by L. B. Dunbar
“Look,” he said, brushing long fingers through his chin-length hair. “I just mean I think you should step back. Even if she asks, maybe tell her no.”
I blinked again before speaking. “Why?”
“Her mom died of breast cancer.” His eyes shot to my head scarf and away. “I’m not implying—”
It was my turn to interrupt, and I raised a hand to stop him. “I’m not sure what you’re implying, but I do have breast cancer.” I sighed. “Did. And anything that has happened with Ivy was never meant to hurt her, or mislead her, or anything else you might think. She’s a sweet girl, and my family has enjoyed her company, but if you don’t want us around her, we don’t need to be.” With that, I stepped away from Gage despite the protest of my name that echoed behind me. I neared the row of chairs, guarded by security but not protected well enough if those girls kept talking to Tommy and the woman Petty pulled into the VIP section last night currently sat on his lounger.
“Where’s your drink, darlin’?” Tommy asked me, as I returned empty-handed, and I almost snapped that it was none of his damn business. Instead, I wondered how he even noticed I walked to the bar and returned without one, as his concentration had been on the suddenly three women next to him. I didn’t directly answer him as I continued walking.
“I passed,” I said, reaching my chair and picking up my bag as I slipped on my flip-flops.
“Mom?” Masie questioned as Tommy said, “Your bathing suit should be green, honey. It’s a color that suits you.” He referenced my jealousy last night, and called it beautiful. I exhaled as I fought to get my cover-up over my head. My scarf slipped within my dress.
“Care,” Gage growled, returning to our cove of seats with a drink for his wife and one for himself.
“Where are you going?” Ivy asked, and I looked up at her husband before answering.
“I have a headache,” I said, a bit too harshly.
“Mom?” Masie questioned, sitting forward on her seat, pressing Emaline upward. The four-year-old blonde sat between Masie’s raised knees. “Are you okay? You haven’t gotten one in a while, right?”
“I’m fine,” I snapped, trying to control my voice.
“Do you need something?” Ivy asked, concern growing in her voice as well. “I can run to our room and get you something.”
“Babe,” Gage growled low, and I looked at him again. The pressure of Tommy’s eyes weighed on me, his direction insinuating he watched Gage and me, but I refused to glance up at him.
“I’ll come with you,” Masie said, scooting Emaline forward. My heart raced with all the attention, and I just wanted to get away from all of them.
“No,” I snapped, and the world stilled. Emaline peered up at me. Masie stopped moving. Ivy stared. Gage looked away, and Tommy’s eyes weighed heavier despite the reflective lenses.
“Leave her be,” Caleb said to no one, but implying Masie. Always my protector, guilt riddled inside me.
“Look, old lady,” I laughed, waving up and down my body like a fashion model. “Hot flash or something.”
“You’re too young for that,” Tommy growled from his end of the chairs and I wanted to say, who asked you to speak. Go back to talking with your little girlfriends, I thought but my mouth remained clamped shut in response to him.
“Maybe it’s just the heat,” I said to Masie, avoiding eye contact with Ivy. “Or I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m okay. I just need a nap. That’s what vacations are for.” I was rambling. “I’m just going to lie down for a while. I’ll be fine.” I lowered my tone as I spoke, trying to lessen the attention on me and assure my daughter at the same time. “Dinner for three at six, okay?” I reminded her with a smile.
“Oh, Ivy asked us to join her and the guys for dinner at—”
“No,” I bit. “No, thank you, honey,” I said, redirecting my gaze to Ivy, but quickly looking away. “Family dinner for three tonight,” I repeated to Masie and then looked over at Caleb. He shrugged and sipped a drink.
“I’ll see you later, baby,” I said to him before glancing back at Masie, and she nodded to agree.
+ + +
The condo door slammed and I was pissed at myself for running away again. Rather, being chased away. I had done nothing wrong. I had not led Ivy on in any way, whatever that would even look like. And who was Gage to speak to me as he had? I didn’t care if he was the greatest rock star that ever lived; I hadn’t done a thing to his wife. In fact, I was suddenly feeling like his wife was the one sucking my family in, lulling us to act in ways I would normally never condone, and taking up the time I wanted to spend with my own children.
