“I’m so close.”
He lifted me with strength I didn’t know he had, and we lowered to the floor. Then he was like a wild man, fucking me so hard my back slid across the slick floor.
“Come. Come right fucking now.”
I never thought I would be one of those women who were so turned on by demands that I was instantly pushed over the edge, but apparently, I was. My heels dug into the floor, and I came fast and hard. My screams filled the kitchen, echoing over Josh’s murmurs of approval. Then once again, his hand was wrapped around my throat.
He squeezed the sides just hard enough to make me suck in a breath, and said, “Look at me. Look right in my fucking eyes when I fill you up.”
Then he growled, and I watched a beautiful expression cross his face. His mouth fell open, his hard eyes went soft, and he let go, filling me with all that he was until his body went limp on top of me.
“Fuck,” he muttered against the side of my neck.
Those were my thoughts exactly.
Hadn’t I learned my lesson before?
What was it about Josh that made me drop my panties so easily?
And without any kind of protection. I had to be the dumbest bitch in South Carolina. Maybe the town was right about me. Maybe I was a loose woman with no morals because instead of walking away from a man I knew had no feelings left in his heart for me, I opened my legs for him and let him in like I was nothing.
Fuck indeed.
30
Josh
I hadn’t meant for sex to happen, but now that it had, I couldn’t find it in myself to regret it. I hadn’t been with a woman since Jenny three years before, and it was as if my body remembered the feel of her. It took away all rational thought and made decisions for me.
It wanted Jenny.
I had always wanted her.
And once all was said and done and I found myself lying on top of her without the ability to move, I knew my body had made the right decision.
I leaned back and looked down at her. Her hair had fallen out of her ponytail and was lying on the floor around her face. She was flushed, and her eyes were bright. She looked thoroughly fucked, and I was proud I had been the one to make her look that way.
“I can’t believe we just did that. We didn’t even use any protection. How could I be so stupid?” she said, breaking the moment.
I hadn’t told her a baby with me was impossible. That I couldn’t father children. I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone really but seeing her beginning to freak out after such a wonderful moment, I couldn’t help but open for her.
“It’s okay. I—” I started, but before I could get very far, headlights filtered in through the window, and the sounds of her dad’s truck engine filled the space.
Jenny pushed my chest, forcing me off her.
“Shit. He wasn’t supposed to be home tonight.”
She jumped up quickly and went for her panties on the floor, but even with just the small amount of light coming in from the front porch, I was able to see the bottom of her plump ass and her thick thighs beneath her nightgown.
She was fucking perfect.
Following her lead, I stood and buttoned my jeans. I searched for my shirt before she leaned over, plucked it from the floor by the front door, and shoved it in my chest.
“You have to go now,” she said, pushing me toward the front door.
I barely had my shirt on before I met Mr. Michaels on the porch.
“Josh. How’s your momma doing?” he asked, his eyes moving over my disheveled clothes with a knowing eye.
“She’s doing better. I was just coming by to thank Jenny.”
His heavy brows pulled down in confusion. “Thank Jenny?”
She hadn’t told her dad she saved my mom’s life.
Maybe she didn’t know?
“Yeah. Didn’t she tell you? She saved Momma’s life.”
His eyes grew wide, and a smile pulled behind his thick beard. “That so? Well, hell, she didn’t say anything about it.”
I turned around and grinned at Jenny. “Yep. She’s my hero.”
She rolled her eyes at that, crossing her arms to cover herself the best she could behind her thin T-shirt. “Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?” she asked, telling me to leave without saying it.
I chuckled, enjoying the new developments in our relationship. Teasing Jenny had always been fun, so that was what I did. “I do. See you around, Michaels,” I said, nodding my head in her direction.
She hated it when I called her Michaels.
Her eyes narrowed in my direction before she flipped me of, making me and her dad laugh.
Instead of going home to an empty house, I passed the farm and went toward the hospital to see my mom. It was late, but the ladies at the nurses’ station knew me well, thanks to Vaughn’s mom. They would let me go back even after visiting hours.
I was stuck in my head during the drive, teetering between emotions. One on hand, my mother was in the hospital with heart issues, and she still wasn’t in the clear. My heart was heavy with that, my nerves a wreck at just the thought of losing my mother.
Then there was Jenny and all the things we did to each other before I left her. The way her body squeezed around me as if it didn’t want to let me go. The look in her eyes when she gazed up at me and begged me not to stop. And the haze of satisfaction afterward when I lay on top of her and she put her arms around me. It made me feel happy, even with everything going on with Mom. I hadn’t felt so mixed up in all my life.
I wasn’t sure what that meant for our relationship and whether we were enemies, friends with benefits, or more, but as I turned my big truck into the hospital parking lot, all I could think about was Mom getting better and hopefully getting back to Jenny so we could figure it out. I wanted my life back, and I wanted that life to be with Jenny.
