by Colbie Kay
"I think it's time we did."
"I'm not doing this with you, Jacey."
"Just tell me why you did it,” I plead.
"Why I did what? Give you a better life."
"No mom! Why did you take me away? Why did you make me forget him?"
"Your father is a sorry excuse for a man. He is nothing but trash. He abused me and cheated on me. That is why I did it. I wanted better for you."
"Yeah, well that worked out so well for me didn’t it?"
"What is that supposed to mean? I gave you a great life."
"Mom, you married a man I hate and I ran across the country to get away. I did everything I was supposed to do to become a doctor. I had no life growing up, I had no friends. Then, the first chance I get at a life, I end up pregnant. Not just pregnant, but by a man you would think is trash. You have me so fucked in the head that I can't even be with him because I'm scared he will be like my father! And I don't even know if my father was a bad man!”
"You’re pregnant?"
"Yes, I am and I can't even tell the father because he doesn't fit into this life you made me believe that I should live. Christ, I live how many fucking miles away from you and you still run my goddamn life?”
"I'm coming to you. I'll be there in two weeks."
"No."
"Jacey Marie, do not argue with me. I'm coming in two weeks end of discussion, goodbye." I hear the dial tone. Fuck my life! That is just fucking great! As if my life couldn't get worse, now add my mother into the mix. FUCK! I don't need this shit.
The weekend before my mother is supposed to show up, I got a call from Zoey. She asked me to come over and stay the weekend with her because the guys would be gone for a few days. I agreed, because after this I'm not going to be seeing her much anymore. I have to let her know that I won't be coming back to the club. I’m starting to show and the last thing I need right now is for Bear to find out. While I'm about to pack my stuff to take over, I hear a knock at my door. I open it and find Bear standing there, looking sexy as hell leaning against the frame.
"What’re you doing here?"
"It's good to see you too, Lil Mama." He gives me a slow, sexy smile and I return it with one of my own.
"It's just that Zoey called and said you guys were going on a run. I thought you’d already be gone."
"Did you really think I’d leave without saying goodbye?" Bear grips my hip with his big hand, bringing me to him, out of my apartment and onto the stoop. He leans down, taking my mouth with his and exploring with his tongue. He’s always leaving me breathless and panting for more after one of these kisses. He pulls away, looking in my eyes, as I try to ignore the need I feel throbbing between my legs. He moves his mouth over to my neck, brushing my hair out of the way with his fingers. He peppers kisses at the shell of my ear, tucking my hair behind it, whispering, “I’ll be back in a few days, Lil Mama, then I'm comin’ for you." He continues kissing down my neck, and he doesn't give me time to respond as he leaves me standing there dazed and him walking away, composed as always. When I finally pull myself together, I yell, "Be safe!” He turns with a smile and a wink, then says, "Always." I go back inside, pack my stuff, and head over to the clubhouse. Chatty and Ever are already there when I arrive. "Alright, ladies, this first round is for the guys to have safe travels. I usually do this by myself, but now I have all of you, so let’s fuckin’ party!" Chatty exclaims, and we all laugh. “What’ll it be ladies?” She turns to Zoey, who tells her what she and Ever want. When she looks at me, I tell her just water. She narrows her eyes at me, then puts a hand on her hip.
"Alright, what gives with you?" Zoey looks between the both of us with big eyes.
"Nothing. What are you talking about?"
"Girl, you know damn good and well what I'm talking about. You haven't had alcohol for months. If I didn't know better, I'd say you’re pregnant. You know, as ladies to this club, we gotta stick together.” I see Zoey signing to Ever, and all I can do is drop my head.
"I'm not part of the club, Chatty."
"You and Ever may not wear the property patches, but you two are as close as it gets. Let's go sit down. I don't think we’ll be livin' it up tonight." We all make our way to the couches..
"Let me tell you girls something," Chatty starts, sounding beyond her age.
