by Deanna Chase
It turns out to be two hours later by the time Jax emerges from the club. She’s serious and reserved, but that may be from my mood. I say nothing, opting to ignore the turmoil churning inside me.
“Don’t you even want to know what happened?” Jax demands.
“No.”
“No? That’s it?”
“Right. I want to remember the way she was onstage. Not some lame brush-off excuse. I don’t need one. Look, I got it. She’s with him now. It makes sense. He’s her soul mate.”
Jax narrows her eyes and gives me a disgusted look. “You’re an idiot.”
“Maybe.” The urge to demand that she tell me what Lucy had to say is overwhelming. But deep in my gut I know whatever she says will only make it worse. Lucy is gone. I need to let it go, and the sooner I do that, the better.
Jax huffs out a sigh of frustration, taps something into her phone, and then pulls my blanket around her shoulders and closes her eyes.
Good. At least she won’t nag me for the rest of the drive back.
The road is virtually empty and we make good time, cutting the three-hour drive down to two and a half. When I finally pull up to Jax’s house just before four a.m., she speaks for the first time since we left the city. “Will you keep painting?”
I shrug. “Eventually.”
She rubs her sleepy eyes and gives me a worried look. “You’re not going to give it up again, are you?”
I shake my head. “No. But there’s something I have to take care of first before I spend any more time in there.”
Confusion is written all over her face, but then her expression morphs into understanding. She knows. And oddly the knowledge puts me at peace.
She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “You know where to find me if you need me.”
I nod and turn to stare out the window. If I look at her, I might lose my shit. So much for peace. With one simple statement, I’m back to being the poor bastard who hasn’t let go of the past. “‘Night, Jax. I’ll call you.”
“You better.” She scrambles out of the truck and up to her apartment.
I wait until she’s safely inside, then go home, to the one I shared with Elsa. It’s time to come to terms with the cards I’ve been dealt.
***
Sitting on the beach, I gaze out at the ocean, seeing nothing but a wall of fog with the surf rolling in from under it. The day is one of my favorites. The sun is shining bright on the shore, holding the mist over the sea.
I’ve been sitting in the same spot for over an hour, trying to work up the courage to do what I came here to do. It’s not the first time I’ve come here for this purpose. But I’ve never been able to go through with it. I feel close to Elsa here. Almost as if she’s sitting right beside me, sketching the ocean and the fog. Once it’s done, will I come back here? I don’t know. This place is painful, right to my very core, yet I crave that pain, crave the weight that settles over me every time I sit on these rocks.
Today is different, though. The pain is there just beneath my breastbone as usual, but it’s tinged with sadness and acceptance. Before it had always been laced with anger and despair, a feeling I’d come to associate with the last time I’d seen her.
I know today is the day. It has to be. I’ve turned a corner and I won’t go back.
Chapter 33
Lucy
After three days of renegotiations and uncovering the truth of what has really been going on with my contracts, I headed back to Mendocino. Desperate to talk to Seth, I tried his shop and his house, then called Jax. She didn’t know where he was, but she’d had a good idea of where to look.
Now I’m standing in a small parking lot about thirty miles south of Mendocino, scanning the beach for Seth. The fog hovering over the ocean is a dramatic contrast to the sunny day, but it’s still pretty cold, and the beach is empty. I know he’s here. I’m parked right next to his truck.
Wrapping my scarf tighter around my neck, I take off down the path to the beach. After what seems like forever, my lips are frozen, and I can’t seem to feel my toes anymore. I’m about to give up and go back to wait in my car when I catch a flash of green on top of an outcropping of rocks that meets the shoreline.
I squint and keep moving. Soon enough he comes into focus. Seth is at the edge, his head bowed as the waves crash below him. I pick up my pace, more anxious than ever to talk to him. To just look into his eyes and see the warmth that’s always there. But then he lifts a vessel and starts to pour the contents into the wind.
I freeze. Oh my God. He’s scattering ashes. The intrusion is utterly unforgiveable. I never would have come here if I’d known this was what he was doing. Slowly, I sidestep across the beach until I’m next to the cliffs, as far from the shore as possible, trying to stay out of his sight line. I don’t want him to know I’m here. I don’t want to interrupt this very private moment.
The wind picks up, and I huddle into my jacket, moving as quickly as I can, but I’m not fast enough.
“Lucy?” His voice carries on the wind.
I stop and slowly turn around.
Seth is scrambling off the rocks and staring at me in wonder.
I lift a tentative hand and wave.
When he finally catches up to me, he places his frozen hands on my cheeks and crushes his lips to mine. I open my mouth in shock and he deepens the kiss, devouring me with intensity and what appears to be desperation.
My fists curl in the fabric of his jacket as I hang on, meeting his frantic pace with one of my own. All too soon, he pulls back, leaving me completely breathless.
His hands are still cupping my face as he gazes down at me. “You’re really here.”
I take a breath and nod. “I am.”
