by May Dawson
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve just been thinking. It is my birthday, after all. Aren’t I supposed to reflect on my misspent youth?”
“Maybe,” I said cautiously. I wasn’t sure what to make of her, and I raised my arm so she could go under it. She twirled twice, her long pink skirts fanning out across the marble, before she slipped back into my arms.
“You haven’t wished me a happy birthday yet,” she said lightly.
“You haven’t stopped flitting around like a crazed bird yet,” I said.
She cocked her head to one side. For a few long seconds, the two of us stared at each other.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded brusquely. Something anxious was building up in my chest, a tightness as if I were about to go out of my skin. She was in some kind of danger, I could feel it. She was even more frenetic than usual.
I had to cover whatever it was, in case we were being watched. I pulled her close, our two bodies intimately near each other. Into her ear, I whispered, “Whatever it is, Alisa, we’ll figure it out together. You’re always getting us in trouble, and we always get out of it together. Right?”
She shook her head. “You’re sweet, Duncan. But it turns out you have an even more overactive imagination than I do.”
Herrick was watching us from up on his throne, his dark eyes glittering in the distance. I pretended I hadn’t noticed him watching me, but as we danced on, his image was emblazoned in my mind. Then I caught Faer’s gaze, just for a second, as he danced surrounded by females who writhed against him and ran their hands across his body.
“Alisa,” I whispered into her ear, wanting her to know I was on her side, desperate to get her to believe it. She was my opposite, but sometimes I thought she was just as guarded as I was. But she shielded herself with quick quips and that easy laugh while I seemed silent and angry.
“Duncan,” she returned, smiling up at me. She caught the front of my shirt and pulled me with her as she paced backward, toward the doors to the hall.
Relief flooded me; we just needed privacy and I could figure out what was wrong, how to protect her.
Out in the long, echoing hallway, her feet were almost silent as she drew me out into the garden, casting a brief glance over her shoulder. A fountain bubbled steadily at the center of the garden, and the statues that seemed to be frozen in the midst of dancing in the dark water cast eerie shadows despite the glowing lights in the trees everywhere.
“So, I was thinking—” she began, her voice light.
I grabbed her shoulders. “Alisa. Just talk to me.”
She rested her hands lightly on my forearms and gazed up at me. “Duncan, stop being so dramatic. It’s my birthday. I can flit like a crazed bird if I want to.”
Great, I’d offended her again—as usual. “That’s not what I meant.”
“No?” Her brows arched. “You don’t think I’m some silly little girl who needs you to protect me?”
I did want to protect her, but she had the rest of that all twisted. I stared at her, trying to think of what to say.
She touched my cheek lightly, still staring up at me, and I couldn’t tell if the gesture was affectionate or condescending. Maybe both.
“No, that’s not it,” I finally said, but it was too late, and we both knew it. Why was my desire to protect her such a terrible thing?
I wasn’t good at many things, but I was a hell of a fighter. That was one thing I could offer her.
“At the academy, I always cleaned up your messes,” I reminded her. “I covered for you. Protected you. So you could just be…you.”
Irrepressible. Light-hearted. Herself…even in disguise.
Her lips twisted into a smirk, even as she took a step back. “Does a princess ever get to just be herself?”
She was still so close that I could touch her, but the distance between us felt vast. “You seem to find a way.”
“Maybe.” She tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear.
“Alisa, what’s going on?”
“Oh, I should open up to you, like you do so well for me?”
I spilled my guts to you in that carriage. And you rescued me, when you rescued Zora… but I couldn’t say those words when there was this distance between us, couldn’t force myself to be vulnerable. Not now.
“What’s the game, Alisa?” I asked, thinking of how she’d tricked my father so easily. He was still in her thrall, as far as I knew. She was up to something now. I hated the feeling when I wasn’t sure I was on the inside of her games.
“No game,” she said, shaking her head. The smile was gone. “I’m finally giving up the games. You and Azrael both deserve better than me.”
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Two brothers, really?” Her brows arched. “I’m twenty tonight, Duncan. It’s time for me to start growing up.”
“You don’t have to choose between us.” I closed my fist around the bracelet in my pocket, the stupid, stupid thing. I clung to it anyway.
“I know.” She smiled up at me, winsome as ever. Whatever mood she’d been in seemed to have shifted; she was cool, laughing Alisa once again. “I’m going to choose anyway.”
I stared at her as she rose onto her tiptoes, one hand on my shoulder to balance herself, as she went to plant a kiss on my cheek.
Before her lips brushed my cheek I came to life, stepping back, shoving her away. “Why?”
“Azrael sees me as his equal,” she said. “You see me as something to be protected. Guarded. Just like you guard every single one of your damned precious feelings.” Her cheeks were growing flushed, and I knew she meant it, and something hollow opened up in my chest. “But I don’t need that, Duncan. I am just as capable of protecting you.”
“Never said you weren’t,” I said stoutly.
She stared at me for a second with warmth in her eyes, and I thought the distance between us was something we could fix. I cast around for the right words, and while I was stumbling, her face changed.
