by CJ Lyons
I smiled, not really sure of what to say.
“And then Mum and I would braid yours and Dad’s hair, and put bits of holly and stuff in it. Then we’d take pictures and eat cake…” she sighed. “It was always really fun.”
After a moment of semi-awkward silence, I spoke up, “So… did you want to do something like that this year?”
I think the best thing to do right now is make her as happy as I can. Only 69 days left, right? If she wants a pub party, with all her crazy friends, and music, and food, then that’s what we’ll do.
“Yeah! That would be fun! I’ll have to dig up some proper party stuff! It’s been a while since we had a big party, huh?”
“I can’t even remember having a party here.”
“Well, that settles it then! We’ll have a huge fun Christmas Eve party! On Christmas Day it’ll just be the three of us, and we’ll have a quiet day. Like a recovery day.” She laughed again as we pulled into the drive. “Not that you guys’ll need it I guess.”
Made a small batch of rigatoni and a cabbage salad. A lot of people say that cabbage salad is coleslaw, I guess. But there’s seriously a difference between cabbage salad and coleslaw. Coleslaw has teeny pieces, and cabbage salad doesn’t. There’s a distinction.
Not sure why that was important enough to write down.
Guess insignificant details are what make up our lives.
68 Days, 21 December, Sunday
Today was a really fun day too. Noah and I spent a lot of the day in the kitchen, and made all sorts of desserts and things. I found my recipe for shortbread, which is always something we’d have at Christmas time, and always had the little maraschino cherries on it.
We made sugar cookies too, and ended up eating rather a lot of the dough instead of cooking them first.
Love cooking when we have a lot of good food, it’s always more fun. Keeps your options open more than just week old celery and carrots ever could.
For the most part, though, Noah stayed seated at the table, and helped only from there. I’m not inclined to ask him to do much more than that, he is still in recovery. He takes everything very slowly, and is much more deliberate about all his movements than he was before. I mean, he always moved carefully, but now it seems like his every move is planned out exactly in his mind.
Kind of admire that, because I’m kind of a spaz.
Guess we balance each other out, like May mentioned before. Opposites attract after all.
Always wondered why we got on so well and apparently it’s because we complement each other. That makes sense. Yeah.
It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep after we settled down after supper. We were listening to Terra’s Christmas CD’s, and he leaned on my shoulder. First thought that he was just initiating a cuddle, so I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. He sighed out a soft breath, his face slack and peaceful.
“Oh, Aerian, if he’s falling asleep, you really should take him to his bed. I don’t recommend the couch, it’s hard on his back.”
Nodded, gently awakening him by stroking his cheek with the back of my hand and saying his name softly. “Noah… wake up.”
Noah’s eye opened, but the bright blue was obscured by his lashes, just from the angle I was on.
“I’m going to take you to your bed, okay?”
He murmured a noise of assent, and we stumbled off, awkwardly manoeuvring down the hallway as he was falling asleep while walking.
Got him settled in nice and snug, layering him with multiple quilts. The peaceful silence had returned.
Stayed beside him longer than I had intended, just enjoying the sound of his breathing, without the tether of those machines. Never appreciated it as much as now, the absence of extra noise. At least five minutes of peace passed, and then I kissed him goodnight.
The impulse to crawl into the bed beside him was almost overwhelming. It felt weird to go upstairs to my own room.
It was lonely.
67 Days, 22 December, Monday
Noah and I have now worked out what we call ‘Guildenstern’s Law of Sibling Distribution’.
It was a weird discussion, (as many we have are), and had to do with my general proficiency in household chores, and Terra’s general lack thereof.
Noah elected that between all siblings, there are an allotted number of skill points, and they are distributed throughout siblings to create individual skill sets.
That is to say, that if I am skilled at cooking, Terra is likely to be less skilled, as there are only the two of us, and so more skill points were given to me, and less to her.
I offered gave another example of three siblings, all proficient in art, but in varying degrees. Where the one sibling was more skilled in art, they lacked other qualities the other two possessed. Such as social skills, and etcetera.
It was sort of fun, and you really had to think about how to word things before saying them.
There was a lot of repetition of the word skill though. Doesn’t even look like a word anymore. Skill skill skill.
Kills.
….
Hm.
Maybe that applies here too. I can hope.
If I’m going to die at a young age, maybe that means Terra will live a good long life.
There has to be a balance, right?
Balance is in everything.
Here's an idea.
The glass is neither half-full or half-empty, because you can't have one without the other. Enjoy the fact that, for once, you get both.
Have your cake, and eat it too, my friends, and revel in the truth of balance.
Happiness for misery.
I can take this to mean that after all of this sadness and pain, he’s going to be immeasurably happy. That’s his equal reward isn’t it?
We went shopping today as well.
It was sort of funny, we went to the little dollar store, and bought each other gifts, little tacky things, but we all realised it was the thought that counted. I don’t mind getting a spatula if it’s given with love.
