A Tattered Love

by Nickie Seidler

  “We’d love to be a part of her life. We didn’t get to see her much growing up.”

  “You’re ignoring the only part of the conversation that bothers me the most.” I tucked my lips together and made a popping sound as I breathed out. “I’m serious, Ma, I need you to support my life the way I want to live it.”

  “Dustin, I’ll always be your mother, and I’ll always suggest to you how to do things in life because that’s just how I am. I want you to succeed and do things right.”

  I got situated in my seat as it made me furious that she still thinks she needed to control my life just because it was right in her eyes. I slid my hand over my face and rubbed it letting out a sigh. I didn’t want to come off mean, but I needed to say what was on my mind.

  “Not everything I do may be the right way in your eyes, but in my eyes, it’s the way for me. You need to learn to accept that.” I let it all out, but the look on her face didn’t make her look too happy that I said it.

  She just nodded at me. Then the room fell silent. We sat there speechless in front of one another until Mom finally broke the silence.

  “I’m just glad that you came to your senses. I’m elated that someone decided to listen to my advice. Now things are better for you, with Riley gone?”

  I looked at her with a blank stare. What had she just said? How did she know Riley was gone? I hadn’t said anything about Riley.

  “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” I looked at her anger seeping through my pores. I was starting to get sweaty as thoughts started to drown my brain of answers to my questions for the past five months.

  “What? I said I’m glad you came to your senses, son.” She dabbed her hanker chief under her eyes and blotted away a small tear. A tear of what? Sympathy? Regret?

  “You also said you were happy someone decided to listen to your advice. Well, I can tell you I didn’t listen to your advice. I can also tell you I didn’t say anything about Riley leaving. So tell me, what the fuck did you do, Mom?” Disappointed in myself that I just dropped an "f" bomb on my mother, but I was still fuming.

  “Don’t raise your voice at me.” She pointed, getting angrier.

  I stood up and walked over to her sitting on the couch. “What did you tell Riley? I know she must have listened to your advice since nobody else has. Spit it out, now.” I gritted the words through my teeth.

  She looked over at the window avoiding eye contact with me then, occasionally, she would look at me for only seconds before she looked away.

  “I told her to leave town,” is all she could get out.

  My eyes grew wide, and I felt sucker punched in the stomach. Had I just heard her right? I felt like my whole body was on the verge of an anger breakdown. Riley left because of my mother! This couldn’t be happening. I just got over the fact that Riley left for her own reasons. Not because of me, and now it flipped a switch where it was because of my family! If my mom thought we were about to get along, then she had every inch on her body twisted. I couldn’t believe she had done this to me. I had to find Riley. Oh god, what had I done? I should have known. I should have fucking known! For all I knew, Riley was in bum fuck Egypt by now, and I had to find her.

  I stormed out of my mother’s house without saying a damn word to her. I felt it would be better if I just shut my mouth rather than open a can of worms that more than likely she wouldn’t care what I said, anyway. I got in my car and sped off toward Evan’s. I immediately called Abby.

  “Hello?”

  “Abby! Riley didn’t leave because she wanted to! We have to find her now!” I shouted into the phone, not angry this time, but more excited about trying to figure out where Riley was. Now that the custody battle was over, I could leave town. I had two weeks until Molly was back. I had to find her.

  “Slow down, Dustin, what are you talking about? I thought we decided to let it go.”

  “My mother told Riley to leave town. I don’t know why, but I knew I wouldn’t get it out of my mother. It’s been my damn fault all along. I need to find her, Abby. I need to talk to her. Please help me find her!”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me! Oh, my gosh, Dustin. I’m on it! Come by the house. I’m at work, but Evan is home.”

  “I’m on my way!”

  I headed over to Evan’s apartment, and we searched the internet crazy style trying to figure out where Riley could be. We tried calling her phone some more, but it went straight to voicemail. I was starting to think she didn’t even use that phone anymore. We searched everywhere. I searched her name on the white pages, yellow pages, Google, Bing, everywhere. Nothing came up. I was distraught, and I didn’t know what to do. I had racked my brain so hard that I was actually getting a pounding headache.

