He eyed her warily. “Okay.”
“Your suggestion seems very spur-of-the-moment. How long have you been considering this?”
“I suppose it’s been in the back of my mind since the weekend, but the three of us have been getting along so well that it seemed natural to bring it up this morning.”
“You haven’t even been here a full day.”
“I know, but don’t you agree we get along great?”
“So far! But what happens when life isn’t this smooth?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
She blinked. Oh, yeah. He didn’t know much about babies. Or relationships. “Josh isn’t always this easy. He’s fussy when he’s teething. Sometimes he gets sick and is up all night with a fever. Or a tummy ache, or an earache, or—”
“But you wouldn’t have to deal with all that alone anymore. In fact, it’s a perfect reason to move down to Eagles Nest. You’d have all kinds of help with Josh.”
That nicked her pride. “I’ve been managing very well on my own. I have my support system in place. Josh is used to this house and our routine. We like it here. I’m not going to uproot him—or me—on a whim.”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s not a whim. And think of all you’d gain! Maybe I jumped the gun suggesting it right now, but it would be great. We’d work out all the details as we went along.”
His earnestness was endearing, if misguided. “Your saying that tells me you haven’t thought this through. You’ve asked me to move to Eagles Nest with Josh, but can you guarantee that you’re planning to stay?”
“Of course I’m staying. My entire family’s there.”
“When I met you, your entire family was in Washington State, but you were living in Montana.”
“True, but I knew I didn’t want to stay in Washington. Eagles Nest appeals to me and I can tell it appeals to you, too.”
“It does appeal to me, but so does Great Falls. And you haven’t exactly put down roots, yourself. How invested are you in that town?”
“I’m working on it. And think how beneficial it would be for Josh, living close to my dad and Kendra.”
And look at how nimbly he’d dodged her question. “He’d love seeing them, but here he has playmates next door and a school right down the street. He can live in this house and visit his grandparents regularly. It’s not that far.”
“Far enough.” He frowned. “And what about us?”
She gazed at him in frustration. He was giving her all questions and no answers. “What about us?”
“We’re four hours apart!”
“I know that.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“It might not be ideal, but—” The acrid odor of burned bacon and eggs filled the kitchen.
“Damn.” He turned around and surveyed the smoking pans. “So much for breakfast.”
That was the least of their problems. “It’s fine. We can start over.”
He sighed. “No, we can’t.” He shut off the burners and faced her again, his gaze flat, defeat and resignation in the slump of his shoulders. “Look, this discussion is going nowhere. Maybe it’s best if I get my stuff and take off.”
She swallowed. That sounded like the Gage she knew. The one who’d walked out her door a year and a half ago. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. It’ll give us both time to think.” He dumped the burned food in the garbage and ran water in the pans before leaving the room.
She stayed where she was. Breathe. In, out, in, out. He couldn’t see the issues. Or he refused to. Either way, the ball was in his court.
Duffle in one hand, hat in the other, he came back into the kitchen, walked over to the highchair and crouched next to it. “Gotta go, buddy. You be a good boy for your mama, okay?”
“Da-da!” Josh held up his arms and bounced in his seat in a clear bid to be picked up.
“Sorry, sport.” His voice cracked. He gave Josh a quick kiss on the cheek and stood. He held her gaze. “Sorry, Emma.” Cramming his hat on, he walked out of the kitchen. The front door opened and closed.
When the truck didn’t start right away, her stomach churned. Was he rethinking their discussion? Coming to a different conclusion?
And if he didn’t…this fun interlude was over. Really over. But he was Josh’s daddy. Which meant he could be in her life forever. And if he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t willing to give up everything she had to take a chance on his vague promise, their future would be no fun at all.
Something thumped on the porch. What the heck? Walking quickly through the living room, she opened the front door just as he put the truck in gear and drove away.
She gazed at the items he’d left—a bag of seed, a small football, and a baby cowboy hat. When the image blurred, she closed the door.
