“I’ll think about it, Dustin. I know that Molly needs her father in her life.” She couldn’t even finish the sentence without starting to sob. I didn’t know what to do but stare at her, because I was confused why she was so upset.
I did only what any man would do when a woman is standing their crying alone. I awkwardly placed my arm around her and rubbed her back. “Are you ok?” I asked softly. She flinched at the touch of my hand on her back, but didn’t seem to mind.
“Look, this is hard for me to say.” She wiped her tears that fell down her face. “I’ve been so angry with you, because I miss you.” She looked at the sky as more tears ran down her face. I could tell this was hard for her to discuss, but I really didn’t want to be hearing the words coming out of her mouth. She misses me? Is she on drugs? She hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me. Why would she miss me?
“Sabrina, what do you mean, you miss me?”
“You left me, Dustin. Why do you think I packed my bags, and moved? It was because I couldn’t take seeing you with anyone else after me. I knew when you left you would never come back so I never tried. That is why I’ve done everything to hurt you in the process.” She let out a mournful sigh before she continued with her shaky breaths. “When you told me on the phone if I enjoyed trying to make your life miserable, and holding Molly as a pawn, it really hit home. Your words were like a dagger through my heart because they were true. It’s gotten out of hand, and I’m sorry.”
I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was admitting to me that she purposely put my life through hell because I left her? I left her because she hated me around. She never liked anything I did. She hated that I always had to work in order to support us. She hated my friends, and she hated my lifestyle. She hated that I got her pregnant. Where was all this coming from? She misses me? She’s sorry? Where the hell is Sabrina the witch, and could we bring her back? She’s with Jeff now, and she’s telling me she misses me? This can’t be good.
I stood there searching my brain for the right words to say to her.
“Sabrina, you confuse the hell out of me. I don’t know where you’re going with this conversation. I appreciate you admitting these things to me, but it’s a little late to rekindle something that was never there. I’ve moved on with my life. You moved on with your life with Jeff. I don’t know what you want from me.”
I looked at her baffled.
She looked at me and then leaned into me, and whispered something only I could hear, “I still love you.”
“You will always love the person you had your first child with. Sabrina, don’t tear yourself up over this. I just want to see Molly. That’s all I want. You’re with Jeff now and you should be happy.”
I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of her mouth. Not even five minutes ago, she still hated me!
She nodded at me, almost as if she knew she needed to end the conversation. “We’re leaving tomorrow evening, so please make sure you have her back by two. We’ll talk again about future visits. Take care of my baby girl.”
“When I have her, I always do, Sabrina.” I walked past her, and to the back of the house where Molly was lugging her bag behind her as she tried to drag it to the front door.
“Are you all packed, baby? Why don’t you let daddy give you a hand with that?”
“Ok, daddy.”
“Did you give hugs and kisses goodbye to your Gram and Gramps, and your momma and Jeff?” I took the luggage from her and took her hand in my other hand as we walked out the door.
“Yeah, I just couldn’t find mommy.”
“She’s outside baby. You can give her a hug and kiss before we get in the car.”
I opened the door and Sabrina was eyeing my car in the driveway walking all around eye fucking it.
She yelled over at me, “You sure this beast is safe for my baby to ride in?”
I smiled as Molly ran over to her, and I said, “I’m a safe driver. You know that.”
“One hell of a ride. It’s nice, Dustin. I’m sure you’re proud of it.” She winked.
“I am.” I looked at Molly as she jumped in her arms giving her a hug and kiss goodbye.
We headed off back to my apartment so we could get settled in. Then I did what I had promised her we would do—get some lunch and ice cream. It felt good to have Molly. I didn’t even want to think about tomorrow and giving her back to her mom. She was my princess, and was glued to my side. She was really starting to know me, and I loved everything about that little booger.
We headed off hand in hand downtown and stopped into Susie Q’s for lunch. Molly ordered a grilled cheese with fries and juice, while I ordered a burger. The waitresses really got a kick out of Molly. She was a sweet kid, and always got everyone’s attention. This was her favorite place to eat because she loved the bubblegum ice cream.
My phone started to go off and I noticed it was a text message from Riley.
Riley: ‘Hey, can we talk? I miss seeing you.’
I thought about what to say since I had Molly right now. I didn’t want to push my luck with Sabrina since I wasn’t sure if she might be having me followed.
Me: ‘I am busy until tomorrow afternoon. I miss seeing you too.’
She knew I was never typically busy. I hope she didn’t think I was blowing her off.
“Who are you talking to, Daddy?”
“Nobody, sweetheart. You ready to go now that you’ve finished your ice cream? We have a night full of princess movies ahead.”
“Yup, I’m all done.” She wiped her mouth.
We walked back to my car parked at the far end of the block. As soon as I turned the corner, there she was—Riley was walking in my direction with Abby glued to her hip. Fuck me.
“Well, look who it is.” She approached.
“Riley, Abby, this is Molly, my daughter.” I introduced her to a very unhappy Riley.
Riley knelt down on one knee and opened her hand out to Molly. “Well, it’s so nice to meet you, Molly. I hope you and your daddy have such a fun weekend.”
