by Yuriko Hime
Blaze and I went our separate ways after returning to the house, with the agreement that we'd talk more after bathing. The warm shower was relaxing. It stripped me from my incessant thinking momentarily. I was no stranger to letting my hair dry on its own, so I just kept it loose as I made a quick change of clothes.
The books were miraculously dry inside my bag when I checked. Maybe I should give it to Blaze and explain that Uno would need it. Her door was ajar when I got there. Even so, I had the decency to knock. "Hey," I said. "I brought some books you might want to take a look at. Where should I put it?"
The sound of running water from the shower made me realize that she was still bathing and probably couldn't hear me. I'd leave the books on her bed so she'd see it when she comes out. I stepped inside her bedroom. My gaze went to the floor where clothes were scattered. The shirt she used from earlier was first on the trail. Then her jeans, socks, bra, and finally her black lace underwear. My face flushed. Uno and Blaze wore those. My thoughts strayed to a place I've never ventured before. She left me cookie crumbs, and like a kid who didn't know any better, I have followed it.
"She's quite boring, but I've always had a fascination with the type of underwear she uses," Blaze said from somewhere in the room. I gasped and turned. She was standing by the door, wrapped in a white towel. She smirked at me as she pushed the door close with her leg. "I was thirsty while showering, so I went to the kitchen to grab a drink. I didn't know you'd enter my room, much less stare at my panties like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you want whoever owns it." She made her way to me. "What did you do with Uno while I was gone?" she asked in a lower tone than usual.
I told her the truth. "Nothing. She wanted to study all the time." Blaze stepped closer. I could smell the shampoo she used. It was lavender like in the doctor's office, though it didn't remove my building tension. My heart was ready to leap out of my mouth and run for its life at any minute. "Why are you asking?"
She shrugged. "Like Doctor Sanders said, it's my body too. I'd hate it if Uno was to use it for anything other than acting or studying."
"Are you implying something?" I said straight out. "Because if you are, then let me tell you as early as now that you're wrong."
She measured me with a look. I chewed on my bottom lip. I couldn't believe we were having this conversation now. Eventually, she cracked a smile. "Oh poo. You're too serious." Blaze leaned away. "You always fall for my jokes." She glanced at my hands. "Are those books for her? Please place it on the bed."
I could feel her eyes boring through my back as I put the books on the bed like she said. I turned to her when I was done, wrapping my arms self-consciously around me. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Ditto on your previous statement about the clothes," I said to get back at her. I exhaled slowly. If I was going to admit to myself that I liked her, now would be a good time. Blaze and Uno made me feeling things, both in the emotional and physical aspect. But having to accept it meant I needed to understand that it could never be between us. I swallowed the pain of realization and said, "Follow me to the living room when you're done dressing. We need to discuss your career again."
She was wearing a skimpy short and a black fitted t-shirt when she came. I looked away. It was hard enough that I was developing deep feelings for her. Did she have to rub her hotness in front of me? God was it hot in there. "We haven't talked in a while," I said. Blaze settled on a chair not far from me, crossing her legs.
"You missed me?"
I ignored her question. It would just give her the opportunity she wanted to tease me. "While you were gone, Uno helped me get some outfits for you like we've agreed before. It's not designer, but the styles are good enough. You can check it on your dressing room if you want."
"Wow, thank you. I'll do that later," she said appreciatively. "Anything else, Manager? You're getting good at this. You didn't go to a seminar while I was gone did you?" She made it sound like she came from a long vacation.
"I read books that can help me, as well as blog entries and interviews from previous managers. It's best to take advice from people who know well enough about the subject. By the way, do you have an agent that we can contact for work? I have my mom's notebook. It's filled with contact numbers, but I don't know who to trust. I thought it would be better to ask for your opinion first since I'm inexperienced at this."
