by V. M. Holk
"Please, baby. Don't be mad at me. I'm here now."
I hate when she calls me that. She thinks that she will be mine someday. The stupid bitch didn't know I was only using her for what I needed. I calm myself, I don't need her pissed and leaving. I grab her hand and rub the top of it with my thumb.
"I'm not mad. I'm sorry I snapped at you, it's only because I missed you."
She smiles widely at me, leans over and kisses me.
"I forgive you. I know how rough it must be in here for you. That stupid bitch, I could kill her for getting you in here."
"Hey, it's fine. I will be out of here soon."
"But she lied about you. And Trevan fell for all her lies. If it wasn't for her, you would be home with me."
"I know babe. I'll be home soon."
"I can't wait. Then we can finally get married, start our lives together."
"Soon. Now tell me what you know."
She sighs loudly, "Fine. I do know that Trevan and Jaylah broke up."
"Really?" I look at her surprised and gester for her to go on.
I think about what I will do when I get out, as Susie fills me on. She has been watching Jaylah for me. I start getting angry when she tells me that the motorcycle asshole is back. I hid my reactions from Susie. All of this makes for an interesting twist in events. I will need to make a visit to Jaylah when I get out of here.
The guard yells out that we have two minutes left. Susie looks at me with those damn doe eyes. She looks ready to cry and I can't fucking stand that.
"Hey babe, don't do that. I will be out soon."
"I know. I hate that fucking bitch so much. This is all her fault."
I can't stand when she talks about my Jay like that. But she is a means to an end, I need her for right now. When I'm done with her, she will know it. I give her my sweetest smile and grab her. I kiss her hard on the lips, making sure she remembers it.
"I will miss you, babe."
"Me too. I love you, Ben."
"Me too."
The guard comes by our table, "Times up."
I stand, smiling at Susie. I turn and walk through the door back towards my cell. Once I know she can't see, I wipe my lips with the back of my hand. God she is such a fucking needy bitch. I can't wait for the day that I won't need her anymore.
I walk into my cell and lie on my bed. I put my hands behind my head and start to plot what I will do when I get out of this shit hole. I drift happily into sleep, knowing I will have my Jay-Bird soon. And I will get rid of the pain in my ass, Susie.
It's been a couple days since our all night, talk fest. I was glad that I had a couple of bottles of wine. We stayed up talking about all of our problems, something I think we all needed. It felt like old times, and it was nice to be with them.
I drank to much again that night, though. I got sick, after all that drinking. I think I'm going to stay away from it for awhile.
I still hadn't heard from Nico, though. It's bothering more than I will admit to anyone. I tried texting him again, to see if he wanted to get together. The only response I got was that he was working.
I walk into work, know that it's the start of our busy time, Halloween is only a few weeks away. Anne and I decided to decorate today, once we are done baking. So we scheduled Kayla and Amanda to come in this morning.
I actually love decorating for Halloween. The rest of the holidays, I could do without. I know to some that sounds horrible. But that's just the way it is for me. Anne loves Christmas, so it works out for us.
We get through the baking, pretty fast this morning. We talk a lot today, something we don't always do. Anne and I, aren't the type of friends that have to fill the space with talk. We get into the grove in the mornings, with music. So this was a nice change.
Kayla and Amanda walk into the back. They drop off their stuff in the office, and say their hello's. Once we get everything situated up front, I head into the back for a quick cigarette.
Anne steps outside, to grab the decorations from her trunk. I give her a hand, grabbing one of the totes. We have a lot of decorations, because we love to do a huge display in the window. We also have centerpieces, and other things to hang around the cafe.
Once we have all the totes inside, we begin our transformation. I get lost in the work, loving how everything is turning out. I take a break to grab a cup of coffee. As, I come around the counter, the bell to the door rings that there is a customer.
I look up from stirring my coffee, to see Nico walking in. He looks at me and stops. I walk back to my decorations, ignoring him. I'm not sure what to do or how to react, so I go back to work.