She shook her head. “Azrael is truly the better brother in every way, isn’t he?”
The hollow in my chest opened into a void.
“Very well,” I said, my voice cold. “I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together.”
“Goodbye, Duncan.” She turned on her heel and walked back into the dance.
“Happy birthday,” I called after her. I couldn’t stop my fury from bleeding into my voice, and I froze at the sound. I didn’t want her to know she’d hurt me.
My hand was still wrapped around that stupid, stupid bracelet. I’d planned to tell her that I loved her; I’d been practicing the words in my head all day, because they were so hard for me to say. To open up and expose myself that way. Now the words felt like they were sitting in my throat.
“I love you,” I muttered to no one, as if to clear it.
I threw the damned bracelet into the fountain.
I headed toward the castle only to find Herrick watching me. Instead of turning away and pretending as if he hadn’t watched that scene, the king smiled thinly when he saw me.
“Don’t worry,” he told me, “Azrael will end up hating her too. That girl isn’t worthy of either of you—she isn’t capable of love or loyalty.”
I scoffed and headed past him, although even then I knew that those words would echo for me for years.
But it didn’t matter. She’d done me a favor, really. I’d lost my mind for that girl.
Now I’d be free.
Chapter Forty-Four
Alisa
Present Day
I was desperate to spend every moment reading my diary. But it was time for the ball, and I’d promised Raile.
I dressed myself for the night, the diary open on the bed. I flipped through pages, then leaned over the book to try to read as I pulled my hair back in a low chignon, or as I slipped on one of the sleek, glittering gowns.
When Raile knocked on the door, I slid the book under one of my pillows before I swu
ng the door open.
He stood in the doorway, tall and handsome with his thick black hair and those ocean-colored eyes. His eyes widened faintly when he saw me, as if in appreciation. I didn’t even want to slap the smug look off his face tonight. He must be growing on me.
“You look lovely,” he said. “But then, I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
“It’s a trap,” I answered, before he could say it.
His smirk widened into a grin. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. But I do love that too.”
He offered his arm to me, and I tucked my hand over his forearm, which was hard under the fine material of his suit jacket.
Raile showed me around his court, introducing me to all kinds of folk of the sea: the Undine who were spirits of the water, and mermaids and kelpies, naiads and selkies. Most of them were surrounded by bubbles of water that allowed them to walk on land—or float through it, in the case of the mermaids. The respect---and even affection—they felt for Raile was evident, even if they eyed me as if they were curious about his obsession with me. I knew that feeling.
Raile drew me away from them to dance.
“Your people seem to like you,” I commented as he wrapped me up in his arms.
“You sound surprised,” he said. “Just because you insist on being tiresome about disliking me doesn’t mean everyone will feel the same.”
Before I could answer, one of his servants approached—the female with the tentacles that waved gracefully through the air. “Excuse me, your majesty.”
Raile paused, his hand still lingering on my lower back. “Yes?”
“You wanted to be informed if there was any change in Duncan’s state,” she murmured. “Prince Faer has begun to torture him.”
Faer was torturing Duncan? My heart was suddenly in my throat, as I demanded, “Why?”
Raile nodded. “I see.”
“What’s the point?” I asked, turning to Raile. “You said he’d be safe—that his value to Faer is that Az and I lo—”
I stumbled and cut myself off.
“Yes,” he said. “Faer must want to draw you out into his trap—to make sure the Shadow Man gets his grip on you before you master your memories and find a way to beat him.”
“Your friend in the garden seems to think I already know.”
“Alisa,” Raile murmured, “It’s a trap. You know it’s a trap.”
“Is it?” I frowned at him, even as he pulled my hand to his chest, as he wrapped his palm around my hip. The two of us began to dance again, although the cheerful music felt distant now. “Isn’t this a trap? Your servant coming to speak to you while I’m at your side—”
“I told them to treat you as if we all trust you,” he interrupted. “Peculiar, I know, but I do intend for you to be my queen, and it seemed like perhaps we should trust each other.”
I was never going to be his queen. I was going to be my own. But I kept that thought to myself.
If he wouldn’t go with me to help Duncan, then I would be sweet with him, I would win him over, and then tonight, I would go back through the lock and into the sea…but this time, I’d be alone. The thought made me nervous, but not like it had before; the Sea court and the ocean beyond didn’t feel like a nightmare anymore.
“Your court is beautiful,” I told him. “I’m glad I’ve gotten to see it.”
“Oh?” His brows arched.
“Don’t make me regret admitting that.” I patted his cheek teasingly, only to realize that we’d paused in the middle of the dance floor, while other couples whirled around us.
“Saying goodbye so soon?” he asked, eying me skeptically. “You have no way to make it home, Alisa. And even if you did, home is where your murderers await.”
Raile was too good at seeing through me.
“I didn’t say that.” I cocked my head to one side, studying him. “Here’s the truth, Raile. I’ve come to find you… less odious over the past few days.”
“I’ve come to find you moderately tolerable as well.”