I was still hurt. She had done a number on me three years before. And maybe I wasn’t the best man for her. Maybe she deserved better or worse. All I knew was I wasn’t sure any of that mattered anymore. Jenny had always been the one for me—my best friend and the love of my life—and no matter the consequences or the shape of our relationship, I had a feeling she would always be exactly that.
I wanted more.
I wanted her.
There would be no more fighting it.
It was time to leave the past in the past and move toward the future.
31
Jenny
For days, I worried about what I had done with Josh. Not the sex, which was wonderful, but the fact we had done it without any form of protection.
I wasn’t on the pill anymore since my OB didn’t think it was a great idea with my weight gain. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal since I wasn’t sleeping with anyone. My periods were still abnormal, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle.
I clenched my eyes shut and remembered the look on Josh’s face when he came. It had been sexy, and it had felt amazing, but how could I have been so stupid?
What was I thinking?
It was as if my body took control of me completely. My brain ceased to function. All that remained was Josh and his mouth and his touches. His dirty words moved over my mind, and even days later, my body hummed with satisfaction. I know I should have, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
“You’re being weird,” Devin said, pulling me out of my daydream about Josh and bringing me back to the moment.
I was sitting behind my desk and staring at the wall beside me.
“I’m not.”
He shook his head and snorted. “I just stood here and watched you stare at that wall for three minutes. You had no idea I was here. What’s going on with you lately?”
“Nothing. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Uh-huh. This has Josh’s name written all over it.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag. “You’re ridiculous. Tell Dad I’m leaving for the day, would you?”
I stood and started toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to get Caleb and take him for ice cream and movie. Think Emma and Jacob would like to go?”
He chuckled. “That’s a dumb question.”
I drove across town feeling good about taking the day away to spend with the kids. It was what I needed. When I pulled up at Devin and Lilly’s place to pick them up, they ran out the front door toward my car like a pack of wild animals. I grinned, loving the idea of spending the rest of my day with them and taking my mind away from anything else.
Lilly laughed when the three kids attacked my legs and squeezed.
“Are you guys ready for some ice cream?” I asked, making them scream yes.
Three kids and their seats wouldn’t fit in the back of my car, which meant I took Lilly’s SUV instead. It was smooth ride since I was accustomed to the rough vibrations of my muscle car. I left Walterboro completely, driving all the way to Summerville to the Tastee-Freez, which happened to have the best Snickers sundaes.
After herding us all into a booth, I listened as the kids each told me stories about their day over sundaes and cones. By the time we loaded up and drove to the movie theater, I had forgotten all about my moment with Josh and was having a blast with my babies.
My phone was on vibrate since we were in the movie theater, so instead of ringing, it lit up the inside of my bag, letting me know I had a notification. A text message from a number I didn’t know danced across the top of my screen, and I unlocked it to read the message.
Unknown: What are you doing?
Confused, I responded.
Me: Who is this?
My phone lit up with another incoming message.
Unknown: Who do you want it to be?
Me: Seriously, either tell me who this is or go away.
I waited, and a minute passed before an answer came in.
Unknown: It’s the man who made you scream the other night.
I rolled my eyes, trying to contain the grin that tugged at my lips.
It was Josh.
Me: What do you want, Black?
Josh: Oh, so now you’re last naming me? How rude.
Me: Yep.
Josh: Ouch. That hurts. Here I thought I meant everything to you.
He sent an emoji face with its tongue sticking out.
Me: Guess you thought wrong. How did you get my number?
Josh: I went to the garage to see you, and you weren’t there. So your dad gave me your number.
Me: Are you going to tell me what you want?
An answer didn’t come in for a bit, and I put my phone down to watch the movie with the kids. It wasn’t until the movie was over that I noticed I had missed a message. Unlocking my phone, I read his new message.
Josh: You.
I didn’t respond.
Instead, I loaded the kids up and drove us back to Walterboro before it got too late.
By the time I pulled into Devin and Lilly’s driveway, the kids were all asleep.
“Looks like you wore them out,” Devin said, unhooking Jacob and pulling him from his seat.
He lay back in his dad’s arms and let out a snore that made me and Devin chuckle.
“Yep. We had a good time. Did you and Dad get everything done at the garage?”
He nodded. “Yeah. It’s all done,” he answered.
Lilly came out and woke Emma, getting both kids inside while Devin filled me in on everything I had missed at work.
It was after nine when I finally pulled in my driveway. And when I did, I couldn’t miss the large black truck parked out front. My heart rate picked up, and I ignored it while I unhooked Caleb and carried my sleeping boy up to the front porch.
Josh was sitting on the front steps waiting for me.
“He’s out cold, huh?” he said, nodding at Caleb passed out in my arms.
“Yeah. Let me get him in bed, and then we can talk, okay?”
He nodded and then followed me inside.
Dad was nowhere to be found, and I passed a handwritten note on the kitchen table, letting me know he was spending the night at Janice’s place. It was strange, my dad staying with a woman, but I was happy if he was happy.
