by V. M. Holk
"Not right now, okay?"
"Sure. But I am glad you are here."
I nod, "Yeah me too."
"Are you sure you are okay? Did something happen Jay, you look really shakin' up."
She looks at me with worry in her eyes. She knows me to well and I can't hide the fact that I am scared as hell of Ben. Finding that heart in my garden, bothered me more than I want to admit.
I take a deep breath, "I found a heart in my fairy garden this morning. It was from Ben."
"Oh no. How do you know?"
"His fucking name was on the back. I don't know what to do, Anne."
"We will figure something out, okay?"
I nod my head and we walk back to the kitchen to finish the baking. I know I should still be mad at Anne and we will have a talk about what happened. But I need her right now. Why can't Ben leave me alone!!
After a long day at work and spending most of the day worrying about Ben. It was good that I got back to my life, but I have to do something. I decided that I will call and have a security system installed in my house. I actually don't understand why I hadn't done that sooner.
I call a company and get everything set up for them to come this weekend. After thinking about this all day, I have a headache. I go to get an aspirin, I look out the window to see a car parked down the street. Someone is sitting in the front, staring towards my house. Could that be Ben? I squint closer to the window to try and get a better look.
The person starts the car and begins to pull away from the curb. I run to the front of the house to see if I can catch a glimpse of who it is. As I look out the window, the car is turning the corner. Damn, I can't live like this. I didn't get a look at the person, yet I feel foolish about my reaction.
I decide I have to do something else. I go to my room and go to my jewelry box and grab the business card in the back of it. I will call the detective that visited me in the hospital. That was the last time Ben and I had a disagreement.
I feel myself have a chill. I decide to make myself a cup of tea. Once I have it made, I grab my phone and the card, then go sit on the deck. I light up and start dialing the number. I hope that he is still working in the same department.
"Hello, this is Detective Ryan."
"Hello, this is Jaylah Dean. You visited me in the hospital a couple years ago." I stop talking not sure what to say next and try to catch my breath.
"Let me see if I can find your file, can you hold for me?"
I nod, then laugh because he can't see me. "Sure."
I take a long drag of my smoke and see that my hands are shaking. I hear rustling around on the other end of the phone and I take a sip of tea. Why it has such a calming affect on me, I don't know. I hear him flipping through papers, I am sure reading his notes. I hear him clear his throat, I am wondering what he looks like. I don't remember much from that time and tucked his card away. I never went to see him, he called several times, but I wasn't ready then.
"Ms. Dean, sorry that took so long. I was reading through my notes. What can I help you with?"
"Please call me Jaylah."
"Ok, Jaylah. How can I help you?"
I take a deep breath, take a drag on my cigarette. "I....I've been having problems with my ex, Ben." I feel like that took everything out of me to say. I take a drink of my now cold tea.
"Why don't we meet. Can you meet me tomorrow afternoon?"
"Sure, do I need to come down to the station?"
"I can meet you somewhere."
"Can you come to my shop, Sweet Pleasures?"
"Ok great, I will come around three. See you tomorrow, Jaylah."
"Thank you."
I hear the click of the phone. I sit there staring at my phone, my cigarette burning my finger. I realize and flick it out of my hand. I feel a shiver all down my body and look around, feeling someone watching me. I hurry to get back into the house and lock it behind me.
I can't get the feeling out of my head. I go around the house and make sure all my windows are locked. Once I get done doing that, I make myself another cup of tea and decide on going to bed.
I sit up in bed, sipping my tea and flipping through channels. I decide to watch the Food Network, I usually enjoy watching. I'm not sure what is on, my mind is still wondering to what is going on in my fucked up life. How can so much change in a matter of a week. I was finally feeling like things were getting better for me, but no, Ben had to fuck shit up for me again.
I can't believe I loved that fucking douche. It's been a long time since we have been together. I meet him at a bar, I was so drawn to him. He is a musician, which is what I love in men. I went to hear a new band that was playing and it was his. I was enthralled with him, he is so passionate when he sings.