"Good thinking," she said. "Actually, a friend of Manager Chance used to work with us. She's a Hollywood agent. Before Manager died, the agent invited me to attend a charity concert that would happen a month from now. I won't get paid for it, but it's good exposure. What do you think? I'll give her a call if you say yes."
"I like it." I tapped my chin. "Will Bianca be there?"
Blaze smirked. "Sure as the sun rises."
"Then we need to prepare. Since it's a public event and will most likely be televised or written about, you need to make a good impression. Any objections?"
"Nope, you've got this," she said confidently. "I get the same vibe of professionalism from you as I did with your mother when we started working. And right now I think we're headed to the right path." Blaze uncrossed her legs and stood up. I watched her stroll to my part of the living room and sit uncomfortably close to where I was. "If we're done talking about my career move, I think we should go to the more personal stuff."
Why did she have to smell so good while looking at me like that? I stared at my hands as I asked, "What kind of stuff?"
"Uno," she said. My heart skipped a beat. "Do you like her?" I glanced at Blaze. Could she be any more straightforward than this? Her question was near impossible to answer. Was there anyone in the world who had experienced this, falling for two identities occupying the same body? If so then I'd like them to tell me how they managed to survive blow after blow of unbelievable things thrown their way.
"Tell me that you don't like her," she said. Too late, I thought. But dare I ask why? She didn't give me room to ponder. Blaze followed the statement with an, "Because Uno hates everything about you."
Chapter 16. Deeper
One of my first memories was of mom. It wasn't the day of adoption. I was too young to recall that. Rather, it was her telling me about my adoption. As a young girl, I remembered standing in front of a clothes store, staring at a lovely red dress that was my size. We went in and bought the dress. Then she told me I was adopted.
While I was clutching her hand, afraid to get lost in the sidewalk, I asked her why my parents didn't want me. She said, "Do you know that most people like to focus on the negative instead of the positive? If you think like that, you will always feel bad. Rather than asking why you weren't liked by other people, it would be better to thank those who did." From then on, I never questioned my adoption again
So why did that memory jogged my mind? Maybe because I was dwelling on the negative since Blaze said that Uno hated me. Hearing that broke my heart. Then I felt numb. Then broken again. It was a cycle of why's? How comes? And what should I do? It was disheartening to stare at Blaze when I was seeing Uno too, yet for all my heartbreak, Blaze was the only one who could make me forget. It was screwed up, I know.
"You've been staring at your milk tea for the last, oh I don't know, one to two hours maybe," Carter said. I pried my eyes from the now warm tea. The ice has melted a long time ago, yet I didn't notice.
"Huh?" I said.
Carter was leaning back on his chair, his arms folded on his chest. I vaguely remember him playing with his phone a while ago. How many minutes have passed since that? "I thought we were supposed to hang out today Ri. Guess the tea is better company." He took the drink and stared at it suspiciously. "Maybe this is magical."
I grabbed it from him and placed it on the other side of the table. "No it's not, and I'm sorry if I was occupied."
"Occupied is one way of putting it. You looked like a zombie." He raised his arms, slacked his jaw, and made gurgling noises. "Look at me, I'm Ri
ri. A zombie," he mocked.
"Shut up."
He straightened. "So what's the problem? We haven't seen each other much." He stared thoughtfully into space, seemingly trying to recall something. Carter stomped his foot when he remembered. "Since you came at the shop with Uno. How's everything going? She's not giving you a hard time is she?" His jaw set. His honorary brother mode was kicking in.
"Lower your voice," I scolded. There weren't many people in the their tea shop today since it was still early, but I couldn't take any chances with people trying to associate me with Uno. It would be problematic if they followed me home and discovered where she lived. "It has nothing to do with her." Liar, a small part of me said. "Maybe I'm just stressed because of the upcoming charity concert."
Carter's irritation was gone when he heard that. I've texted him the information days ago. He was excited about it, as if he was the one attending instead of me. "What is Uno going to do for the concert anyway? She's not a singer or a dancer," he said.