"I’ve been an Ol' Lady for the last five years. I didn't make it easy on Ripper, he had to work for it. I didn't wanna belong to anybody, be anyone's property, and I didn't understand it until Ripper explained it to me. You girls need to realize that these guys live in their own world. They’re a family, they live by their own rules, and when you become an Ol' Lady, it's about respect. If anyone fucks with you, the whole fucking club will bring them down. When they ask you to be their Ol' Lady, it’s a privilege.
It's an honor, for them it’s even more than being married. Zoey knew what the deal was when Hanger asked her because I told her. I have known these guys for a long time and never seen Writer or Bear the way they are with you two. They may not have asked you to be their Ol' Ladies yet, but them claiming you as their women is more than any of those fuckin' whores will ever get. Those whores are nothing but biker groupies, here to give up services to the guys.”
She looks right at me.
"Jacey, I don't know if you know this, but Ripper is the one that brought Bear to this club. He was just a boy then. He thinks of Ripper as a brother outside of the club as well as inside. He’s gone to Ripper and talked to him about you. You got that boy all twisted up and at this point, he doesn’t know his ass from his head."
We've never talked about how he became part of the club, so it surprises me.
"I didn't know that he knew any of the guys before he was here."
"Okay, this is all I'm gonna say to you about this and then it’s time to have fun. I like you, Jacey. I really do, but I'm tired of seeing Bear all messed up over you. After this weekend, you need to go home and figure out what you want. Stop playing this back and forth shit with his head and heart. Don’t come back if he’s not it for you, tell him straight out you’re done, don't sugar coat it. If he is what you want, then you come back, do the right thing and fix this."
"I understand, Chatty, thanks for that."
Then I look to Zoey.
"How would you feel about not going back to the clinic?"
"I don't know. I mean, I loved working there, but after what happened…I'm not sure I really want to go back."
"I agree. I'm thinking of putting the building up for sale. I didn't want to leave you without a job, so I wanted to talk about it first."
"Yeah, let me talk to Hanger."
"Sounds good." I’m worn out. I tell everyone goodnight and make my way to Bear's bedroom. I curl up in his bed, smelling his sheets, and I cocoon myself in. After all the time that has passed, this is the first night I’ve laid in his bed for anything other than fucking. I think over everything, how we feel about each other, how we text a lot and still send the songs at night. When my car won in the show, he was the one I text to let know. I can't keep the thoughts away that he's not it for me, he's not right for the plan my mother had for me, the one I still plan on following through with. How can I do that though when my body can't say no to him, my heart can't be away from him? It's time I start pulling away. He’ll move on and be the perfect guy for someone else. Even thinking about it has my heart hurting. I fall asleep to memories and the smell of him. It’s the first time that I’ve dreamt of something other than my mother or father.
The next day, everything went by without a hitch. We ate pizza, watched movies, and listened to music. I have to get my place in order before my mother gets here, so I left early that night, but before I left I told Zoey I wouldn't be back. She’s not happy about it, but she understands. As I walk into my apartment, I send Bear a text, letting him know not to come over. I can't let him come over to be berated by my God awful mother. Later that night, she’s at my door, starting in on me as soon as I open it.
"Hello Jacey. How's my pregnant unwed daughter?"
"Mom, don't. I'm not doing this, and you didn't need to come here."
She ignores me as she pushes her way into my apartment. "Why don't you tell me about this man?"
"Mom, I don't want to talk about it with you."
"Well we are going to talk about it."
I know she's not going to let it go. "Fine, what do you want to know?"
"What does he do for a living? Is he a doctor, does he have a high paying job?"
"No, he’s not a doctor. Did you not hear a thing I said when we were on the phone?"
"Well to be honest, no. I was surprised by the whole ‘you being pregnant’ part."
"Christ, mom. Not everything is about money." She always thinks that and I hate it. She gets me so angry.
"Well… when do I get to meet him?"
"Oh, no. You aren’t meeting him," I tell her as I shake my head no. "You’re not going to belittle the father of my child."
"Why would I do that? He is the father of my grandchild, after all."
"Because mother, you made me grow up hating my father with everything you’ve ever said about him. I can't even have a normal relationship with my baby's father because I grew up knowing I had to live a certain life. You have me so fucked in the head, I think my baby’s father is going to be just like mine."
