by Tara Oakes
FUCK. I closed my eyes, and dropped the package as if it was burning hot. "Jay... It's not what you think..."
"Really.. tell me what I think, then." He spat at me. Jay had not risen to his position in club by being a gentleman. I knew I was dealing with a very different person that I was used to seeing. He saved this side of him for club business and hid it carefully. I knew that I needed to move forward very cautiously.
"Baby.." I started when Jay flashed me an evil scowl at the sound of my words. I cleared my throat and started again. "Jay... I didn't take them, I swear."
Jay laughed coldly. "Seems to me the pills are missing, Lil's."
"I know.." I whispered. "I flushed them down the drain and then threw away the package. I ...I... had a change of heart and decided not to take them.
I seemed to have peaked Jay's attention. "Really..." He dripped with sarcasm. "Let's say I believe you sweetheart. Let's say you had a 'change of heart'. That means you were at least contemplating it at some point. You were gonna kill my baby and not even tell me." He stood now, angry and peering over the bed like a giant. "That is if you didn't actually take them anyway."
I stood up on my knees now, growing angry at his accusations. "I told you I didn't and I meant it, Jay. I had the opportunity to take them if I wanted to, and don't you dare criticize that choice until you're actually the one who has to make it. We've been apart for two years and I had no idea what was going to happen between us. But, I couldn't do it. I won't even know if there was anything to take a pill for. Not for another few days or so, anyway. The Doctor gave it to me as a precaution." I could see his face contorting.
"A precaution... a FUCKING PRECAUTION!!" he bellowed. "Really? You bailed on me once Lil's, nearly killed me too. Then you come stumbling back into my life and I'm stupid enough to take you back, put my fucking neck on the line for you, without once thinking of PRECAUTIONS. And this is how you repay me? Tell me something Lil's? Would it really be that terrible having my baby inside you? Or were you trying to run from that too?"
I slapped him hard across the face. He just stood there with a blank look, gritting his teeth together. "You ever hit me again baby, you make sure you knock me out cold or get a good head start running."
I froze. I had never even so much as touched Jay when I was angry. I had seen what happened when some of the other ol' ladies went after their man. I swallowed hard, but my sense of resolve set back in.
I marched off to the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of prenatal vitamins before turning and throwing them at Jay's feet. "This... this is hardly called running, you asshole." I screamed. "I made a mistake OK. I let other's tell me how it was going to be between us. I had doubts and fears that we were going to turn into my parents. You hurt or dead and me an angry bitter old woman that hated you for putting me second. When I saw you with that tattoo girl it just confirmed every last fear I had.” My eyes were tearing up now, but I kept going.
"I was WRONG. I know it, OK?. I'm gonna have to live with it for the rest of my fucking life. But I thought this could be a new beginning." I held tight around my stomach. Jay's eyes dropping to my center. "I don't even know if this is anything... but if it is, then it's a part of you and me. A new beginning, a way to pick up where we should have been to start with."
I dropped my hands and collapsed my shoulders, spent from my outpouring of emotions. "I was going to tell you.. as soon as I knew for sure I was going to tell you. I promise you that. I know you don't have much reason to believe me. But I swear on all of my love for you, It's true..."
I broke down, giving in to the tide of feelings unleashing themselves from my soul. Jay walked over slowly, pulling me into his embrace and holding me, trying desperately to quiet me down. "Shhh ... Baby...It's ok... calm down Lil's." He kissed my cheek as if I was a delicate porcelain doll about to shatter.
"It's not OK... You don't believe me... you hate me"
Jay pulled me out to see his face. "Lil's I could never hate you. I tried. I tried so fucking hard to hate you when you left. I couldn't do it. I loved you then and I never stopped loving you baby." He pulled me in close, rocking me. He took a deep breath. "I believe you. You tell me you didn't do it then I believe you."
I stood back in awe, utterly shocked. "You... you do?" The tears had instantly slowed. Jay pushed himself into me, kissing me deeply, conveying to me in touch what I couldn't believe in his words. I pulled at him, clawed at him needing him to be closer. Our mouths moved frantically over each other. Jay hitched my nightshirt up and grabbed at my hips, swinging them up around him.