You meant Blaze, I corrected in my brain. But of course he didn't know about that. And I'd never tell in a million years. "She'll be signing merchandise like t-shirts and posters," I said. "Then she'll answer fan questions. Maybe play a couple of games that the hosts of the show came up with. It's all about fun, fun, fun."
"Sounds like a bad tagline for a movie," he said. "Where did you get that?"
I sipped my sad-looking tea. It didn't taste that bad. "From Uno's agent. I spoke to her on the phone."
"Interesting," Carter said. "Bitchy?"
"Eh, not really." I frowned. "She sounded like an octomom on the phone. She had things going for her, that's for sure." I was being kind when I told him that. The agent sounded harassed and frazzled. She was trying to speak to me and another person on her extra phone at the same time. Mom was never like that when she was alive. She was calmer somehow, like she was always on top of things. I thought I was like her at first, but recently with the thing about Uno and Blaze, it was proving harder to do.
Carter took my hand across the table. "Get me in the concert," he said seriously.
I moved my hand away. "I'll ask Uno, but you have to promise not to touch any locks."
"Say no more." He nodded reassuringly. "Say no more. Anyway, how are you holding up with the job?"
I sighed. "I've been doing research, both online and in my mom's notes. I've also been watching movies."
"It's decided. I want your job," he said. "Where do I apply?"
"I'm not watching movies for pleasure, dummy. I'm doing it to critique and look for ways to improve Uno. Plus, I've been watching her past films to see what role she's best at." Anything, I thought. After watching her movie the other night in my room, I honestly think that she was born to act. Every angle of her face was beautiful too.
Carter clapped a couple of times before bowing. He was careful not to hit his face on the table. "You're like a real manager now. I'm proud."
"Yeah, but I have a long way to go. I haven't even started yet." I glanced out of the window and counted what I had to do. "One, I need to watch movies after movies. Two, I need to research. Three, I need an internship of some sort, which I'm trying to do by reviewing mom's paper works, contracts, blah blah. And fourth, I have to join the Talent Managers Association."
"That's a thing?"
I nodded and stared at him. "Unbelievably so. Don't get me started on how to handle the talent fee." I raked my hair with my fingers. "Good thing my eighteenth birthday is coming soon, so I can start signing contracts formally in the future."
Carter stood and went to my side. He squeezed my shoulder. "If there's a person I know who can do it, it's you. You're a responsible person."
"Thanks for the pep talk dad." I shrugged his hand away. "We both know that I have to mature fast to keep up with all of this. Show business is a hard business."
"You're sounding like Mrs. Chance," he said.
"I take that as a compliment."
He tugged at my hand. "Enough about that for now. Let's do something fun."
Carter and I ended up walking on the street, peering at shops from outside. I felt at ease beside him, knowing well that he suggested the walk to help keep my mind off things. He would point at clothes from time to time on the stores, or pedestrians wearing nice clothing. In turn I would comment on where the outfit went wrong or how perfectly put together it was.
I noticed while walking that Carter tend to stare at the men more often than the women. His eyes would linger on a tall guy with nice fitting clothes and a confident smile. It was strange to ask if he was gay or somewhere along those lines when I was newly discovering my own gayness. I'd only respond to the topic when he opened it himself.
While stopping on a random side street to eat the ice cream we've bought, Carter asked me, "Are you in love?"
The cookies and cream I was eating traveled down faster to my stomach. It left me cold and uncertain. I had to steady myself before answering. "What gave you that idea?"
"Because there's something in your eyes that I haven't seen before," he said. "A spark?" He shrugged. "An extra glow? I can't really explain it. All I know is that I've only seen it with my sisters when they have someone they liked." He leaned down so he was eye level with me. "Are you?" I avoided his eyes. His grin turned wider. "You are! When and how did this happen? With who?"
The last question made my head throb. I slurped on the ice cream before the melted part dropped on my shoes. With who indeed? Blaze, Uno, or both? Well that was a silly question. "Quit imagining things," I said. "You're watching too many TV shows."
