by Deanna Chase
I wave a hand, indicating the drama doesn’t matter. It should. And the fact he’d manipulated his way into a Christmas invitation is annoying as hell, but if he hadn’t been there, it would have been infinitely worse. “Just promise you won’t try to get to me through my mother again. Please.”
“If you promise to not completely shut me out again.”
I give him my you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look.
“I know. I deserved it.” His eyes are locked on the road, and he sounds more serious than I think I’ve ever heard him. Sincerity practically streams off him. “It won’t happen again. I swear my life on it, Lucy.”
“What exactly is it that won’t happen again, Cadan?” I ask, my voice barely audible over the music.
“All of it. I won’t ever step out on you again. I got caught up in the lifestyle and lost my sense of self. I lost respect for everyone, including myself. I won’t make any decisions about our careers without discussing it with you first. Honest, Luce. I really thought I was doing what was best for you. I didn’t mean for things to go down the way they did.”
They are the words I’d longed to hear six months ago. A year ago even. Now they aren’t enough. I take my time to collect my thoughts. Seth’s image flashes in my mind. Sure, he’s a self-proclaimed womanizer, though his actions portray something else. Yes, I’d run into the one-night-stand chick at the bar, and everyone—Jax, Mike, and even Seth himself—had warned me to not get involved with him. None of that scared me though because of his honesty. Seth clearly cared about other people. His relationship with Jax was evidence enough.
Cadan, on the other hand, has gone around me and behind my back on several occasions. He was still doing it by conspiring with my mother. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I can’t trust you.”
He lets out a long breath. “Okay, I deserve that, too. But will you give me a chance to prove myself to you?”
I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m going to have to record the new songs any day now. The choice is already out of my hands. I won’t risk Dad’s house or the loss of my creative work over something Cadan did to me. I’ll record them and tour for as long as the label requires. It sure would be a lot easier if Cadan and I could get along, maybe even be friends again. I’m not sure I can survive another romantic relationship with him. At the same time, I’m not sure I can resist one either. Not if I’m with him day in and day out.
Even now in the shadows of the car, his tall rocker body catches my eye, and I have trouble focusing on why I need to keep my distance. I know what’s under his designer jeans and long-sleeved Henley shirt. Slim from his vegetarian diet and toned from months of a diligent workout, he’s damned sexy.
“Lucy?”
“Huh?” I snap out of my daze.
“What do you say?”
He’s holding his breath, more nervous now than I’ve ever seen him.
I swallow the lump clogged in my throat. “I’ll try.”
His breath comes out in a soft whoosh. “Really?”
“Yeah. No promises though.”
He grins in obvious relief. “I’ll take it.”
Not wanting to talk anymore, I reach over and turn the radio up again. The familiar music washes over me and embraces me like an old friend. It’s the perfect end to our conversation. The first song we ever recorded together.
As we’d done literally thousands of times before, we both hum the intro and then start to sing.
The world outside is an illusion
One of straight confusion
You’re content to live there
But your heart won’t accept that forever
No, no, no
Your heart won’t accept that forever
Our voices build, getting stronger with each note. And as Cadan’s voice winds through me, melding with everything I am, I don’t even try to fight it this time. Instead, I embrace it, letting the magic of our harmony rinse away all the bitterness of the day.
By the time Cadan pulls into my driveway, I’m completely relaxed, and we’re reminiscing about the time Cadan wore a kilt during one of our performances.
Laughing, I say, “It was hot until the wind machine blew it up and revealed those heart-print boxers.”
He snorts. “You bought those for me. Besides, it’s better I was wearing those and not going commando.”
“Really?” I stare at him incredulously. “If you’d been going native Scotsman, that news would have boosted iTunes sales to new heights.”
He chuckles. “Okay. I’m in for the next performance on one condition.”
“What?”
He’s eyeing me mischievously, and I can’t help but be a little smitten. He’s fun and easy to be with when he’s like this. And he knows everything about me. His grin turns to one of pure sexual prowess. “You wear that red flared dress that barely covers your ass. The crowd will lose their minds trying to find out what you’re wearing under it as you dance across the stage.
“I’m not going commando,” I say as haughtily as I can without cracking up.
“No, I don’t want anyone to have a heart attack. I think a thong or G-string should be fine.”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes me. He’d absolutely wear nothing under that kilt if I asked him to. Me? It would take a lot more than a few shots of tequila to get me on board. He knows it, too.
“We’ll keep that on the back burner for when we’re desperate.” He grabs the umbrella sitting in my backseat and opens the door. “Hang tight. I’ll come around to get you.”
I wait until he’s at the passenger door with my oversized umbrella. Cadan pulls me close, his arm around me as we head to my front porch. I have my key in the door when he says, “Do you want me to go?”
“Go where?” I ask surprised.
“To an inn or a hotel.” He shrugs. “I could call around and get a cab.”
“On Christmas Eve?” I make a face. “No, Cadan. It’s all right. Please, just come inside. I’m sure I can scrounge something to make for dinner.”
His eyes are full of concern, but I also see a twinge of hope. “You’re sure?”