* * *
Gage didn’t remember driving home, but somehow he got there. His dad’s truck was gone. Since it was past noon and his dad’s studio time was officially over for the day, he could be anywhere—in town, over at Kendra’s, in Bozeman picking up a part for his Harley. Pete’s truck was gone, too, because he was at work.
Just as well. After the debacle with Emma, he wasn’t fit company. He was hungry, too, damn it. Seemed like as upset as he was, he shouldn’t feel like eating anything. But he could use a sandwich and a beer.
After parking the truck down by the barn, he walked back to the house, took his duffle into his bedroom and tossed it on the bed. Later. He’d bought sandwich fixings on Monday and left them for his dad and Pete. Should be some left.
Bingo. Plenty still in the fridge. He did most of the food shopping because he enjoyed the Eagles Nest Market and talking to Otto. On Monday, Otto had asked about Emma and Josh. He’d been pleased about the upcoming trip.
Putting down the sharp knife before he cut his damned self, Gage closed his eyes and braced his hands against the edge of the counter. But closing his eyes was worse. All he could see was Emma’s tense expression and Josh’s worried baby stare.
He’d thought he was good for them, that having him around was a bonus. Not this morning, not after he’d come up with an idea that had upset Emma and exposed how fragile their connection was. He’d been kidding himself that they were creating a strong connection.
After finishing the sandwich, he decided eating it in the house wouldn’t work for him. Too confining. Ditto the porch. Grabbing his phone, he texted Pete and got permission to take Clifford for the afternoon.
Pete added a comment. Thought you’d be in Great Falls until tomorrow. Everything OK?
He held the phone and debated his answer. But there was no dodging this. Big party on Friday night. Whoever hadn’t heard by then would figure out in five minutes there was an issue. He quickly typed No and turned off his phone.
Fifteen minutes later he had a good horse under him, grub and a couple of beers in the saddle bag and a sunny afternoon. Kendra had given him carte blanche to ride on Wild Creek Ranch land, so he headed over there.
Evidently he’d timed it perfectly. The open area between the house and the barn was empty and no riding lessons were going on in the corral. Folks were either running errands in town or taking a lunch break. He made it out the gate that led to open country without encountering a soul.
Once he reached a treeless expanse with nobody in sight, he nudged Clifford into a canter. Then he gave that big red horse his head. “Let ‘er rip, buddy.” He leaned over Clifford’s neck and held onto his hat as the gelding stretched out, his pounding hoofs the loudest sound in the meadow.
Oh, yeah, this was exactly what he needed. And oh, yeah, he was getting himself a horse. Maybe even tomorrow.
He hadn’t consciously chosen a destination, but after a reviving gallop that helped clear the cobwebs, he picked a trail and followed it. No surprise it was the same one Zane used when he released birds of prey found in this area. It ended at the edge of a wooded canyon that created updrafts perfect for an eagle or hawk launched back into the
wild.
Leaving Clifford to graze on what was left of the summer grass, Gage unpacked his lunch and ate it while sitting on a fallen log at the edge of the drop-off. Somewhere along the line he’d stopped making these solo treks into wild country.
If you’re very quiet, you can hear the Earth breathe.
His mom had said that to him once, probably to get him to be still and stop screwing around. But there was a rhythm to the wind through the tops of the trees that was like breathing. And a subtle echo in the canyon below. His tension slowly eased.
He needed more of this. More of—oh, hey, a pair of eagles soared overhead, executing dips and dives that would make a stunt pilot weep with envy. Too bad Josh wasn’t here to see it.
But he would be, someday. That was nonnegotiable. A relationship with Emma might not work out. But he would by God share this kind of experience with Josh.
The longer he sat there, the more birds showed up. Next time he’d bring his binoculars, because he couldn’t positively ID all of them. He lost track of how long he’d been there.
