“Did y’all leave me any bacon?” I asked before I went over to the coffeemaker and made myself a cup.
“Daddy said you don’t get none because you slept too late.”
I looked over at Devin, and he put his head down and laughed around his own piece of bacon.
“Yeah, well, your daddy can kiss my butt.”
She laughed.
“Did you have fun last night?” Lilly asked, wiping syrup from my nephew Jacob’s face.
It was amazing how much he looked like Devin when Dev was a little boy.
I nodded and blew over my hot cup. “Yeah. It was nice to get out for a bit. Thanks for keeping Caleb for me.”
“He was no problem. He and Jacob had a blast. They didn’t go to bed until almost ten. Lilly had them wired on sugar from baking cookies all night,” Devin said.
Lilly lifted her brow at him and shook her head. Even I knew he was full of shit. More than likely, he was the one who gave the boys sugar and let them stay up late. Devin was a great dad and an even better uncle. The boys loved him, and I was glad all the men in my family were so close.
“Any information on John’s funeral?” Dad asked, referring to Mr. Black and sending a wave of somberness over the family breakfast.
I shrugged. “Not yet.”
I hadn’t been to see Mrs. Black since Mr. Black passed. I was too scared I would bump into Josh. Telling Caleb about Mr. Black going to heaven had been hard enough. Especially since he didn’t understand and wasn’t handling it very well.
“What do you mean, not yet? When’s the last time you talked to Paula?”
Paula, aka Mrs. Black.
I picked up a piece of bacon and nibbled on it to buy some time. “Not since before,” I mumbled.
Dad’s eyes grew large. “You mean to tell me you ain’t went over there and seen her since he died? That man basically helped raise you. The least you could do is go over there and pay your respects. Hell, they spend just as much time with Caleb as the rest of us.”
My eyes clashed with Lilly’s at his words. She was the only person in the world who knew the truth about Josh being Caleb’s father.
“Dad, I’m sure they’re busy. I didn’t want to go over and bother them.”
Devin snorted. “More like you didn’t want to go over there and run into Josh. You can’t hide from him forever. He’s probably going to stay in town now that his daddy’s dead, so you’re bound to run into him sooner or later.”
I didn’t mention that I had already run into him or how he had basically ripped the flesh from my bones with his mean remark about my weight.
“I’ll go over after the funeral.”
Dad shook his head, clearly not pleased with me, and I looked away and finished my piece of bacon. The room went quiet for a bit. Even the kids remained quiet, somehow sensing how tense the moment was. Thankfully, Devin spoke up and cleared the moment.
“Dad said your car’s doing something funny. Have you figured out what it is?”
“Nope. I have no idea what it is. It’s running fine, but something’s clicking around the rear tire on the passenger side.”
“Want me to look at it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’d hate to be driving it with Caleb in the car and something happen. I’m pissed I can’t figure it out on my own. It’s probably something stupid that I overlooked.”
An hour later, I was under my car beside Devin checking the rear suspension. It took him no time at all to figure out the problem, leaving me embarrassed that I couldn’t figure it out. Once we fixed the issue, we lowered the car, and I went to work checking the fluids while Devin went over to their SUV and started doing the same.
He wasn’t working long before I heard him drop a tool and cuss.
“What happened?” I asked.
I looked over and noticed him holding his left hand and the blood seeping through his fingers.
I grabbed a rag from the table behind me and went over to him.
“What happened?”
“The wrench slipped. Fucking sliced my hand open on the engine. Damn, this shit hurts.”
I chuckled, handing him the rag.
“Man up, Dev. You have two kids, so we know you have balls.”
“Can we please not discuss my balls right now,” he gritted out as he wrapped his bleeding hand in a rag.
Droplets of blood splattered onto the oil-covered concrete at our feet.
“How badly did you cut it?”
He didn’t have time to answer before Lilly spoke up, startling us. “Oh my God, babe. What happened?”
