by C. R. Jane
The topic of conversation of the emergency meeting: Torin has disappeared. Everyone is wondering whether Torin has been captured by the Fallen. I can’t take them discussing the need to “get back our brother” for very long before the truth is spitting out of my lips.
“Torin is leading the Fallen attacks,” I announce, the council going silent at my proclamation.
“Damon, do you need more sleep? You sound irrational,” Jarbin inquires, shock written across his features.
“I don’t know why, and frankly after finding out that he was responsible for my attack I don’t really care why, but he has indeed betrayed us,” I answer, a twinge of melancholy weaving through my words.
“What is the proof of this?” calls out Marco. He and Torin had always bonded over their position as the weakest on the Council, although Marco’s skills had always seemed heads above Torin’s. Was Torin’s lack of skill even real?
“I followed Torin yesterday. He’s been engaging in a number of suspicious behaviors as of late, the first being that he told me that Jarbin had asked him to accompany you two on a patrol. This led to me patrolling by myself and the attack that I barely survived. When I came back, he told me that he had actually found his fated mate and had been moving her to a place that would be safer from the Fallen during the patrol and hadn’t wanted to tell me because his mate was human.”
“He claimed he had a fated mate who was human?” asks Heinrich, a note of distaste and skepticism laced through his voice.
“He did. I finally followed him after I had caught him lying to each of you about small things. He seemed to be doing it just to see if he could get away with it. It was enough to trigger my suspicion enough to find out if this mate existed.”
The whole room is now hanging on my every word. I take a deep breath and try to keep my voice from shaking as I get to this next part.
“I trailed him to some woods not far from here. Two Fallen met him there. They talked about their attack on me, and Torin cut off one of the Fallen’s head for failing to kill me. He then told the other one he would be setting up another opportunity for them to slaughter me. I should have stayed and listened to more of their plan…but I couldn’t.”
No one tells me how stupid I was or calls me a failure for failing to get more information or even apprehend Torin right then. They all know what Torin’s disloyalty means to me. Everyone is in a state of shock as they weigh my words. Angels from Paradise become Fallen all the time, but not since Lucifer has an angel in such high standing willingly plunged from grace.
After a moment, Jarbin finally finds his words. “What are we going to do?” he asks.
“We’re going to find him, and then he will be put in front of the tribunal for them to decide his fate,” I state decisively. We spend the next few hours mapping out a plan for war and how we are going to find Torin. The next few months have been filled with skirmishes against the Fallen at every turn, but there’s been no sign of Torin.
Coming back to the present, I call out “Camilla?” through the front door of her shack that’s been left wide open.
“Damon!” she cries from inside, running out and almost knocking me down as she flings her arms around me.
“Umph,” I say roughly. “It’s good to see you too.” All of a sudden her tiny fists start beating against my chest and she bursts into tears. I’m very confused.
“Where have you been?” she cries. “It’s been three months. How could you do that to me?”
A feeling of dread passes over me. Obviously, humans form attachments much quicker than angels. I was hopeful that she had moved on. It’s not like this is the first time that I haven’t dropped by in a few months since that fateful day that she saved my life. I gently grab her shoulders and move her back so that I can look at her face. She looks…fuller somehow. Her face is slightly more rounded. I glance down the rest of her body in confusion. Everything looks more rounded. She even has boobs suddenly, which really would have made the night we fucked a lot more enjoyable now that I think about it. She was flat as a board if I remember correctly, the whole night is kind of a daze.
“You’ve gained weight,” I say bluntly. I’ve been bringing her bags of food ever since we met since she was nothing but skin and bones. I guess it’s finally started working.
“We need to talk,” she says stiffly. She’s stopped crying, but now there’s a nervous tension around her eyes that’s making me nervous. She takes my hand and I follow her inside. She turns and faces away from me, but I can still see the rigidness in her shoulders that tells me I’m not going to like whatever she has to say.
“We’re having a baby,” she says bluntly, finally turning to look at me. I’m flabbergasted for a moment, and a wave of nausea passes over me. Just as quick, I regain my senses and relax. “That’s impossible,” I tell her calmly. Her eyes widen. I’m sure that was the last thing she expected to come out of my mouth.
“What do you mean that’s impossible?” she says severely, her tone wounded and rough.
“I mean that an angel can only have a child when they purposely choose to have a child, and that night that we…”
“That night we made love,” she said interrupting me.
“The night we drunkenly hooked up,” I corrected her harshly. “I did not choose to have a child.”
“How do you know you didn’t “purposely choose” if you claim you were so drunk?” she said, a rising note of panic threaded throughout her voice.
“It’s not something that can be chosen while impaired,” I attempt to patiently explain. “When an angel chooses to procreate it’s a sacred and dangerous thing and can only be done with the right person. We’re forbidden from procreating from humans because there’s always the chance we could create a monster instead of a child. What would be born from a union of the two of us would be a new type of being. Angels are born of fire, so what they create through sex, is something totally different.”