  Evan patted my back, “We’ll find her, bro, and just relax.”

  I looked at him, and for once in my life, I really believed we would find her. It just had to happen, and with the help of Evan and Abby, I knew we would find her.

  Abby called Evan, and they talked for literally a minute before they hung up.

  “What was that about?” I was curious.

  “Abby said she got some info, and she’ll be home soon, and to keep you here.” He laughed. “It’s like we’ve all of a sudden became investigators!”

  “If Abby can get me to Riley, I would do anything for you guys, seriously!”

  Abby stormed through the door with the biggest and brightest smile on her face.

  “You will never guess, but the biggest coincidence in this world happened today!”

  I patted the couch next to me, and Abby came over and sat in between Evan and me.

  “Spit it out!” I gave her all my attention.

  “So there was this guy who came in to the restaurant, and said he was looking for a Riley Miller. I said, ‘oh, I’m sorry, she doesn’t work here anymore.’ He turned to me and then told me, ‘oh, well, maybe she’s still back home in Delaware!’ I freaked a lid on this guy, whoever the hell he was! I tried to dig for info, but the only thing he could tell me is he met her when she lost her mom back in Delaware! Oh and guess what? He said the name of the town, too!” Abby got up and started dancing around the living room so excited to have come across the information.

  “Oh, my gosh, Abby. That's awesome news! Who was this guy? I mean we knew Delaware was a possibility, but her name never surfaced. Maybe now that we have a town, I can find her.” I asked her a bit hesitant.

  “I know its freaking amazeballs! I don’t know. I think his name was Austin or something or another. Who cares! We know where Riley is! Let’s freaking book a ticket now I already took time off work!” She jumped up and down clapping her hands together. I didn’t know who was more excited, her or me?

  “I’m down. Let's book them right now!” Evan shouted.

  “You guys really are willing to go with me out there and find her?” I asked shocked.

  “She was our friend too, Dustin. We have to see if she’s at least ok.” Abby reached up and hugged me tight.

  I almost wanted to cry I was so happy we had actually found her. Plus it was all on a whim! It’s so hard to think that if Abby hadn’t worked today and that dude didn’t randomly come in asking for Riley, we may have never found out.

  Evan and Abby rushed over to the computer and pulled up an airline website. They found cheap tickets for tomorrow and booked them all right away. I couldn’t rationalize all this happening, but I know it was something I wanted. I wanted to see Riley. I couldn’t wait to see her, and I can only pray to God that she accepts me back in her life. I wanted to find out why she had left. I needed to know what happened.

  The morning came bright and early, and I was so excited but so nervous that I was shaking. Hopefully, we would be successful, and find Riley since our flight was leaving in about an hour. We were literally biting our nails thinking of how the outcome of this trip was going to be.

  The plane was cold, and we all sat together in silence. It was just mind numbing knowing that once we were in Delawa
re, it would be just a matter of time before we found her. We didn’t have an exact location, but we were pretty confident in finding it once we were there. Abby had been bouncing in her seat left and right, and pulling her hair out, nervous, as well. Evan had just been quiet and keeping to himself. We just didn’t know how to act. We wanted it to go over well, but we had a feeling it might not be that easy.

  ** CHAPTER 20 **

  Riley

  I’m miserable. My back was hurting like crazy, and my feet were so swollen it was hard to imagine two more months of this. I felt like I was progressing so much that this baby would pop tomorrow! Hell, I looked like this baby would pop tomorrow, at least to me! Seth and Jermaine went away for the weekend on a nice trip to just be by themselves. I totally understood because Seth had been religiously helping me with everything that I needed done. We finally had finished the nursery, and everything was set except for the furniture. I was still deciding which set I wanted to purchase. Galena moved into an apartment in town, and I was so happy that she was here. She has been such a big help, and she was actually meeting up with me today in town to look for furniture for the baby’s room. I just wanted to see more options, and there was this cute little boutique right smack dab in the middle of town that I’ve been dying to go into.