Then his gorgeous eyes turn worried. “Why?”
“It’s a long story.” The way he looks at me makes it hard to think. Through the worry is also joy. He’s happy and scared at the same time. I want to cling to him and tell him I’m never leaving again. But that would be a lie.
“I’ve got time,” he says.
“So do I.” I grin, loving the way his eyes light up at my statement.
“How much?”
“Enough.”
The light in his eyes dims.
I stand on my toes and say, “I’m not going anywhere until spring, and then it’s only temporary.”
“Really?”
“Really.” I push up on my tiptoes and give him a slow kiss, wanting to taste every inch of him right here on the beach. And I would have if it weren’t less than forty degrees.
He pulls away, our lips still touching. “Let’s get out of here and go somewhere warm.”
“Are you sure? I didn’t mean to intrude.” I glance at the rocks he’d been standing on. “Honestly, Jax said you come here sometimes, and all I wanted to do was talk to you.”
“I want to do a lot more than talk,” he says, teasing me, but I can see emotion in his eyes.
“Seth?”
He takes my hand, holding it in both of his, and jerks his head, indicating we should start moving back toward the cars. “I made the decision to finally say good-bye today.”
“To Elsa.” It has to be. I saw him scattering ashes.
“Yes. This was one of her favorite places. I’ve been trying to find the nerve to do this for the past year.”
“What was different about today?” I ask gently.
He turns and scans my face then gives me a small smile. “You.”
“You saw me?” I ask, horrified.
“No. That’s not it. I realized after you came into my life that I was holding on to her because I didn’t want to move on. Didn’t think I deserved to.”
“And now you do?” I hold my breath, praying he doesn’t say he made a mistake.
“Honestly?”
I nod.
“Yes… and no.” He takes a step back and rubs his palm over the back of his neck. “It’s time. I’ve been punishing myself for far too long.” Staring at his feet, he take
s another step back.
I grab his hand and hold it between both of mine. “Why?”
He flinches as if I’d slapped him.
“Seth?”
Then he jerks his head up, sadness shining in his beautiful eyes as his brow creases with barely controlled emotion. “It was my fault she was driving that night. I went out drinking, and she had to come get me.”
“Oh, Seth.” I sigh. “You can’t blame yourself for an accident.”
He stiffens. “She asked me not to go. But I went anyway. If it hadn’t been—”
I raise my hand and graze my thumb over his cheek. “She loved you and wanted to see you safe. You would have done the same if the situation were reversed. It’s what we do for those we love. You have to let it go. It isn’t your fault she lost control of the car, no matter how much you want to blame yourself. It was a senseless accident.”
“I know. I’ve been telling myself that for the last year. It’s hard to change what’s in here, though.” He points to his chest, and I feel like mine is going to split open from the ache I have for him. “I didn’t want to say good-bye, but I have to,” he continues. “There’s no getting around it.”
“Why?” I ask gently.
“I think my heart belongs to someone else now.”
I stop, utterly shocked. “What… I mean, you didn’t know I was coming back.”
“No, I didn’t.” He tugs me back toward him. “But that isn’t the point. I realized I wasn’t living. I was a shell of myself, and part of the reason is because I couldn’t move forward. I know I have to. And the only way to do that was to let her go.”
I slide my arms around his waist and gaze up at him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I think so. It helps more than you know that you are here.”
I press my head against his chest. “I’m glad I’m here then.”
He holds me until I start to shiver. “Let’s go.”
When we get to the cars, I say, “Will you follow me back to my house?”
“There was no way I wasn’t going to… unless Kinx is there.”
I laugh. “No. Definitely not.”
“Good. I don’t like that guy.”
We make it back to my house in record time. We’re barely inside the door before Seth has his hands on me again. He grips my hips from behind and lowers his mouth to my neck, trailing hot, sensual kisses along my skin until my knees start to go weak.
“Seth?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we talk for a minute?”
He clutches me tighter for a moment and then takes a step back, his brows pinched with unease. “Lay it on me. How long do we have until you have to go back to Kinx and the band?”
“Forever,” I say.
“What?”
“You heard me. I’m not singing with Cadan anymore. And there’s nothing in my contract that says I have to.”
“Wait a minute.” He presses his hand to the small of my back and leads me into my living room. “I think we need to sit down for this. How in the world did that happen?”
I curl up next to him and pull a blanket over our legs. “Turns out Cadan and my lawyer were working together. I wasn’t under contract at all. I had been, but once my dad passed, they waived the remaining dates on our tour. And there never was a publishing contract for my songs. Cadan didn’t sign my name, only his. He lied to me to get me back and paid the lawyer to make it seem legit. And the song he recorded? He finally told them he didn’t write it. And since the truth has come out, they pulled it from distribution. All the royalties are being transferred to me.”