"Everything I have ever said about your father is the truth. Why would you put the two in the same category? You would not have gone against me and ruined your life."
"Oh, but that’s exactly what I did Mom! I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch." I walk away, feeling defeated.
"If you really did that, then you are packing up your stuff and moving back to California!” she yells at me.
Turning back around, I point my finger angrily at her. “I’m not a fucking child, I'm twenty-six goddamn years old! It's about time I figure out what the fuck I want! You’re not running my life anymore, mother! I'm not going anywhere. Have a goodnight!” I walk to my room, slamming the door shut and wishing Bear was here so I could see him. I don't know if I should though, with what Chatty said and now my mother, but I need his comfort right now and the best I can get is a text.
Jacey: R u headed back in a.m.?
Bear: Yeah. How r u?
Jacey: exhausted :(
Bear: what's wrong?
Jacey: My mom is a fucking Bitch.
Bear: Sorry baby wish I could c u.
Jacey: Me 2 I can send pic.
Bear: yeah do that! I will 2.
Jacey: Sexy pic no shirt all muscle and tats :)
Bear: Urs 2 just in a pink bra. Huh?
Jacey: Yep gotta give u something to look at lol.
Bear: Get some rest lol.
Jacey: Selena's Dreaming Of You.
Bear: Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars.
Jacey: Nite Bear.
Bear: Nite Lil Mama.
The next day I get a text from Zoey saying the guys’ll be doing a striptease. I make sure it's not going to be a problem with Chatty before I agree to show up. There's no fucking way I'm missing this shit, especially when one of those guys is Bear. I told my mom I was going for a drive to get out of the apartment so she wouldn't question where I was. This is for real the last time I’ll be coming back. I'm going to be really showing soon.
I park my car and make my way into the clubhouse. Zoey and Chatty have moved a couch right up front so we’re going to have the best seats to this show. When all four of us girls are at the clubhouse, Zoey lets the guys know we’re ready. Taking our seats on the couch, I hear the music start and it's Juicy by Pretty Ricky. Oh, this is going to be good! Zoey doesn't know how good Bear can dance and she's in for a surprise.
They start walking out from the hallway in sweats and beaters, forming a line in front of us. They jump into the air and when their feet hit the ground, their legs spread. Taking their hands, they pull at the sweats a bit and start grinding to the music. I’ve never seen the guys in anything but their shirts or beaters, jeans and cuts. I knew they were sexy, but this is a whole new type of sexiness, with all their muscles and tattoos on display. The guys put their arms behind their heads, slowly rolling their hips.
In a slow motion, they start bringing their hands down, running them along their chests and abs. All three of them hook their thumbs in their waistbands, moving their hips with the beat of the music. Working their hands slowly back up their bodies, the guys stop when they reach the neckline of the beaters, and with one tug straight down the middle, the beaters are ripped from their chests. Hunter and Hacker are good dancers, and I see what they're doing, but they have nothing on Bear, where my attention is solely at.
He’s doing a damn good job at keeping my eyes glued on him. Us girls all look at each other with the same expression: mouths open, eyes big, then we turn to watch the guys again. I knew Bear could dance from our night at the club, but this is a whole new ball game. Watching him dance like this is hot, and it's turning me on more than when I danced alone with him. The ache between my legs is growing so intense I have to shift in my seat, trying to dull it down even just a little. I can feel the moisture in my panties.
The brothers fall to their knees, thrusting their hips forward. Hacker and Hunter stay back while Bear gets on his hands and knees and starts grinding the floor, sliding up in front of me. They all stand back up and drop the sweats, so now Bear is in his boxer briefs, grinding his hips in my face. Oh fuck, this is too much! He could probably make me cum just dancing like this. He straddles me on the couch, and I know my face is bright red, but I can't keep from touching him any longer. I run my hands over his thick, muscular thighs, then back to his tight ass, all while he’s moving on me, rolling his hips and grinding on me. He takes one of my hands and puts it inside his boxer briefs, placing it on his rock hard erection. I can't help but squeal, "Bear! No! Do not put my hand….OH MY GOD!"