I shake my head and push the door open. “Considering you’ve been relentless about talking to me this last week, you sure do seem hesitant to take your shot.”
He follows me into the house and drops the umbrella in the stand near the door but doesn’t take his coat off or move farther into the house.
I pull the coffee beans from the fridge and raise an eyebrow. “Are you going to join me?”
“I want to.” He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets.
“Cadan?”
“You’re sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to let me stay. I know I was over the line accepting your mom’s invitation to Christmas. But you know how she is, and I really wanted to spend some time with you. If it’s not okay, please tell me and I’ll be on my way.”
Biting my lip, I drop the beans on the counter. Then I stride over to him and gently begin to undo the buttons on his jacket. He gazes down at me, his blue eyes full of questions. I focus on my fingers as I work the last button.
“Hold still,” I say and move behind him, slipping the jacket from his shoulders. Once it’s hanging on the coatrack, I take him by the hand and lead him into the kitchen. He sits in the same chair I did earlier that morning while Seth made me breakfast.
Seth. He was supposed to be here tonight. My body goes tense with desire at just the thought of him. And I’m a little sad I won’t be spending Christmas with him. The night would’ve no doubt been fun and full of mischief. There wouldn’t be all this crazy emotion combined with awkwardness. Still, I’m not unhappy Cadan is here. It’s just not exactly what I wanted for the holiday.
I move to stand on the other side of the counter and take Cadan’s hands in mine. Holding his gaze, I say, “It’s Christmas. A time to spend with those you love. I wouldn’t let you leave if you tried.”
He stares at me for a long moment and then swallows. “
You still love me?”
“Yes,” I say, emotion trying to strangle me. As much as I wish I didn’t, I know I always will. “You’re a part of me. That isn’t going to change.” I let go of his hands and retreat back to the coffeemaker. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“Yeah, sure.” His tone is smooth and confident, but when I turn to glance at him, he’s staring at his phone, frowning.
“What is it?”
He pulls his gaze from the screen and scowls. “Your mom. She sent me eight texts, begging us to come back tomorrow.”
I stalk back over to him and grab his phone. It’s a long stream of messages telling him we’re being immature and that we can’t ruin her Christmas like this. That I’m being selfish as usual and she doesn’t understand why I can’t get along with Randy.
My vision turns red, and before I know what I’m doing, I hit Call and press the phone to my ear, waiting for her to pick up. She will.
“Cadan,” Mom says, breathless as if she’d run to get the phone. “Tell me you’re coming over tomorrow. If not, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“So that’s why you’re harassing him, then? Randy’s upset and taking it out on you?”
Mom gasps. “Lucy. Why are you using Cadan’s phone? Something happen to yours?”
“No, Mom. God, who cares about my phone?” I pull the device away from my ear and shake my head, trying for some sort of calm.
“I was just asking. Don’t be difficult.” Her voice fills the kitchen she’s speaking so loud.
I clutch the phone to my ear once more. “I’m being difficult?”
“Yes. You’re the one who stalked out for no reason. And now I have to deal with the fallout. Again. Why do you always do this? Your father—”
“Do not call Randy my father ever again!” I yell into the phone. “My father would never hit on my friends and make them so uncomfortable they never wanted to come over to my house. My father would never walk into my room without knocking and then laugh when he caught me half-naked, changing clothes. My father would never proposition me on my graduation day and offer me a new car to keep my silence.”
“Lucile Marie Moore. What did you just say? How dare you spew those lies? Randy never… He wouldn’t… I can’t believe any daughter of mine would ever behave this way.”
I grit my teeth, knowing this is how she’d react. I’d tried to talk to her about this once, but she’d shut me down before I could spell it out for her. I’m certain she knows it’s true, but she’s too cowardly to face it. “My father was my rock, the one person I could count on always. Your husband was never that person.” A sob rips from my throat, and my voice cracks as I push out the next words. “My father is the only parent I’ve ever been able to count on. Don’t call me or bother Cadan again. Not until you can accept that I’m telling you the truth.”
My heart pounds against my chest while the tears stream down my cheeks. The phone slips from my hand, but I don’t even hear it hit the floor. I’m too overcome by my outburst. The words had been pent up inside for the last three years as I’d tried to ignore what had happened. I just can’t do it anymore.
I stumble forward, tripping over one of the barstools. Pain shoots through my knee, and instead of getting up, I sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest.
“Lucy, Holy Christ,” Cadan says and sits next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He kisses my temple and gently guides my head to rest on his chest.
Sobs wrack my body as I lean against him, crying for the broken relationship with my mother, for the hole left in my chest after Dad passed, and because Cadan is here, but I’m acutely aware that he’s not the one I want holding me right now.
“Shh,” he says and runs a hand over my hair. “It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay now.”
His words light a fire in me. I suck in a breath and pull away from him. “Really? Why? Because you’re here?”
He frowns, looking more troubled than ever. “No, not just because I’m here. Because we can work on everything now. And once we get back into the studio, all this will be behind you and we can focus on what’s important.”
I clamber to my feet. “On what’s important?” I say, outraged. “And what’s that? Your career? Not my family issues? Which you helped to escalate, by the way.”