“I don’t care what you are saying. This is your child,” she states, a mad gleam in her eyes. Suddenly, her face is wiped of emotion, and she turns around and walks inside. Her frequent leap from emotion to emotion has my head spinning to keep up as usual. I follow her, hoping I can talk some sense into her. She picks up a pile of wool from inside one of her trunks. It’s a faded pink color, and it appears to be taking the form of some sort of blanket that I’m sure will be used for the baby. Humans don’t have the technology yet to be able to guess gender. I push out my senses a little bit though to see if I can see what the baby is. A sad, aching feeling wells up inside of me. It is a little girl, but it’s definitely not mine. Who has she been with? I don’t feel any jealousy, just worry, and a little anger that the real father isn’t here taking care of his family right now.
I retract my senses and stare at her, a sick feeling building up inside of me. I search her eyes, hoping this is all a joke. If I wasn’t such a screw up we would be celebrating right now. I would be ecstatic that my friend had found a lover and would soon be the mother of a child that she could share all of her wonderful talents and loving nature with. Instead, I’ve poisoned her, this precious, talented, fragile girl.
I try again. “Camilla, can we talk about this? Who else have you been with?”
She’s humming to herself as she knits, ignoring my questions. I pull at my hair, exhausted from the last months of campaigns and ill prepared to take on a crazy pregnant human. “I’m leaving right now, but we’re going to talk about this when I return. You need to be moved to a better place to live, along with a myriad of other things.”
I wait for her to give me any response, but she continues to hum the same tune, a happy melody so annoying considering the situation that it feels like I’m being drilled in the head. I stalk out of her hovel and fly off, aggression and frustration beating off of me in waves.
Chapter 12
Before
I’m on patrol the next day when I finally see Torin for the first time. I’m exhausted, up all night th
inking about what has happened to Camilla and how it can be fixed. I plan on going to see her today after my round of patrols. I plan on either attempting to talk to her or get her mental help from one of the human mind healers I’ve heard of, but I’m not going to leave until she’s okay.
Heinrich is with me, and he’s actually the one to first point at Torin hovering in the air far ahead of us, along with a few other angels, assumedly Fallen ones. Ignoring my inner voice that tells me it’s a trap I race ahead, Heinrich calling after me, to confront Torin. Months of pent-up rage erupt at once as I run full force into him. The blow sending him hurtling to the ground while his Fallen comrades rush after him. I follow behind and am flying so fast that I land on the ground at the same time as Torin, who manages to get his wits about him in time to stop himself from crashing to the ground.
Torin looks a bit shaken but assumes a cocky posture, so different from the Torin I’ve always known. He flashes a grin at me, lazily pointing at something behind me. I whirl and see that Heinrick is being forcibly subdued by ten Fallen. His wings have a knife in each one, pinning him to the tree. He looks like he is in agony.
“We should think before we act, shouldn’t we?” Torin asks delightedly. “I’m so glad that we’ve finally reunited. I’ve missed my best friend.”
“Fuck you,” I tell him unhelpfully.
“No, let’s save the fucking for Camilla, shall we?” he asks me with a smirk.
My heart freezes. “What do you mean by that?” I ask him, afraid of the answer.
“Well, let’s see. I know that you’ve fucked her…and I know that I’ve fucked her.” He looks around the glen where we are all gathered. “Anyone else joined in on the fun? I know she’s a human, but they’ve got to be good for something.”
Everyone is silent. Even Heinrich has stopped thrashing and yelling, the shock of Torin’s statement rendering him mute.
“How did you find her?” I ask in a stiff, calm voice.
“Well unfortunately you left your knife behind when you decided to spy on me and ruin all my fun plans for you,” he says, pulling out the small knife that I had completely forgotten about in the haze of finding out about Torin’s duplicity.
“I guess it really must have distracted you finding out that we weren’t bffs after all,” he laughingly mocks me, sticking out his lip in a mock pout. “I know you’re usually a stickler for detail.”
I move at him suddenly and am only stopped from driving my fist in his face when I hear Heinrich give a cry of a pain as one of Torin’s henchman pushes a knife deeper into his wing.
“Ah, Ah, Ah, we mustn’t lose our temper. Good things never happen when we let our emotions rule us. Like when you had sex with your disgusting little human friend. You somehow made it look so hot that I forgot all about burning her little hut down with the two of you inside of it. After you left she was so very depressed. Don’t worry brother, I stepped in to raise her spirits. A simple potion to glamour my face and she thought you were returning for round two a few nights later,” he says, shooting me a pleased grin.
There’s a rock in my stomach now. Camilla wasn’t crazy. She really thought that she was having a baby with me. She must be so confused and distraught right now. I stare at him. I’ve had months to get used to the fact that Torin isn’t who I thought he was, but the angel standing in front of me is worse than I comprehended, he’s more a demon than an angel. The depths of his duplicity are astounding. You would think thousands of years would be enough to know someone, and yes, I am being facetious.
“So, the baby is yours then I’m assuming? You know then what you’ve created.”
“Yes, but she doesn’t know what I’ve created. Imagine her surprise when a little monster pops out a few months early. She’s going to be so very disappointed when she realizes her love child with her beautiful angel isn’t a child.”