Actually, we found a cane for Noah today too. Apparently, it belonged to Granpa, and Terra dug it out of the closet, and presented it to him. (He’s using the cane so he doesn’t have to walk so heavily on his ankle.) The cane has a snake carved into it, wrapping around the length of it, and there’s an etching in the handle. There’s a crown and a cross, which I take to mean is some sort of religious thing, and the handle is a pair of carved wings. It’s really odd, and Terra said she kept it as a souvenir of Granpa’s oddity. It was one of the few things she actually brought with her from Ireland.
Noah looked on it with reverence, admiring the obviously impressive craftsmanship.
That got Terra interested in all of her other stuff from back home, and she went and got Gran’s jewellery box. There was a lot of really cool stuff in there, even some of Mum’s jewellery. As she held up all the different articles, and told us stories regarding each of them, one in particular caught my eye.
It was a small yellow heart on a silver chain. Instantly, I reached for the blue one around my neck, feeling the smooth surface underneath my t-shirt. Wanted that yellow heart. Wanted to give it to him, so that we would match.
After we’d all gone to bed, I went to Terra’s room, and knocked on the door. Usually don’t enter her room at all, so the knocking seemed important.
“Yeah? Come on in!”
Opened the door; she was reading in bed. “Oh, Aerian, love. What’s the matter?”
“Er… I was wondering if I could ask you something.”
“Sure thing.” She put her book down and motioned for me to come sit on the bed.
I complied, sitting down at her feet. “You know that one necklace in Gran’s stuff? The little yellow heart?”
“It was actually one of Mum’s things, but yeah…?”
“Can I have it?”
She looked at me curiously, “Why do you want it?”
“Well…” Tugged the blue heart out of my shirt, holding
up the chain for her to look at, “Noah gave me this one, so I want to return the favour.”
Terra’s eyes widened as she looked at the necklace, “Why, it’s damn near the same necklace! It’s even got the same fastener!”
She shuffled out of bed, hurrying over to her dresser, rummaging through the jewellery box for a few seconds before extracting the heart. “Here.” She placed it in my hand, holding it between hers and mine. “It’s fate or something.”
I chuckled, “I guess so. Thank you.”
“Ahh, you’re such a sweetheart. I’m a lucky sister.”
Then we gave each other a hug goodnight, and I went to bed.
Stored the necklace in a little red box that sewing needles came in. It’s in my top drawer, between my socks and underwear.
66 Days, 23 December, Tuesday
Wrapped Noah’s tiny heart up today. Found a small gift box in the huge gift basket I won at the Christmas party, and placed the heart in it with a sort of solemn ceremony.
We also listened to Noah play the piano today. I’m surprised we haven’t done this for a while. Terra presented him with a book of Christmas themed sheet music, and he proceeded to play each song in order.
The way he played the Carol of the Bells made a shiver rise all over my body. For a Christmas song, it sure is eerie. Eeesh.
It was mesmerizing watching his face and hands, the subtle movements in both as he struck out the powerful melody through the keys. Each touch was beautiful, and terrifying. He made the tune haunting and melancholy, adding flourishes where necessary to add more resonance.
As the tune picked up towards the end, he moved with the crescendo, his rhythmic swaying increasing. It was so easy to get caught up in his musical storm. It felt like lightning was bursting from his fingertips with each keystroke, following the thunder of the preceding notes. The high notes accompanied the low rumble like rain drops, spattering the song with cheerful splashes.
It was something beautiful.
Also had to start preparing for Terra’s Epic Party of Love and Music, as she called it. Made approximately ten million perogies. Tomorrow, I’m cooking the huge ham I bought the other day, with pineapple and cloves. It’s an old trusty recipe.
Then I moved on to the dessert and snack type food, which Noah came and helped me with. (He was napping while I made the perogies and such.) Together, we made an apple crisp, a batch of chocolate muffins, and several types of teeny sandwiches.
Dunno what else to make. Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll make up some cocoa and maybe some juice or something. Depends on who shows up, and what they bring to drink.
Did wonder about Noah’s sister today. Wonder what she’s doing for Christmas. Can’t imagine May would be doing anything with her father. But then again, maybe she does. Noah did mention that he is the only one his father really despises. Maybe May has a wonderful relationship with her father. Somehow, I doubt it though.
Maybe she stays with a friend.
I’ll ask Noah tomorrow.
65 Days, 24 December, Wednesday
Christmas Eve
Today was such a hectic day.
I’m really looking forward to the serene calm that tomorrow promises.
Today started off kind of slow, which was nice, because it gave me time to get all of the supper preparations completely taken care of.
As we were preparing stuff for the presentation of the snacks, I took the time I knew we wouldn’t have later to ask Noah about what May did on Christmas.
“Oh, she often goes elsewhere. I believe she goes to the local shelter to spend time with the families there.”
I swallowed, “Er… she just takes off on her own?”
“Yes, she has done this for three years now.”
“When she was four, she’d just go by herself, out in the snow, to some shelter somewhere?”
“Of course not. I went with her every time, save for last year, which I don’t really remember.” He stirred up the pudding mixture with extra gusto, “She is capable by herself, it is obvious now that she no longer needs my company.”