When he finally turned his phone back on, it was nearly dinnertime and he had a message. He wanted it to be Emma. Instead it was Pete. We’re home and Dad brought barbeque and coleslaw from the GG. Better get here before we eat it all. Oh, and Clifford wants his supper.
On my way.
He was ready to face them, now. Clifford was motivated to get back to his cozy stall and the hay flake that would be waiting for him. They made good time.
Pete was down at the barn when he rode in. His big brother had already hauled out the grooming tote, a halter and a lead rope.
Gage swung down from the saddle. “Hey, bro. Figured you’d be up at the house noshing on barbeque.”
“That was just to get your ass moving in this direction. We waited for you.”
“Thanks. Appreciate the loan of your horse. I won’t be needing him again.” He tethered Clifford to the hitching post.
“Why not?”
“Starting tomorrow, I’ll be looking for a horse.”
“Will you, now?” Pete’s eyebrows arched. “Thought that was a someday proposition.”
“Someday has arrived.”
“Alrighty, then.” Pete didn’t ask any questions or try to make conversation as they worked together brushing Clifford and putting away tack.
Neither did Gage. He’d rather save it for the dinner table.
By the time they walked into the house, their dad had everything set out, along with a beer at each place. He glanced at Gage. “Glad you could join us, son.”
“Yeah, well…” He heaved a sigh. “Stuff happens.” He and Pete washed up and took their usual chairs on opposite sides of the square table.
“Like I just told Pete, I’ll be looking for a horse tomorrow, Dad. Don’t know if you have time to go horse shopping, but I’d love to have you along.”
His father gazed at him. “And I’d love to tag along. But if you decide to leave Eagles Nest, the horse goes with you.”
“Who said I was leaving?”
“Nobody. And I hope you don’t, but—”
“You think it’s a possibility.” How invested are you in that town?
His dad sighed. “I love you, son, however you choose to live your life. But up to now you’ve been a drifter. I think I know why and I’ve held out hope that eventually you’ll find peace and settle down. Maybe this horse will be a start.”
“A drifter? That’s how you see me?” He looked at his dad, and then at Pete.
Pete shrugged. “You have to admit you don’t stick around anywhere for long, bro.”
“That’s true, but—”
“There’s no judgment in my saying it, son. If staying loose makes you happy, great. I’m not sure it does, though.”
He pushed aside his plate, no longer hungry. “As it happens, staying loose sucks.”
His dad’s voice was gentle. “Care to talk about it?”
“Not much to tell. Everything was going fine with Emma and Josh. So this morning I asked if she’d consider moving to Eagles Nest.” He took a ragged breath. “She turned me down flat. Evidently she sees me the way you do.”
“She might. But the significant part for me is that you asked her to move here. How come?”
“Because I want to be with her. Her and Josh. I don’t like having them four hours away.”
His dad smiled. “Hallelujah. You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”
“Hey, bro, if she won’t move here, you could move to Great Falls.”
“She might not want me to, but even if she did, I’d rather make Eagles Nest my home base.” He glanced at his dad. “I don’t know what finding peace means, exactly, but I do feel more settled here, like this is where I’m supposed to be.”
“But it sounds like you didn’t tell her that.”
“No, I didn’t. I don’t quite trust that feeling enough to say something so…”
“Revealing?”
Bullseye. “Yeah.”
“When you do feel ready, a discussion with Emma might have a whole different outcome.”
“I doubt she feels like discussing anything with me at this point. As they say, actions speak louder than words. I don’t think talking’s going to fix this.”
“Then you’ll have to come up with something else, won’t you?”
“Right.” He held his dad’s gaze. Then he pushed back his chair and stood. “If you two will excuse me, I’m going to take my beer and engage in a little porch sitting. I have some cogitating to do.”
“Take your time, son.”
“I will, Dad.” The evening breeze had a nip to it. Fine with him. Made his brain work better. Moving a rocker to the railing, he sat down and put his feet up.
Up to now you’ve been a drifter. I think I know why.