My hands moved wildly through his hair and then down his shoulders pulling and tugging at his leather vest. We crashed into the mattress unwilling to let each other out of our grip. Jay threw off his cut followed by his shirt as I hastily pulled at his belt.
"Easy baby.... don't want to go damaging the goods now.." He helped himself to the belt buckle, proficiently opening it and letting his jeans drop to his ankles. I looked on as his perfect penis sprang free, offering me the comfort I so desperately sought. Jay watched as my hooded eyes followed his manhood. "Tell me what you want, Baby... Tell me what you need.."
I looked at Jay's beautiful lustful eyes and pooled my courage. "I want you to make me come .... I want you inside me and I want to scream your name."
Jay smiled devilishly. "Your wish is my command." He slammed into me hard enough to make me jolt back, rebounding from the intensity. He barely gave me any time to recover before he plunged himself deeper and deeper holding my knees apart with one hand as he played me thoroughly with the other. He stroked and pressed and rubbed in just the right spot to send me wheeling as I cried out to him, my orgasm shaking through me. He reached down to kiss my lips as I came back down to earth. "Better baby?...."
I was positioning a response when he tossed me aside grabbing at my flimsy night shirt and threw it behind him. He crawled into the bed after me and gripped my hips "Just getting started baby... ride me.. ride me hard." He leaned back onto the mattress and gently slapped my thigh encouraging me to straddle him.
I lowered myself slowly taking him in inch by inch until I rested firmly on his thighs. I moaned with the full sense of satisfaction that only his dick could ever offer me. Jay reached up to knead my breasts, gently. I threw my head to the side and called to him "Baby... I need more.."
I started to raise myself faster and faster needing him to hit that precious spot. Jay grabbed my hips firmly and dug them down into his, maximizing the force. I whimpered, and Jay raised me slightly, concern filling his eyes. I wanted more and tried to free myself from his hold, to fill myself again. He held me still in an an iron like grip. "Baby... you ok? Did I hurt you... I don't think we should be going so deep.." His eyes moved to my stomach and his hands instantly followed massaging lightly around my middle.
I reached down for his hand and raised it, opening my mouth and taking his long finger in, in just one stride and closed around it sucking from base to tip before gently nipping the top. "More..." I commanded.
Jay flew into action, rolling us over so he was on top of me pinning me down. He held my arms above my head and used his weight on his arm to push and thrust himself over and over again into me. I bit my lip, trying to control my building need. The headboard slammed over and over into the wall, setting a rhythm for Jay as he kept his stamina strong.
His groin was rubbing me in just the right way with every plunge into me. I started to pant, labored uneven breathing as the deep tingling started. "Now... baby... come to me now!" He called out as I screamed my pleasure aloud with his own scream to follow. Jay rolled off of me and pulled me into his arms. He tucked me into his side and spread his embrace wide, covering me with his large hands. Neither of us spoke. We just lay in silence, our finger tips trailing circles on each other’s flesh until we fell asleep.
CHAPTER TEN
The next two days were filled with the comings and goings of club members, taking private meetings with Jay. They were careful enoug
h to leave the house, either wandering in the back yard or holing up in the basement so that I wouldn't eavesdrop. I had never been one to spy outright, but I had never missed an opportunity to conveniently stumble upon a clandestine conversation, either.
Tiny had brought Sunny with him when he ventured over, and we managed to occupy ourselves in the boys' absence. Jay was pre-occupied and quiet during meals and before bed. On the second day, I had needed a break from the uneasiness and decided to take a long soak in the tub.
The candles were lit, the bath oil added and the lights dimmed. I stretched out, fully submerging myself under the rim of water. Jay had entered the master bedroom calling out for me.
"I'm in here babe...." I swirled my toes, having them peak through the water.
Jay came upon me soaking in the bath, and grinned. "Such a hard life you have Lil's.. make room."