I stand there watching her ignore me. I knew she wasn't going to fall into my arms, when she saw me. I know I overacted about the bar, but I wanted to kill someone, when I saw her touch Trevan.
I needed to sort out my feelings, before I could be around her. It's not her fault, all she did was touch his arm. She was drunk, but it was the look in her eyes, when she looked at him. I knew what kind of woman she was. But things were changing between us, or so I thought.
I know, I'm fucked up. But I want to be a better man, when I'm with her.
I walk up to her, and reach out to touch her. I drop my arm, thinking better of it.
"Hey, can I talk to you?"
"Can't. I'm working," she says, not looking at me. She throws my own words, back at me.
I drop into the chair, next to the table she is working at. I put my head in my hands, leaning on my knee's.
"Please. I know I fucked up," I whisper.
She sighs, "Fine. But not here, not now. Come to my house later."
I look up at her, and see she is looking at me. "Okay."
"Come around, six."
I nod, as I get up. I start walking away, and she puts her hand on my arm. I turn, and she smiles at me. I smile back.
I watched Nico leave. He looked defeated when he walked in. I look forward to tonight and working this all out, I've missed him.
I look around to see, Anne watching me. She smiles at me and goes back to work. I sit and take a drink of my coffee. I feel like a headache is coming on. What a week this is turning out to be.
I get up to find some tylenol. Going into the office, to grab my purse. I take two pills out and pop them in my mouth. I decide this is a good time for a smoke.
Now that I'm home, I feel anxious for Nico to get here. I decided to make dinner, which I don't do very often. I decide to make Parmesan Mayo Chicken Breast, I've had it at Anne's house and it's delicious.
I get the chicken in the oven. I cut up my red skin potatoes and get them in a pot of water. I bought asparagus, to roast in the oven. Once everything is cooking, I decide to step outside for a cigarette and wait for Nico.
I go to the front door and step out onto the porch. I have a chair and small table set up, and sit down. I don't have to wait long, and Nico pulls in. I'm not use to seeing him in a car, I like his motorcycle better. But the days are getting colder, so I don't blame him.
He gets out of his car, and walks up the path to the house. I put my smoke out, and stand up.
"Hey you."
"Hello, come on in. I have dinner in the oven."
"Wow, really?"
"Don't look so surprised. I love to cook, but being just me, I don't do it all the time."
We walk in, and the smells make my stomach growl.
"Smells great."
We walk into the kitchen, and I check on the food.
"If you want something to drink, it's in the fridge."
He gets a beer out of the fridge and leans against the counter watching me cook. I drain the potatoes, and add butter, dill, parsley and salt. Once that is mixed I put in a bowl, I pull the asparagus out and plate that as well. I check the chicken and plate that as well. I brought rolls home from work and put that in a basket. I put everything on the table and we sit to eat.
"So where do you want to start?" I ask, as we eat.
"Well, for one thing, this is grea
t," he points to his plate, and smiles at me.
"Thank you. Now stop avoiding the conversation."
He looks at me with such a pained look, "You know I'm fucked up. I've had a hard past, I haven't told you about my childhood."
"Okay."
He sighs, "My father was a drunk, and abusive. I was eight when he killed my mother." He stops talking and puts his fork down. I get up and kneel down in front of him. I put my hands on each side of his face. "She put me in the closet, and that's where they found me. I heard her scream, but I was to scared to come out. Maybe I could have saved her. I let two woman die in my life. I couldn't bear to lose you," he whispers.
"Hey look at me." He looks at me, with so much pain. "It was not your fault, either of them. There was nothing you could do."
I catch a tear with the tip of my finger. I pull him to me and kiss him gently. That kiss meant to comfort him, turns to hunger. He pulls me into his arms and carries me upstairs, my lips never leaving his.
We get to my room and he sets me down. We rip each others clothes off, not being able to get to each other fast enough. I rub my hands on him, where ever I can. He pulls me to him again, and we stumble to the bed.