He stands and stares down at me. “What’s that mean? I didn’t do anything except drive you home.”
“Ha!” I stomp out of the kitchen and head for the living room. “You’ve been using Mom to get to me, pushing her buttons. My relationship with her has been more strained than ever because all she can do is tell me how stupid I am for leaving you.”
His eyes narrow, all sympathy gone. “I had nothing to do with that. All I wanted was your number to get in touch with you. You’re the one who cut me off.”
“And you’re the one who fucked everyone within a fifty-mile radius!”
He strides toward me, anger streaming off him in waves. Clearly trying to calm himself, he stops a few feet from me and takes a deep breath. “I told you already, that’s over. I made a mistake. If this thing between us is going to work, you’re going to have to let it go.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I can’t believe him. Selfish Cadan is back in full force. He’s learned nothing. Yes, I’d brought it up, but I’m not over what he did to me. If we’re going to move forward, he has to acknowledge I have a few things to work through. “You’re turning this on me? Really?”
He steps back and clutches the back of his head with his hand. “No. Fuck.” He turns and moves toward the kitchen but stops and faces me once more. “I never meant to hurt you, Luce.”
A sound of someone clearing his throat comes from the hallway and I jump, startled.
“Sorry,” Seth says. He’s dressed up more than usual in dark jeans and a black button-down shirt. He must have come straight from his parents’ house. “I didn’t mean to intrude. My knock went unanswered and when I heard yelling I got worried.”
“Everything’s fine,” Cadan says in a clipped tone. Then he narrows his eyes at Seth. “Why are you here?”
Seth ignores him and walks to my side. “Are you all right?”
I nod, unable to form words for a moment. Then I grab him and push him back toward the entry hall. Once out of Cadan’s view, I wrap my arms around him and bury my head into his chest.
“What happened?” His tone is low, and I can tell it’s meant to be gentle, but it’s laced with an edge.
I shake my head. “Terrible day.”
He holds me until Cadan walks in and says, “Lucy? Can we talk?”
I extract myself from Seth’s arms and turn around, sending him a flat stare. “I need a minute.”
He hesitates, eyeing Seth.
“Cadan,” I warn.
He raises his hands in defeat and backs up. “Yeah. Fine. I’ll wait in the living room.”
When he’s gone, I turn to Seth and frown at the judgment I see in his expression. “It’s not what you think.”
“Oh? What do I think?”
“I…” Dammit, I don’t know. “Can we go outside for a minute?”
His jaw tightens as he glances down the hall. When his gaze meets mine again, he nods once.
I stifle a sigh of relief and follow him out the door.
Chapter 27
Seth
Lucy’s tearstained face once again triggers a primal instinct to stride back inside her house and tear Kinx limb from limb. What the hell had he done to her? And why am I the one being escorted outside?
She walks until she gets to my truck and then stands in front of me, staring at the ground.
“What’s going on?” I ask, ignoring the rain already soaking through my shirt. Lucy doesn’t seem to notice the weather.
She kicks a rock across the driveway. “You should have waited for my call.”
I wait for her to lift her head, to look me in the eye, and when she doesn’t, I use two fingers to lift her chin.
There’s pain in her deep blue eyes. Lots of it. “When I didn’t hear from you, I got worried.” I gestured to the night. “Anything could’ve happened on those windy roads.” The familiar heartache clutches at me, but I swallow it down. Lucy is not Elsa.
“You didn’t get my text?” A lone tear rolls down her cheek and she wipes it away angrily.
I want to wrap her in my arms again, to protect her from whatever’s happening, but she crosses her arms over her chest while she waits for me to answer. “No.” I pull my phone out and scroll through the messages. Shaking my head, I hand her the phone to check for herself.
“Nothing.”
Her frown deepens. “I sent a text letting you know I needed to cancel and that I’d call you later.”
I raise my eyebrows and jerk my head toward the house. “Because of him?”
“Yes and no,” she says, her voice low.
“What does that mean? Are you saying if he wasn’t here you still would’ve canceled?” My insides clench with dread. This last week has been nothing short of perfect. Our time together, the fact that I’m painting again. That I can even talk about Elsa. It’s because of her. And if I lose her to that jackass so soon, I don’t think I’ll recover.
“No, probably not.” She steps closer, and for a moment I think she’s going to wrap her arms around me again, but she only places one hand on my chest as she stares up at me. “I had a fight with my mom and walked out. Cadan drove me home. I couldn’t just kick him out on Christmas. His car is in Santa Rosa.”
I wrap my hand around hers and pull her a little closer. Cupping her cheek with my palm, I wipe away the tears mixing with the rain.
“It’s almost impossible for him to find a way back now,” she adds.
“No doubt. But I’m more concerned about you and these tears.”
“Oh.” Her brow crinkles and she closes her eyes as she tries to blink back a fresh onslaught. “Mom and I had another fight on the phone and then Cadan and I got into it after I hung up on her.”
“I see,” I say, but I don’t. Not really. I don’t understand what it must be like to be her and to have such tenuous relationships.