I carried Caleb to his bedroom and removed his shoes before I lay him in his bed and covered him. The puppy nightlight beside his bed lit the hallway outside his room some until I closed his door, leaving it open just a crack.
When I went back into the living room, Josh was sitting on the couch waiting for me.
“What’s up?” I asked, tossing my bag onto the table and pulling my hair up and out of my eyes.
I tried to play it cool, but the truth was, my nerves were a wreck.
“You didn’t respond to my message.”
“What message?” I asked, playing dumb.
He stood from the couch and came toward me. He didn’t stop once he reached me, and his body pushed into mine. The heat of his skin sent a tingle through my body.
“The one where I told you I wanted you,” he whispered, running his finger down the side of my cheek before he pinched my chin and forced me to look up at him.
“What was I supposed to say to that?” I asked.
He grinned, his straight teeth glowing in the lighting from the kitchen and his dimple winking back at me.
“That you wanted me too.”
Again, I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let me.
“It’s a bad idea.”
His brows pulled down in confusion. “What is?”
“Us. We shouldn’t have done what we did.”
He chuckled, and again, his dimples popped.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“You can’t even say it, can you?”
“Say what?”
“We fucked, Jenny. Say it. Say that we fucked.”
My face heated with his words, and I was blushing.
It was funny. The entire town thought I was a slut, yet I couldn’t even talk about having sex without blushing.
“Why are you here, Josh?” I asked, changing the subject.
He released my chin and ran his fingers down my arm, sending a wave of chills down to my fingertips.
“I’m here for you,” he said, his eyes capturing mine.
I sighed, annoyed with my body for melting for him.
“Josh, this is a terrible—”
I didn’t get to finish my sentence. He moved in, locking his lips with mine and kissing me hard enough to make me fall back against the wall behind me. I kissed him back, not able to control my body and its actions where Josh was concerned.
His hands moved over my body, sliding down my sides until I felt him reach my fat rolls. I stiffened in his arms and reached down to link my fingers with his so he couldn’t touch me. He brought my arms above my head, pushing my hands against the wall and holding me in one place while he ravished my mouth.
He broke the kiss, sucking in a deep breath while he rested his forehead against mine.
“I can’t get enough of you. You’re all I think about.”
And then he was kissing me again, sending my body reeling with desire. He moved, pulling me along with him without breaking the kiss, and I followed him down the hallway to my bedroom. Once inside and with the light on, he pushed and softly closed the door behind us.
“I want you,” he whispered, going in for another kiss as he slowly lifted my T-shirt as if he were about to removed it.
The lights in the room blazed all around us, filling even the darkest corners of my room with light. He would be able to see everything. This wasn’t like before when we were in a dark kitchen, and my shirt stayed on.
No.
He was trying to strip me in a room full of lights. I couldn’t take my clothes off in front of Josh. It was different now. I was different. I had gained weight. I had stretch marks and scars from giving birth. I had cellulite and fat rolls. There was nothing even remotely sexy about my body. It didn’t help that I was wearing an old sports bra and my panties were plain whi
te boy shorts.
I pulled back, stopping his hand before he could get any farther.
“We can’t do this.”
“But we already have.” He grinned, his sexy lips slanting.
“No. I mean, I can’t do this.”
“You can,” he said, moving in to kiss me again.
His hands moved up my thighs, and all I could think about was him thinking about how thick my thighs were. How heavy I must have been when he lifted me onto the kitchen table the last time we had sex. I was fat, and honestly, I didn’t have the confidence I pretended to have.
“Stop, Josh,” I said, moving his hands from my body. “I just can’t, okay?”
He backed away from me, his breathing hard, and the tent in his jeans letting me know his dick was even harder.
“Did I do something?” he asked, showing his uncertainty for the first time.
“No. I mean … yes. It’s embarrassing.”
“What is? What did I do?”
“I don’t want you to see me, okay? I know what you think, and I know I’m not skinny anymore. I’ve gained weight. I’ve had a baby. My body isn’t what it used to be, and it’ll never be that again. I don’t want you to see me naked, Josh. I can’t handle another comment from you about my weight.”
His eyes grew wide, and for a moment, his expression shifted, and he was the Josh I grew up with. The Josh I fell in love with. He was hard for everyone else but soft for me, letting me see how sweet and insecure he could really be while the rest of the town only saw his star football player confidence.
“Jenny,” he whispered my name as his hands dropped to his side.
He moved closer again, grasping my cheeks to make sure I didn’t look away from him. His eyes clashed with mine, and he swallowed as if what he was about to say was taking all his energy.
“When I first saw you sitting behind that bar, my heart dropped. I knew I would see you again, but I wasn’t sure how I would respond. You were everything to me, Jenny. I gave you all of myself, and then I pushed you away because I was a mess. But you let me push you away. You ran off to Texas, leaving me behind and forgetting about me.”
Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3) Page 21