“Thank you.” Molly said shyly as she playfully shook Riley’s hand.
“Riley, I’m—” She cut me off.
“Busy, right, bye Molly.” She smiled.
Abby gave me a look that could have killed, and Riley just nudged my shoulder as she walked by me. I really messed things up this time. She knew that I hadn’t intended to introduce her to Molly yet. She knew I was hiding it. I hope I didn’t just screw up my entire future with her.
Riley
“There’s your answer, Abby. This is why things are complicated. He didn’t even plan to tell me Molly was with him, and then wasn’t even planning to introduce us. I told you we couldn’t be together. His baby momma isn’t going to let it happen and its obvious Dustin thinks that way too.”
“Stop jumping to conclusions, Ry. You don’t know that he wasn’t planning on it.”
I showed her the text message he literally just sent minutes before we ran into one another. “Ok, so he wasn’t planning on it. It’s his daughter maybe he wants to get to know you better before you guys get acquainted.” Abby shrugged her shoulders.
“No, Abby. That’s not what he wants. He knows it’s not going to happen. You know what? I’m going home. I lost the desire to shop today. I need to be by myself.”
“Riley, come on, don’t bail on me! We love shopping.”
My phone started to ring. It was a number I didn’t recognize, but it could be for one of the many jobs I applied.
“Hello?” I answered, interrupting Abby.
“Hello, may I speak to Miss Riley Miller?”
“This is her.”
“Hi, Miss Miller, I’m calling on behalf of your mother, Sally.”
“Yeah, can I help you?” I stopped because this was the strangest phone call I had received in a while.
“My name is Rita Linful. I’m calling to inform you that we have some unfortunate news. You’re mother passed away this morning
, and we’re offering you our deepest sympathy. We’re so sorry for your loss.” She paused. “You are the power of attorney listed for Sally. We’re going to need to discuss her funeral arrangements and get everything together for her. Again, we’re so very sorry for your loss.”
My heart felt as if it had stopped beating for a few seconds. I felt an ache in the pit of my stomach as the vile rose in my throat, and I fell to my knees. Abby came down with me just staring at me trying to gather what had just happened. I had a blank stare across my face, and I felt as if my head and heart were both going to explode from the utter sadness I was feeling, but at the same time unsure as to how I really felt.
“Excuse me, Riley, are you there?” The lady asked after not receiving a response.
I swallowed hard, gulped, before responding. “Yeah, I’m here, I’m sorry, could you please repeat that again?”
“Miss Miller, I understand that this may be very difficult for you right now. Under the circumstances though, I do need to know if there is somewhere specific you would like me to send your mother?”
“You can send her to Alder Funeral Home. I will set up the arrangements. Thank you.”
I ended the call just as an extreme amount of tears came pouring from my eyes.
“Ry, what’s the matter? What’s wrong? Are you ok? Talk to me, honey.”
I looked at Abby and wrapped my arms around her, and wailed loudly into her shoulder. I must have caused a huge scene for people to stare but, at that moment, I didn’t care. My mother was dead. I never anticipated having to deal with this anytime soon. I knew I wasn’t close to my mom anymore, and she and dad were the reasons why I moved away in the first place, but I never wanted my mom to die. Now I had to come up with money to fly myself there to plan her funeral. Does she have life insurance? I didn’t even know.
“My mom died this morning. I have to arrange the funeral because there isn’t anyone else.”
My life seemed to be crashing down around me again. I had a man that I didn’t know if I should even have in my life, or if I should be in his. I’m jobless. I could barely afford my bills, and now my mother had just passed away. I knew I couldn’t handle much more.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. What do you need me to do? Do you want me to come with you? I’ll help in any way I can. Come on, let’s get you home.” Abby tried lifting me up, as my legs were weak, and I could barely stand.
We drove back to the apartment and Abby called Evan to help me up the stairs. I wasn’t functioning properly, and Evan pretty much carried me up the stairs as Abby unlocked my apartment, and took Cooper out for a walk. Evan plopped down on the sofa and sat next to me holding me tight. I was in a daze thinking of everything I would have to do in the next few days.
“You ok, Ry? You can’t go through this alone. We’re here for you.”
I looked at Evan. “Evan, I appreciate you guys so much, but I think I need to do this on my own. I have to.”
“I understand. Just let us know if you need anything. If you need us to, we’ll watch Cooper.”
“Thank you so much.” I gave him a hug goodbye, and I made my way into the bathroom.
I ran the water and splashed some on my face. I’m pretty sure I’m done crying, but now anger is making its way in. How did she die? Did she overdose? Did she have a heart attack? What happened? Nobody told me anything yet. There were two people I needed to contact, and they were my grandmother Olivia and my sister, Galena. I haven’t spoken to Galena in years. She was my older sister and she fled the family just as fast as I did. She wanted nothing to do with any of us. I didn’t blame her. She was the only one that came out right, and didn’t have a criminal record. Well, I just need to try her cell phone and see what happens.
“Hey honey, yell if you need anything, Cooper did his duty! Love you!” Abby yelled as she closed the door behind her. Cooper came running over to me.
I dialed Galena.
“Hello?” She answered, and it shocked me.