I shake my head in disgust and fury, remembering how Camilla’s face was filled with so much love as she stroked her stomach that day.
“We were meant to rule this planet, not to be subservient to the humans. You hate them too but look at you, wasting your life away following the rules we were given by a Paradise we can’t return to. I’m going to do what you could never do,” he tells. “Once I destroy you, my army will ensure that the proper beings are in charge and we are treated like the gods we are on this planet.” Torin has a sick look of satisfaction on his face.
The villain always has to brag about his plan at some point, although in this case, it was pretty easy to figure out.
“If I were you I would run away right now, because as soon as Heinrich is let go I’m going to rip your heart out right after I rip off your wings one by one,” I tell him. “The only way you’re ever a ruler will be in your dreams.”
There’s a shiver of fear in his eyes that he struggles, and fails, to hide. There’s only ten soldiers in the glen with us. Torin knows that today is a battle he’s not going to win.
He gives me a cool smile. “See you soon,” he calls as his wings push him up to the sky. “Give my regards to Camilla.”
I turn immediately to help Heinrich, there’s only five Fallen left, the cowards. It takes me only a few minutes to tear off their heads and free him. He grasps my shoulder in gratitude, but I can tell he is intentionally not meeting my eyes. No doubt finding out the illustrious leader of the council has dallied with a human has thrown him for a loop.
“Let’s get back to the others,” I gruffly tell him. Heinrich can barely stay afloat in the air because of the cuts in his wings. I half carry him back to the compound where the rest of the council are waiting.
“I’m not going to say anything,” Heinrich tells me out of the blue right before we fly in. I look at him in question. “You saved my life today. I’ll keep this secret.”
“It’s not how he made it sound,” I tell him, annoyed.
“Did you fuck a human or not?” he asks.
“Well yes, but it was under extenuating circumstances, and I was very upset at the time.”
“Dura lex, sed lex,” he tells me seriously, a hint of pity in his eyes. I grit my teeth and nod. What can I say? Disobedience to the laws are what set the Fallen apart from the rest of the heavens. As we fly into the main common area, I’m struck with a sense of deja vu. It feels like every time I come in here the rest of the council are waiting for me wearing anxious, worried expressions.
“You’ve been gone far longer than a routine patrol,” said Jarbin, stating the obvious.
“Yes, well as you can see we ran into our little brother,” I tell him sarcastically, pointing to Heinrich, and heading into the hallway.
“Where are you going?” demands Jarbin as I leave the room.
“Planning a murder makes me hungry. Heinrich can update you,” I tell him, as I leave without looking back. After grabbing something to eat from the kitchens I return to my quarters to lay on my bed and imagine all the ways that I can kill Torin. A prickle of unease passes over me and my thoughts are drawn to Camilla all of a sudden. I sit up. How could I have left her there knowing that Torin knows where she lives? I curse myself and fly out the window, rushing to get to Camilla’s. As I fly the unease builds up inside of me until its practically choking me. Angels often have the gift of sensing when something is wrong, although my gift obviously picks and chooses what it tells me.
I land in front of her house. There’s a bite in the air and I’m reminded again that I need to get Camilla somewhere better for winter…and figure out what to do about the demon she’s carrying.
“Camilla?” I call out urgently, expecting her to come running out like she usually does when I visit her. But there’s nothing this time. Every pore is filled with dread as I approach the entrance. I close my eyes before I walk in, intrinsically knowing that my whole life will never be the same again once I open them. After a minute I open my eyes and walk slowly in, sinking to my knees at the sight in front of me.
Camilla is laying on the ground, a look of horror spl
ashed across her face. A solitary cut has been made across her throat, and the blood has stained the clay dirt all around her. Her auburn hair is matted in the blood, dying it a much darker red than usual. I reach out a hand, knowing that it’s too late and there won’t be a pulse. She had been painting, I notice idly. There’s a paintbrush still gripped in her hand and a canvas is laying beside her upside down. My hands are trembling as I reach to pick up the canvas.
I’ve never cried before, but I cry that night. Sobbing and cursing at the heavens to a god I don’t believe in anymore as I hold the painting of myself that Camilla was working on when she was slaughtered. In the right bottom corner Torin had signed his name, as if there was a doubt in my mind who was responsible for her death. She painted me as she wanted me to be, my eyes brimming with a love I’ve never felt, gazing at someone not visible in the picture. I mourn the fact that she never knew what it felt like for someone to love her like that.
I dig her grave slowly, shovel after shovel, the motion therapeutic in its repetition. The echo of the metal hitting the ground reverberates through the clearing. When it’s finally done, I lay her gently in the hole, kissing her lips gently before I do so, and laying the magical blanket on top of her that I had gotten for her. I also lay the baby blanket next to her that she had been knitting. My heart is full of grief, but I hope that maybe in Paradise her child will be born whole, unblemished from the curse that angels bring to humans. I riddle the ground with my tears as I fill the hole. There’s no one there to say goodbye, and I realize the truly sad part of this whole thing is that no one would be here even if they knew she had died. This wonderful talented creature had spent her life always alone.
I gather her paintings carefully and then I burn the house down until there’s nothing left but ashes.