“Well she might not need supervision, but I wouldn’t say she doesn’t want your company.” I reached to the top cupboard to get the little dessert cups, and he gasped. Realised I was on the ladder, and reaching up, just like… hopped off the ladder, placing the cups on the counter and touching his shoulder, “It’s cool. I’m okay.”
“It just took me by surprise. Excuse me.”
“Sorry.” I cleared my throat, “So… is there any chance of having May come over here then?”
“You want to invite her as well?”
“Well yeah, it’s a family thing after all.” I smiled, and he looked at me curiously.
“Family means something other than blood relations to you, doesn’t it?”
“Hmm… yeah. The people who love you, and support you, and are always there for you are your family. Blood doesn’t really have much to do with it. I think love and experiences together trump blood any day. Biology doesn’t make a family.”
“That is an interesting philosophy.” Noah nodded, “Yes, people make their own families. Blood ties are merely a starting position. If one chooses to neglect these blood links, and be happy with another family who cares for and loves them, then it is their prerogative.”
“Yeah! Exactly!”
“I am unsure of how we would contact my sister, though.”
“Hm, could we call your house?”
“I would not advise it, but that seems to be the most express method of contacting her.”
“Y’know… I’ve got an idea.”
“What?”
“She’s psychic, right?”
Noah gave me a bemused look. “Uh… I suppose.”
“Well maybe she already knows we want her to come over, and any minute now, she’ll knock on the door.”
We waited, as if we would hear the knock seconds after I said that.
She didn’t, but someone else did about an hour later. It was Sean and Murray, bringing a case of some kind of lager, and a huge bottle of wine. They both had their trademark instruments with them, Sean with his flute, and Murray with the guitar.
Terra came thundering down the stairs, wearing the sundress I made her, except this time she had a big red flower in her hair. She hugged both Sean and Murray, and led them into the living room, where Noah and I were just setting up the TV trays with various snacks.
Upon looking at Noah, they both smiled, and heartily shook his hand. Sean said something like “Good to see you’re doing well,” to which Noah nodded and blushed a bit.
As more and more of Terra’s friends arrived, I became a sort of doorman/gift receiver, and Noah was working as coat check.
We made a good team, and we now have a huge pile of coats, mittens, scarves, and liquor. It seems to be the customary gift for all of these people.
However, Terra’s older friends, the ones who run the pub, came in with a fruitcake.
Now, I’ve never understood the point of fruitcake. Terra loves it, and usually is the one to eat it all. I prefer the braided bread, with icing sugar and cherries on it. It’s my favourite Christmas treats.
Anyway.
As soon as Terra assured me that no one else was coming, Noah and I joined the happy hullabaloo in the living room. Terra kicked her friend Allen to the floor to give Noah her chair, where he sat down with numerous apologies to Allen.
Allen assured him it was completely okay, and that the bloke with the busted ankle earns the throne.
We all chatted and ate snacks, and I had to learn to take compliments gracefully as everyone loved my cooking.
They lit up a bunch of candles and put them in the window, and then dug into the raisin bread. It was just like how it was before. The nostalgia was refreshing.
Then someone, I think it was Halley, dug out Murray’s guitar and gave it a strong strum. That prompted everyone to grab the nearest instrument and start up a tune.
Terra played the pian
o, and I just clapped my hands, having just enough musical ability to keep rhythm. (I’ve officially given up on piano, by the by.)
We all sang a few Christmas tunes, and laughed at parts when everyone forgot the words, like in Good King Wenceslas. Which sort of became “Go King Wensday”. I don’t even know why we tried to sing that one.
Noah laughed a lot. Every time I heard him laugh, it sent a jolt of happiness all through me. My heart must have been buzzing with the feeling, thrumming out a cheerful beat to the musical sound of his laughter.
After we ran out of songs, Terra got up, and took Noah’s hand, leading him to the piano.
“Everyone!” she cleared her throat, “Listen to this! He plays the most haunting Carol of the Bells ever! You’ll love it!”
She tapped him on the shoulder, and he began. Everyone went silent, listening to the resounding power of each of the notes he hit.
Felt a strong surge of pride in my chest, that he, the one everyone was looking at, was my friend. It was a good feeling.
Part way through the song, everyone began humming and singing along with his music, adding more depth to it. It was almost overwhelmingly beautiful.
Then it occurred to me. He’s probably never been part of a big group like this before. Wondered what he must be feeling, was it happiness or embarrassment? Or both?
After the song finished, everyone clapped, and he took a sort of half-bow from his place at the piano bench. Hurried beside him, eager to get an accurate read on his emotions. I took his hand as I sat down, immediately getting a rush of euphoria and excitement at the contact.
“That was wonderful.” He sighed, as another song started up. Think they were making it up as they went along, something about mistletoe.
“You had fun?”
“Yes, it was a brilliant experience. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.” He squeezed my hand, “I’m having a really great time.”
“I’m glad.” I grinned, patting his knee a couple times.
