight, it’s urgent.’
Something in her tone made him hesitate, she didn’t seem the usual run-of-the-mill girl asking for skivvies’ work.
‘All right, come into the hall and I’ll speak to Mrs Miller when I have the chance,’ he said at last.
Eline stood in the hallway and stared around her in wonder; the carpet was rich and deep underfoot and beside her stood a magnificent clock, taller than she was by some inches.
The stairway wound upward in an elegant curve to a well-lit gallery from which many doors seemed to lead off. Eline sighed, what would Mrs Miller think of her intruding in this way? She would hardly wish to employ her.
Then Mrs Miller was coming from a large doorway, her face pinched and anxious, her eyes narrowed. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Eline, there was no light of recognition in her eyes, no smile of welcome. She seemed upset as she put her hand out towards the man at her side.
‘Oh, John,’ she said in a breathless voice, ‘for a moment I thought Sarah had come back.’
‘You go back to our guests,’ he spoke with such a wealth of love in his voice that Eline realized he was Mr Miller and that he cared about his wife very deeply.
‘Yes?’ He came towards her, eyebrows raised. ‘What can I do for you?’ He sounded edgy and Eline stumbled over her words, feeling foolish at having bothered these people at such an hour.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve caused any upset,’ she said quickly, ‘Mrs Miller asked me to call on her some time with a view to giving me a job, I’m sorry if it’s inconvenient now, I suppose I didn’t realize how late it was.’
‘Well, I’m sure if Mrs Miller said there would be a job for you then there is one, but if you could call back tomorrow sometime,’ he gestured towards the dining room. ‘We have guests visiting at the moment.’
‘Yes, I see.’ Eline was already backing towards the door feeling very silly, her colour high. She could not bring herself to tell this man, however kindly, that she had nowhere to stay.
As she stood outside in the darkness, she looked back and saw the lights from the windows shining like beacons into the darkness and she felt an ache of loneliness within her.
She walked down the drive, tears brimming in her eyes, she was alone in the darkness with nowhere to turn. But it was her own fault, she should never have travelled to Swansea at this time of night, she should have waited until morning. But then, how could she have remained in the same house as Joe and his mistress? It would have been condoning what they had done.
‘Eline!’ The voice rang out through the darkness, strong and urgent. ‘Eline, wait, it’s me, Will Davies.’ He caught up with her and took her arm. ‘I’ve been having supper with Emily and I recognized your voice in the hallway, so I came after you.’ He looked down at her, his face handsome in the moonlight.
‘What on earth is wrong? Why are you out alone at such an hour?’
‘I just couldn’t stay.’ Eline was reluctant to speak about her humiliation even to Will. ‘Please don’t ask me any more, I had to get away from the house, that’s all there is to it.’
‘You must stay with me,’ Will said quickly. ‘I’ll take you to my lodgings and ask Mrs Marsh to put you up, at least for tonight.’
Eline shook her head. ‘I can’t do that, I have no money and I won’t be beholden to you, Mr Davies.’
‘For heaven’s sake!’ Will sounded exasperated. ‘I’m not expecting anything in return, I just want to help, call it a loan if you like.’ When she remained silent Will looked down at her, a rueful smile curving his mouth.
‘All right, if you don’t accept my offer, what will you do? Return home?’
Eline shook her head. ‘No! I won’t do that.’ She sighed, feeling suddenly helpless. ‘I could always spend the night in St David’s Church; the doors there are always open, the father told me that himself.’
‘To vagrants and gin drinkers and the like,’ Will said reasonably. ‘I dare say the father is a kind man, but you can’t expect him to keep you company all night, can you?’
Eline suddenly felt her spurt of independence had vanished; she needed help badly and Will Davies was offering it.
‘If you’re sure I won’t be a burden, I’ll come to your lodgings with you,’ she said in a low voice. Will’s face lit up.
‘Good girl!’ He said softly. ‘Now where is the cab I ordered? I asked the driver to pick me up at just about this time. It should be meeting me at the gate about now.’
He led Eline down the drive and there indeed was the cab, the lights gleaming, the horses moving edgily on the cobbles.
Will helped Eline up into the coldness of the leather seat and she sank back, suddenly grateful to have all decisions taken out of her hands. She closed her eyes, seeing again the triumph on the face of Nina Parks, Joe’s old love who was still young enough to get with child by him.
Was it, as the old priest had said, just pride on her part that had made her walk out? But no, what woman would accept the presence of a rival in her home? It was asking too much of even the most forbearing of women.
‘What happened?’ Will said gently. ‘I know it must have been something dreadful to make you leave your home at this time of night.’
Eline opened her eyes and tried to see Will’s face but it was too dark. And yet she knew that his expression would be one of concern. He wasn’t asking questions from mere curiosity, he cared about her.
‘Joe brought home his mistress,’ she said in a flat voice. ‘She is going to have his child and yet she is old enough to be my mother. I have failed Joe, I realize that, I can’t work the oyster beds like Nina Parks and I can’t even give Joe children.’ She shook back her hair. ‘But whatever I have done to fail him, I just can’t put up with his mistress being under the same roof, I just can’t.’
Will was silent, but his hand found hers in the darkness and held it gently. Eline felt a rush of mixed emotions, if only she was free, she would curl her hand into his, snuggle against him, close her eyes and feel his mouth on hers.
She stopped herself abruptly; whatever Joe had done he was her husband and she had no right to be
thinking such wicked thoughts about another man.
‘I wish I’d been at home to look after you,’ he said quietly. ‘What made you come into Swansea to see Emily Miller?’
‘Desperation, I suppose,’ Eline replied. ‘Emily Miller promised me a job,’ Eline explained, ‘remember when I was in your shop that time? I suppose I thought she could take me in there and then.’ She bit her lip. ‘I don’t really know what I thought, I was clutching at straws.’ She swallowed hard.
‘Am I doing the right thing coming with you, Will? You know how angry Joe was to find me working in your shop that time.’ She rubbed at her eyes tiredly. ‘I don’t think I’ve thought clearly since the moment Joe walked into the house with Nina Parks clinging to his arm.’
‘Forget it all for now,’ Will urged, ‘things will look different after a good night’s sleep.’ The drive into Oystermouth was over very quickly and, as Eline alighted from the cab, she glanced around her nervously. Joe might well be making his way home from one of the public bars at any time and the last thing she wanted was a confrontation with him right now.
Will paid the cab driver, then unlocked the door and led the way into the house. It was silent and dark with just one gas lamp shining on top of the stairs.
‘It looks as if Mrs Marsh is in bed,’ Will said. ‘Come on, you can have my room for tonight and I’ll sleep in the sitting room.’
Eline was too tired to argue, in any case, what alternative did she have? She certainly couldn’t go home.
Will led her through his small sitting room and showed her the bedroom and he stood there for a moment, pushing his fingers through his hair.
‘Is there anything you need?’ he said quietly and Eline shook her head. He moved to the door and she spoke his name softly.
‘Will, I can’t ever tell you how much your help means to me.’
He held up his hand. ‘Think nothing of it, rest now, you look worn out. Good night, Eline, we’ll talk in the morning.’
She sank on to the bed and stared at her small bag of belongings; a few clothes and a hairbrush was all she had to show for her marriage to Joe.