  I drove to the coffee shop in town and grabbed myself an unsweetened tea to get the day rolling. I waited on the corner for Galena. It has been hard for me to adjust calling her Lena though. I sat on the bench and watched as cars drove by, and it was a surreal feeling. It just made me look above the clouds and blissfully think about what was to come in the next chapter of my life. Two months would fly by in no time! It was crazy to even think about. I still thought about Dustin, wondering what kind of father he would be to our baby? How things were going with his custody for Molly? Just as the local public bus drove through town, I noticed a girl standing there with a map in her hand. I had to take a double take because it really looked like Abby. No, it couldn’t be her. What in the world would she be doing in Delaware? I sat there a little while longer and sipped my tea. I kept looking at her, and it just boggled my mind. She finally turned and faced me, and my face turned as white as a ghost. It had to be whiter than the sidewalk. In fact, I was very happy. I waved my hand in the air, and then put it down feeling stupid. I stood up and walked across the street. I needed to be closer. Then I looked down at my belly. Shit, she couldn’t know! Abby couldn’t know! I was just about to turn around and walk away when I heard my name.

  “Riley! Riley! Stop! Don’t go!” Abby cried.

  Shit, she had seen me.

  I turned around and my head hung low. I was ashamed. As much as I wanted to hug her, and tell her how much I missed her, I was terrified for my baby’s sake. Why was she out here? It had to be because of me. It couldn’t be a vacation! Nobody takes a vacation to Delaware! She had to be mad at me. This wasn’t going to be a good meeting. She was probably going to scream at me, as a matter of fact.

  “Oh my gosh, Riley, you’re pregnant!” She sighed and grabbed me in her arms tightly as she began to cry.

  I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say, so I just hugged her back just as tight.

  “I’m going to tell Dustin right now. He’ll take care of you, Riley! We’ll take care of you, we love you!”

  “No!” I vehemently shouted. I realized I had to make up an excuse now. “It’s not his!” I cried out. This was so embarrassing. I pulled her to the side in an open alleyway. I didn’t want the whole town eavesdropping on our conversation.

  Abby looked at me, and tears fell and stained her face. I had done this to her. I was making her cry. I didn’t realize I had meant that much to her. I felt horrible. She was speechless. I knew she wasn’t stupid.

  “Why don’t you want me to tell Dustin? Why don’t you want to tell Dustin? Why did you leave, Ry?” She cried again barely able to speak. “Why did you leave us? Why didn’t you tell anybody? You hurt us. Gosh, I have so much I want to say to you and ask you. I’m so confused and lost. Please, Ry, we need to talk about this.”

  “I’m sorry, Abby, I am. Look, let me call my sister and cancel, and we’ll sit down and talk, ok?” I looked at her and rubbed her shoulders.

  “I have to tell them I found you. They will wonder where I went.”

  “Them? They’re here? No, you can’t tell them anything. Not yet. Tell them something else. You were carried away shopping. Please don’t tell them about me, not yet, Abby. You have to hear me out.” I was so scared.

  “Fine.” She got out her phone and sent a text message. She showed it to me before she sent it. It read, To Evan: ‘I got carried away with some shopping, and I’ve learned some new information so I’m going to go check some things out. Love you I’ll be back in a few hours.’

  I nodded in approval, and I sent my own text message to Galena canceling our day out. She actually had overslept, and it worked out perfectly. Well, I wasn’t sure who it worked out more for. This conversation was not going to be easy.

  I grabbed her hand. We walked down to my car, and I told her to get in. We drove back to my Granny’s house, and I walked her up to the guesthouse. She was in awe at everything she was seeing. Granny’s house was quite impressive. It was old, but it was a Victorian, and she took great care of it. There was a beautiful archway with green flowers crawling up the edges. I led her in not wanting to introduce anyone just yet, but to show her the place I now called home.

  She walked in, and her mouth just dropped. Cooper welcomed her, and it made her smile. I had made it into my own little elegant place. Nothing like how it was in Cape Cod. I had gone a completely new route in my decorating style. My walls were colorful, and everything was updated. New kitchen with a gorgeous island. Some new furniture to make everything match. The living and dining room was open to one another, and the living room was separate. The hallway led to two bedrooms, one being the baby’s unfurnished room, and the other being the master. It was just perfect for the baby and me. Nothing came out of her mouth as it took her a while to gather it all in.

