And I did.
It was the only reason I agreed to what he was saying and got Caleb and me dressed after breakfast to head over and see how she was doing.
Thankfully, when I pulled up, Josh’s truck was nowhere to be seen. I unhooked Caleb from his seat in the back and let him run loose up the front porch to Mrs. Black’s front door. Without even knocking, he ran inside.
“Caleb, wait!” I called out.
It wasn’t unusual for him to go inside whenever he wanted. They welcomed him always, but I wasn’t sure if things had changed since Mr. Black was no longer there.
I followed him inside to find him climbing into Mrs. Black’s lap. She giggled at him and wrapped her arms around him.
“Oh, he’s all right. Come on in,” she said to me over the top of Caleb’s head. “My boy knows he can come in Nanny’s house anytime he wants. Ain’t that right, pretty boy?”
Caleb shook his head and grinned up at me.
Brat.
I shook my head and snorted before taking a seat on the couch across from her.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, tossing my bag onto the couch beside me.
I wasn’t much for carrying a purse, but when you have a kid, you needed something. Lilly bought me a camouflage diaper bag that did the trick just fine. Caleb was long out of diapers, but I liked it. The strap was comfortable, and it didn’t look like a purse whatsoever.
“I’m doing as well as I can expect.”
I didn’t push. Instead, I sat and chatted with her while she played and talked with Caleb. Seeing Caleb play with Josh’s old toys that we used to play with was unreal. Sometimes, he would look up at me, and I could Josh in his features. It sent me back to the days when we would play cars on his momma’s living room floor when it was raining outside.
I looked away, my eyes taking in my second home, and again, sadness swooped over me.
I missed Josh.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Mrs. Black said, taking my attention away from old memories. “I have something for you.” She stood, taking Caleb with her until she reached the small side table beside their stone fireplace. There was a single drawer in the table. One I knew used to be full of junk.
She pulled the drawer open and tugged out an old worn baseball mitt that had belonged to Mr. Black. I knew the mitt well. Josh and I were never allowed to play with it when we were growing up because it was Josh’s grandfather’s when he played professionally for the Braves back when they were in Boston. He played with them for almost two years before his arm went bad. The mitt was a treasured item in the Black household.
“Here you go, little man. Poppa wanted you to have this,” she said, handing the old baseball mitt to Caleb.
I stood from the couch, feeling the house shift around me.
I knew for a fact, aside from his family and his farm, the baseball mitt had been Mr. Black’s most prized possession.
“I can’t let him take that,” I said, reaching for the mitt before Caleb was able to get a good grip on it. “That thing meant the world to Mr. Black.”
Her eyes watered. “No. Caleb meant the world to John, which was only natural. Grandparents aren’t supposed to pick favorites, but a man has a special bond with his first grandson.”
I gasped.
If only she knew how close she was to the truth.
“I know, but I think you should hold onto it for—”
“We know, Jenny,” she said, cutting me off. She looked up at me and smiled sadly. “We’ve always known Caleb was ours.”
My knees went weak, buckling beneath me. The old brown couch behind me caught my fall, and I sat.
“What?” I whispered.
I was sure I heard her wrong.
“We didn’t say anything because you didn’t, and we weren’t sure how you’d respond. In so many ways, we had already lost our son. We didn’t want to lose Caleb, too, and we were afraid you’d keep him away from us. But once we laid eyes on that little boy in the hospital, we knew.”
My ability to breathe became hard, and a lump rose in my throat that was beginning to choke me.
“But how?”
Caleb looked like me. He always had. It was the main reason I was able to lie, and people believed me so easily.
Turning back toward the table, she pulled an old photo from the drawer and handed it over me. I took it and looked at it. Staring back at me was Caleb’s twin. The same sable hair. The same dark eyes and mischievous smirk. The kid in the photo could have passed for Caleb.
“Is this …?”
I couldn’t even say Josh’s name.
“Yes. It’s Josh. Before you guys met in school. He was only two in that picture, but the resemblance is uncanny.”
I had no idea.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, feeling tears dribble down my cheeks.
She sat beside me and set Caleb down. He dropped to the floor and started playing with the cars they kept at the house for him without even realizing the massive thing that was happening at that moment.
“Don’t you dare apologize. We understood. So much happened with Josh, and everything happened so fast. We wanted to confront you, but we were never sure if Josh was ready for that kind of news. It wasn’t long before too much time had passed, and we felt like it was too late. Josh was already living away from home. The last thing we wanted was for him to hate us.”
I nodded in understanding. The same happened with me. Too much happened. Too much time had passed.
“Are you going to tell him?” I asked, swiping at my tears.
She shook her head. “But I think you should. Y’all might not be close anymore, but he has the right to know. He’s already missed so much, Jenny. I don’t want my son to miss any more.”
I sniffed and swiped at my nose with the back of my hand.
She was right.
I couldn’t keep my secret forever. Especially now that I knew she was aware that Caleb was a true grandson.