I sighed, swiping at my hair, realizing I lost another scarf. It must have slipped into my dress when I struggled to tug on my cover-up while I spoke to Masie.
“Why am I here?” I said to the empty condo living room. It was a beautiful day. It was Hawaii. And I did not have a headache. I didn’t want to pretend, and I didn’t want to hide, but I wasn’t one to make a scene, so there was no way I would return to the pool. Remembering there was a long hallway leading to stairs on the side of the building, I decided I could exit the area and head unseen to the beach.
The resort was originally a hotel, housing hundreds of rooms. Over time, an additional two buildings were added, providing condos for rent. Ivy already told me they had the penthouse suite on the top floor of the original hotel, and I knew the rest of the band was a floor below. I couldn’t understand why Tommy would be on the fourth floor, other than a need for some separation, which was exactly how I felt.
I crossed the blacktop walk and cut through the scraggly bushes to get to the beach. A large set of boulders stood in my path and I climbed over them because the tide brought the ocean too close for a path. On the other side, I found a clear strip of white and walked a bit before spreading out a double-wide beach blanket. Flopping onto the mini-haven, I fell back, deciding I didn’t have the concentration to read. I drifted into a hazy, afternoon nap, heated by sunshine but cooled by a swift ocean breeze. Time peacefully passed.
“Where the fuck have you been?” The harsh words startled me, and my eyes opened to be blinded by the brightness of the sun. I had no idea how much time had passed, but by the position of the sun, I guessed it was late afternoon, nearing evening. I sat up instantly at the strong reprimand and twisted to look up at the person casting a shadow over me.
Squatting to rest on his toes, his knees cracked. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you, darlin’.” He sighed, swiping a hand over his silver and black hair, which curled at the nape of his neck in the heat. His eyes were still hidden by the aviator glasses and he wore only crazy tropical board shorts. He looked like an older surfer and the athletic build of his body proved he might be able to handle the sport.
“Excuse me,” I bit, my voice groggy from sleep but also offended at the tone of his. He looked out at the ocean as I wrapped my arms around my raised knees.
“Masie is going crazy, so is Ivy.”
I snorted, looking out at the sea myself. Reckless waves rolled and crashed into each other. I hadn’t braved the ocean yet. Deep water frightened me.
“What time is it?” I asked, ignoring his comments about Masie and Ivy. I twisted to reach for my bag and pulled out my phone. It was almost 4:30 p.m.. Shit. I had been gone a while. I sent Masie a quick text telling her I was at the beach, and I was fine.
“Where’d you go, darlin’?” Tommy asked, helping himself to a seat in the sand. His position copied mine briefly before his legs stretched forward and his arms fell back to brace himself upright.
“I came to the beach,” stating the obvious. He waited but I didn’t offer more.
“About ten minutes after you left, Masie went to check on you. She came back frantic that you weren’t in the room. Ivy got involved, wondering what to do. When Gage told her to chill out, you maybe wanted some alone time, she freaked out.” Tommy paused and peeked over at me. I’d been listening to him, but I refused to mee
t his eyes, keeping mine lowered to my toes digging in the sand. “I saw Gage talking to you at the bar.” He paused again, waiting. “Noticed the tension, too, when you both returned from it.”
I bit my lip. What could I say?
“Ivy asked Gage what he said to you. When he gets nervous, he swipes through his hair. She instantly knew something was up. She wouldn’t let it go until he told her that he asked you to back off. She went ballistic.”
I huffed. I didn’t see how any of this had anything to do with me. Shifting, Tommy fell to his side in the sand. One elbow perched him upright while his legs remained stretched forward and crossed at the ankles. He looked like a bathing suit model for older men. His fingers dug tunnels into the sand. He seemed to contemplate something as he watched his excavation, then looked out at the ocean before returning to furrow in the sand.