“But you and I didn’t start well, and that means we can’t end well.” This wasn’t the reason I was saying goodbye, but as I spoke, I realized perhaps it should be. “You and I have been enemies. Maybe there’s been more to it—alliances, a game we both enjoyed—but you did try to force me to marry you, right?”
The look on his face said it all.
I patted his shoulder. “Azrael told me that I liked you—genuinely liked you—and that I considered marrying you and him and Duncan, once upon a time.”
It was too soon to imagine a happy ending with any of them, but the truth was, I couldn’t imagine my life without Tiron in it too. I missed my loyal Fae knight.
“And aren’t you going to take what you want?” he asked me. “You always did before. I’ve always adored that about you.”
I shook my head. “You can’t take people, Raile. You can’t take their love. That’s not how this works.”
“I’m not trying to take you. I’m trying to save you.”
“I don’t need saving.”
“You do,” he said, his voice confident. “You very much do, despite your perpetual arrogance.”
“You’re going to talk to me about arrogance?” I demanded, my lips parting to laugh. “You are the most arrogant male I’ve ever met, and believe me, I know more than one prime example of masculine hubris.”
Raile scoffed.
“You told me that you’d help me rescue Duncan!”
“When you have a plan!” he exploded. He glanced around at his court; the music was still playing merrily, but the faces of the Fae had turned toward us.
He reached for my arm to escort me somewhere more private, no doubt, but I gave him the slip, curtsied sweetly to his court, and then strode toward the door. It was hard to move slowly when I felt as if I were vibrating with rage.
I whirled to face him as soon as we were out in the hallway. “You’re a liar!”
“Faer won’t kill Duncan,” he promised me. “He’s too useful—both you and Azrael are so foolish and sentimental. Besides, there’s no reason for you to be so distressed. Duncan tortures himself; he might enjoy the novelty of someone helping.”
I stared at him, furious. “I can’t believe for a moment I thought you might actually help me. I can’t believe I almost trusted you—”
Raile scoffed. “Sounds boring.”
“I will never love you, Raile,” I warned him.
Raile caught my chin and held my face still, his glittering gaze fixed on mine. I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me, and my heart pounded. Despite what I’d just said, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him back or slap him.
“You are impossible,” he said, his voice cold with fury. “I should have stayed engaged to the hobgoblin.”
“Yes, you should have.” I was tired of him touching me, tired of his demands. “Maybe she could’ve grown to love you, but I never will.”
The cold words fell from my lips easily, even though something in my chest resisted them. But I was already moving; I caught his wrist, breaking his grip on my chin, locked his arm. Raile started to drop his weight, but he was too late. I was already throwing him over my shoulder. He slammed hard into the marble floor, landing with a grunt on his back.
Maybe he wasn’t as good at predicting me as he thought. I stormed away.
“I’m not going to let you sacrifice yourself just because you find it too hard to be the princess of summer,” he called after me. “You’re not being brave, you’re not being the hero. You’re trying to escape one more time. If you throw your life away to save someone else, then you think you can prove you were never a monster.”
I shook my head, trying to leave him behind me.
“But I know you’ll always be a beautiful monster,” he called after me, “and deep down, Alisa, you know it too.”
I escaped into my bedroom and slammed the heavy wooden door shut.
But Raile’s damned words followed me anyway.
&nb
sp; Chapter Forty-Five
Duncan
Being in the dungeon was unpleasant enough to begin with, but then a lavender-haired figure walked in. When I caught sight of the shining face and the hair, my heart leapt.
The next second, I recognized Faer—the broader jaw, the difference in posture that Alisa mimicked so well—and I immediately felt guilty for having wished it was her at all. She’d be in danger if she were here.
Behind him walked two of his royal guards. Stringers, some of the knights called them—because they were famous for stringing up Herrick’s enemies, then Faer’s, from the walls of their keeps and villages. Both of them were big bruisers, even bigger than me, almost dwarfing Faer with his narrow bones.
“I’d hoped for a rat,” I said to no one in particular.
“I always wonder what it was Alisa saw in you,” Faer asked. He started to lean against the wall, then straightened, brushing off his sleeve. “Is that a blood splatter on the wall? Well, no matter.”
I could have rolled my eyes. So dramatic. He was even more exhausting than his sister.
“I want to talk about Alisa,” Faer told me.
If he wanted to know what she was planning, I wasn’t sure even Alisa knew her next move. She’d always been on the impetuous side.
But if I’d known anything about her plans, I wouldn’t tell him anyway. Part of the training Azrael and I had endured was in resisting torture. My only fear was that Faer was powerful enough that his magic could force its way past my defenses.
Pain, I could endure. I’d known enough of it all my life, and I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.
Alisa’s face flashed into my mind, with her easy smile as if she were laughing at me, and I almost heard her whisper liar in that glib tone of hers.
There were a few kinds of pain I still feared, but as long as Alisa and Tiron and Azrael were far away from here, I wouldn’t have to face any of them. I didn’t know any secrets to give up.
“Hurt him, please,” Faer said.
When they had finally left, I lay groaning on the floor. I couldn’t heal myself in the dungeons; they were warded against magic. I drifted in and out of consciousness.
