A Tattered Love

by Nickie Seidler

  I saw the kegs lined up, and I took my arm out of his and walked up and poured the beer into a cup for him. I walked over and handed it to him.

  “Here’s the beer I owe you.”

  “I think you owe me a dance.”

  “You clearly said I owed you a beer.”

  “Are you really going to turn down the offer to dance with me?” He enunciated the word me.

  “Nah, I don’t dance much. Not really my thing.” I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. Lying.

  “You know, I saw you dancing at the show right, with Lena.”

  Shit.

  I grabbed his beer from his hand and chugged it down real fast.

  “Why did you just drink the beer you owed me?” He was a little confused.

  “Because if you’re going to have a dance with me, you’ll risk spilling that beer again, and I just solved that problem. Let’s go, tough guy. Let’s see your moves.” I smiled while grabbing his hand, and I led us out to the designated dance floor. The music was more techno and upbeat than the raging rock concert. I swiveled my hips walking backward, and using my pointer finger to sway his attention directly toward me as he followed me onto the dance floor. I may not be a dancer, but I planned to show him all I had while I had his attention.

  I turned around, and pressed my hips up to him as I started swaying back and forth. I began to grind my body to his, smoothing my hands down my curvy body as I whipped my head around giving him a seductive grin. He placed his hands on my hips and started to dance with me. His hands wandered a bit toward my ass and back to my hips every now and then. I didn’t mind, that’s for sure. I popped, locked, and dropped my ass to the floor, bringing it back up slowly, letting my ass slide up his body. That’s when he grabbed my hips and turned me around and our chests were tightly pressed up against each other.

  “You can’t do that kind of dancing with me, and expect me not to want to touch every. part. of. your. body.” The way the words rolled off his lips sounded so sexy.

  I looked up in his glistening eyes, out of breath, and wanting, needing him right now. We stared silently at one another as he held me in his arms for a brief moment before he leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to mine. His lips we’re so smooth, and seemed to be filled with desire and passion laced in between. I kissed him back hard and wrapped my arms around his neck holding our kiss for what felt like hours.

  “Come to my hotel room.” He demanded releasing the kiss.

  I bit my lip and batted my eyes nonchalantly. “Ok,” was all I could come up with, and that was just a mumble.

  “Come on, Mills, you need to show me a good time.”

  “I’ll show you a good time.” I smiled and locked my lips to his again.

  I followed his lead to what looked like a parking lot up ahead.

  “Wait, I need to tell Lena I’m leaving.”

  “Call her when you get there,” he shot back at me.

  We got in an old 69 Chevelle that was parked across a few lanes to make sure that nobody parked around him and dented his car. I’m sure with the place being packed, he pissed a lot of people off, but he didn’t seem to mind. He roasted his tires out of the lot and tore out of dodge heading to the hotel. The speed from this machine vibrated the car, and sent shivers of excitement through my body. I felt so happy and carefree as the speed was just exhilarating. He made me scream from my seat in laughter.

  “What’s the matter?” he laughed at me looking curious.

  “You’re wild!” I yelled over the wind blowing through the car. Releasing the excitement, letting it spread through my voice.

  “Am I?” he cocked his eyebrow at me.

  “It’s sexy. You in this car and driving like this. Sexy and totally turning me on!”

  “What, the raw horsepower from this beast is driving you crazy?” he had a devilish smirk on his face until he slid his hand across the bench seat, and in between my legs, spreading them open as he began to rub, in a circular motion.

  I let him take control of me in a car that rattled my brain with the noise coming from it. Before I knew it, we arrived at the hotel and he parked the car letting it idle.

  He leaned over the seat and sat closer to me as his hand slid in my hair and he pulled my head toward his as he took a big whiff of my hair. “Your smell is intoxicating.” He trailed kisses along my jaw and tugged on my ear sending ripples of sensation down between my legs. He made his kisses reach my lips and pressed ever so gently, teasing me, turning me on wildly with every move. He slid one hand up my thigh, and began to squeeze as he moved closer to the top. Suddenly, he reached back over and slammed his foot on the accelerator, making the car shake violently.