“Ivy’s been around music her whole life. God knows it’s a miracle she’s turned out as normal as she is. A bit innocent still, but not naïve.” For some reason, my heart beat faster in my chest, as if I had been the one searching for a missing person. “Her father, Bruce, was a bassist in a band. He was a drug addict, and after getting her mother pregnant, he killed himself. Overdose.”
That racing heart plummeted to my stomach, and I swallowed the instant lump in my throat.
“She mentioned you were her mother’s older brother,” I said softly, wishing for him to continue.
“I am.” He scooped up sand and let it sift through his fingers. “When her father died, the band needed a new bassist, so they asked me to join.” I sat up straighter, remembering that I sensed he played an instrument during our breakfast conversation.
“My sister was the lead singer of the band.” I didn’t understand where this history was going, so I remained quiet. “I’d been in a band myself. One that had all kinds of trouble and was falling to pieces before we got started. We merged with my sister’s guys and became Chrome Teardrops.”
My mouth fell open.
“It was a time when female lead rock bands were on the rise and rapidly hitting the charts.”
Was he kidding me? Chrome Teardrops was one of the best bands of my twenties, and the female lead singer was gorgeous. Every girl wanted to be her, dress like her. I wanted to be her.
“Kit Carrigan is your sister?” I gazed down at him.
“So, you do know a bit of music history,” he scoffed, the laughter not filling his throat like I knew it could.
“Just that I idolized her. Her voice was amazing. I copied all her song lyrics in a notebook. ‘Broken Wings’ is one of my favorite songs ever.” I sounded like a teenage groupie, which was exactly how I felt about finding out one of my idols was his sister. Then another thought came to me.
“Didn’t she die?” Before I gave it a sympathetic pass in my brain, the words tumbled out of my mouth. “Oh my God,” I muttered, my hand covering said mouth in shame.
“She did,” he replied, looking out at the water and throwing a handful of sand away from him. “Breast cancer. Eight years ago.” I felt sick. The pieces were slowly coming into place. Kit Carrigan had one of those public deaths where she became a strong advocate of mammograms and self-examination. She died too young and still in the prime of her career.
“Ivy was only twenty. She needed Kit. They were two peas in a pod, but Ivy was in college. Kit was adamant that Ivy would be something other than a rock stars’ child. When she got sick, Ivy was lost. She became a parent when she was still a child, in more ways than one. I became her guardian, but she didn’t need me. She’s strong-willed. Thankfully, she finished college, but never used her degree.” He sighed, returning to rake the sand with his fingers.
“I know what Gage said to you. He admitted it to Ivy in their rather publicly displayed argument.” He shook his head, obviously upset with whatever had happened. “The tabloids will have a field day.” He sighed. “I actually disagree with Gage. I think you being around Ivy is good for her, but I don’t want her having any false hopes either. I think Ivy’s smart enough to know no one can replace her mother. However, it never hurts to have female role models.” He took a deep breath after those words. “She’s surrounded by a lot of men and poor examples of women, always throwing themselves at the band for cheap thrills. Ivy knows some women will use her to get to the band. She’s smart enough to not play along with those shenanigans.”
Silence swirled between us for a moment as my mind processed all that I’d learned. Kit was Ivy’s mother. Ivy didn’t have a father. Kit Carrigan was Tommy Carrigan’s sister. Tommy had been in a band.
“Is this what you think happened? That I was talking to Ivy to get to the boys or you?” My voice rose, and I shifted to face him. “I didn’t even know who the boys were. I still don’t even know who you are,” I added incredulously.
“I’m just me,” he said, sounding somewhat defeated as he didn’t meet my glare. “Just Tommy.” His eyes remained on the sea, and I sighed.
“Yeah, well, who is Tommy?” I asked, because I was learning he was hiding things from me. He didn’t answer me, and I shifted back to face the ocean, my ankles crossed and my arms braced me upright. My heart hammered in both anger and empathy. His story was sad, but his accusations unwarranted.
“With everything I just told you, I should have made you sign a NDA—nondisclosure agreement.”
I gasped. “What?”
“You wouldn’t believe how much that story would sell for.”