He saw me watching from across the bar, after he was finished, he came and found me. We talked until the bar closed that night. He asked me out and I accepted. From that moment we were inseparable. We had a great relationship for a long time. I thought this was the man I as going to marry and I was never happier.
We had been dating for almost two years when it first happened. We were out and a guy was checking me out. I smiled at him, then went back to Ben. He was frowning at me, but I brushed it off. When we got back to my house, hell broke loose. He accused me of flirting with that guy, I didn't know what he was talking about. I told him to fuck off, that's when he hit me.
I laid there not believing what happened. I looked up at him, not recognizing the man in front of me. I didn't tell anyone what happened, that time.
He apologized to me and I blamed myself for what happened. If I wouldn't have smiled at that guy, it would have been fine. Ben was always great with being sorry and treating me like an princess, after.
I shiver at where my thoughts have gone. I shake my head, not wanting to remember all of that. I set the tea on my nightstand and curl up to try to sleep.
It was a fun night, watching Ben with his band. I am always amazed at what a voice he has, he could be famous if he really worked hard at it. I tried telling him that once, that didn't go over very well.
After they were done, Ben told me to meet him at his place, while they packed everything up. I walk in and see a mess. I decide to clean while I wait for him. I get lost in thought, thinking about how great things have gotten between us lately. Almost like when we first were together, I smile to myself.
I hear the door open behind me and turn, smiling. Ben walks in, not looking very happy and I wonder if something happened with the guys. He storms off into the bathroom and I finish what I am doing. I hate when he gets like this, and pray it has nothing to do with me.
He walks out of the bathroom and looks at me, "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Nothing, I thought I would clean up while I waited for you." I see that fire in his eyes and start thinking on how to get out of here.
"I didn't ask you to fucking clean!"
"Sorry, hey if your tired, I can leave and catch up with you tomorrow." I try smiling at him, not knowing if it was working.
"WHAT? You are not leaving."
I nod my head, afraid to say anything when he gets like this. He is staring at me and I can tell he is getting more mad. SHIT....this is not good. He looks around his apartment and then back at me.
"Where did you think you were going? To go fuck some other guy? I see how all those guys look at you, I think you fucking enjoy it, don't you?" he spits at me.
I shake my head and try to grab his arm to calm him down, "NO."
"Don't fucking touch me Jay. Not when you are thinking of someone else. I told you before, YOU ARE MINE!"
That's when he smacks me. I stand my ground and hope that is all he has in him, but it pisses him off more. He grabs me around the neck and gets within an inch of my nose, I feel his breath on my face. He smells of whiskey and cigarettes.
"You fucking bitch, do you enjoy pissing me off? I will not have my woman being a whore, do you hear me?"
That's when he punches me and I see stars. I lay on the floor
and hope that if I don't move he will leave me there. I feel him kick me in the ribs and I roll over on my side. My god, I think he broke a rib, I am in so much pain. I try to crawl out of the room, maybe if I can get in the bathroom and lock the door.
"When I ask you a fucking question, I expect you to answer."
"Yes," I say as loud as I can, hoping that will make him happy.
I feel him grab my ankle and pull me towards him. That's when I hear him pull his belt out of his pants. I try to crawl away, when I feel the belt come down on my back. I scream, then I feel it again. I keep trying to get away and hear him catch something with the belt, then glass breaking. I take that moment and reach the bathroom, then lock it.
"You better open this fucking door!"
I crawl into the bathtub and pray he leaves me alone. He starts pounding the door and I can hear the door groaning from the abuse. That's when he breaks through the door. He storms over to me and grabs me by the hair. I scream again from the pain and that only fuels his anger more.
He starts punching me again, I feel blood running down my face and I fall to the floor. That's when he kicks me some more. I start seeing stars and I know that he is going to kill me. I pass out and I welcome the blackness.