I hear everyone around us laughing, hooting and hollering.
I hear Zoey yell out, "Hey, Bear? Nice ass!"
Then I hear a loud smack. I know Hanger made her pay for that comment. I can't focus on anything but what is going on right in front of me. I didn't even realize I had started stroking up and down his length until I hear him let out a loud growl.
He pulls my hand out and lifts up a little, gripping my legs and pulls me down so I’m half on, half off the couch. He has one arm over me, gripping the couch and holding his weight, while the other hand is next to me. He grinds his hips into me, just like he would if we were fucking. I let out a soft moan and Bear whispers in my ear. "You like this Lil Mama?" I nod.
"I know you do. I can smell you, smell your arousal. You're so turned on, you’re about to burst." He lifts up again, pulling me back up. I see the other guys have stopped dancing and everyone is just watching us. They sure are getting quite the show. Someone must have put the music on repeat, because it's been playing the same damn song all this time. He continues teasing me, and my body’s in over drive from him dancing on me. He’s bringing me to a level of turned on I’ve never been to.
The next thing I know, I’m being dragged to his bedroom. I can hear all the guys’ catcalls but I could care less right now. The door gets slammed closed, and before I know it, I'm up against the wall with his mouth on mine. Clothes start getting ripped off, literally. Once we’re both naked, I push him back. He gives me a perplexed look, but I keep pushing him until he hits the bed and falls down, then I pounce on him like a tiger finally getting her prey. I can't wait any longer, I have to have him inside of me. He grabs a condom, putting it on quickly. I line him up and slide down, until he’s all the way inside of me.
"Oh fuck! Baby, you’re so goddamn wet! I can feel it on my thighs, you’re fuckin' drippin'!” he exclaims, as I find my rhythm and pick up speed. He reaches up and takes handfuls of my breasts.
"Swear to Christ, your tits have gotten bigger. Fuck me, you’re so goddamn sexy." That urges me on.
I’m going even faster, chasing th
e release that's just out of my reach. Bear drops his hands to my hips, digging his fingers into my flesh. He thrusts into me, setting the pace and I let him take over. He’s pounding into me so hard, I think I might have bruises from his hands and pelvis, but it feels so good.
"Bear, don't stop! I'm so close! Please, make me cum!”
He picks me up and throws me over, climbing on top of me. He grabs my hips, slamming in balls deep, hitting my g-spot every single time. I claw and scratch at his back as I throw my head back, screaming out the best orgasm I've had. I hear him yelling fuck! while he fills the condom with his hot seed. He falls over me, holding his weight with his arms so he doesn't crush me.
"That was fuckin' incredible."
"Yeah it was,” I agree. He rolls to the side taking me with him. I lay there, running my fingertips over the tattoos on his chest while he runs his hand up and down my back, giving me kisses on the top of my head. I just have to tell him, there’s no easy way to do this. I feel tears welling up in my eyes.
"Bear, we have to stop this." He pulls back to look at me.
"Stop what exactly?" He looks curious, but he knows what's coming.
"Everything we’re doing. I need some time to figure some things out, plus my mom’s here."
"You have got to be fuckin' kidding me!”
"Bear, please. Just give me this time."
He pushes me off him and gets up from the bed, walks over to his jeans and puts them on as he says, "Don't you worry about that Lil Mama, I'll give you all the time you need. For you to tell me this right after we got done fuckin'…you've got real shit timing." He opens the door, slamming it shut behind him, leaving me feeling more alone than I ever have. Fuck, he ripped my shirt apart. What am I going to wear? I go to his dresser and find a Sinners' shirt, putting it on before hightailing it out of there. This routine is getting so old, I have to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, and soon.
Over the next week, I put my building up for sale. It's bitter sweet for me because this is what I wanted when I became a doctor, but now it sickens me to even see the place again, let alone having to go in and clean it all out. Zoey didn't want anything, which is understandable. I load two small boxes, one in my trunk and one in the passenger seat. Luckily, I didn’t have much here worth keeping because there really wasn’t much space for anything. I get back to my apartment and my mother’s still there.