And just like that, Devin was being babied like he wasn’t a grown-ass man.
He let her fuss over him, holding his hand out while she checked the cut and determined he needed stitches.
I chuckled to myself as I slammed the hood of my car shut. Devin had once wrapped his arm in duct tape instead of going to the hospital after accidentally shooting a nail in it with a nail gun. Now, he was being fussed over by the woman he loved and rushed to the hospital over something I was sure would only require a few stitches. Things had sure changed.
I tinkered around the garage in the backyard for a bit, killing time, before I went inside and showered to get ready for the funeral.
I wore a black dress that Lilly brought over for me. It wasn’t her size, which meant she had bought it for me, but I had learned early on not to bitch when she bought us things. It was easier to let her. Plus, I think it hurt her feelings when I refused things.
Instead of a pair of fancy heels, I wore a pair of black sandals, also new. It didn’t look bad, and it wasn’t like anyone was going to be looking at my feet. Hopefully, no one looked at me at all.
I dressed Caleb in a black Polo shirt and a nice pair of khakis, but he refused to leave the house in anything but his Spiderman shoes. He was a toddler. If anyone had anything to say about what my kid was wearing, they could kiss my entire ass, and these days, there was a lot back there.
Dad was waiting in the living room playing with Caleb when I came out of my room. He grinned and whistled when he saw me.
“Who the hell are you, and what did you do with my Jenny?” he joked.
“What? Would you prefer I wear my jeans and a T-shirt? Or is that too disrespectful for you?”
He chuckled and picked up Caleb while I grabbed my keys from the table. He followed me and put Caleb in his car seat before climbing in the passenger side of my car.
The graveyard wasn’t far, but we had left late enough that I had to park down the street since the small church parking lot was full. That was what I was aiming for. Devin and Lilly were waiting for us, both kids were dressed nicely and smiling when they saw me, and Daddy headed their way.
“Look how handsome you are, Caleb,” Lilly cooed, picking my son up and carrying him on her hip.
She smiled at me, and I knew what her game was. If she had both boys with her, maybe people wouldn’t know which was Caleb and which was Jacob. It was smart, and I was grateful for her.
We walked as a family into the little church, and when my family went toward the front to view Mr. Black, I stayed in back tucked away with Caleb hoping to disappear. Josh was nowhere to be seen, but I didn’t breathe again until we were leaving the church and walking over to the graveyard next to the church where Mr. Black would be laid to rest.
Everyone gathered around the dark green tent above the hole in the ground, I stayed behind everyone, hoping to hide behind Dad and Devin’s height. Caleb smiled at me from Lilly’s shoulder, and his smile somehow sent a wave of calm over me. Things would be okay. Funerals didn’t last long, and we would be back in my car and headed home in no time.
As soon as we reached the gathering, the double doors of the church opened, and the pallbearers came out, carrying a sleek black casket. The family walked behind them, and my eyes went straight to Josh, who was walking beside Mrs. Black with his hand resting on her back for support. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she wiped at her nose with a tissue
that seemed to be falling apart. Genie and her husband, Jimmy, were directly behind them, and Genie followed her mom’s lead, wiping her tears from her splotchy face.
My heart broke for him, and I felt tears rush to my eyes, as well. The Blacks were my family. Even though Josh wasn’t home, I still went over and spent time with them, and when Caleb was born, Mr. and Mrs. Black had come to the hospital to see me and bring him a teddy bear. I had pictures of them holding Caleb with happy smiles on their faces as if he were their own grandson. The sickest part was, he was exactly that.
Still, without knowing that fact, they had taken us in and continued to treat me like part of the family. Caleb had become their world, alongside Genie’s twin girls, Grace and Hope, and they kept him when Lilly couldn’t, and I had to work. There were days when I would show up to pick him up to find him on the farm with Mr. Black. Some days, he would be inside while Mr. Black fed him his favorite baked goods. They were the perfect grandparents, and I was so glad they had become that to Caleb without me having to come clean with my secret. They were my son’s family, even if no one except Lilly and I knew that.