“Whoa.” Seth’s eyes go wide with shock, then anger. “Is he really that much of a selfish asshole?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I thought he was making positive changes, but turns out he was playing me to get what he wanted. When I found out the truth, I had a long talk with my rep at the label about what I wanted, and she agreed to sign me separately from Cadan. I still get to record my songs, but I don’t have to do a world tour and I don’t have to be on the road with my ex.”
“So you’re staying here, then?”
I smile. “Yes.”
“And no touring? That’s a shame. You’re a fantastic performer.”
“We’ll still tour a little bit, but it will be more like a few weeks on, a few weeks off, so I’m not living in a hotel for a year and a half. I want to perform. I just don’t want to kill myself to do it.”
“So…” He brushes a lock of hair from my eyes. “This means we’re neighbors? Permanently?”
“Looks like it.”
“Thank God.” Seth rises and reaches down, easily picking me up in his arms.
I giggle. “What are you doing?”
“Taking my girl to bed. Does that work for you?”
“I’m your girl?” My breath catches and tears sting my eyes.
“If you want to be.” There’s a tremble in his voice. He’s just as nervous about my answer as I am.
“I’ve never been someone’s girl.”
He frowns. “What does that mean?”
“The only other person I dated was Cadan. And while we were mates, he’s never treated me as his girl. I always felt more like I was an asset to be exploited rather than his actual girlfriend.”
“That guy deserves an ass-kicking.” Seth heads into the hallway and starts up the stairs. A moment later he gently lays me on my bed. “So, you didn’t answer. Do you want to be my girl?”
“Hell yes. Besides, my heart already belongs to you. You might as well have the rest of me.”
He stills as he takes in my words. “Do you mean that?”
I nod solemnly. He makes me into a better version of myself, unlike others in my life who are only interested in what’s good for them. “Yeah. I really do.”
Hovering over me, he closes his eyes, presumably taking in the moment.
“Seth?”
“Yeah, love?”
“Make love to me.”
His eyes turn emerald from the desire sparking down at me. “Gladly.” He kisses my temple, my eyes, and my jawline, and moves lower, nestling his mouth between my breasts. Lifting his head, he presses his lips to mine once more. “That’s what it is, you know,” he says against my lips.
“What?”
“Making love. Every single time I touch you.”
A lump forms in my throat, and I’m certain if I try to speak, I’ll start to cry.
“I love you, Lucy Moore.”
I can’t help the tear that spills down my temple. Raw emotion takes over. I swallow the lump in my throat and force out what I have to say. “I didn’t come back because things didn’t work out with Cadan.”
“You didn’t?” His body goes tight, as if he’s bracing for bad news.
“No.” I reach up and brush my fingers over his worried brow. “I could’ve started working on my album right away. I could’ve toured some. Or just stayed in a hotel and worked on my songs, all at the label’s expense. It was tempting. I have producing rights, which means most of it will be under my control.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“It is. But I’m not quite ready. I came back because of you. Because I had to see you.”
The worry lines disappear, but now he’s searching my gaze as if he’s looking for something. But he doesn’t have to try too hard, because what he’s looking for comes flying out of my mouth, “I came back because although Cadan might be my soul mate, I have a much deeper connection to you. I’m in love with you.”
His eyes close, and when he opens them, they’re filled with joy. He gathers me in his arms and pulls me tight against him. “You’re never getting rid of me now.”
“That’s a hardship I’m willing to live with,” I say and work the top button of his shirt open.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Seducing you.” I press my hips against him, feeling the hard outline of his arousal. A tingle of satisfaction ripples through me, an
d I unbutton two more buttons. “Looks like it’s working.”
“You have no idea.”
“Show me,” I say with heat and scrape my nails lightly down his chest.
He visibly shivers, and then a second later, he pins me beneath him. His penetrating gaze holds me captive. “I’m not going to let go, you know.”
A slow smile blossoms over my face. “I’m counting on it.”
Mate or not, I know Seth is the person I’m supposed to be with. And when he claims my lips again, we give ourselves to each other so completely, a new magic blossoms. One that is born from what we carry in our hearts. Each other.
To be the first to know about new releases,
please sign up for Deanna’s newsletter.
About the Author
Deanna is a native Californian, transplanted to the slower paced lifestyle of southeastern Louisiana. When she isn’t writing, she is often goofing off with her husband in New Orleans, playing with her two Shih Tzu dogs, making glass beads, or out hocking her wares at various bead shows across the country. For more information visit her website at www.deannachase.com.
Other Books by Deanna
Jade Calhoun Novels
Haunted on Bourbon Street
Witches of Bourbon Street
Demons of Bourbon Street
Angels of Bourbon Street
Shadows of Bourbon Street (March 2014)
Coven Pointe—A Bourbon Street spin-off
Marked by Temptation (May 2014)
The Crescent City Fae Novels
Irresistible Magic
Influential Magic
Book Three in the Crescent City Fae series (June 2014)
The Destiny Novels
Defining Destiny
Book Two in the Destiny series (Fall 2014)