"Liar," he murmured. We continued walking down the street.
It was near their shop when I asked, "Has there been an instance when one of your sisters fell in love with someone she can't have? If so, what did she do?"
"You're the one who's watching too many shows." He crumpled the paper that used to hold his ice cream. "Hmmm. My eldest sister I guess. She felt that the guy was out of her league or something."
"You're kidding," I said. "Your eldest sister is talented and cute." And cute? Really Riri? Lesbian much.
He didn't notice my little slip. "Yeah, but the guy is really popular. He had girls lined up in his doorstep, literally, because he sells doors for a living." He snorted at his lame joke. "Anyway, she still fought for the guy. She was the one who admitted that she loved him. I guess it worked because they're married now with a kid."
"So it's her husband we're talking about here."
"Yep," he said. We've managed to reach the shop. I didn't realize that we were taking the direction of the clothes store. Carter pushed the door open. "Welcome."
Only his mom manned behind the counter today. She greeted us with a big smile, especially when she saw me. We haven't spoken in a while. Like Carter, she was an honorary mother to me. "Hi Mrs. Carter," I said as I leaned in for a hug.
"Don't call her that," Carter complained. Carter's real first name was Leandro, named after his grandfather. He hated it, but didn't have the guts to tell his parents. So in school, he used to tell us that his name was Carter when it was in fact his surname. The name stuck, and he became Carter.
"Should I call her Leandro then?" I said to him over my shoulder. Carter turned red.
"You're both adorable," Mrs. Carter said. We examined each other. My best friend got his wild hair and slim figure from her. "Are you doing better now, dear?"
I sighed. Mom's death was still fresh in my mind, though I was slowly recovering from it. "Yes," I said. "Leandro is helping me cope."
"I heard that!" he hollered from somewhere in the shop.
"If there's a customer in here and you shout like that, I will twist your ear," his mother hollered back. I couldn't hide my smile. Carter's parents didn't shy away from disciplining him in front of me, especially since he was the only guy among their brood. She faced me again. "Don't be a stranger now. You know my house is always open for you. I heard from the attorney that you've been staying with that girl. Is she trea
ting you right?"
"She is," I confirmed. "You have nothing to worry about."
"Good, and if Leandro is breaking girl's hearts, tell me so we can spank him."
"I heard that mom," he said again.
"I meant for you to hear it." Looking back at me she said, "Since both of you are here, I think I'll rest for a while and have margarita with the mister. That's okay with you?"
"Of course," I said.
Carter hopped behind the counter when his mom left. He put his phone out and started playing. I was used to seeing him like this. He was either picking locks or tinkering with his mobile. I'd rather it be the latter. "When will you enroll?" he said. "You're still going to college right?"
I sat on a stool near him. "About that. . ."
He stopped whatever it was he was doing to look at me. "I don't like that tone," he said. "It's a tone that tells me that you're considering other prospects." We both paused when the door of the shop tinkled, announcing that a customer came in. We usually left them alone to choose what they wanted. Majority of shoppers here didn't like people breathing down their necks, so we'd only go to them when they asked for assistance.
"What's more important than your love for fashion design? Don't you want to go to college with me?" he asked. "Mrs. Chance would have wanted you to pursue your passion."
"I know." I followed the customer in the corner of my eyes. She was wearing a hoodie. Not uncommon in these parts. I've seen the whole lot of them shop here. Sometimes they were even indecent. I glanced at Carter. "I think she needs me more right now," I said, referring to Uno and Blaze. "With my mom gone, I'm the only one she can count on."
Carter put his phone down. He didn't look happy. "She can hire as many people as she wants to help her. Why does it have to be you? Is she keeping you in a pinch, because if she is, I will talk to her." That was what I liked about Carter. He didn't care if Uno was a big shot who was richer than him. If I was in trouble, he'd come to my rescue.