I was pleasantly surprised at his invitation. Jay had been attentive enough, with more than the occasional kiss or pat on the ass but it was clear that something was weighing on his mind and I had given him the space that he needed to work through it.
Jay stepped in the tub and sat behind me, settling me back to lay on his chest as our legs intertwined themselves mindlessly.
Our fingers laced through each other's and he held on tightly, an unspoken apology for distancing himself since his early return from the club's run the other day. I brought our joined hands up to my lips and kissed a trail down his wrist. "Penny for your thoughts".
Jay exhaled, but said nothing.
"Fine" I said stubbornly. "Don't tell me. I get it, I'm just a chick... couldn't possibly understand the complexities of the world around me."
Jay began to nuzzle the top of my head. "You know that's not it Lil's. It's club shit. No need for you worry about anything unless I need you to."
The water tickled, filling the microscopic crevices between our bodies as his chest below me raised and settled with each breath. "Does it have anything to do with why you guys came home early?" My investigative skills had managed to pick up that something had happened on the road causing them to end the run early. I also heard the Slayers mentioned more than once.
"Lil's... I won't tell you again. You don't need to worry about that side of things... you just concern yourself with this, with us." His arms wrapped around my stomach and he kissed my neck. "Any idea yet?..."
I clasped my hands on top of his. "Not yet... I thought I'd take a test soon. Get an answer, know for sure...".
Jay massaged over my skin, first my belly, my hips... then in between my thighs while lulling over my ear. "Baby... how 'bout I do an exam to check?".
I playfully smacked his wickedly wandering hand. "I don't think we've ever played Doctor before baby... should I be a naughty little nurse or a sweet little candy striper?" Jay slid his finger down between my opening allowing the hot water to flood through my passage, sending a shudder down my legs. He pinned them tightly to the sides of the tub with his own and continued his sensuous message. I moaned and arched my back against him, relishing in the pleasure he was providing. His one arm held me tight around my waist as the other stroked me until I unraveled around him, listless and spent.
"God, I love you baby..." he hummed out as we settled down, enjoying each other’s closeness.
My fingers were starting to prune by the time we decided to go to bed, the heat from the bath draining all extra energy from us both. I wrapped a towel around myself and left the bath area as Jay blew out the candles before following me, collapsing in a heap between our bedding.
I nuzzled in close to him, bare skin on skin. "I'll have to give you a rain check, baby. I'm totally spent..".
Jay laughed. "Go to sleep Lil's.."
******
FRIDAY
The knocking woke us instantly. Jay reached over into his nightstand and pulled out his handgun, releasing the safety and engaging the first bullet into the chamber. He held his arm out across me and instructed. "DO NOT MOVE until I come back.."
I nodded, pulling the blankets higher over my nakedness from yet another night of lovemaking as I watched Jay slink down the hallway. The knocking grew more intense before Jay opened the door and yelled at the late night visitor.
"What the FUCK! I could have shot you, Pop."
I scurried over to my dresser and quickly dressed in stretch leggings and a t-shirt making my way to the bedroom door. There were hushed voices coming from the kitchen and I strained to hear.
"Everything OK, Jay?..." I called out to the men.
"It's just my pop, baby... go back to bed. I'll be there soon."
Point taken. This was not exactly a social call and I was being asked to make myself scarce. Crawling back to bed I lay still, waiting for Jay. I kept an eye on the alarm clock until I could no longer hold my eyes open, as exhaustion set in and took over.
I woke to find myself alone, no signs of Jay or Vince. I wandered out to the kitchen to stumble upon Jean sipping coffee with bloodshot eyes, fumbling through the paper reading about that schoolhouse that burnt down.
"Hey ma... Jay here?..." I asked half heartedly, fully aware that they had left in the dark of Night.
Jean shook her head. "No sweetheart. Some shit went down last night. The boys are trying to settle it before it gets out of hand. Jay asked me to stay here with you until they get back."
I looked at Jean intensely, longing for her to clue me in. I understood Jay wanting to keep me out of club business but I was starting to get scared not knowing what was truly happening. "Ma... is it bad?"