He let the words soak in. Closed his eyes. He hadn’t looked at the family albums in years, but he didn’t have to for one image to be clear as a bell. His mom, her curly dark hair blowing in the breeze, was pouring seed into a birdfeeder while he stood beside her, a little dude of about four, helping his mom feed the sparrows. He hadn’t been a drifter then.
No, he’d stuck real close. He was in most of the pictures of her, just like Pete was in most of the ones of his dad.
But if your mother can be taken, nothing is safe. Better to stay loose. His throat ached. He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the grief, but the hot tears dribbled out, anyway. Damn it, why did you have to die? Why couldn’t you be here to see my son? To see how cool he is? He has your eyes…
Gulping, he yanked his bandanna out of his pocket and mopped his face. Then he leaned his head back and took a long, slow breath. Calmer, now.
I think I know why. Wise man, his dad.
What would his mom say about how he’d conducted himself so far? She’d tell him to think about all the things he had instead of what he’d lost. And he had a bucketful of blessings, Josh being the newest and most precious. But he also had Pete, Wes, Roxanne and his dad.
I’ve held out hope that eventually you’ll find peace.
Maybe he did have some grasp on that concept. His best chance was here—a new start in a new town, with his family around him. And Kendra, who’d brought joy to his dad and had swept the Sawyer kids under her wing. She’d be as much of a mother to him as he’d allow.
She was such a giving woman. She’d leaped to organize the birthday party and she’d offered Emma and Josh a place to stay during the weekend. Which was awesome of her because this house wasn’t big enough, except…
Emma and Josh should stay with him whenever they came down. He was the daddy. Looked like he needed a house of his own, now, didn’t it? A house with a barn. Yeah, he should have a place to stable his own damn horse and not count on his father to provide a stall.
Oh, and he might want to get a job while he was at it. And this just in—not wrangling horses, either. The idea hit him like a lightning bolt. He wanted to work for Zane at Raptors Rise.<
br />
Zane might not have a paying position right now, but he’d work for free if necessary and apply for a bartending job to make ends meet. God, he’d love working at the rescue center. Why hadn’t he thought of it before?
Because he’d had his head up his butt, that’s why. Consequently, he might have ruined his chances with Emma. Or maybe not. Either way, his drifting days were over. It was time to grow the hell up.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Emma couldn’t catch a break. The country music station she’d found as she approached Eagles Nest had a DJ who seemed determined to play love song after love song, each one designed to rip her heart out and stomp all over it.
But with Josh awake and restless after the long drive, she needed to entertain him. He also expected her to sing along, and the lyrics were killing her. Then, as she approached the turnoff for the dirt road leading to Wild Creek Ranch, the guy finally cued up something that wasn’t about effing love—Boot Scootin’ Boogie.
Dear God, what had she done to deserve this torture? But she valiantly belted out the words for Josh’s sake while he rocked and giggled in his car seat. Happy baby. Miserable mommy.
She was grateful that he hadn’t seemed to miss Gage too much. He’d be excited to see his daddy again, though. She, on the other hand, battled a mixture of dread and yearning.
The Wild Creek Ranch sign was decorated with balloons and a hand-lettered sign that said Happy First Birthday, Josh! She drove past it, pulled over and got out to take a picture.
Oh, man, was that Gage’s truck right behind her? What were the chances? He pulled over, too, and got out. The rat was wearing the same damn mascara shirt. And looking his usual broad-shouldered, lean-hipped, gorgeous self.
But as he approached, the cocky grin was missing. “Hello, Emma.”
“Hello, Gage.” She was breathing way too fast. She wasn’t as prepared for this face-to-face as she would have liked. Hyperventilating and passing out at his feet would not be cool. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“Kendra told me when she was expecting you. I waited across the road and followed you in. I counted on you stopping to take a picture of the sign.”
A Cowboy's Baby (The McGavin Brothers Book 11) Page 18