“I will when the time’s right. I promise. Right now, he just lost his father. I can’t spring Caleb on him like that. He already hates me. I’m not sure I want to make it worse yet.”
It was wrong.
So wrong.
He deserved to know, and now knowing Mr. and Mrs. Black had always known, I knew my days of keeping my secret were limited. It was time.
Then it hit me.
The guilt I had felt that Mr. Black had never known that Caleb was his grandson slowly dissolved, and my tears started anew. I covered my face with my hands and let the tears fall.
“What is it?” Mrs. Black asked, rubbing my back in a soothing manner.
“He knew Caleb was his,” I whispered, running my fingers over the old baseball mitt. “Mr. Black knew he was his grandson.”
I couldn’t help but smile, feeling such relief with that bit of news.
“Oh, he knew. I’m surprised you didn’t see it with how much he loved that boy. It was obvious. That little boy had his Poppa wrapped right around his little finger.”
I laughed, again swiping at my tears. “That he did.”
“Anyway, we’ll deal with the details of everything, but you should know when I’m gone, Caleb will get as much of this farm as the rest of the family. He’s one of us. You, too. I’m not rushing you to tell Josh, but just know, one day he’s going to have questions.”
I nodded. “Soon. I’ll tell him soon.”
The door opened as soon as the words left my mouth, and Josh stepped in looking as if he had spent the night in his truck, which I happened to know he had. His eyes moved over my face before he turned and closed the door behind him.
“Where have you been?” Mrs. Black asked him.
His eyes slid over my face again before they fell to the floor and landed on Caleb, who was playing with cars and toys that used to belong to him.
“I was out looking over things. I plan on getting back to work as soon as possible. I can’t sit for long, and this place ain’t going to run itself.”
Mrs. Black started to smile but quickly recovered. “Oh. You’re planning on sticking around?”
He leaned against the wall, crossed his arms, and nodded. “Daddy would roll over in his grave if I left and didn’t take care of this place.”
She nodded, her eyes going a little misty. “Yeah, he would. I’m glad to hear it.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Caleb copied her, shocking all of us.
He stood and went to Josh, sticking his hand out for a handshake the way Mr. Black had taught him. “Hi. I Caleb.”
Josh smiled uncomfortably before he moved away from the wall and took Caleb’s little chubby hand to shake it. “I’m Josh. Nice to meet you, little man.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I looked at Mrs. Black to see she had a similar response.
“You look like my Poppa,” Caleb pointed out. “I miss him.”
Josh’s face went soft, and he nodded. “I miss him too, buddy. What do you have there?” Josh said, changing the subject and pointing at the toys on the floor.
He followed Caleb over to the toys and then sat beside him on the floor and patiently listened while Caleb showed him toys that he had played with himself when he was younger.
I had never seen it before. At least not until Mrs. Black had handed me the photo of Josh when he was Caleb’s age, but the resemblance was there. Seeing the two of them sitting side by side, their facial expressions matching in so many ways, it wouldn’t be long with Josh in town before everyone started to see the same things. I couldn’t let him find out from someone else. I had to be the one to do it.
I had to tell him soon.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
But soon.
26
Josh
I didn’t look at Jenny. Instead, I focused on the little boy in front of me, playing with my old toys and looking too adorable for his good. I wanted to dislike him … relay a bit of my hatred for his mother onto him, but I couldn’t. He had nothing to do with our past, and it wasn’t his fault I couldn’t have kids. It wasn’t his fault my mother and father adored him. Hell, I could see his charm. I didn’t blame Mom and Dad.
He held up an old truck I used to play with and showed me how it could shoot small targets out of its side. I pretended to be shocked by what he was doing even though I had shot many a target with the truck when I was little.
“That’s really cool. You should keep that toy if you love it so much,” I said, pushing another car alongside his and pretending to race.
His brown eyes grew wide, and he looked up at me. “This is Poppa’s toy. I can’t take his toy. What will we play with when he comes home?”
I heard Jenny gasp from her seat. I gasped a little myself.
The sweet boy thought my dad was going to come home. He wasn’t quite grasping the concept.
I knew it wasn’t my place, but I answered anyway, hoping I was saying the right thing.
“But Poppa’s in heaven now. It’s too far away for him to come back. Otherwise, I’m sure he would come back to hang with you all the time.”
His large brown eyes grew misty, the resemblance to a puppy dog broke my heart.
“He’s never coming back ever?” he asked, his bottom lip trembling.
I shook my head, hating being the one crushing his gentle heart. “No, little man, I’m afraid not. But guess what?”
My brain worked overtime to come up with a way to ease his hurt.
“What?” he asked, champing at the bit for happy information.
Horses.
I saw the pictures of him and my dad with the horses. Immediately, an idea came to me. I leaned down close to him and pretended I was telling him a top secret bit of information.
“I heard heaven has a farm just for Poppa full of horses for him to take care of.”
His large brown eyes grew impossibly bigger. He sucked in a shocked breath before he whispered, “Really?”