She reached out to me taking my hand. "Nothing they can't handle, baby girl.." Jean had probably been through nights like this more times than she cared to remember but I was dangerously close to a meltdown.
She patted my hand and attempted to cheerfully distract me. "Why don't you take a shower and we'll head to the clubhouse and wait for them. Pack a small bag in case we get stuck there." She smiled, trying to mask the hidden meaning... Things could turn to shit and we might need to lock down.
I nodded, taking in the information. I showered quickly and dressed in jeans and a tank top. I rummaged through my bathroom drawer searching for my necessities. The early pregnancy test box sat unopened next to my vitamin bottle. I swallowed hard. I could bring it with me, but there was no guarantee I would have enough privacy or spare moments to take it if things turned bad with whatever was going down. Or, I could just wait until things settled and I was back home to take it in peace. The last time we were on lockdown, I was twelve years old and it lasted two weeks.
I ripped open the box and hastily took out the contents. I skimmed over the directions and popped the cap off, taking the test as quickly as I could before setting it down on the counter and moving into the bedroom to finish packing. The box had stated that it needed to sit for two to three minutes. I would have to check it later.
I had a few changes of clothes packed and decided to pack a bag for Jay. I doubted he had thought ahead to pack some things as he and Vince left in a hurry. I was checking things off of my mental packing list when my phone rang.
I ran to it, hoping and praying it was Jay. "Hello?"
"Jules.... It's Emily." I exhaled in disappointment.
"Em... I'd love to talk but I'm in the middle of something.. can I call you back?"
There was a slight pause. "Um... actually I kind of need your help.." Something was very wrong. Emily had a desperate edge to her voice that I had never heard before.
My fingers grew cold as I held the phone. "Em... tell me where you are."
Emily was sobbing now. "I... I don't know where I am. They won't tell me.. I was trying to surprise T.J... I drove to Chisholm to meet him. I saw some biker guys on the side of the road and thought they would know him, tell me how to get to the clubhouse. I followed them to some building and now they won't let me leave.. They started asking me questions and that's how they found out I was your friend..."
A lump formed in my throat. I closed my eyes tight. "Em... st
ay calm... Is there someone there with you?.." I heard Emily's voice shake as she tried to answer. "OK. Put him on the phone, Em."
The receiver rustled as her phone was being passed along. "Well, if it isn't my lucky day."
SHIT. I had heard that voice taunting me, teasing at me as I waited to find out my own fate, not knowing that Jay was coming to my rescue. "Shade..." I snarled.
"Didn't think we were on such informal terms, Madame. But there's always time to correct that."
I heard Em screaming in the background. "Don't do it Julia... whatever they say, don't" Emily could not finish her sentence, as the strike was loud enough to vibrate through the phone.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BITCH!" Shade called out to her.
Adrenaline was coursing through me, my body now on high alert. "Don't touch her you sick piece of shit. She has nothing to do with this. What do you want?"
His voice was practically slithering around like a venomous snake. "Funny you should ask that darlin'. Seems your ol' man has been coming down pretty hard, getting in the way of my business..." he voice dripped with filth. "How's about we make a trade and you take her place while we finish negotiations with your little bodyguards?"
My head was spinning. Should I call Jay, tell him about Emily.. risk her getting hurt in a situation she would never have been in if not for me?. "Fine... where?"
Shade proceeded to give me instructions on where to meet them on the outskirts of town. I was to come unarmed, alone and they would make the exchange, letting Emily go. If they suspected that I had crossed them he made it very clear that they would hurt her and then kill her.
I put my phone in my cross body bag and grabbed my keys. I searched the night side le for a pen and quickly scribbled a message to Jay.
I'm so sorry... I had no choice
Opening the bedroom window I climbed out pulling it shut quietly behind me and snuck around front to my car. There were two bikes parked out front, but no riders in sight. Blue and T.J. were undoubtedly inside with Jean waiting to escort us to the clubhouse.