  “It’s so beautiful here. I still have so many questions.” She panted.

  “Sit, let’s talk. Want something to drink?”

  “I’ll just have some water, thanks.”

  She looked uncomfortable, but I couldn’t blame her. She just kept playing with her hands, and being fidgety. Neither of us ever realized how awkward this moment would be.

  “You look like you’re ready to pop.” She smiled at me.

  “I’ve been out here for almost 6 months now. I’m nearing seven months pregnant.”

  “I miss you, Ry.” She started to cry again.

  “You have to promise me you won’t let Dustin know.”

  “Why, Riley? It doesn’t make sense?” Concerned etched all over her face.

  “His mother made it very clear she didn’t want him to know. If I didn’t leave town she’d make me lose my baby. She wouldn’t let me have it. She threatened me, Abby.”

  “Oh my Gosh, Dustin knew his mom said something. That’s why we came to find you. We just didn’t know details. He wants to talk to you, Riley. You have to give him that. It’s not his fault. He loves you, Riley, we all do. He has a right to know. That’s his baby, too.”

  I looked at Abby and took a deep breath. “For now, you can’t.”

  “Oh, Riley, help me understand.”

  “This is just how it’s supposed to be. It was a stress free environment out here. I didn’t have to worry about his mother down my back. I wasn’t helping Dustin’s custody battle with my lovely restraining order that was put on me. It was just chaos, and when she actually stalked me into the drug store, and followed me into the bathroom and then threatened me, telling me that I had to leave town, I took her seriously. I was gone the next day, Abby. I had to think about my baby. I can tell you, it wasn’t what I wanted.”

  “You broke Dustin’s heart, Ry, you broke all of our hearts. He got a letter, and you just didn’t bother saying an
ything to me. I was a wreck.”

  “I’m sorry, Abby. I didn’t know what I could say. I still don’t. No matter what I said or will say to you, nothing will change the past or the decisions I made. I know it may seem cowardly, but I just felt that it was best this way. I’m so sorry for hurting everyone. I’m shocked you’re here after what I did.”

  “That’s the thing, Ry, we love you. When you love someone, you try to help them. When we found out that Dustin’s mom talked to you, we knew it must have had something to do with why you left. We wanted to make sure you were ok.”

  Tears started pooling in my eyes. I was so sorry for just abruptly leaving, but I knew it had to be done. I liked being back here again. I was taking care of Gram now, too.

  “Come back with me, to the hotel. You owe it to Dustin, Ry.”

  I looked at her with tears falling down my face. I knew she was right. I knew I owed him that much. What would he think? How would he react to this bulging belly? How would he take the fact it’s his? What about Molly? I’m about to turn his world upside down. Abby sat close to me and wrapped her arms around me. We cried. We cried, not because we were sad, but because we were happy to be together again. Then it was sad knowing we’d have to part ways soon, too. We cried because we knew our lives were happy in two different places.

  “Ok. I’ll go.” I agreed.

  “I’m so happy I’m going to be an aunt. You have no idea how much of a shock this is to me. What is it, a boy or girl?” She asked barely able to contain herself from touching my belly. I was pretty used to that by now.

  “It’s a boy.” I hesitated to tell her but knew she’d find anyway soon enough.

  “Have you picked out any names yet? Are you feeling ok?”

  I smiled at her because I missed these conversations with Abby. Here we were, just got back in touch with each other and we couldn’t shut up. We just got one another and loved to talk.

  “I have a few in mind,” I laughed. “I’m not saying though!” I teased her.

  We decided to go over to the hotel. I put on a white sundress that evidently showed off my baby bump, but I loved how I looked in this dress. Even though I felt extremely huge, I knew I had a cute baby bump. I loosened my hair and put some make up on for the first time in months. I hated to admit it, but I was nervous. I was more than nervous, I was scared, but at the same time, I was so happy that I would be seeing Dustin. I missed him so much. Abby calmed me down and gave me a back rub in the car as we headed over. It was a small town, so it definitely didn’t take long to get to the hotel.