He starts kissing every inch of my body, as his hands touch every where. We are all over each other with a hunger, only one thing will quench. I dig my hands into his hair, as he explores my body. I pull up on him, to make him kiss me.
As he kisses me, he slams into me. I groan into his mouth, loving the feel of him in me. I can tell this will be fast for us, both of us needing to release our pain. He pumps into me faster, and I wrap my legs around his waist, moving my hips with him.
Nico kisses down my neck, I grab at his back. He returns to my lips and we kiss hard, with so much passion, it hurts. We climax together, and I scream out with pleasure. He falls onto me and we try to catch our breath.
He gets up, kissing me gently before he leaves the bed. I watch his beautiful ass, as he walks into the bathroom.
I lay there thinking about what he told me.
I stand at work, baking and thinking. That night with Nico, was so wonderful. We ended up talking in bed all night. He told me all about how he grew up. His grandparents, and living on the streets.
I opened up to him about Derrick, and all about Ben. I talked about my family and all the struggles with my dad being sick. I thought we opened up on our trip to Tawas, but this was a big night for us. I smile to myself, at the memories.
"What are you smiling about?" Anne asks, from beside me.
"Just happy, that's all."
"What? My Jaylah is happy," she chuckles at me, as she elbows me.
I laugh with her, "I know, it's crazy."
One of our favorite songs comes on, Since You Been Gone, from Pitch Perfect. We sing along as we work.
The day goes by fast, with a lightness in my step. I don't want this feeling to go away. I wish I was seeing Nico tonight, but he had to work. But we have plans for this weekend. I took the weekend off, and I'm looking forward to spending it with him.
Anne left early today, there was a book fair at the school tonight. The do an ice cream social, and have all kinds of things for family's to do. She said something about Kyle coming to it as well, she didn't seem to happy about the whole thing.
Not having anything to rush home to, I worked later than I normally do. It's already dark, when I pull into my driveway. Being October, the days are already getting shorter. I take a deep breath of fall air as I walk up the path to the front door.
Once I step inside, I drop my purse onto the floor, next to the door. I pull off my jacket and hang it in the closet and pull off my shoes. I start to walk upstairs to take my shower, when I see a figure in my living room. My heart drops, when I see who it is.
"It's about time you got home, Jay-bird."
"Ben," saying his name shakily, fear creeping in.
"Who else would it be? What have you been doing, while I've been sitting in jail?" he asks with so much hate in his voice.
I walk slowly for the door, hoping I can reach it before he reaches me. "Nothing," I reply hoping to distract him.
He stands up and starts walking towards me. I decide it's now or never, and run to the door. I get my hand on the doorknob and he pulls me from behind.
He turns me around to face him. I look into his eyes, which look onto me with such hate.
"Ben please," hoping to plead with him.
"What? What could you possibly say to me, to fix what you did to me."
"I'm sorry," I reply. Hoping to keep him talking, so I can figure something out.
He grabs my hair from behind, "I went to fucking jail because of you, bitch. Sorry isn't going to cut it."
Before I can answer him, he smacks me across the face. I start to fall from the force of it and he pulls me up to him. I feel tears coming to my eyes, and I fight for them not to surface.
He looks at me and crushes his lips to mine. I put my hand on his chest, trying to push him away.
"Don't push my away, Jay. You will fucking remember who you belong to."
He grabs my arm and starts to pull me to the steps. I realize what he intends to do, and I start to fight him. If he gets me up the stairs, I know he will rape me. I finally rip his grip from my arm and I run towards the kitchen.
I feel him grab my shirt from behind, and it rips. I slip from his grasp and make it to the bathroom. I lock the door, and realize where I have ended up again. There is no windows in here, it's a small half bath, under the stairs.
I start screaming, hoping someone can hear me, I feel my voice going. I keep screaming and trying to figure out what the hell, I'm going to do. There is no escape from this bathroom, what the fuck am I going to do?