I nodded and looked around like I was trying to make sure no one else heard what we were saying.
“Yep. The poor things wouldn’t survive without him.”
Relief filled my chest when a tiny smile pulled at his pouty mouth.
“Then I’m glad he’s there to take care of them.”
I swallowed, feeling terrible for saying it but knowing it was for the greater good.
“Me too.”
I wasn’t glad my dad was gone, but whatever helped Caleb get through the loss of my dad. He was so young. It was hard for him to understand.
“I miss him.”
I reached up and ruffled his soft sable hair. “Me too, buddy. But he can see us whenever he wants. We just can’t see him.”
“So, he could be here right now? We just can’t see him?”
I nodded. “Yep. And knowing Poppa, he’s probably been here for a while watching you play.”
Caleb grinned and pushed his toy farther across the room and toward my dad’s favorite chair. Then I heard him whisper something as he crawled up into the chair as if my dad was sitting there.
“I miss you, Poppa. Don’t let the horses die.”
I couldn’t take much more.
His little words were breaking my heart, but when I looked up and saw my mom smiling through her tears, I knew having Caleb around was good for her.
“I need a shower,” I said, standing and leaving the room without another word.
Getting close to Jenny’s kid was the last thing in the world I needed to do. Staying away from her and her family was what was best.
I showered, washing away a night of sleeping in my truck, and got dressed. The guys from high school had found out I was back in town and wanted to get together and play some pool at Player’s Place, which was surprisingly still open.
Once I was showered and dressed, I went into the living room to find Jenny and Caleb were still there talking to my mom.
“Where are you headed?” Mom asked.
“The guys want to have a few beers and play some pool. I figured since I hadn’t seen anyone in so long, I’d go.”
“That’s good. You should go with him, Jenny. It could be just like old times.” She directed her attention to Jenny.
I opened my mouth to say hell no, but before I could, Jenny spoke up.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s been so long,” she said, confusing me.
I had always assumed Jenny was home and had taken custody of our old friends.
Guess I was wrong.
“What do you mean?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.
Mom answered for her. “The town hasn’t been very nice to Jenny these days. Only a handful of people from high school even speak to her.”
My eyes went to Jenny, and I watched as her shoulders grew tense and her face paled. She never would have admitted that herself. She was too prideful. And while knowing half of the town and most of the people we went to school with had written her off should have made me happy, it didn’t. I mean, I was glad our old friends had my back, but at the same time, the old parts of me that still cared for Jenny wanted to protect her from their backlash.
“It’s fine,” Jenny said, waving off Mom’s remarks. “I’m way too busy to hang out these days anyway.”
“Too many dates?” I asked sarcastically before I thought better of it.
Mom’s cheeks reddened, and she stood, pointing a single finger at me. “You take that back, Josh. I’ll have you know; Jenny hasn’t dated a single person since she’s been home, and furthermore …”
“Please, Mrs. Black, it’s fine,” Jenny spoke up, trying to stop my mom, but Momma kept going.
“All the poor girl does is take care of her son and work. This town’s full of a bunch of backward rednecks who would rather sit around and talk trash about her than help her out. I say it’s a damn good thing she’s not around those old friends. Real friends wouldn’t have written her off so easily. Things happen. That’s life.”
She sat back down, huffing with anger at the way t
he town was treating Jenny. I had heard everything she said, but the only sentence that radiated with me was the fact that Jenny hadn’t dated once since she came home.
That was three years ago.
“Is that true?” I asked Jenny when the room quieted.
She looked up at me, her green eyes moving over my face like a soft caress.
“Which part?” she asked.
It was nice that we were able to be civil in front of Momma.
“You haven’t dated in three years?”
She chuckled and shook her head. “There’s no one in this town I’d be willing to date anyway. It’s no big deal.”
She was wrong.
It was a huge deal.
I spent the past three years of my life wondering which of my old friends she was fucking. To find out that she had essentially been a saint since she got back to South Carolina had been like a salve on my old wounds.
“But I saw you at Sprints.”
My assumptions were making an ass out of me. When I saw her at Sprints, sitting at the bar alone and drinking, I assumed she was a regular.
“You went to Sprints?” Mom asked, shocked. “You mean you actually went out. That’s great, Jenny.”
Jenny rolled her eyes and sighed. “It was once. And only because Amy Faulkner made me.”
So going to Sprints wasn’t a regular thing for her.
Did she really do nothing but work and take care of her son?
That wasn’t the Jenny I used to know. Old Jenny was loads of fun with friends even though she didn’t like people all that much. She was always on the go and always ready and willing to do something crazy. It seemed these days she was just a single mom who worked too damn much.
Even though I hated myself the second the words left my mouth, I said, “You should come to Player’s. I bet everyone would be happy to see you.”
Her smile was stiff, and I knew I had hit a soft spot.
“That’s unlikely. They see me around. They ignore me.”
I had never known Jenny to give a shit what people thought, but seeing the way she was responding to the current conversation, I could tell she was bothered.
Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3) Page 18