  “Hear that sexy beast roar? That’s what I’m going to do to you. Come on, let’s go.”

  I giggled innocently, almost embarrassed as I blushed from his comment. He turned the car off, and I stepped outside the car. He picked me up in the cradle position, and carried me into the hotel swiping the card on the first floor room that was all his. He kicked the door open, and flung me on the bed collapsing on top of me in the pitch-black darkness. All I could do was laugh, and to try to pretend that I didn’t want to get to know him.

  Ugh, what was wrong with me? Was I becoming a whore or something? Or was I just releasing what I’ve been feeling on the inside? I didn’t want to think about the thoughts going through my head. I just knew that tonight would be one night. I was sure this Austin character was just a one-nighter. He seemed like that, and I knew I couldn’t let myself get attached to him. I just couldn’t... I had to keep telling myself this was just one night of pleasure, just one. Could I do this? Dustin kept popping into my damn head. Well, he had said we needed to take a break, right?

  Austin tore my clothes off faster than I could blink my eyes. He slowly peeled my clothes off, leaving me in just my bra and panties as he grinned down at me. After, he undressed himself showing off his artwork of tattoos scattered across his body. I couldn’t help but want to sit up and run my hand over each one and have him explain the meanings behind them. I never got into tattoos really, but this seemed like the story behind the asshole front he tried to portray. Maybe he was hurt in the past by someone so bad that he puts on a front of being an asshole. It really isn’t working for me though because I can see his tender side right now, with the way he was treating me. He’s so careful, and gentle, and it makes me afraid I might hurt him!

  I leaned up and pressed my chest to his pulling him closer to me as I devoured his lips. I slid my hand all around his torso envisioning the tatted stories his body could tell as I made out with him. His tongue crashed with mine and I started dry humping him, feeling the intense erotic sensation flowing through my body. Or was that the beers kicking in? If I had known better, I’d walk away right now and stop this before it happened, but he was too good. He felt too good to stop.

  I continued to grind into him, and rode him uncontrollably. Moans released from me deep down within me as I glided with pleasure over this stranger, this handsome stranger.

  He raised me up, and lay me gently on the bed as he towered over me, pinning me to the bed. His chest muscles were right against me as he leaned down to peck more kisses on my face slowly going down my jaw line and back up to reach my lips. His shaft rubbed against my leg sending me over the top. I wanted him so bad, but not yet. I still didn’t know what I was doing right now. I was so not used to this... Stop it, stop it, Riley.

  The night continued on for what felt like an eternity. It was the most pleasure I’d felt in a hell of a long time just from a make out session and hell of a lot of grinding. I didn’t want to compare him to Dustin, but this man rocked my world without even having sex with me. He just seemed to know the very way I liked it. Not that it mattered. I would never see him again. What am I doing? My head started feeling dizzy, and I could tell the alcohol was definitely making its way through my veins.

  ***

  The morning came and the sun blinded me from the curtains th
at were left half-open. I immediately lifted my head, squinting. Apparently, I had enough to drink last night because I was definitely feeling this hangover I was having. I sneaked a peek next to me to find Austin lying there peacefully. Holy hell what did I do? Did I sleep with him? Why can’t I remember a damn thing? Oh my god, I need to go. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was nine am. Shit! I forgot to call Lena last night. I hurried off the bed not even caring that I was fully naked, and ran to purse to find my phone. Shit! I had twenty-two missed calls and nine text messages.

  “Shit! Shit! Shit!” I yelled as I started to scramble for my clothes.

  The majority of my texts were from Lena wondering where I was. I had two from Dustin, and one from Abby. All my missed calls were from Lena and Grandma.

  “Why are you leaving so soon?” He slid his hand down his face and yawned looking at me as I hurried around the room.

  “I have to go, Austin.”

  “Go? Go where? Why?” He asked impatiently.

  “I have to finalize, and help my Grandma on last minutes plans for my mother’s funeral.” I realized I probably just gave him way too much information.