I wake up with tears running down my face. Fuck, I haven't dreamt about that night in a long time. Ben almost killed me, thank god his neighbor heard me scream and called the police. I woke up in the hospital the next day, with several broken ribs, broken nose and missing teeth.
God, my head is pounding. I get up and head into the kitchen. I grab some aspirin and down it with yesterdays cold coffee. I look over to see that I am running late for work again. I run into the bathroom and take a look at myself. "Damn, woman....you look like shit!" I say to myself.
I hop in the shower and take the fastest one in my life. I get out brush my teeth, then run to my room to get dressed. I go blow dry my hair and doing something with it quick. I am lucky that my hair is so easy to do. I have been blessed with great hair, I love it. It's kick ass, short, shaved, with black, blonde, red and plum highlights.
I rush out the door to my car and head to work. I pull in to see that Anne is here before me again, there was a time she never got here before me. It's been a bad habit of mine lately and I need to fix that.
I walk in, "Mornin'."
Anne looks over to me and I see her face turn to concern, "Morning. You okay?"
"Yeah. Didn't sleep well, that's all."
I hurry to drop my purse off in the office and come back out to start helping. Once I get into work, I forget about my worries for at least a little while. The morning turns out to be a busy one, which I am thankful for. I look over at Anne, she looks sad. I realize, I haven't seen Wyatt the last few days. He was coming in almost every morning for his coffee, I wonder what going on.
"Anne, I'm going to run out back for a smoke."
She turns her head and nods. I walk out back and light up and sigh thankfully. We have a table and chairs set up back here, I take a seat. I look at my watch to see that it's already almost three. Well that was nice, I didn't dwell on all my problems for the whole day. I roll my eyes at myself, I guess it was good for me to get back to work. God, I hate when other people are right, not that I will ever admit it to them, willingly.
I walk back in and go to the bathroom to wash up. I look at myself in the mirror... "Girl, you need to shape up," I say to myself. I finish up and start for the front. I see Amanda walking into the back.
"Hey, Amanda. How are you?"
"Good, glad to have you back. Hey there is a guy here to see you."
I look at her confused, "Did he say who he was?" I'm afraid to hear the answer and stiffen.
"I think Anne said it was a detective."
"Oh shit, I forgot."
I run to the front and look over at Anne, she points in the direction he is in. I look over to see a very gorgeous man standing by the front window. Anne obviously gave him a coffee, that he is sipping from. Now I don't normally go for the clean cut man, but this one I could get use to.
I don't remember much from the hospital, it was such a blur. I wish I would have paid more attention. He is wearing a suit, that was most definitely was made for him. I start to walk towards him and he turns and smiles at me. Holy shit, my knees almost buckle on me. That smile could melt ice and those beautiful blue eyes, you could get lost in them. He has stubble from a day of not shaving but well maintained. He has wisps of hair that fall on his forehead, I want to run my fingers through it. What the hell is wrong with me?
"Hello, I'm Jaylah."
"HI, Jaylah. I'm Detective Ryan, but call me Trevan. Do you still have time to sit and talk to me?"
"Of course," I smile back at him.
We sit at the table in front of the window and he pulls out a file he bought with him. I assume, it's my file. I see Anne walk up to the table, give me a coffee and a plate of sweets.
"Thanks," I smile to her.
"No problem."
"Yes. Thank you," Trevan replies.
I wait for Anne to walk away before we start talking. I am not sure where to start, so I dive right in. "I've been having problems with my ex, again. He sent me flowers, several times now, with a note about getting me back. But what creped me out the most was, he left a ceramic heart in one of my backyard gardens. The thing is he bought it for me for Christmas one year. I thought I threw it out, but I may have left it at his place."
He nods his head, "Okay. I see you do have a restraining order and you get it renewed every year, that's good."
I nod my head, "He also showed up at the bar, he talked to Anne. I didn't see him."
