by Kell Inkston
*BANG*
A gaping hole appears in The Captain’s head, spewing out grey, eldritch blood. “Y-you!” He, or better yet, it, falls to the ground and crawls into the ocean, where it sinks down harmlessly.
Everyone looks to where the shot rang out; it was Grancis, standing out obviously from the corner. “I have five more for the Colette that lied to me,” she says, approaching, “state your cases!”
The two Colettes look to one another, and the second Colette, the one that was riding Boris, is waved down by Grancis to hop off and join the first Colette.
“Alright, Gran, what do you want us to tell you?” the first asks, gaining a scoff from the second Colette.
Grancis takes a deep breath. “What do I mean to you?”
The second Colette sighs. “Okay, look, Gran. We’ve known each other a long time. You helped me fish; and then once you got kidnapped by the overlord, I had to come get you— you’ve been my friend for years, and my companion on our quest for a few months now. I know you can’t know it’s me, because the parasite knows your memories better than I do. But seriously, if you shoot me, fuck you.”
Grancis flinches. “What?!”
“Yeah, seriously. How dumb could you be? I mean, what do you want me to say? ‘Thanks for helping me but not really because you stabbed me to death and replaced me with a godsdamn parasite?’ Really, Gran. I thought you knew me better than this, like we had something deeper.”
“I thought the same! But I bet you don’t even know my middle name!” She shouts to the second Colette.
The first Colette begins sweating.
The second Colette sighs. “Uh… Samir?”
Grancis sighs. “No! It’s Samar!”
“I knew that,” the first Colette chimes in.
“Okay, so tell me this,” Grancis says, to the second Colette, “Why did you bring me along if you didn’t care about me?”
The second Colette shakes her head. “Are you kidding me?! I super care about you! I’m just under a lot of stress. Don’t you think it’s sort of stupid to expect me to remember all your stupid little facts when I’m trying to kill an overlord? I mean, damn, sister!”
Grancis starts tearing up. “I guess… I don’t know… I guess I just thought you cared more.”
“I do! But like, our friendship is important, but do you actually think I wouldn’t let you die for the sake of the village? Do you have any perspective?” The second Colette snaps.
Grancis holds down a sob. “Okay, I’ve heard enough… Now you,” she says, pointing the gun at the first Colette.
The first Colette grins, her eyes wide, and honest, and friendly. “Gran, I’ve known you since we were kids. I remember all the times we’d play together and sit around in class— you’d always help me with my practical jokes. That meant a lot to me. When you were kidnapped those months ago I couldn’t help myself. I had to go and get you back- and I did! Did that mean anything to you? No, I’m sorry. Grancis Samar Vereyrty, you’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you. You’re the most special person in my life— I don’t have anyone else. I couldn’t ever imagine betraying you, because there’s no one in all the Omniverse that I care about more than y-”
*BANG*
The first Colette, the one with the needle wound in her eye, finds a bullet through her head— crimson blood spraying out. In a flash, the form, the blood’s color, everything shifts as the illusion is broken.
Grancis takes a deep breath. “Nice try, but now I know that the real Colette would kill me on a dime if it meant getting revenge on the man that hurt her pride.”
The eldritch parasite gurgles out a curse as it attempts to crawl into the water.
*BANG*
*BANG*