“Are you kidding me? That’s despicable.” I hissed, wanting to collect my things and run away from him once again. Instead, I scooped up a handful of sand and threw it weakly away from me in my disgust at another accusation and the thought of such behavior—money at the expense of someone’s personal history.
“Wait. You don’t think—” A raised hand stopped me but my voice was filled with disbelief.
“You may not know me, but I’m getting a sense of you,” his gruff voice responded. “I don’t take you for someone who would do that.” He paused. “I don’t want to believe you would do such a thing.”
“You don’t want to believe?” I choked, irritation fully filling my throat.
“It’s only been forty-eight hours,” he reminded me, and I paused a moment, swiping at my hair.
“Fair enough,” I sighed. “I’ll sign something if it would make you feel better, because I would never share that story with others.” My shoulders fell, matching the heavy pit tumbling to my stomach. I still felt physically ill at the thought.
The weight of his stare forced me to face him. “The fact you just offered to sign something is good enough for me, darlin’.”
“Why?” I blurted, although warmth filled me with the return of his drawled endearment.
“There’s something about you that I trust.”
We let that statement sit between us a moment.
“Want to sit on my towel?” I offered, noting the deep tan of his body and the sand sticking to his arm and leg pressed into the white grains. He smiled slowly at me, eyes roaming over my body.
“My view’s good from here.”
I blushed as I looked back at the rolling waves. In the distance, white foam shot above the surface—the tell-tale sign a whale swam beneath the water. Suddenly, it breached, exploding above the ocean to expose half its glorious body before slamming back against the water line.
“Did you see that?” I squealed, clapping my hands and bringing them against my chest in my excitement. I turned to look at him, but his eyes were still on me. “That was amazing.” My voice rose like a kid on a Ferris wheel. Tommy shifted and scooted closer to me, resting his body on my towel after all. I looked at him over my shoulder. Lips to my sun-kissed shoulder were the only warning I received before his mouth found mine. Truthfully, his mouth seized mine, rolling over my lips like the reckless waves of the ocean. His tongue plunged forward, crossing the surface, as if catching a large breath, like the whale. His arm straightened to hold himself upright while his other han
d cupped the side of my face, keeping me connected to him. He kissed me like the devil had a purpose and it included devouring me.
Whale breaching was possibly a mating message, but the messages I kept getting from Tommy confused me. One thing was evident: I’d mate with him again if he asked. The morning still lingered in my mind, and damp heat pooled between my thighs as his mouth continued to take mine. Tommy kissed like a master, like he practiced frequently. His crafty kissing brought my thoughts to the girls at the pool. Sensing something, he pulled back slowly, dragging my lower lip within his before releasing me. His eyes glowed a rich chocolate brown color, dappled with flecks of green and gold.
“Now that was amazing,” he said, and heat rushed over my skin, which had nothing to do with the sunlight beaming down on us. “Know what else?”
“What?” I asked, setting myself up as his lip twitched and curled at one corner.
“This morning. That was amazing.”
5
Party of three
Having dinner with adult children isn’t much different than younger children. They still wanted to be on their phones most of the meal, until I told them I’d confiscate them like when they were teenagers. Caleb chuckled, and Masie sent one final text before placing it in her purse.
Spending time with my children was still one of the greatest joys of my life. I stared at these two miracles across from me. They had grown so fast. When did Masie turn into a beautiful woman on the verge of going to college? When did this young man take over Caleb’s body, turning him into a budding minor league baseball player? I sipped my wine, marveling at the strangeness of life. I never imagined spending the next phase of my life alone, but that’s exactly where I was going to be when Masie went to school.
Letting the thought pass, we ordered. Duke’s Restaurant was a highlight along the boardwalk between resorts, and I couldn’t wait to dig into fresh-caught seafood. It was good to be with my kids. We had a pretty open relationship, maybe too open about a few things, but I did my best to be supportive and honest with my opinion. I worried about Caleb and his decision to play ball. I worried about Masie and her choice to become a nurse. She’d grown up too fast over the last two years.