"We can't do anything about that, he didn't come up to you. So, he actually hasn't talked to you at all?"
"No. Only the flowers with the note and I found the heart yesterday. Plus, I noticed a car parked down the street with a person staring at my house. I couldn't get a good look at him."
I take a sip of coffee as he writes down in his notes. I grab a cookie off the plate and nibble at it. I glance over at the file and see a picture of me from the hospital, I drop my cookie. I can't see the whole picture, because a piece of paper is blocking it. I reach out to move it and Trevan grabs my hand. I feel like a jolt of electricity goes through my body, I look up into his blue eyes.
"Sorry. You don't want to look at those. I thought I had it covered still."
He is still holding my hand and looking at me. I nod my head, unable to find any words. I pull my hand from his. Flashes of my past go through my head and I bury my head into my hands. I swear at myself for being weak.....THIS IS NOT WHO I AM! I feel someone grabbing my hand and look to see that he moved to sit right next to me.
"Look, I'm sorry you saw that. I will keep your case open, but there isn't much I can do right now. We will send him a warning about harassing you and remind him that it's against his restraining order."
He is rubbing my hand with his thumb. I look in to his eyes and feel a calm come over me. I see something, could he be feeling the same affects from our touch. I look down to our hands. It feels has if the world around us disappears and it's only us.
"That's all, really?" I'm feeling the panic start.
"Hey, look at me." With his other hand, he gently pushes my face up to look at him. "I want you to get a security system installed, if you don't already, okay?"
I nod, "I have them coming out this weekend." I give him a weak smile.
"That's good. I want you to put my number on your cell phone, you call me anytime. I mean anytime, alright?"
I nod my head.
"Did you keep the letter?"
"No, I tore it up. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"It's okay. If he sends you anything again, make sure to keep it for me." I nod my head. "I will check up on you, tell me everything. Even if you think it doesn't matter, I want you to tell me."
I nod again. I feel like a fucking idiot. I keep nodding my head like a bird. I can't understand why Ben can'
t leave me alone, he did for so long. I actually almost didn't renew the restraining order the last time, thank god Anne talked me into it. Trevan stands up and starts collecting all his things. I stand up and walk towards him.
"Thanks for coming. I will let you know if anything happens."
He puts his hand on my arm, which sends shivers up and down my back. "Good. Hopefully he will leave you alone. I will talk to you soon. Bye Jaylah."
I wave, "Bye, Trevan."
I sit back down in the chair and watch him walk outside. He puts his sunglasses on and lights a cigarette. Damn, I could get use to a man like that. I smile to myself, despite how I feel. As I am staring out the window, Anne comes and sits across from me. She glances in the direction I am looking and she smiles.
"He is one hot man," she says.
"No fucking shit. Damn, I don't usually like my men looking like that."
We both laugh and I shake my head. I look over at her and smile. Again I realize how much I missed her this past week. She nods her head in agreement, like she can hear my thoughts. My damn eyes start to water and I look away.
"So was that about Ben?"
"Yeah. I called him last night."
"I'm sorry, Jay. I don't understand, why is he bothering you now?"
"I don't know. I'm having a security system put in the house this weekend."
"That's good."
Wanting to change the subject, my head is starting to pound from thinking of Ben. "Hey I wanted to ask. Where's Wyatt been?" She looks away, but not before I see the sad look in her eyes. Ah shit, now what? I know she really likes him. "So what happened?"
"We got in a fight, over Kyle. I haven't talked to him in over a week. He tries calling and text me almost every day, but I haven't responded to him."
"Why? You like him and don't try to deny it. I have never seen you light up with anyone before like you do with him. Stop acting like an ass." If looks could kill, I would be dead. Yep not an ash would have been left of me. I put my hands up in defense. "Hey, if you don't want my advice, I'll shut up."
She shakes her head, "No, sorry. It's not that. It shouldn't be this hard, you know what I mean."