Ben starts kicking the door, and I know this is it for me. I'm trapped in here. The door burst open and with it, Ben. He grabs me around the neck and throws me out of the bathroom.
I land on the floor, and he crouches down over me. "You fucking bitch," he spits in my face.
I scream as loud as I can, that's when he punches me in the face, as hard as he can. My head hits the floor, I see stars and pass out.
I'm sitting at my desk, when Susie, a street cop walks up to my desk.
"Hey, I found this by the fax machine. Not sure why you didn't get it." She hands the paper over to me.
I take it, "Thanks."
I start reading it, and realize what it is. Fucking Ben was released today. They let him out early, on good behavior.
"Fuck," I yell.
Jason is walking to his desk and looks over at me.
"What?"
I show him the paper, as I dial Jaylah's cell phone. I don't get an answer and I call Anne, again no answer.
"Fuck, I can't get a hold of her or Anne."
"Calm down, I'm sure she is okay. Let's drive over to her house."
We run out to Jason's car, and I'm thankful he is with me. It feels like forever, when we finally pull into her driveway. I get out of the car, before Jason has it in park. That's when we hear the scream coming from inside.
Jason draws his gun, as we run to house. As I slam the front door open, I see Ben taking off Jaylah's pants. She is not moving, with blood behind her head.
I rush in and grab him off of her. I punch him in the face, and I can't seem to stop. I feel Jason pull me off of him. I stumble back and get over to Jaylah.
I check her, and see that she is still breathing. I pull her into my lap and hold on. I can hear Jason calling for an ambulance, and then calling into the station.
I feel Jaylah wrap her arms around my middle and she starts sobbing. I hold onto her, as if both our lives depend on it.
We lay on the floor like that, holding onto each other. I try to console her, I pull her more into my lap. There is blood everywhere, she must have a big cut in the back. Her nose is bleeding, and I can already see the bruises coming through.
I don't know how many times he hit her, I look over at him. Anger builds in me, that I see r
ed. If it wasn't for the fact that I was holding onto to her, I would go after him again. He looks at us with a sneer on his face. There is so much hate, in his eyes.
Jason grabs Ben and brings him up on his feet. Jason had obviously already handcuffed him, while I was getting to Jay. I watch as he walks him outside, and I hear the sirens getting closer.
"He is gone, love. The ambulance is almost here," I whisper in her ear.
She nods softly on my chest, and I feel her go limp.
I felt Trevan, before I saw him. The familiar smell of him, I knew I was safe. I wrap my arms around him and break down. I hold on for dear life, not wanting to let go, for fear that I'm only dreaming.
I look over to see Ben, in handcuffs. He looks at me, he has murder in his eyes. I know that he would of done just that if it wasn't for Trevan. I don't know what made him come here when he did. I grab a hold of him tighter, not caring why, only that he did.
He whispers in my ear, I have enough energy left to nod and I pass out.
I wake in a hospital bed, my head pounding. I look around to see Nico, sitting in a chair next to the bed. He is holding my hand, rubbing the top of mine with his thumb. I squeeze his hand and he looks up at me.
He smiles at me, as he stands up. I try to smile, and stop when it hurts. He puts his hand on my face, and gently rubs.
"Don't try, baby."
I nod, and see tears come to his eyes. He bends down and kisses my forehead.
"I was so scared, when I got the call."
I try to talk, but nothing comes out. I feel like my throat is sandpaper. I mouth water, to him. He grabs a white styrofoam glass and puts the straw to my lips. I take small sips, my throat feeling better.
"Thanks," I whisper.
He sits next to me on the bed, so that I don't have to crank my neck to see him. I can only imagine how I look. I wish he didn't see me this way. I never wanted him to look at me, with all that anguish in his eyes.
I can only imagine what memories he is having.
I reach up and touch his face, "I'm not your mother. There was nothing you could do."