I put my head down and captured an escaped tear with my finger. When I looked up again, my eyes caught Josh’s, and his brows pulled down in an angry expression I hadn’t expected. Sure, he was a total dick at Sprints, but this was different. This was his father’s funeral. Surely, he didn’t think I wouldn’t come and pay my respects … say my goodbyes to the man who had been like a second father to me.
Josh looked handsome in his black suit. Without a hat on, his hair was brushed back, and he had grown a nice beard over the three years he was gone. It wasn’t too thick, and it wrapped around his kissable mouth before blending in with his sideburns. I liked it. More than I would ever admit to anyone.
I turned away, breaking his stare and moving closer to Dad’s back in hopes that Josh would forget I was there once he couldn’t see me anymore.
The funeral didn’t last long, and even from the back of the small crowd, I could hear Mrs. Black’s sobs over the preacher. After we bowed our heads and prayed over the casket, the crowd slowly broke apart, leaving only the close family and friends who were sitting in chairs beneath the green tent over the gravesite.
I took Caleb from Lilly and started to turn away, expecting Dad and the rest of the family to follow, but that didn’t happen. Instead, Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the casket. I pulled back, digging my sandals into the grass, but he didn’t let me fight, and I ended up following him as he walked up to Mrs. Black and the rest of the Black family.
“Paula, I’m so sorry for your loss,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She reached up and patted his hand and nodded.
“If there’s anything y’all need, please let me know.”
And then he did something I hadn’t expected. He leaned back, put his large hand on my back, and pushed me toward the Black family.
I started to say something, but my eyes flickered to Josh’s, and the words stopped in my throat, making me sputter and cough. I tried again, but just as I opened my mouth to speak, Caleb interrupted me.
“Nanny, I miss Poppa,” he said to Mrs. Black, making her tear even more.
She stood and took Caleb into her arms and held him close. “I know, baby boy. I miss him, too.”
My eyes went to Josh’s yet again, but instead of looking at me, he was staring at his mother, and the boy he had no idea was his son. His nostrils flared in anger, but it was hurt I saw in his eyes. It was crushing him to watch his mother with Caleb, and I wasn’t sure why.
I stood there, unsure of what to do, until finally Caleb looked up at me, and said, “Mommy, I’m hungry. My tummy roared at me.”
He held his arms out for me to take him, and I pulled him into my arms, resting him on my hip. Josh stared, his eyes moving over Caleb before his angry expression dropped and was replaced with so much sadness that it made my knees weak.
He knew.
His expression said he was devastated, and while yes, he was burying his father, I was sure his expression had everything to do with seeing Caleb on my hip.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Mr. Black was like a second dad to me, and it breaks my heart that he’s no longer with us. Like Dad said, if you need anything, please let us know.”
Quicker than I should have, I backed away from the family and started toward my car. Lilly called out from behind me, but I ignored her. Caleb latched on to me, his little arms around my neck in a crushing grip.
“Are we going to McDonalds, Mommy?”
Tears caught in my throat, and I blinked to clear the ones pressing at my tear ducts. “Yes, baby. Do you want a happy meal?”
I didn’t wait for Dad. He could catch a ride with Devin and Lilly. Quickly, I buckled Caleb in his seat and closed the passenger side door. I was ready to get the hell out of there, but when I turned to go toward the driver’s side, I walked straight into Josh’s chest.
His hands came up and caught my biceps, and the heat from his touch rushed through my body, leaving me feeling weak and desperate for more. I couldn’t look him in the face. Instead, I opted to stare down at his shiny black shoes. I knew what was coming. He would want answers I wasn’t ready to give. What would everyone say when they found out I had kept the truth about Josh being Caleb’s father from everyone? From his family, who had raised Caleb like a grandson anyway. If I didn’t like the town gossiping about me, I really wouldn’t like it when the entire town hated me for lying to “the golden boy.”