  Austin sat up in the bed with a confused look on his face.

  “You’re mother’s funeral?” He swallowed a lump in his throat. I didn’t answer him and ran into the bathroom to throw water on my face and tame down my fucked all night hair. “Will I see you again, Mills?”

  Finally, I couldn’t resist, I sat down next to him on the bed. “Austin, you’re in a band, a band that travels frequently, hooks up with girls, and carries on with life. I’m not a traveler, frankly. I’m done traveling around. You’ll probably see Lena, though.” I leaned toward him and kissed the top of his head then lowered myself to his lips and planted a sweet, quick kiss. “Look, I don’t remember what went on last night, and I’m praying that I didn’t do anything I’d regret, which I’m sure I did.” I smiled, grabbed my purse, and walked toward the door.

  “Nothing happened last night, Mills. We had a hot make out session, that was it, and you passed out. Don’t worry nothing happened. I knew not to push you when you kept calling me Dustin.” He yawned, and as much as I wanted to turn around and tell him I was sorry, I walked out the door letting it slam on my way out. I touched my phone and dialed Lena.

  “Where the hell are you? I’ve been trying to call you, text you, search for you!” She snapped.

  “Calm down, I’m at the Mayflower hotel, come get me, ok?”

  “The Mayflower! What the fuck, Riley!”

  “Lena! Just come get me!” I yelled back in the phone getting her attention.

  “Fine, I’ll be there in five minutes.”

  I ended the call then went through Dustin’s messages.

  Dustin: ‘I didn’t mean what I said about time, I know I need you as my girlfriend. I know you are my girlfriend. I love you, Riley. Forgive me. I had a lot on my mind last night and don’t want to think about you not in my life. I’ll figure it all out.’

  Dustin: ‘Shit, I just talked to Evan, I’m so sorry about your Mom, I didn’t know. Please, I’m here for you. Call me.’

  Abby: ‘I love you and I’m thinking of you. <3 ’

  Stress spread over me in waves. I just nearly slept with a rocker from a band, I’m hung over, I’m dressed like a slut groupie, and I’m going to my grandmas to finish plans for my mothers’ funeral. Something is very wrong with this picture. I can’t believe I almost slept with a rocker boy! What was with Dustin? He seems so emotionally distraught. Yet, so was I… I know what my heart wants, and last night confirmed that for me.

  Lena picked me up, and she interrogated me on the car ride home. I just kept my mouth shut. I was in shock over what I had done, and frankly, I wasn’t proud of myself. I felt disgusted with myself. I didn’t even sleep with him, but we still made out. Ugh. What was wrong with me?

  ** CHAPTER 15 **

  Riley

  The funeral came before I was mentally prepared to accept it. I dressed in a beautiful black silk knee-length dress that Abby loaned me. I was so nervous that I was barely able to stand without my knees shaking. Galena can put on her hard face all she wanted, but this was the funeral for our mother. How could this be easy for anyone to endure? I had never wished ill things upon my mother, and I definitely never wanted to have to bury her.

  Grandma finally told Galena and I what had happened. She overdosed on pain medication and died in her sleep. I always had thoughts tucked away in my mind that mom would commit suicide after everything that had happened with Dad and herself. I knew she hated her life but couldn’t find the strength to help her change it. I felt sad knowing that she didn’t mean for this to happen. Her system was completely clean of everything except the pain meds. That brought me a little happiness knowing Mom had not been using recreational drugs. Apparently, she had just had surgery not long ago on her leg resulting from a blood clot, and that was why she was taking pain meds.

  Poor Mom, in the end her kids weren’t there for her. I knew I shouldn’t blame myself though; my family twisted me into pieces, and had shattered life as I knew it. I wanted no part of their lives as all they were doing were bringing my life down. When I ran off to Cape Cod, talking to my parents’ was the least of my concerns. I guess I had always imagined confronting them eventually after I healed because I always thought of myself as a forgiving person. I didn’t expect my chance would be taken from me anytime soon. I’ll never be able to tell her how much I really loved her.