“Galena?” I asked.
“Yeah, who is this?”
I let out a huge sigh, “its Riley.”
There was a long silence creeping on the phone line.
“Riley, why are you calling me?”
“I just wanted to let you know I got news today that momma died this morning.”
I could hear rock music blaring through the background until she yelled for them to cut it off.
“So, Momma’s gone? I don’t care, Riley. What do you want from me? Money?” She snapped.
“No, Galena, I was just informing you. Look, I don’t know how I’m going to pay for it. I’m assuming she had life insurance. She left me as the power of attorney. I had her body sent to Alder. I was hoping you could come in and help me with the arrangements.”
“I don’t have time for that shit. I have to go.”
She ended the call.
Well, that lasted longer than I thought it would last. Great, I was all alone planning this. She just didn’t care. I mean, I couldn’t blame her. I really couldn’t. Momma wasn’t good to us. She drank a lot and was always on drugs the majority of life. Daddy was the one who raised us mostly, that is, when he wasn’t busy with the military. How can I ask my dad to help when he’s in prison?
My phone rang, and it viewed my Grandmother calling. She must have found out.
“Hey, Grandma.” I answered.
“Hey, honey, how are you holding up? Rita called me after she talked to you.”
“Oh, Granny, you know I’m upset, but Mom and I haven’t been close in years. I just hope she’s at peace. What happened, do you know?”
I sat down and tried to relax. Talking with my grandmother made me miss home. I loved my grandmother so much, and we were a lot closer than mom and I.
“Well, you know I’m here for you. You know she’s in a better place, sugar. Are you flying in? Are you planning to make the arrangements?” I knew she didn’t answer me on purpose about how Mom died. I was pretty sure she knew and just wanted to tell me in person.
I heard her get a little choked up on the phone. This was her daughter, after all, and I’m sure this was hurting her even more than it hurt me. Mom and grandma haven’t gotten along in years as far as I knew; they haven’t even talked in forever. I was sure she was torn and trying to hold it together for me.
“I will be in charge of the arrangements. I’m going to look up flights and see if I can land one first thing in the morning. It’s going to be a long night, Gram.”
Right then, I just wanted nothing more than to hug her and have her tell me everything will be all right.. I grabbed my laptop while on the phone with her and started to search for flights. They all looked pretty damned expensive, but I would have to fork it over regardless. I had to go.
“For you and I both, sugar. I’m looking forward to seeing you. Wish it were under better circumstances though. How have you been, dear?”
“Things are quite all right.” I lied. “I spoke with Galena.”
There was a brief silence. It was almost as if she held her breath.
“Galena, how is she? Is she taking it ok?”
I really wondered if I should even tell her how brash she was with me. But she needed to hear it sometime that Galena wouldn’t be there to mourn with us.
“Well, when I told her, she basically thought I was calling to ask for money. Then, when I told her I wasn’t, she said she didn’t have time for this shit, and that she didn’t care, and then hung up on me.”
“That’s Galena for you. I just figured she’d come around for her mother’s funeral. Guess not though. Don’t worry about her, Riley. She’ll have to live with herself when she realizes one day that she probably should have attended.”
“Once I get information on my flight and hotel, I’ll give you a call, Gram. I’m going to get off the phone and start getting everything together. If you could call a few people and let them know, that’d be great. I’ll handle everything else.” I sighed.
“I love you, s
ugar, and no need for a hotel. You know you can stay here. You’re always welcome here.”
“Thanks, Gram, love you. Bye.”
I ended the call after she blew kisses in the phone. The more I sat there, the more it settled into my brain that I would never see my mother again. She’s gone, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Hell, we weren’t even on speaking terms.
The next few hours flew by. I could certainly say my mind wasn’t focused on Dustin at the moment. I did wish I had somebody who could have been with me through all of it. It was hitting me harder as the hours passed on. I booked a flight for six am so I knew I wouldn’t’ be getting any sleep since it was already near midnight. I scrambled through some boxes and found a few pictures of mom and me to take, and maybe blow up for the funeral. I thought of a few passages I wanted to read, and a few people I needed to get in touch with once I got there. I called Grandma and let her know my flight details. She told me she’d pick me up, for me to not to worry about anything. I rummaged through my closet to find something presentable to wear, but I wasn’t having much luck.
I ran down with Cooper to Abby and Evan’s apartment and knocked on their door. I knew it was late, but I knew they usually stayed up pretty late. Abby swung the door open with a wide-awake look on her face.
“Hey Ry, are you ok?” she looked at me worried.
“I’m fine, I need a favor.”
“Anything.” She opened the door more and allowed me in.
“I need a dress to wear. I rummaged through everything of mine, and came up empty when it came to a black dress appropriate for a funeral. Also, with Cooper, can he stay here? I’m leaving in the morning, my flight is at six, and his food is on the counter, he gets three cups of food a day.” I just kept rambling.
“Hey, stop, I’ve got it covered don’t you worry about a thing. I’m practically Cooper’s Aunt. Come on have a seat and I’ll find a dress.” She pointed to the sofa where Evan was sitting watching TV.
A Tattered Love Page 14