I closed my eyes and prepared myself for what was coming, but Josh surprised me when he said, “You have some balls showing up here.”
I looked up in shock.
“Excuse me?”
That was not what I had expected him to say at all.
“You heard me.”
I shook my arms from his grasp and backed away. “What do you want, Josh?” I sighed in exhaustion.
“I thought we understood that we’d stay away from each other.”
“You thought I would skip Dad’s—”
“Don’t call him that,” he snapped, cutting me off.
“You thought I’d miss his funeral? What kind of person do you think I am, Josh?”
“A cold-hearted bitch.”
Anger rushed up my spine, and I exploded.
“You know what! I’ve kept quiet while you’ve been a total asshole toward me because I felt bad for you since your dad just died, but there’s only so much of your bullshit I’ll take, Josh, and you know it. You know me. You know how I am.”
He chuckled sarcastically. “I don’t know you at all.”
“Whatever. I don’t have time for this.” I turned to walk away, but he stopped me.
“Mom said you haven’t been by since Dad died. Don’t stay away on my account. Especially if she wants to see you, but make sure I’m not around. Just don’t upset her anymore, okay?”
My heart ached. Upsetting Mrs. Black was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I’m sorry I upset her. I just thought since you were a total dick the last time I saw you, I should probably stay away.”
“From me, yes, but right now, until she’s stronger, if she wants you around, that’s fine. Just stay out of my way.”
“More like you should stay out of my way.” I turned away from him, but again, he stopped me.
He let go of my arm and touched the sleeve of my black dress with two fingers.
“Black was never your color. It washes you out so badly.”
Hurt struck my heart, but instead, I chuckled and shook my head. “More insults? Really, Josh? How old are you?”
“Old enough to know to stay away from shitty people like you.”
I was getting mad, which was a good thing since before I felt like crying, and crying in front of Josh was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Oh my God! Whatever, Josh,” I exploded. “I’m the shitty person?” I asked, jabbing myself in the chest with my finger. “Y
ou’re the one who had your entire family kick me out of your house. You pushed me away, not the other way around. You pushed, and I ran.”
“And that’s exactly what you did, isn’t it? You hauled ass back to Texas and rode every cock in sight. Fuck me and my family, right?”
My mouth fell open at his words. It was time he knew how fucking wrong he was. It was time I stood up for myself. I could do that without telling him he was Caleb’s father. I could lie and say there was one other person. Sleeping with two men wasn’t slutty, as the town called it. But just as I opened my mouth to tell him how wrong he was about me, Caleb tapped on the back glass of my car and called out for me.
“Mommy!” His muffled voice sounded from inside my car.
My baby was hungry, and the more I thought about it, the less I gave two shits about what Joshua fucking Black thought about me.
“You know what, Josh? Fuck you. Fuck you hard.”
His chuckle was dry. “No, thanks. There’s no telling how many men have plowed that field.”
Then he turned and walked away from me, leaving me staring at his back with the strong desire to get in my car and run him over. If it hadn’t been for my baby boy in the back seat begging for chicken nuggets, I probably would have.
24
Josh
Seeing Jenny would never get easy. The hurt and anger would always be there for as long as I lived. But seeing her lift her little boy into her arms and knowing I would never have that with her, or anyone for that matter, shattered me. My heartbreak and resentment transformed into something dangerous that I wasn’t sure I could control.
When she walked away from my mom, her son on her hip, and her long hair falling down her back almost touching her round luscious ass, I found myself following her, my shoes tearing across the grass in angry strides that brought me to the car she had gotten for graduation.
I tried not to admire how nice it looked while I waited impatiently for her to buckle her son it. When she shut the door and I was sure the little guy wouldn’t hear me, I let loose on her. Angry words spewed from my lips, and even though I knew I would feel like shit later that night, I didn’t stop them. I was hurting, and I wanted her to hurt too. It was only fair.
Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3) Page 16