  Lena, Grandma, and I made our way up to the casket to say our last goodbye. I didn’t think that it would be a big deal, but the more I stared at her beautiful face looking at peace in her casket, the more tears came to my eyes. I kissed her forehead and touched her hand. “Goodbye Mom, until we meet again someday. I love you, and I’m sorry.” Tears poured from my eyes as Grandma held me tighter. I actually noticed a tear leave Lena’s eyes, and she quickly wiped it away. I knew she was hurting now, and she just didn’t want to show it.

  “I’m so glad you girls are here with me. You’re all I’ve got left, my sweet Riley and Galena.”

  “We love you, Gram. We’re here for you and we’re not that far away or hard to get in touch with.”

  “I’m going to miss you girls.”

  I kissed her cheek and gave her a big hug. I knew I’d miss her, too. I had the rest of the week to spend with her, and Lena was on her way. We walked away from the casket feeling somewhat a relief that we were able to get some closure at the funeral. It was nice for Lena to come back into my life and maybe stay this time. Also, for her to be back around Gram as we all had missed her. I looked at some flowers around the room and found one that was sent from Seth. He could not make it because he was out of town. I’m so glad he had thought of me during such a sad time in my life.

  I headed to the restroom as others continued paying their last respects. Once I reached the doorway, I saw a wonderful looking man standing in black pants, tight beige dress shirt, and a leather jacket.

  “Austin? What are you doing here?” I asked confused.

  He pulled me to the side gently and embraced me in a hug. “I just had to make sure you were ok, Mills.” He sighed. “I searched everywhere for the last name and came up here. I knew you must be hurting, and I know I was probably you’re biggest mistake, I just couldn’t help but come here and make sure you weren’t alone.” He smiled. “Nobody deserves to do this alone.”

  “I’m touched. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” I looked up at him.

  “I was hoping maybe you could come back to the hotel tonight before I head out?”

  “Come here.” I pulled him into the next room and sat down on the couch. “What we had was hot, Austin, but that’s all it was. You’re amazing and really good-looking, but I have a home I need to get back to, and I have a guy I need to have in my life. Which, you obviously know his name is Dustin. I’m so sorry I led you on. I can’t be a groupie rock girl that follows a band. It’s completely out of
my element and not my thing.”

  “So, you’re serious then? This is it?”

  “This is it? Are you that surprised? Don’t you have these scenarios every night with different girls? Except usually I’m sure they sleep with you,” I laughed quietly as I didn’t want to disturb the funeral home with our chatter.

  “Believe it or not, I’m not like that. I just thought I’d check on you. Can’t really explain why, but just wanted to, and I hope you’re ok. It was nice knowing you, Mills.”

  “It was nice knowing you, Austin. Thank you for making sure I’m ok. I am ok. I’m more than ok. My life seems like it is finally piecing itself back together.”

  Austin stood up, and I walked him to the door. I felt so confident in my decision of letting him go. He was a good time, but that’s all it was, and that’s all I truly wanted it to be.

  See, the asshole type character he tried to play off to me, turned out not to be such an asshole after all. I had found his tender side, and that would always hold a special place in my heart. Now, back to reality.

  I texted Dustin: ‘I’ll be home in a couple days. I miss you, and we need to talk.’

  I spent the rest of the week with Gram and Galena, and all we did was have fun. I was able to get my mind off everything for a short time, but I knew I’d soon be returning to reality. I’ve learned a lot this week.

  The most important thing that came from it all, was how much I love Dustin. I felt like my heart was in pieces making out with Austin. I didn’t even know why I had done it. I think I was trying to hurt Dustin. It wasn’t like me, but I couldn’t say I regretted it because it made me realize that I needed Dustin in my life.

  Dustin

  Riley would be coming back today after attending her mother’s funeral. I decided I would sit back and hope my phone would ring. I really hoped I hadn’t messed things up, and that the whole reason she wanted to talk to me was to tell me to go to hell.